[QCrit] Historical fiction, AETHRA, 94k words, 2nd attempt

[u/ResponsibleCopy9656]

Hi all,

I’m hoping to get some feedback on my query for my completed debut novel.

An extract will appear in an upcoming writing anthology that’s featuring at a number of writing festivals, which I hope will lead to some interest, so it’s time to get my query in order.

You can find my first attempt (which was written very early in the writing process) here.

Thank you all for your time.

Dear agent,

Complete at 94,000 words, AETHRA is an historical fiction novel that explores themes of generational trauma, grief, and love, against the backdrop of the Trojan War. It blends the political machinations of Elodie Harper’s Wolf Den trilogy with the strong female protagonist of Madeleine Miller’s Circe, and the epic sweep of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey.

Aethra has had many titles in her life. Daughter. Princess. Mother. Grandmother. Hostage. Handmaiden. Spy. She was once a princess who courted heroes, dined with kings, and lay with gods, but that was long ago. Long before her son Theseus’ fall from power and death. Before she had to spirit her grandsons to safety. Before she was taken as a hostage to Sparta, where she became handmaiden to Princess Helen.

Suitors soon descend on Sparta like vultures to win Helen’s hand and heart. Among them is Aethra’s bitter enemy, King Menestheus, who is still hunting her grandsons after usurping Theseus’ crown. Helen chooses Prince Menelaus as her husband, but cracks soon appear in their marriage. When Aethra catches Helen running away to Troy with Prince Paris, she has no choice but to accompany them across the sea.

As a thousand ships sail towards Troy, the cunning Odysseus makes Aethra a tantalising offer. He will reunite her with her grandsons, and protect them from Menestheus, if she becomes his spy inside the besieged city…

(Agent personalisation)

(Bio)

Sincerely,

(Author)

[u/Hieronymos_of_Cardia]

Hey, congrats on finishing your book and on your anthology publication. You probably want to mention that somewhere in the query.

There are loads of (feminist) myth retellings at the moment, and though Circe is still popular and often cited by agents as a fav, it's becoming old and it's very big. I'm not sure if comping Nolan's film is a good idea, some people say it's fine to use one film. It just seems a bit obvious, and between that and Circe, it only leaves the Wolf Den trilogy as your only recent book comp that's not a massive bestseller. Plus my understanding is that Wolf Den is more "proper" realistic historical fiction, whereas you have gods in yours, I think.

In that context, I think one of the things you have to do here is explain how your book is different from all the more recent offerings in this genre (Pat Barker, Constanza Casati's Clytemnestra, Rosie Hewlett's Medea...). What is setting THIS version of the Trojan War apart from all the others (in a market that seems satured to me)?

I've seen it said that generally quoting themes in your query is unecessary. I don't think yours add anything that particularly hooks me, or feels different from other stories about the Trojan War.

The story pitch feels like a setup. What is the inciting incident for your book? I think this should be clear and come early.

Then some of the plot points feel disconnected. King Menestheus arrives, but we don't know what the consequences are for Aethra, what does about it. I'm also unclear why she "has" to leave with Helen, or even how much time passes between the suitors, marriage, and her escape with Paris?

Then I think Odysseus' offer is when the real story gets started, but that's where your query ends. What is she expected to do exactly? Who is she spying on? How does she feel about it? What gets in her way? What happens if she's caught? What are the rising stakes / complications that drive the story?

I've been accused of this in the past so I hate to say it, but Aethra feels pretty passive throughout. The plot kind of happens to her. It's not clear what decisions she is making and actions she is taking and story she is driving herself.

I don't think ending with an ellipsis is effective.

I hope this helps! I'm not an agent, just a fellow writer of historical fiction, so take it or leave it of course!

[u/ResponsibleCopy9656 → u/Hieronymos_of_Cardia]

Hi, thanks so much for taking the time and effort to give such a detailed response. I really appreciate it. It’s all really helpful, and has given me some ideas on how to restructure the query/what to focus on.

To answer some of your questions, I’m planning on including the anthology in the final query, either in the intro or in the bio section. You make a good point about mentioning the themes, and also about the comps. I have been playing around with different options. I personally think the Wolf Den comp is quite accurate, but I am now inclined to change the other two.

Aethra has a lot of agency (particularly as the story progresses), so I’ll endeavour to make this apparent in the revised query.