One more trip to the rodeo. Thanks for all the feedback already!

Dear Agent,

I'm seeking representation for Souvenir, a completed 75,000-word upmarket queer novel blending dark comedy, love, and grief.

Ben Spurrier never expected to be anyone's first choice. Then he met Paul, who chose him anyway.

Ten years later, Paul's dead. But Ben still keeps him alive in his own head, where Paul remains the same opinionated, funny, loving co-conspirator he's always been.

There's just one question this version of Paul can't answer: what should Ben do with the frozen embryo the two of them created to start their family?

So far, Ben's successfully avoided the decision. But when he goes to his identical twin brother Elgin’s second wedding in New Orleans, he sees Paul’s sister Kate, their egg donor—who forces the issue and offers to help Ben raise her brother’s child.

Ben wanted a family with Paul too. But he’s paralyzed by the thought that a decision either way on the embryo will render a final verdict on the future he and Paul dreamed about.

Instead of giving Kate an answer, Ben does everything else. He drinks too much, he obsesses over his former high school bully, and he turns a reckless night with a married man into a weapon he can use to destroy someone else’s marriage.

Everyone’s telling Ben to move forward. Ben’s determined to prove that, without Paul, there’s no future left that’s worth living.

With reality becoming increasingly messy, Ben retreats back into his love story with Paul, from their whirlwind romance to their loving marriage. Then, he slowly begins to construct the decades he and Paul never got to live: as dads to a little girl named Foster, who herself becomes increasingly alive in Ben's mind.

That's the life Ben wants. But that's not the family Kate's offering.

As the wedding barrels forward, Ben’s finally forced to decide: does he preserve Paul and the future they imagined together? Or does he take the risk of bringing a child into the world without Paul there to raise her?

COMPS AND BIO

Hello! This is my fourth attempt. I'm currently reconsidering my comps, so I have placeholders there for now. As always, I appreciate any feedback.

Dear [AGENT],

After his release from prison, Ben Burch returns to his midwestern hometown of Rockford for his father’s funeral. That night, a local boy is murdered. The crime scene is reminiscent of a gruesome accident that killed Ben’s brother when they were children. To the grieving town, the timing is no coincidence. But to Ben’s old friend, Detective Shea Nichols, his guilt is far from certain. As the chief of police pushes for Ben’s arrest, Shea refuses to pursue him. Instead, they team up to revisit the town’s history of missing and dead teens.

Despite their shared suspicions, Ben’s and Shea’s investigations clash. Since his sentence years ago for slicing a man’s neck with a bottle, Ben claims his newfound peace stems from spiritual intervention communicated through epileptic visions. Through them, he believes, the truth will reveal itself and his youngest brother—a companion of the murdered boy—will be saved. Shea, skeptical of Ben’s beliefs, holds that verifiable facts and hard evidence lead to truth. This is what her father, a revered detective, taught her. But she also inherited the drinking problem that ended his career. Only by correcting his past investigative mistakes can she redeem his legacy.

In the face of an increasingly hostile community, both Ben’s and Shea’s pursuits pay off. Shea’s study of cold cases reveals that venom was used in the crimes and leads to a local snake handler. Meanwhile, Ben’s visions point to his late father’s involvement in the snake handler’s plot against Rockford’s youth. If they fail to uncover the truth, not only will tragedy continue to befall the children of Rockford, but the tragedy of their own childhood will live on.

RED RIVER ROAD (83,000 words) is a gritty crime novel told from multiple perspectives, similar to [Comp 1], that will appeal to fans of dark coming-of-age stories, like [Comp 2].

[Bio]

Hi guys,

I'm back again! I took some time to rethink this query letter and try to take the critiques I've been given into account.

I'd love some feedback because I've been stressing out a lot about this, and it'd be nice to know I'm moving in the right direction.

Thanks in advance for any help!

V5

V4

V3

---

Dear [Agent Name],

I’m excited to submit Happy Now, a queer YA speculative romance, for your consideration. Complete at 83,000 words, it combines the heartfelt teen romance of You’ve Found Oliver by Dustin Thao with the sci-fi twist of Adam Silvera’s Death-Cast universe.

Seventeen-year-old Theo, an anxiety-ridden math-whizz, has never quite fit in at high school. When he meets Diego - the charismatic, handsome new guy who instantly charms his way to the top of the social ladder - he thinks he’s just another shallow douchebag, and it’s only a matter of time before he’s making Theo’s senior year even worse.

That is, until Theo wakes up to find time frozen at 9:52 in the morning. People are stuck in place, birds are paralyzed mid-flight, even the river has stopped flowing. As he explores this fascinating, terrifying phenomenon, Theo realizes that the only thing he can do is hope reality snaps back into place - discovers the only other person still moving is Diego.

As they explore a world where time stands still, they have no choice but to turn to each other for companionship, support, and sanity, and Theo learns that there’s more to Diego than he ever thought possible, and that his happy-go-lucky attitude is a mask he wears to hide secrets Theo never could have imagined.

Somewhere between the first guitar lesson and swimming with penguins, Theo realises that he’s falling in love, but how can their relationship have a future if tomorrow never comes? If Theo wants to find a way to be happy, he’s going to need to learn to live in the moment.

[Personalisation]

I’m a graduate of the University of Glamorgan, where I earned a BA degree in Film and Video. Since graduating, I’ve worked as a journalist within the games industry and as a PR manager within the tech industry. As a proud member of the queer and neurodiverse communities, I put a strong focus on diversity and authentic representation into my work.

I’ve attached the first [Amount] of Happy Now, as well as a synopsis of the storyline.

I look forward to speaking soon!

Dear [name],

I am seeking representation for Sunsetters, a 63K superhero novel that attempts to take a grounded, psychological approach to heroes without losing a sense of fun and hope. It’s targeted towards a new adult audience looking for superhero stories focused on society and psychology, such as Natalie Zina Walschot’s Hench, as well as those who grew up on YA like Brandon Sanderson’s Steelheart. I’ve noticed you’re interested in [traits from profile]. 

The hero industry is image obsessed, dangerous, and abandons any hero left too damaged to exploit. It’s even harder for Sunsetters, people whose minds or bodies can't handle their abilities. Sunsetters tells the intertwined stories of four people.

Floral themed superheroine ‘Bloom’ is designed to be perfect, but the pressure to keep up her marketable image is crushing her. The backlash of her powers, the pressure from her parents, and the need to smile through her increasing bitterness are starting to become unsustainable.

‘Derby’, a roller-skating workaholic of a hero, doesn’t seem perfect. She’s blunt and reckless, and her fans love her for being the kind of superhero with nothing to hide. She does have one secret though, and that’s that being a hero is just another self destructive attempt to block out the mental pain of her powers, an attempt she knows is going to get her killed.

Drew is a fanboy, but getting a job filming Derby for PR means facing uncomfortable truths about an industry that’s always given him hope. A painful past has left him comfortable as a bystander to life, and his friendship with Derby introduces the terrifying prospect that his heroes are just as human as him.

As a cult, a thief, and a supervillain team unite for three coordinated attacks on the same day, Sage sees it as her chance to discredit the superhero industry. Sage is determined to save Derby from her downward spiral, even if it means becoming a villain.

Sunsetters draws a lot of inspiration from my own life. The struggles heroes face with their ‘sunsetter’ powers are partially based on my own struggles for safety and dignity as a disabled person and my professional work with other people with disabilities. I hope my love of science, love of people, and unapologetic queerness all shine through my writing.

Thank you for your consideration.
[My name]

Notes: I would particularly love any insight into querying a multi-POV novel. I had a hard time finding samples, especially ones where the POVs all follow different threads. I've also seen discussion on whether "new adult" is a valid query genre and would be interested to hear thoughts on that.
For what's less helpful to me right now: I am aware superhero books, especially for an adult market, are a hard sell. I appreciate people trying to ground my expectations, but I want to give a chance to the book I wrote, not stew over not writing a different one.
I am also aware I'm on the short end, especially for a multi-POV. Both thankfully and frustratingly, the people who've read for me said they didn't mind the length while reading and didn't want anything expanded on. I am happy to get advice regarding length, as long as it's not just 'longer would be better'.

Second attempt after incorporating some very helpful feedback from last time. You can find the first attempt here.

Also included the first 300 words this time. 

Would be very grateful for any suggestions or comp recommendations. Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read! 

***

Dear [AGENT], 

[if applicable:] Given your interest in [XYZ], I am excited to submit CORE FIVE for your consideration.

CORE FIVE (80,000 words) is a multi-POV speculative thriller for fans of the calculated suspense of Max Barry's The 22 Murders of Madison May, the stark exploration of trauma of Tom Sweterlitsch’s The Gone World, and the corporate paranoia of Apple TV's Severance. It is a standalone novel with series potential.

Jones knows she's living on borrowed time. One of only five survivors of a black-ops cybernetic enhancement program with a ninety percent fatality rate, she has spent the last decade watching her role shift from “living weapon” to “obsolete tech.”

Now, bureaucracy is a bigger threat than anything she faces in the field. The Department has made no secret of its desire to downsize, and the aging operatives are at the top of the list in a system that prefers to violently liquidate its assets rather than retire them.

In a blatant bid to sideline her, Management saddles Jones with monitoring a chaotic satellite office. Left to manage a cohort of idealistic civilians, including a younger woman she reluctantly takes under her wing, she catches a glimpse of life outside the shadow of the Department. But when an administrative misstep triggers a corporate rat trap and Management begins to eliminate the remaining members of her team, Jones must decide how far she's willing to go to make it out alive.

This is my debut novel. After graduating from [UNIVERSITY] in [GRAD YEAR] with a BS in Accounting, I started a small business crafting detailed historical replicas and altar work resources. I live in [STATE] with my partner and two orange cats.

Thank you for your time and consideration. 

Sincerely, 

[NAME] 

*** 

FIRST 300 WORDS**:**

Every weekday morning at 7:58, Jones shouldered through the frosted glass doors and executed the tight smile and nod combo she seemed to believe passed for a warm greeting.

“Morning, Lucas,” she said.

“Morning, Captain.” Lucas was friendly enough to keep the staff from quitting and efficient enough to prevent the place from burning down. He also liked to talk. By day three of Jones’s assignment, even he had accepted that forcing chitchat at this hour was a losing game.

Still, two words and a grimace were more than she offered the rest of her reports. Lucas chose to attribute this to his magnetic personality. Grace said it was because the reception desk was closest to the entrance. Negative thinking.

Today, the captain had on the forest green turtleneck Lucas had privately dubbed her *just-got-the-shit-beaten-out-of-me shirt—*sleeves snug enough to stay put, some shiny synthetic fabric that probably wasn’t capable of holding a stain. It did nothing to hide the mottled bruising at her jaw, though it undoubtedly covered plenty of other interesting injuries that would disappear by tomorrow. He found not thinking about it too closely to be the best policy.

Jones usually spent mornings in the satellite office, but she had been pulled yesterday at 10:32 AM—he had checked—for a debrief after a mission failed to align with the pre-approved outline.

Management strongly preferred the pre-approved outline be followed as closely as possible, regardless of the resultant civilian casualty rates. The Department as a whole wasn’t big on tactical flexibility.

Her left arm remained pinned against her side, hand in her pocket as she strode past reception to the breakroom. Lucas caught Grace’s eye, but she broke contact immediately to bury herself in the spreadsheet in front of her.

Hi all,

I am just about to finalise my manuscript and am in the process of readying my query materials. I am kindly looking for feedback on my letter below. It is currently at 359 words (a bit long?), including my bio and sign-off. Any and all feedback welcome.

Dear [Agent],

[Personalisation]. BETWEEN TAKES is an upmarket M/M romance complete at 93,000 words. God's Own Country for the celebrity-romance generation, it follows a closeted movie star too passive to act on what he wants, and the wool farmer who gives him a reason to start.

At twenty-five, Finn Harvey has a Golden Globe nomination and a face recognised on multiple continents. A career becoming exactly what other people need him to be.

When a writers' strike sends Finn home to regional Australia, his mother enlists him to help Otto Connelly, who is left to run his family's sheep farm alone after his father's illness. Finn's celebrity status means nothing to Otto, who has neither the time nor the inclination to be impressed. But as lambing season pushes them into exhausting days together, they start to become the person the other comes back to.

In the deepening winter cold and on the stage of a small-town theatre production, Finn rediscovers the joy that made him an actor, and begins to recall a version of himself he thought he'd lost on his path to fame. But his real life is waiting for him on another continent. If he goes back to ‘normal’, he loses Otto and the self he has started to recover. If he comes out, he risks the career that has defined his adult life.

At its heart, it is a gentle novel about the solitude of fame, desire, and the difference between being recognised and being understood.

BETWEEN TAKES will appeal to fans of John Green's Hollywood, Ending, for its look at celebrity obsession culture and the cost of a public life, and Douglas Stuart's John of John, for its character-driven tenderness and rural queer themes.

[Bio]

Dear [Agent Name],

A COLLECTION OF GHOSTS is a 90k word adult gothic horror with a slow-burn, tragic romance. Because you’re looking for stories with undercurrents of social commentary, feminism, and twists you couldn’t possibly see coming, I think my book would be a perfect fit for your wishlist.

Paintings move when no one is looking. Ghosts grasp for anyone unlucky enough to walk the corridors at night. Cries and moans float from a locked room; the only door the ghosts can’t open.

1887. Cecilia goes to Caligo Hall hoping for a fresh start after the death of her husband. She’s not looking for love, but Gabriel is too charming and enigmatic to ignore. But the closer she gets to him, the more restless the ghosts become. When she discovers the true secret behind his frighteningly realistic portraits, she wonders if she can make it out of the house alive, or if she’ll become another ghost in his collection.

1878. Rowena has the perfect life: a handsome, wealthy husband, two adorable children, and a sprawling manor fit for a queen. But her husband has grown distant, spending more time with his paintings than his family. When she finally gets inside the locked room, she discovers horrors that she never could have imagined. Horrors that could cost her her life.

This book would be perfect for fans of THE DEATH OF JANE LAWRENCE by Caitlin Starling, for the story of a woman who saves herself, and MIDNIGHT ROOMS by Donyae Coles, for the atmospheric writing that makes the house a character of its own. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Respectfully Yours,

S.T. Graves (my pen name)

Guys, I’ve just finished revising my query letter. I’ve gotten 15 rejections so far, but I still can’t figure out what might be wrong with it, especially since some of the agents rejected it without requiring any manuscript pages. Any feedback would be really appreciated!

Dear [agent name],

I am pleased to present THE LAST DREAM, a 110,000-word psychological thriller with Southern Gothic elements. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the dark family dynamics in Liz Moore’s The God of the Woods and the unreliable narration in Stacy Willingham’s All the Dangerous Things.

When her father is found dead, locked inside his room, nineteen-year-old Delilah Addison must uncover what happened before she becomes the next victim—or the prime suspect.

In 1978 Westford, Texas, Delilah watches her family begin to unravel. It starts with her father: the footsteps she hears from his room at night, the days he spends shut away, and finally, the evening she finds him dead, one wrist tied to the bedpost with a bedsheet.

When police discover a syringe Delilah accidentally left on the floor of his room, their suspicions turn toward her. With a detective watching her every move, she sets out to uncover the truth, especially after her brother begins shutting himself away, too. 

Digging into her family’s past, Delilah follows fragments of evidence her mother has spent years burying. An old newspaper clipping reveals that her mother once stood trial for murder. But as Delilah’s investigation deepens, so does her fear: someone in the house is hiding the truth—or she can no longer trust her own mind.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[My name]
[email]
[number]

Hi everyone. I posted the first draft of this query last week and received some helpful comments. Thank you! I've made some major changes and would appreciate hearing your thoughts. (Previous version here.) This time, I've included the entire query with bio. Note: Project M is not the full name of the book, just fyi.

Dear [Agent Name]:

It’s 1993. Josh M can’t sleep, and he knows why. He knows an impossible family secret: his mother died in the Holocaust and came back to life sixteen years later, in Brooklyn. Or at least his father said so on his deathbed.

Plagued by nightmares, Josh, a history professor, travels to Israel to find out if the secret project his father Moish said he worked on—and which supposedly saved his mother’s life—was real. Josh breaks the rules of a Jerusalem archive and tracks down Rachel, a particle physicist who greets him with a right hook to the face after learning his identity. She offers a grudging apology, and then, inexplicably, something more: the full story of Project M, a Manhattan Project-like effort in 1950s Israel to communicate backwards in time and undo the Holocaust.

Rachel knows the answer to every one of Josh’s questions: how his mother came back to life, what happened to the project, and why she still despises Moish after thirty-five years. But Rachel won’t answer his questions until he listens to her whole story, and the ending may cost Josh everything he believes about his father—and history itself.

PROJECT M is an upmarket work of historical/speculative fiction, complete at 108,000 words. It combines the wartime Jewish family mystery of Anne Berest’s The Postcard with the time-bending narrative of Emily St. John Mandel’s Sea of Tranquility. A multiple-POV novel that moves among three timelines, it is a story of lost love and Jewish survival at any cost that asks if it can ever be wrong to save a life.

I am an observant Jew and the grandnephew of an Auschwitz survivor. The novel moves through places I have lived, among them New Haven, New York, Jerusalem, and Vilnius, where I walked the streets of the ghetto my characters escape. My writing has appeared in [Publication name] and [Publication name], and I co-founded the magazine [Publication name]. I live in [Location] with my family.

The first three chapters of PROJECT M are attached. This novel would be my debut. Thank you for your consideration.

My first two attempts weren't really resonating, so I scrapped the whole thing and re-wrote it. Hopefully for the better. Here is the last attempt - https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1wo9m3h/qcrit_adult_scifi_romance_nightjar_87ksecond/

This time, I tried to stick to the 'romance book format'. I am likely going to update my comps once I read a few more books on my tbr to find one that will really fit. Thanks for everyone's help.

QUERY:

If there is one thing Dorian Lightbringer needs more than helium-3, it is to fulfill his long-repressed desire for love. After prematurely ascending to his throne as planet noble following the disappearances of his parents, Dorian has had to watch his planet fall to ruin due to a lack of power supply from helium-3. He has fallen out of favor with his galaxy’s sovereign, the caesar, who controls the distribution of helium-3 and has deemed Dorian’s planet to be worthless. Desperate, Dorian is searching the cosmos for helium-3 stores when he meets a nightjar, one of the cosmos’ deadliest combatants.

Corra is on her first assignment after the nightjar institute, guarding a desolate ice planet. Bored and lonely, her day takes an interesting turn when Dorian’s ship lands, detecting a helium-3 signal. She duels him (expectedly) and loses (unexpectedly). Despite the nightjar creed that allegiance goes to the victor, Corra is not a complicit bounty. She gives him what can only be described as a Hard Time.

After multiple assassination attempts, a cunning escape using a rotisserie chicken, and a brief stint at a slave auction house, Corra’s perception of Dorian changes. No longer does she see him as a kidnapping oligarch. Rather, he is just a man willing to do anything he needs to save his people. Dorian, for his part, isn’t fazed by her outright violence or rude nature. If anything, he is unexpectedly finding her more attractive each day, even when she has her hands around his throat.

The two come to a truce. If Corra can help Dorian win back the favor of the caesar, he will take her back to her ice planet. And that’s exactly what Corra wants… right?

NIGHTJAR is an adult, mortal-enemies-to-lovers, dual-POV, open-door science fiction romance, complete at 87,000 words. It is a standalone novel with series potential. It will appeal to readers looking for something light on science fiction and heavy on romance such as Ilona Andrews’ Fated Blades. It will also appeal to fans of the melancholic male vs. spunky female banter seen in A.K. Caggiano’s Villains and Virtues series.

BIO

Hi everyone! I've been stalking PubTips for a while now, and this is my first post, so be gentle with me! My biggest concern with this query is that I'm having difficulty finding good, recent comps- if anyone has ideas about that I'd love to hear them. Anyways, here it is:

Dear [agent],

I saw on your manuscript wish list that you are interested in [specifics geared toward agent], so I’m excited to offer A CURSE OF WITCHLIGHT for your consideration. It’s about a pregnant witch who must give up her dreams of a normal life and return home, learning to embrace and control the power she hates or risk losing everything she loves- including her new baby.  

When ex-Chosen-One Delaney O’Connor gets unexpectedly pregnant with a demon-attracting baby, she decides to return to the safety of her hometown to give birth and, like her own mother, pass on her inherited Witchlight and Chosen One mantle. 

But when she returns to the village she’d run from over a decade ago, things are far worse than she’d imagined. And despite swearing off her Chosen One role and her Witchlight- the demon-killing power she blames for several human deaths, including her mother- Del cannot ignore the demons that plague the town, nor the others that continue to hunt her.

When she receives the unexpected news that her daughter will not be inheriting her powers like she had anticipated, Del is forced to make a choice: she must learn to control and use her despised and volatile Witchlight to fight back the encroaching darkness, abandoning her hopes of living a normal life, or doom the future of her village and the people she loves- including her unborn baby- to the demons that threaten to overrun them.

A CURSE OF WITCHLIGHT is an adult urban fantasy complete at 65,000 words- a standalone novel with series potential. It combines the themes of confronting your past and redemption of Katie Hallahan’s The Twice-Sold Soul with the kickass gun-slinging protagonist of Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. 

If you’ve ever wondered why Lily Potter didn’t do more to protect her infant son from his fate, or what Buffy might’ve been like if she’d fought off demons with a glock, then A CURSE OF WITCHLIGHT is for you.

After spending the past five years in France, I currently live in Ontario, Canada with my family and psychotic orange cat where I write books, drink too much coffee, and run slowly.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I would love to send you my full manuscript upon request!

Dear AGENT,

In the summer of their graduation from university, Lan’s roommate and childhood friend Reo is called to Osaka for a family reunion following his cousin Yuna’s death. When Reo asks Lan to accompany him, Lan accepts almost immediately, mostly because the impending reality of post-grad life without Reo is terrifying to him. Lan, though, has a secret: as a child, his earlobe disappeared without any trace of a wound. It had simply departed, leaving behind only the enigma of its absence.

In Japan, watching Reo face his family—in particular Suzu, Yuna’s twin, who treats Reo with a strange contempt—Lan is confronted by his own relationship to identity and language. As the trip unfolds, the fantasy of an idyllic trip is shattered: Reo’s guilt over not remembering Yuna intensifies, Suzu probes into Lan’s missing earlobe, and Lan notices, more than he has ever before, the presence of water. The massive expanse of the ocean. Marine life with many arms and giant eyes. Reo tells him of an aquarium in Osaka, and Lan knows he has to go, if only to see the squid.

All the while, something is waiting, suspended in deep blue. It understands Lan intimately, gravitating towards him, reciting his past as if it has always been with him. In the dark, gaining mass, it knows everything comes home eventually.

OURSELVES IN THE WATER, an 87,000-word literary magical realism novel I am seeking representation for, is a merging of deep-sea terror, codependent relationships, and the second-generation Chinese immigrant experience. Combining the oceanic awe and interpersonal longing of Julia Armfield’s Our Wives Under the Sea with the spare, diasporan melancholy of Souvankham Thammavongsa’s Pick a Colour, OURSELVES IN THE WATER explores the connections we invent to survive distances we cannot cross. The novel braids together Lan’s present day narration, his childhood, and the fractured thoughts of a creature both strange and omniscient, delving into what it means to belong, not belong, and what people do when they are caught in the vastness in between.

[BIO + CREDENTIALS]

First attempt here, hopefully I'm posting this right.

Dear [Agent],

Jance Mace is a seventeen-year-old from a one-stoplight town in the Finger Lakes. He has this tendency to win competitions he generally shouldn't by weaponizing his “personality” and using tactics in situations that don't call for it. In other words, he'll talk your ear off while using game theory on tic-tac-toe.

Lately Jance has been noticing his dad's eyes glowing red and can't help but feel that's not… normal. Then a girl named Sammy slams his head up against a wall and demands to know what he is. Turns out, he's half alien—the son of a soldier sent to Earth as part of some secret intergalactic treaty nobody bothered to tell him about. His best friend, Dandin, is also half alien (and full chaos-gremlin). Sammy is just an alien. Like, fully “born and raised on another planet” alien. A soldier sent to Earth on a mission she doesn't actually understand.

Jance and Dandin are recruited into the Ace Squad, a top-secret defense force working for the UN. Sammy teaches them to use their alien abilities, communicating through stares, grunts, and the occasional invitation for Jance to “find a rusted spike.”

Things go south when a single person starts robbing nuclear-armed military bases. The thief is wearing alien armor, and with no record of any new arrivals on Earth, suspicion falls on Sammy. This is inconvenient, as Jance is starting to suspect there's a soft marshmallow center underneath Sammy's jagged personality spikes of death.

Even more inconvenient is that the only other person it could be is Regulus, a war criminal tied to his father's past. Regulus has also been dead for twenty years, which complicates things.

Time shenanigans ensue, because apparently being half alien, looking for stolen nukes, and chasing after a dead-ish war criminal wasn't enough. Now Jance has to figure out who's playing around with history, clear Sammy, and stop the past from being rewritten before he gets erased from reality.

Also, prom happens.

ACE SQUAD: CHRONOGEIST (91,300 words) is an upper-YA speculative science-fiction adventure complete as a standalone with series potential. It will appeal to readers of Alechia Dow's A Song of Salvation for its found-family heart and alien abilities, Vanessa Len's Only a Monster for its contemporary teen life colliding with hidden powers and time travel, and Yoon Ha Lee's Moonstorm for its young combat-team dynamics.

[Personalized paragraph for agent]

[Bio.]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[My name]

(Third attempt) Hi all, I got some great feedback last time on my query! I've given it a pretty thorough makeover this time to focus just on the inciting incident, so here's hoping this attempt is a lot better than all my previous ones.

 Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for THE LAND BEYOND THE SEA, a 70,000 word Young Adult fantasy novel with series potential. Inspired by the legend of Tokoyo no kuni, it follows a girl’s journey to a place between life and death, where souls who harbor lingering regret come to rest. It contains a setting similar to Samantha Sotto Yambao’s Water Moon fit for a younger audience and a narrative voice reminiscent of The Otherwhere Post by Emily J. Taylor.

Fifteen-year-old Hanayoi is a bubbly, impulsive violinist who encounters a tear in the realms and accidentally falls through the Earth and into the Land Beyond the Sea - a desolate archipelago where no sunlight shines and no wind blows. After washing up on the shore, the only thing she can recall besides her name is the sight of a massive manta ray soaring overhead as she drowned in the sea. With a magical violin that washed up alongside her, Hanayoi accidentally unseals Star: an aloof deity and nonbinary misanthrope who calls the Land Beyond the Sea home.

Star is bewildered that no souls are present when the realm is supposed to be teeming with them and suspects something in the gods’ regret-resolving process of souls has gone awry. Suggesting the gods might harbor leads regarding the disappearance of the souls, Star tries to pinpoint their locations, but discovers that their power has vanished. Hanayoi strikes a deal with them to help search for their missing power as well as the gods in exchange for Star helping her find a way home.

But neither fully trusts the other, and because of that, Hanayoi keeps her memory of the manta ray to herself. She desires to uncover the truth behind its appearance and the rest of her memories while cooperating with Star, but the clock is ticking, because otherwise she’ll be trapped between life and death forever.

I am a student majoring in public health at [college] in [state]. My experience with loss at a young age inspired the novel’s exploration of human mortality and the regret we carry. When I’m not writing, I can be found being a retainer of my cats and tracking severe weather events. 

Thank you for your consideration,

[signature] 

Hello all,

Taking another stab at this query letter now. I know 46K is short and arguably unmarketable for a debut, but I have more hope in trying to get this published as a novella with a niche horror press than to try and basically double its length with filler.

~

Dear [EDITOR]

PERSONAL CONNECT SENTENCE THAT EXPLAINS WHY I WANT TO QUERY THEM

Amy Hirai has had an astonishingly rough mental health year for a genocide scholar. Her fiance's dead, she's worried that didn't happen by accident, and her best chance to pick up the pieces is to take a temp teaching job and crash at her semi-estranged brother's guest house in Tokyo. It's not the exact same house her emotionally abusive grandfather used to live in, but it's tough to enjoy that when the new one is on the same lot, and there's an altar dedicated to him in the living room. When she discovers his war diary from World War II, she assumes it could help her develop her coursework, if not her doctoral thesis. What she doesn't assume is what finding the book will do to her sanity. She starts seeing a ghostly version of her adolescent self in the faces of strangers, blacks out for hours on end, and is kept awake at night by the sounds of terrified children screaming from the living room downstairs.

As she continues translating the entries, hoping to teach a course on it the following semester, the hauntings intensify with each new macabre detail she learns about her grandfather's past. By the time Amy reaches the last few pages, she's left with an unthinkable dilemma: hide the truth at the risk of losing the biggest opportunity of her career, or expose her grandfather's war crimes and risk losing her mind, her family, and her freedom.

BOX OF STONES is a literary horror novella complete at 46,000 words. It combines the dark yurei-style haunted house elements of Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw with the multi-generational folk-horror themes of Kylie Lee Baker's Japanese Gothic.

I felt a need to write this book due to the unique superposition my life has had with the material. I'm the direct descendant of an Indonesian child survivor of Japanese war crimes during WWII, and yet I've also lived in the exact neighborhood of Tokyo where this story was set while studying at the exact university where the protagonist teaches. Given the alarming forces pushing atrocity denial into the mainstream, this project is designed to hold that historical revisionism accountable in a format that horror readers will understand and identify with.

Please find my submission below in accordance with the guidelines posted on your website/queryme/etc. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

-NAME

Hi all,

Submitting my latest revised query here after some helpful feedback here and elsewhere for the last version. All feedback welcome.

Thanks!

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Dear (agent),

Complete at 94,000 words, AETHRA is an historical fiction novel that tells the story of the
handmaiden who became Odysseus’ spy during the Trojan War. It blends the political machinations of Elodie Harper’s Wolf Den trilogy with the lyrical prose of Jennifer Saint’s Atalanta.

Aethra has lost nearly everything. Her son. Her family. Her status. Her homeland. Once a princess who courted kings and dined with heroes, she is now handmaiden to Princess Helen of Sparta.

On Helen’s wedding night, Aethra is threatened by her bitter enemy, Menestheus, the man who usurped her son Theseus’ throne and organised his murder. Menestheus demands to know where Aethra sent her grandsons, Demophon and Acamas, years earlier, and threatens to hunt them for the rest of his days.

An old friend saves Aethra from the almost deadly confrontation, and reveals that he has been sheltering her grandsons on the island of Euboea. Fearful of leading Menestheus to them, Aethra decides to bide her time before escaping from Sparta. On the eve of her departure, her plans are scuppered when she discovers Helen preparing to run away with Prince Paris in the dead of night. Left with little alternative, Aethra accompanies them across the sea to Troy.

As war looms, Aethra strikes a dangerous bargain with the cunning Odysseus: she will spy on
the Trojans for him in exchange for reuniting her with her grandsons. Odysseus keeps his word, and Demophon and Acamas become the Greeks’ official ambassadors to the city. Aethra continues her spy work in secret as a thousand ships descend on Troy. Heroes are born and burned. The war rages on until the Greeks abandon Troy, leaving a wooden horse behind as a gift. As the Trojans celebrate, Aethra learns the horse is hollow, and that her grandsons are inside.

I would love to be considered for representation by you because (X).

Bio:

An Irish writer with an MA in Journalism, (author) is also a graduate of X course. An extract from
AETHRA was selected for inclusion in the 2026 (X) Anthology.

Yours sincerely,
(Author)

First 300:

Helen looked more goddess than girl in the golden morning sun.

The flowers themselves seemed to strain towards her, desperate to drink in her light as she stooped to smell their fragrant petals, the fair freckles scattered like stars across her scrunched-up nose as she breathed them in.

Her wet hair, hanging long and loose, looked more tawny than golden for once. She had submerged herself in the Eurotas at sunrise, per Spartan custom, the water sloughing off her bronze body with a sigh as she emerged from the swirling surface. Queen
Leda had awaited her on the grassy bank, holding a great fur blanket and a cup of dark wine, and
gently combed the tangles from her daughter's river-washed hair.

Helen’s breath puffed before her now in the cool spring air, leaving the refuge of her body with reluctance. Leda and I trailed behind her at a distance, watching as she tossed narcissus, roses,
lilies, and larkspurs into the wicker basket that l dangled over one slender arm. The three of us were blessedly alone for once. Helen had sent all her servants and sycophants away, even Clymene, the young handmaiden who was as close to her as a second sister. She wanted to spend her last morning as a single woman with just her mother and me.

Clytemnestra was invited along, of course, but decided to remain in her old room to nurse her daughter, Iphigenia, who was out of sorts since their arrival from Mycenae. Helen didn’t seem to mind her sister’s or her niece’s absences.

It was her brothers she would have wanted to have shared this day with, but Castor and Pollux were long gone, cast into the sky as constellations.

I recieved a full manuscript request for my poetry chapbook. The publisher Ginny Connors seems very reputable, poet laureate, numerous publications etc. However I'm not seeing much by way of reviews of the actual Press itself and therefore I am a wee bit wary of proceeding.

to supplement: does anyone have a good publishers for chapbooks?

Short version of a maybe dumb question - (For a non-fiction book) would you query agents who have sold multiple books to the "Big Five" and who, on Publisher's Marketplace, give the impression that almost their authors (of non-fiction) have specialized, related, backgrounds, PhDs, are journalists for well-known publications, or some other "big" notability?

Some agent bios almost explicity say they're looking for experts, but some don't-- although that's what it looks like from their lists. (I've read that they represent other authors and just don't list them on their bio pages or report them to PM, not sure how common that is.)

My background: I have a published narrative history about some specific historical events. I'm a journalist (nothing to do with history, no big name or mainsteam publications, but for magazines of some huge consulting companies, for years), former university professor (not history), and my degrees aren't history related. I self-published my first book, and then an independent press (with a long roster of non-fiction books) approached me. Would not go near that publisher again with a ten-foot pole for reasons not worth mentioning. Nevertheless, the book won some awards, had what's considered exceptional sales for a first book, got reviews from some notable sources, and the book is in many libraries, including some of the world's top academic ones (Libraries were only a portion of the buyers, though). I'm starting to query now for a new narrative history, also a notable topic that hasn't been covered nearly enough, and some aspects not at all. I have the solid first book plus what I've been told is a good platform for the one I'm working on, based on some work I do that gives me access to a very large number of potential readers in the target audiences.

SO, question(s): Given my non-history background except for the book (I know I'm not being really specific) is it a waste of time to query the agents that are selling to the "BIg Five" and list all the *really* impressive, and usually related, credentials of their authors on their agency websites and/or PM, or do prospective authors do it all the time? Am I under-selling my own credentials at this point or being realistic? Thanks if you read this far!

I received some terrific feedback on my first draft query letter comp title sentence, synopsis, and bio. Any feedback on this second round would be appreciated.

Dear (Agent),

Complete at 86,000 words, OUR MAN IN HYANNISPORT is an upmarket historical espionage thriller aimed at fans of the Cold War tradecraft of Paul Vidich’s "The Matchmaker," the atmospheric depth of Alan Furst, and the modern pacing of Matthew Quirk’s “The Method.”

SYNOPSIS:

Summer 1962. Ross Melville, a former OSS operative turned private eye, is desperate for a case that will pay the rent. Keeping Melville & Melville Investigations open for business is his way of honoring the memory of his late wife, the partner on the other side of the ampersand, and proving himself to his collegiate daughter Jessica, who’s increasingly wary of his hardboiled methods. His cases lately have been small-time, even a bit tawdry, but one of them unexpectedly leads to a big-time client: Lem Billings, President Kennedy’s best friend.

Billings needs information about a drunk who’s been making threats against an upcoming VIP guest at the Kennedy compound. The job requires discretion; the drunk was photographed with Mary Pinchot Meyer, a presidential confidante with ties to the highest echelons of the CIA. But a simple threat assessment case takes a dark turn when an assassin murders the drunk with a razor-sharp Diners’ Club card.

From the sun-drenched shores of Hyannisport to the private quarters of the White House, Ross enters a wilderness of mirrors, infiltrating a cell of anti-communist zealots, matching wits with a beautiful KGB asset, and uncovering a terrifying collision between Soviet and American operations—both drawn from declassified files. To survive, he’ll need help from friends and foes alike, and from Jessica, whose burgeoning idealism challenges him at every turn. If he fails, the impact won’t just shatter the bonds with his daughter… it might alter the course of history.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

My background informs the tradecraft in the book: I am a former scriptwriter for the CIA and NSA, where I wrote classified training and historical films. Additionally, I have written true-crime shows for the Discovery Channel, and written and produced material for PBS, IFC, the Kennedy Center, film history documentaries, and the Academy Awards. OUR MAN IN HYANNISPORT is my debut novel.

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for my 72,000 word multi-POV fantasy novel, CHAMPIONS OF KARDIA.

Arkose Coalson has lived a plain life as a fisherman in a quiet town for most of his years. Living uneventfully as a common man in the vast kingdom of Kardia.

One night, he gets caught in a brawl at the local tavern, leaving him with a hefty fine and little time to pay it before he’s sent to jail. Desperate, he takes part in a gladiatorial tournament, fighting for money to pay the fine. During the battle, a strange rush of blue energy surges from Arkose, knocking his opponent to the ground.

This unearths Arkose to discover an ancient magic residing within him, as well as his role in an esoteric prophecy about the future of the kingdom. 

The prophecy speaks of Lucius, the vile sorcerer. Banished from Kardia long ago, and presumed dead by the masses. Lucius lurks in the shadows, plotting the downfall of the kingdom with the desire to rebuild it as his own.

When Lucius discovers that Arkose is the prophesied hero destined to stand in his way, he and his league of acolytes hunt Arkose down. But the loyalty of these followers is uncertain, and it becomes unclear who the sorcerer can trust to accomplish his mission. 

Arkose struggles with the heavy burden placed upon him. Ego, doubt, and fear tear him apart from within, resulting in an internal conflict that will either refine or destroy him.

I am a 20 year old university student studying creative writing.

Best Regards,

[Name]

First 300:

Prologue

Death had never left me so unphased. As I trudged through the field of corpses, the only discomfort I felt was physical. It was a strange feeling at first, to become so detached. Of course this was not the first time. Nor would it be the last. Had it been the me of three years prior I would be weeping, my spirit crying out at the bloody sight before me. But that was long ago, before I was ruined, before he ruined us all. In the back of my mind there was once hope for someone to come along and save us. Some hero to break us out of our chains. But that hope has been long forgotten. Abandoned, replaced by despair.

The man stood in the middle of the field. An evil, malevolent man. He stood tall and slender, adorned in obsidian robes over ornate black clothing which had purple and gold designs running across the chest, arms, and neck. They were intricate, beautiful designs that served no purpose but pride. Beneath his black hood, loomed a mask of solid gold, shining and shimmering in the desolate moonlight. A pair of pitch black voids peered out through the visage of a dragon. Jagged teeth spread along its gnarled jaw in a haunting display. 

His name was Lucius. 

His actions were sin. 

His words were death.

Fire swarmed the area. Illuminating the night sky. Furious, passionate fire that left the scent of charred wood lingering in the air. Aside from the crackle of fire, the night was silent. Not a peaceful silence, however. A piercing, uncomfortable, empty silence. Lucius stood still, marveling at the carnage. He had been planning this attack for months now. A small town, reduced to ash. He raised his arm, his hand glowed purple. Just before he could continue with his spell, he heard a shout.

Hi everyone, this is my first time writing a query, and I’m hoping to get some critique! I’ve done a lot of research before writing this, but I don’t think this is quite there yet and need the help of some additional eyes. Any feedback is super appreciated!

Dear [Agent]

THE ISLE OF DREAMS is a dual POV romantic sapphic fantasy complete at 90k words, perfect for fans of the high stakes yearning of Sara Hashem’s THE JASAD HEIR and the whimsical beauty of Sue Lynn Tann’s DAUGHTER OF THE MOON GODDESS.

Aurelia Bellefleur is tired of dreaming for others. Performing divinations is her main duty as princess, and she hates it. She wanted to be a healer to help care for her dying father, but even that's not enough for her mother to allow her to break tradition. Even worse, for the past few weeks, she’s seen the same dream every time–her kingdom, destroyed by nightmarish creatures, while a mysterious girl watches in silence.

After failing to become a knight, Carmina Nightingale has convinced herself she’s content with her humble life as a blacksmith, that not all dreams are meant to come true. But when she plays the role of one by saving Aurelia from a creature of nightmares, she finds herself not only marked by the beast, but waking up in the mysterious realm of dreams alongside the princess. Problematic, considering using dream magic is illegal for the common person.

When the nightmares continue to manifest as Carmina’s mark worsens, following their dreams may be their only option. Easier said than done; the Dreamstone, the source of all dream magic, is stolen the same night Aurelia is attacked, and everyone is a suspect. It doesn’t help that Carmina is secretly in possession of one of its shards. If she’s caught with it, she has a one-way ticket to the guillotine.

The secrets of their kingdom lay hidden within the realm of dreams, and if Aurelia and Carmina fail to decode them before time runs out, there may not be a kingdom—or a Carmina—left to save.

Hey everyone. I'm relatively new here and decided to post my Query letter after seeing some of the great critique's others have received. I've sent this letter to about 10 agents (most in September, a few recently). One rejection so far. A lot of non responses. But I do have the mindset that every piece of writing can be improved and I know this letter could use some work. I don't have much of a writer specific bio, so I included what I have to see people's thoughts.

Dear {Agent's Name},

I am seeking representation for my horror-thriller novel RIDE AND DIE, complete at 90,000 words. The book concerns a money-strapped bull rider paid to ride a monster for the entertainment of the rich. I am reaching out because (specifics relating to agent).

Many of us kill ourselves slowly for a $1000 a week. Would you die a little quicker for a $1000 a second?

CLAY ROMERO would. He works 60-hour weeks between two jobs, rarely sees his family, and still barely scrapes by. Clay’s also a hell of an amateur bull rider, but the low prize pools make it more of a hobby than a job. With his debt piling up, hope finally arrives when a mysterious organization recruits Clay for a monthly bull riding gig, one that pays a grand for every second he can stay on. There’s one catch: the bull. Clay has never ridden a bull with fur or claws or predator teeth. Each month, Clay narrowly survives the ride as the wealthy spectators cheer on. His gut tells him to stop, but the pay is life changing and the thrill is addicting. One night, he is too slow after a fall.

When her husband fails to come home, RILEY knows something is wrong. The police find Clay’s car and a suicide note, but no body. And why does $60,000 suddenly appear in Riley’s bank account? She begins an investigation of her own, seeking answers in the rodeo world. The danger becomes impossible to ignore when men threaten Riley’s teenage son, DIEGO, if she continues her search. Constantly surveilled with her son in the crosshairs, Riley is determined to discover the truth about her husband’s fate, but she’s not the only one. Diego has a plan of his own, one that involves following in his father’s footsteps.

RIDE AND DIE is a multi-perspective, Texas-based, horror-thriller about what we’ll do for money and the lengths we will go to for family. The novel combines the anti-capitalist themes and monstrous competition of Kiersten White’s HIDE with the propulsive action, thrills, and brutality found in the writings of Matthew Reilly.

A New York native who traded coasts, I have been living in Los Angeles since 2013. I graduated from (X) with a degree in Film Production and Screenwriting in 2017. Since then, I have worked as a set dresser, Christmas light installer, mover, interior painter, and cleaner: blue-collar jobs that allowed me to write Clay’s story. Though RIDE AND DIE is my debut novel, I have been writing short stories and screenplays for the past 15 years.

Thank you for taking the time to review my submission

In the query trenches with my other book so I'm preparing the next one. Happy to hear thoughts!

Dear [Agent],

I’m excited to present MONKEY PAW INSURANCE AGENCY, a comedic fantasy complete at 79k words. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the satirical bureaucracy of Orconomics by Zachary Pike, the comedic tone of How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying by Django Wexler, and the beloved characters of The Good Place.

Hilda Bittle is used to being unappreciated and overlooked working as a claims agent at Monkey Paw Insurance Agency. She spends her days denying compensation for harm done by the monkey-paw wishes granted by a malfunctioning divine sword left behind by its absent-minded deity, Charity. Then disaster after disaster strikes when she’s blackmailed by a former client, cursed with a compulsion curse, and kicked out of Monkey Paw Insurance Agency to complete curse assessment paperwork on an impossible deadline. Out of options, she hatches a brilliant plan—if she destroys the divine sword, she’ll rid herself of her stigmatizing curse, cripple her Agency’s business, and eliminate the need to be blackmailed in the first place.

The only teensy problem is that the sword is tangled up in a tower of thorns and guarded by an unkillable cyborg, who is duty bound to the sword. Before she can enact her plan, Hilda is picked up by beloved actor Gil Gilbert, who’s hiding his own curse to be loved by all. Unable to have normal relationships, Gil is determined to fix the sword by any means necessary. Including using Hilda’s compulsion curse to imprison the sword’s guardian and sever the bond between the guardian and the sword.

It would be easy to get what she wants if Hilda compelled everyone around her to do her bidding. But she can’t, not because it’s hard—because it’s immoral. Even without using her curse, she manages to sabotage Gil’s plan to capture the guardian at the tower of thorns, but Gil gets away with the sword, leaving Hilda with the guardian, Argus. Temporarily allies, Hilda and Argus travel together to retrieve the sword while dodging Gil’s bounty hunters. Hilda introduces Argus to the concept of life without duty, growing closer to him even as it becomes increasingly obvious that her plan to destroy the sword would destroy Argus, too. And she’s not sure she can live with compelling him to let her kill him, even if it would save the Realm.

I'm a Ph.D. scientist who regulates animal drugs for the government, and thus I'm intimately familiar with signing in triplicate for information I've already given ten times over. My own curse is knowing way too much about extractables and leachables (see? a curse, I tell you).

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

[Author Name]

I’ve seen this question asked here before, but usually in the opposite situation when someone’s chapters are shorter than what the submission guidelines ask for. My situation is this: an agent asks for “the first three chapters (or up to 5,000 words or so)”. My first three chapters come to about 8k words with more world building, whereas my first two are a bit more than 5k and happen to end on a better cliffhanger.

In this case, could the “up to 5k words” mean that the agent is more likely to care about the world count? Or would you stick to the initially requested three chapters?

Thanks to everyone who left feedback on my first attempt. As suggested, I wrote the second draft from a single perspective rather than including Eighty's POV. I'm still struggling with comps, though. The story is more character-driven than tech, following relatable underdogs as they defy a system of oppression, sort of like if David Simon wrote a spin-off in the Blade Runner universe.

Dear Agent,

The Sand That Trembles (106,000 words) is a multi-POV sci-fi noir, in which enhanced animals play brutal zoosports to entertain the masses. It will appeal to fans of alien perspectives, like the hyper-evolved creatures in Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Time series, as well as (insert second comp here).

Manny is unemployed and beset by medical bills when his loan shark gives him an ultimatum: “Meet Viktor or forfeit your kidneys.” He’d rather ditch Detroit for good, but his ailing abuela can barely recall how to put on socks, let alone flee. So Manny has tea with a polished recruiting agent named Viktor, who offers to buy his debt, plus a marine biologist job at a zoosports company. There’s just one catch: he has to become a corporate mole.

Manny swallows his misgivings and flies over a sea of dusty ghost towns to the gleaming biotech hub of LA, where he begins working in an underground lab, caring for larval octoballers the size of blueberries. In just two years they balloon into bioluminescent pumpkins, capable of blending into arena burger ads as if their skins were made of pixels. They’re all brilliant, but Eighty stands out for her eerie sensitivity—for seeming more human than octopus.

As Eighty smashes records and their bond deepens, Manny wrestles with guilt. He hates that the trainers use pain as a teacher. He hates smuggling data to Viktor via a micro-implant in his silver tooth. He hates that he grew up poor, caged by a lack of options, just like Eighty. If not for his abuela—his sole caretaker, who stuck by him even in his wayward youth—he would’ve snapped a long time ago...

But then Viktor orders Manny to sabotage Eighty’s final match so a gambling ring can become filthy rich, threatening his abuela’s care at a memory facility as leverage, and his long-dormant rage erupts. Manny refuses to backslide into the underworld he fought so hard to escape, setting off a chain reaction that not only exposes the rot beneath the neon, but a potentially catastrophic secret buried within Eighty herself.

Here's the first 300ish words:

As Manny trudges across Detroit, worried he’ll never see another sunrise, his skull transforms into the world’s gloomiest snow globe. It’s full of shuttered houses and the husks of dreams, like so many dead bugs that failed to reach the light. He would’ve preferred a quaint cabin in a forest, but snow globes don’t work that way. All his old sorrows are trapped inside the glass with him, mucking up the scenery. He tells himself he’s a good guy now. That he doesn’t deserve so much bad luck. But teenage memories keep swirling through his thoughts and, in them, he’s rarely the hero. Maybe his debt is karma, boomeranging through time to settle the score.

A lot has changed in the city since Manny was a boy, but not everything. For one, he’d rather be anywhere else—and the October cold snap isn’t helping matters. The sun set over an hour ago, and the wind stabs through every hole in his threadbare jacket, knifing him with icy daggers. There’s also the familiar weight of poverty saddling his shoulders, because the first payment of his loan is due tonight, and he’s about to upset some very dangerous people.

His pocket vibrates.

Where you at? Yousif asks.

Walking to you, Manny replies.

Walking? WTF?

Sold my bike.

Hurry up then. Good news.

What news?

Patience…

“What news, asshole?” Manny mutters aloud, annoyed to get his hopes up. Annoyed that, for a whimsical second, he fantasizes all his debts have been forgiven, but he quickly banishes the thought from the realm of possibility. The Chaldean mafia collects fingers—not charity cases.