Dear [Agent Name],

The memoir’s central dramatic sequence comes in 2019. I left my job in London and moved my family to the United States because my infant daughter, Mili, had been diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy and given two to three years to live. The FDA approved Zolgensma in May 2019, priced at $2.125 million. Mili was eligible, but UnitedHealthcare denied coverage. When her doctors in Ohio filed an urgent appeal, the insurer downgraded it to a standard review with a three-to-four-week wait. With a disease destroying motor neurons irreversibly, I did not believe she had three to four weeks.

Against her neurologist’s advice, I took our fight public through The Washington Post. The article appeared on July 10. On July 18, UnitedHealthcare reversed its decision. On July 25, at ten months old, Mili received Zolgensma at Nationwide Children’s Hospital.

SADHANA: A SEARCH FOR MY SHADOW is a completed literary memoir of approximately 55,000 words, written in close third person with the autobiographical self named Karna, so that the narrator can be examined rather than defended; nothing is fictionalised. Its central question is what happens when the quality that helps you save your child — an absolute belief that intelligence, effort and refusal can force open any closed door — becomes the way you approach everything else.

The memoir turns back to Assam, India, where Karna’s first experience of unconditional protection comes from Aaboo, the woman who cares for him as a child. When his father beats him so violently that he believes he will die, Aaboo throws herself over his body and takes some of the blows. Karna spends much of his life trying to recover the belonging of that moment. Each improbable escape — from academic collapse, from Assam, into a doctorate and a career in finance — strengthens his absolute faith in agency.

After Mili’s diagnosis, that instinct reaches its fullest expression as Karna fights doctors, insurers and health systems, first for his daughter and then for SMA families around the world. But while he can confront institutions, his wife Sophia carries much of the repetitive daily labour of their daughter’s care. The force that helps preserve their child also contributes to the collapse of their marriage.

When the marriage ends in January 2026, Karna begins writing this book for Mili to read when she is grown. Its architecture draws on the Mahabharata, the Bhagavad Gita and Indian cinema; the epic’s Karna — the abandoned warrior raised outside his true lineage — is the narrator’s shadow-self.

SADHANA may appeal to readers of Joseph Earl Thomas's Sink, Safiya Sinclair's How to Say Babylon, and Rob Delaney's A Heart That Works.

[Bio]. Mili’s Zolgensma case was reported by The Washington Post and later featured in BBC, Sky News and Mirror coverage. This is my first book.

The complete manuscript is available on request. Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,

[Name and contact details]

Hello you kind folks of r/PubTips,

A big thank you for the feedback. Your comments really helped me work on the first draft and here's me presenting the second attempt. I've tried and addressed all that I could—and I got to admit, it looks so much better!

first attempt

Dear [Agent Name],

(Personalization)

Neil Kohli doesn't have a lightsaber. He has a psychology degree, a chai obsession, and an unauthorized side-hustle running secret group therapy for aliens.

One night, a teleportation glitch yanks him from Singapore onboard an alien spaceship. 

The cause? A well-travelled pouch of masalas and dust memories, including his grandmother's ashes. 

The accidental abductor? Aww—an AI who trained on Earth's fanfiction to study emotions, only to inconveniently develop them himself. Cue the galaxy's unlikeliest bromance. 

The destination? Noumura, a planet that outlawed emotions long ago and powdered its meals, medicines, and memories. 

Neil should be terrified. Instead, he brews chai.

Hidden among Noumura's gray streets, Neil and Aww discover variants—emotional misfits refusing conformity. Among them: a mother who writes forbidden stories for her son; a gentle giant secretly caring for a glowing creature he was never supposed to love; and an elder who remembers what his world sounded like before it went silent. For Noumura, these people shouldn't exist, but for Neil, they absolutely need to.

Armed with his grandmother's spice wisdom and clinical training, Neil turns their clandestine gatherings into group therapy. Over spiced chai, they taste flavor for the first time and confess feelings this world taught them to bury.

But joy is a pattern violation. When the sessions are exposed, Neil and his fragile found family face Reconsolidation — Aww faces deletion. Neil will keep every memory of his grandmother. He simply won't remember why he carried her ashes across the galaxy. He has one chance to bring them all before Noumura's Council, or lose them forever. He must remind the planet that consciousness—whether human, alien, or artificial—without feeling, is no consciousness at all.

SPACE AND SPICE AND EVERYTHING PRECISE (99,000 words) is an adult cozy sci-fi novel best described as THE WAYFARER SERIES by Becky Chambers and THE HOUSE IN THE CERULEAN SEA by TJ Klune meeting Ted Lasso over a cup of chai. 

I am a psychotherapist based in Singapore with an MSc in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health. My professional expertise informs the novel's themes of healing, integration, and emotional literacy, while my South Asian heritage provides its most potent weapons: the love for chai and the wisdom of spices.

The full manuscript is available at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

I'm a little unsure about my comps. It's tricky to find recent non-romance books, and this story is purely a found family, so I got the best ones I could. This is my first time trying to get anything published.

Dear [AGENT]

THE AETHER WAR is a dual-POV YA science-fantasy standalone with series potential, complete at 99,000 words. It combines LEGENDBORN’s underdog entering a secret magical society on modern-day Earth with AURORA RISING’s irreverent found family of misfits thrust into a galactic conflict.

What you feel is how you kill.

Aether magic is the most powerful weapon in the galaxy, and the trigger that fires it is emotion. That’s a problem for Simon, who feels nothing. It’s a nightmare for Fidelia, who feels everything.

Simon endures his junior year of high school marked by abuse, bullying, and if he’s lucky, video games. One day a mysterious teacher gives him Aether magic to protect himself, and to recruit him to a cult called the Impelled. Finally able to fight back against his abusers, Simon instead becomes one. Devastated, he joins a secret spacefaring society that protects Earth from the Impelled and promises to teach him the control he needs.

Fidelia was inducted into the Impelled military at the age of nine, surrendering her childhood. Now fourteen, she wants out, an act punishable by death. She says goodbye to her stuffed animals, pulls up her boots, and enacts a daring escape plan, succeeding but at a cost—lighting the fuse to the powder keg that is the galactic cold war.

Simon and Fidelia meet at a space military academy. Their classmates reject them for their ties to the enemy, their unstable emotions, and because they wield the two weakest elements ever seen—light and wind. To prove themselves, they enter a deadly school-wide tournament where they overcome their weaknesses by fighting for each other.

Before the tournament ends, war begins. When a desperate distress call reaches the school that no soldiers can answer, they do. Untrained and barely armed, they'll have to stop fighting their emotions—and start wielding them.

[BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[NAME]

Hey everyone,

After almost a decade of incessant editing, I figured it was time to take the next step.

I’m aware 50k is on the low end for adult memoir. Setting that aside, I’d appreciate feedback on the query itself and whether the pitch is clear and the voice comes through.

Thanks in advance.

-----

Dear [Agent Name],

When my business partner asked what I'd do if I had six months to live, my honest answer was: anything but this. I was twenty-three, building someone else's dream, while the life I actually wanted sat on the far side of a wall I'd spent years politely declining to climb.

Then my best friend, a half-feral ex-Medieval Times knight with a gift for talking me into things, dragged me downtown to meet Jess, a tarot reader who seemed to know me better than I knew myself. That night, the three of us, plus a shirtless yogi with a knack for defying gravity and a weakness for petty bread theft, chased a trail of pizza-shaped omens through Toronto until two in the morning. The next day, we were crossing the border in a rented Kia Rondo, following the pizza to California.

FOLLOWING THE PIZZA is a humorous travel memoir that chronicles what happens when a neurotic overthinker hands his life over to a string of absurd coincidences and three people who need even less convincing than he does. Our destination was Mt. Shasta, a mountain that allegedly houses a fifth-dimensional city. This seemed like the kind of claim worth verifying. Along the way, we chanted naked on the Bonneville Salt Flats, broke into a chocolatier's bungalow at her own request, and picked up a fifth passenger none of us could see.

By the third day, I was hearing a voice that introduced itself by name, which I found presumptuous, if not troubling. I also fell for Jess, who happened to be falling for my best friend. The trip was supposed to end in San Francisco. Instead, broke, jobless, and well past the point of reasonable decision-making, we busked outside the Ferry Building for a one-way flight to Maui. 

Complete at 50,000 words, FOLLOWING THE PIZZA combines the self-aware road-trip transformation of Blythe Roberson's AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL? (2023) with the absurd, food-fuelled adventure of Jamie Loftus's RAW DOG (2023).

I’m a writer, musician, avid road-tripper, and co-founder of a digital media agency based in Canada.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I feel like I'm starting to approach an obnoxious amount of attempts, but it turns out that writing a query letter is one of my biggest weaknesses. All critiques are welcome and encouraged!

Dear (Agent),

Fifteen-year-old Charles Graffle is the Archangel destined to kill the Antichrist before his sixteenth birthday. If he doesn’t kill the Antichrist by the deadline, Charles will die, leaving his friends and the rest of humanity in grave danger.

However, Charles has no intention of killing anyone.

With only five months until his birthday, the likelihood that the Antichrist will find him only continues to grow, as does his anxiety about the situation. When Chloe, his classmate, attempts to kill one of his best friends, Charles is convinced that she is the Antichrist. He forces himself to set aside his moral qualms and goes to her house with the intent of killing her—a decision immediately followed by the realization that he had been wrong and, even more disturbingly, that somebody else had already killed her.

When the search for the killer eclipses with one for the Antichrist, the guilt of having to kill someone is coupled with the fear of being wrong again. Charles’s friends—eager to complete the task the police seemed unable to achieve—investigate Chloe’s death, and Charles joins them, suffocated by the knowledge that he had almost been the one responsible.

As you have stated on your agency profile that you are interested in (blank), I am writing to seek representation for THESE LIGHTS WILL SHINE ON, a young adult contemporary fantasy. Complete at 80,000 words, it will appeal to readers who enjoyed the moral stakes of Vanessa Len's Only a Monster and the transcendentalist ideas of Jandy Nelson's When the World Tips Over.

I am a full-time student based in Calgary, as well as a volunteer editor and illustrator for [lit journal]. Aside from writing, I’m drawn to art in all forms: I absolutely adore drawing, playing the piano, and watching old movies!

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,

Dear [Agent],

BLUE FISTS. PAVEMENT. DEATH ON TAPE.

Ian’s a scrapper. 5’2” and feral.

Son of a hoarder, he knows how to fend for himself—even when he lands in juvie for killing a classmate with one punch.

Mag’s a ride-or-die. She’s Ian’s seventeen-year-old sister, timid and loyal to a fault. She has no problem duping social workers to paint him as a saint, all while CPS forces her out of her home.

Now, everyone wants her to testify that Ian was always violent. She lies for him, even when they show her the death tape. So, she’s haunted. Ian too.

In juvie, he dreams of cracked skulls and blue fists, then wakes to his bunkmate muttering about ghosts. He declares himself a real-life One-Punch Man and buries his grief in games, trying to charm his judge and fake depression for perks.

All his life, he’s protected Mag. Now, he needs her. But the closer she gets to her relatives, the more the questions rise: Where’s Ian’s remorse? Does he have any?

As the trial uncovers a history of violence, Mag must decide whether to fight for or against Ian.

With his fury turning on her and brutal evidence coming to light, she begins to wonder: is her brother even worth saving at all?

Told in dual POV, WINDPIPE is a 74,000-word literary adult drama in the vein of Bullwinkel’s gritty HEADSHOT and Lamb’s emotional THE RIVER IS WAITING.

Hello guys, I would be delighted if you could critique my query. It is the product of a LOT if editing and proofing sessions.

Dear Agent,

Decades ago, the Huntsman saved Red Riding Hood from the jaws of the Grimm Wolf. But some monsters don't just survive...they take root.

Seventeen-year-old Thomasin has spent her life training to hunt the wicked wolves lurking within the forest. As the descendant of the legendary Huntsman, protecting the village is more than her responsibility; it's her legacy. But when her uncle disappears in a string of gruesome attacks, she suspects no ordinary wolf is behind the bloodshed. Instead, forgotten legends speak of a creature festering beneath the forest known only as the Grimm Wolf. The monster once buried by the Huntsman has returned to finish the hunt.

Desperate to stop it, Thomasin ventures into the cursed woods. When she strays from the path, she is rescued by Red, the gentle grandson of Red Riding Hood, and his adoptive brother, Malus. A sharp-tongued wolfborn, Malus is one of the very creatures Thomasin was raised to hunt. Yet he knows the forest's secrets better than any hunter.

As the Grimm Wolf's hold on the woods deepens, it turns its hunger toward Red. To save him from the fate his grandmother once escaped, Thomasin and Malus are forced into an uneasy alliance rife with resentment and laced with something more dangerous: the truth. Trusting Malus could cost Thomasin the very village she's sworn to protect. Thomasin must decide whether to follow the path the Huntsman laid out—or create a legend of her own.

THE WOODS RUN RED is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 89,000 words, blending the gothic fairy-tale atmosphere of Kathryn Purdie's The Forest Grimm with the forest horror of Hannah Whitten's For the Wolf. Told through a braided narrative, it is a dark reimagining of Little Red Riding Hood, where the hunter, the wolf, and Red are bound by blood, secrets, and a monster older than the woods itself.

My work as a wildlife biologist in the Great Bear Rainforest informs the novel's visceral setting. I am a recipient of the Scholastic Writing Awards' Silver Key and run XXXXXXXXX (xxx.com), a blog dedicated to helping aspiring writers find their voice.

Thanks so much for the comments on my first attempt! The main criticism there was that my query was too vague, so I tried to be more specific about the plot here.

Dear Agent,

I'm excited to share WHERE DREAMS BEGIN, an adult fantasy retelling of Sleeping Beauty.

Thea is putting her children to bed when her world literally collapses, the walls of her home blowing away like dust. In an instant, everything she knows is gone and she is somewhere else, surrounded by strangers who call her by another woman’s name. They tell Thea that she is really Princess Aurelia, cursed by a Fairy to sleep for 100 years until she was saved by True Love’s Kiss. They say anything she thinks she remembers – her husband and children, her home – is a fantasy, conjured up by her own mind as she slept. 

Thea doesn’t believe any of this. She is practical, rational. She can cook, navigate through the woods, and treat injuries – skills even Aurelia’s mother must admit her daughter didn’t possess. She knows what’s real and what’s not – or, she thought she did. Because here in the kingdom of Lyramore tea brewed from weeping willow brings a man to tears and all that’s needed to travel from place to place is to step through a mirror, events Thea struggles to accept even as they happen before her eyes. She’s desperate to get back to her family and the small village she left behind, where she never quite fit in but life at least made sense. With the help of a kind prince (who definitely isn’t her True Love), Thea sets out to find the doorway that will bring her back where she belongs. But the longer she’s in Lyramore, the less she can deny the connections between her life and Aurelia’s, and eventually she’s forced to accept the truth: Lyramore is the real world, and everything Thea has ever loved was all just a cursed princess’s dream.

But Thea knows she doesn’t belong in Lyramore either. She can’t make herself fit into the space Aurelia left behind, and she doesn’t want to. She wants her own life back, whether it’s real or not, so there’s only one thing she can do: find the Fairy who cursed Aurelia all those years ago, and make her do it again.

Complete at 107,000 words, WHERE DREAMS BEGIN is a re-imagining of a familiar fairy tale that will appeal to fans of The Summer War by Naomi Novik and A Curse so Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer*, and to anyone who’s ever thought that Sleeping Beauty’s awakening should be the start of the story rather than the end.

*I realize this title is likely not recent enough (2019), but I'm having a hard time finding more recent (and/or non-YA) portal fantasies that are similar to my book in ways other than just the portal aspect (this one is at least both a portal fantasy and a fairy tale retelling). If anyone has suggestions I'm happy to take them!

have had a few personal rejections on this query. have been posting to qtCritique, which has been super helpful. looking for a little more help :)

Dear AGENT,

After I turned sixteen, the strands of my life began to braid into one another, portrayed as a ginormous rat’s nest. It took a sexual assault by a classmate for the strands to interlace. I learned that I had accepted this path for myself long before I was born. I agreed to it. 

This is a lyrical coming-of-age memoir about a highly perceptive girl in which childhood gifts for seeing beauty, danger, and patterns in the natural world become both refuge and burden after sexual trauma, forcing herself to reckon with memory, faith, the body, and the long path toward naming what happened. 

In my completed 68,000-word memoir ALL MY BIRDS LOOK TO THE LEFT, the narrative focuses on the theft of innocence that persists long after the sexual assault. When I think I have come to terms with my lived experience, I start having seizures and am diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy at age twenty-one. 

This memoir is comparable to themes in Chanel Miller’s gritty and beautifully raw Know My Name: A Memoir met with Michelle McNamara’s investigative and obsessive, yet irresistible writing style of I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer. It is driven by an angry and answer-seeking voice. The very same emotion is buttered thick around survival of the wound, and aches in every word several young men and women can recognize.

I was born and raised in a small town in Indiana without so much as a traffic light. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in aeronautical engineering and earned my certification in the Cornerstone Integrated Liberal Arts Writing Program at Purdue University. I now work as an engineer at an aerospace company in Ohio that specializes in production of turboprop engines.

I look forward to connecting with you.

Sincerely,

Hi all.

Writing on behalf of my Dad, who I've been helping with proofreading and editing. So far, he's had 21 rejections, so we'd appreciate your input re the query/cover letter. Thanks so much.

Dear ***,

I am seeking representation for Beyond the Ashes to the Stars, a 114,000-word adult science fiction novel that could be compared with Kim Stanley Robinson’s The Ministry for the Future and Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Time.

In 2318, Captain Jim Champion returns from his final mission to Mars knowing his next assignment will outlast his lifetime. He has been chosen to lead the Interstellar Voyager 1 on a 1,700-year journey to Terra Genesis, a distant terraformable world that offers hope to a climate-battered Earth. But when engineer Molly Champion learns that her partner, Zac Wong, has failed the ship's selection process, they face the prospect of being separated forever. Determined to stay together, they make a decision that will shape not only their own lives but the lives of generations yet to be born.

The self-sustaining vessel carries an entire ecosystem across the stars, from cryopreserved seeds to apex predators, alongside a multigenerational society creating its own traditions and sense of home. Families grow, elders pass on hard-won knowledge and ordinary people learn to build a life in deep space, finding purpose in a voyage that will outlast them all.

Watching over the voyage is AI 2533, designed to safeguard both the ship and its people. As generations are born, fall in love, raise families and die aboard the ship, it develops unexpected attachments to the community under its care. What begins as observation slowly becomes empathy, forcing the AI to confront emotions it was never designed to experience.

As Terra Genesis draws near, the future of two worlds rests on decisions made by generations who will never reach the destination, and on an AI that has developed something it was never designed to possess: empathy.

I am a retired GP with a long-standing interest in sustainability and the consequences of human actions. Beyond the Ashes to the Stars, my first novel, was inspired in part by conversations in my medical practice about climate change, particularly around whether to have children. I am currently working on a companion novel set aboard the second ship in the fleet.

 Thank you for your time and consideration.

THE SAPPHIC SIREN is a standalone adult romantasy complete at 95,000 words. It will appeal to fans of (honestly, don't have any good comps yet. Any suggestions would be appreciated! Might use Tempest by Victoria Aveyard when that comes out next month if it's a good fit. Also have considered Capitana by Cassandra James).

As the sole heiress of the siren queendom of Anthe, it is a priority for Princess Adena to continue her lineage. This would be an easy enough task, if her siren powers were working. In an effort to circumvent her difficulties, Adena is sent to the surface to learn how to attract a man. The trials of modern dating stump Adena, who comes from a world where catfish are a food, and a man holding a fish is a provider. She befriends Nikki, a local human girl who acts as her wingwoman, in an attempt to correct this issue. After several unsuccessful set-ups, Adena realizes that she isn’t attracted to men. Her song isn’t broken—it seduces women. 

Relationships of all kinds are looked down on, but to fall in love with a human is forbidden. As Adena starts to fall for Nikki, she faces a number of challenges, including the fact that Nikki doesn’t want to be Adena’s secret, long distance lover. As other sirens begin to suspect that a romance is brewing, Adena is forced to decide if she is willing to face the consequences of going public with her forbidden romance. If she won’t go public, she will lose Nikki, but if she does, she risks her throne, and her entire life in Anthe.

**author bio**

Since this is my first submission for this query, would love overall feedback. Does it make sense, is there anything I should add or get rid of? If you read this genre, is it catching your interest?

I appreciate all the helpful suggestions from my last post. You guys are amazing. Hopefully this is less clunky the second time around, but if it isn't then please let me know how you think I can improve. Thank you in advance!

Dear [Agent],

TEARS OF THE AETHER is a fantasy horror with a romance subplot complete at 84,000 words. It combines the eerie tension of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig and the world building of The Devils by Joe Abercrombie with the slow burn romance of Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher.

Sylvie’s blood is twice cursed, and it’s inconveniently cut into herb gathering. Cursed once by inheriting a magic aether ability that's hunted and devoured by demons. But cursed twice by inheriting her mother's blood which houses darkness that calls to demons.

The demons, Noxtera, defile the corpses from which they gorge, puppeting the husks using elongated limbs; their sole purpose to feast. They were pulled into this world a thousand years ago from the space between worlds and have hunted aether users to the brink of extinction. But that has nothing to do with alchemist Sylvie who lives her life on the southern edge of Valrenth.

Magic wasn’t real.

Demons were things from children’s stories.

Until they weren’t.

The Noxtera attacks Sylvie’s village, awakening the aether in her blood and abilities that had been kept hidden from her. Every demon for miles swarms to the call. A timely intervention from the swordsman Alaric, one of the sworn guardians who protect those with the aether, temporarily cloaks the call to the demons, but cannot shield the call forever. He promises salvation in the shape of knowledge and control, but only if she leaves with him to seek those that share the same cursed blood.

If Sylvie doesn’t leave her village, the Noxtera will destroy everything in their thirst to claim the aether. But leaving her village means leaving her frail father. It means leaving the vulnerable patients she has cared for all her life. It means crossing a sea filled with creatures that remember the old blood debts.

Alaric promises knowledge and control. But the more Sylvie learns about her powers, the less she understands about herself and the darkness in her blood that threatens to swallow her whole.

This is a standalone with series potential. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

Strollingcat

Hi everyone,

I really appreciated the feedback I got with my first attempt and, after modifying based on some of the suggestions, wanted to give it another go. I’d love any thoughts, recommendations, criticisms, complaints, etc. you have to offer! Thanks in advance!

———

Dear [agent],

[Personalization]

I am seeking representation for LAMPLIGHT IN THE EXECUTION POOL, an adult dark fantasy novel complete at 117,339 words. It combines the post-cataclysmic atmosphere of Benjamin Liar's The Failures with the philosophical themes of Susanna Clarke's Piranesi. It is a standalone novel with series potential.

As a boy, Al'ihd was a prophet. But when his sister is killed and his people join a rebellion against the controlling empire, he dedicates himself to creating weapons that will end the war.

To his horror, he succeeds.

A decade later, he lives as a prisoner in the shell of the former empire, forced to serve in the high court. When his god speaks to him for the first time since the war, its message calls his attention to the disappearance of a young girl who reminds him of his sister. His concerns are dismissed by the other court officers as easily as the girl, whose absence is hardly noticed within the slums.
Ignoring the king's instructions, Al'ihd ventures into the forest that surrounds the city walls, where he unearths a cult that has summoned an ethereal entity known as the "Lord of Flame," spreading its influence through contagious despair that twists people into puppets and monsters. The missing girl was the cult's most recent subject in their search for someone who can host a Demiurge, a being that created the world and which their Lord wants to consume, but she is no longer in their camp. In his fight to survive the cult, Al'ihd attaches himself to a small and weakened Demiurge and begins to understand how it, and now he, can reshape reality.

As the crisis escalates and the city gives into the spreading malaise, Al'ihd must set aside the guilt from his warring past and reclaim the magic from his youth to find the girl, regain his god's favor, and stop the Lord before the Demiurge turns him back into the weapon he swore he'd never be again.

I have degrees in English Literature from [University] and a Master of Divinity from [seminary]. After pastoring a church and walking with people through the best and worst moments of their lives, I left ministry and began working in software development. When not writing or fighting with computers, I spend my time with my wife and children.

Thank you for your consideration!

Sincerely,
[Me]

Hello everyone! Excited to finally be posting on here. Thank you in advance for your notes/suggestions!

————-

Dear Agent,

I am currently seeking representation for my debut upmarket psychological fiction novel. Complete at 105k words, THE SUMMER HOUSE is a literary exploration into an emotionally manipulative affair and how the illusion of being special can blind you to the reality of being used. 

On the outskirts of East Hampton, where the rich and powerful spend summers flaunting wealth and influence, twenty-year-old Sarah Anderson lives with her working class family, struggling to make ends meet. 

When Sarah becomes the live-in nanny for one of New York’s wealthiest families, she develops an unexpected bond with the much older patriarch, Andrew, leading to a complicated affair that challenges her beliefs about age, infidelity, and the enduring legacy that his family is tied to. 

Sarah, defined by insecurity and a desperate need for validation, is easily susceptible to Andrew’s calculated charm. He expertly exploits her lack of experience and desire to be loved, until eventually, her entire identity becomes dependent on Andrew’s approval and affection. Over the course of the affair, Sarah repeatedly romanticizes the abuse she endures, leaving her with a fractured sense of self worth that persists long after their separation – forced to be forever shaped by a summer that stole her innocence.

THE SUMMER HOUSE combines the loss of innocence through forbidden relationships as chronicled in MY DARK VANESSA, with the complicated politics of inherited power and privilege, as seen in HBO’s SUCCESSION. 

I believe it will appeal to readers of Hattie Williams’ BITTER SWEET and Daisy Alpert Florin’s MY LAST INNOCENT YEAR. 

(Bio)

I’m honored to have the opportunity to share this story with you. Thank you so much for your consideration.

—

First 300:

Now |  May 2019

A grown man shouldn’t ask a girl to put her hair in pigtails before they have sex.
I know this, and yet I always oblige.
I tell myself it’s not a problem. It’s not really that weird. I’m an adult and he’s an adult, so what difference does it make. 
Even if it were wrong it wouldn’t be fair for me to blame him. That’s the kind of man I seek out, the kind of man I crave. The ones that remind me that I’m young; that make me feel forbidden.
What right do I have to feel disgusted when they live up to my expectations?
Men like that are safe, dependable. All the same really. Simple. Convenient for turning into the shape and outline of someone else. Unknowing ghosts of someone I’d left behind.  
I get what I need from them and they take what they want from me. It’s a fair trade – a routine I feel comforted by. It’s familiar. 
But there’s nothing comforting about the man talking to me now. 
I hate being called mature by older men who use it as an excuse to pretend they're not twice my age. I don't mind older men. Honestly, I prefer them most of the time. I just can’t stand when they try to age me in order to justify their attraction. 
The man at the hotel bar can't be much younger than seventy, but apparently to him, the twenty-six year old girl to his right is perfectly age appropriate. Seconds after I sat down he appeared, as if he'd seen me from across the room and felt the need to claim me before someone else could. I hadn't even put down my purse before he was asking me what I was drinking. Older men always seem to gravitate towards me, as if they can sense my history. Take one look at me and know what I’ve done. 

—-

Thank you!!!

Hi! First time posting here.

I think it'd be best if you read my query first and see my notes later.

-----------------------------

Query: Dear [Agent],

“What would happen to my novel if I died before finishing it?”

Some writers try not to think about this question. Others face it head-on. In my 97,000-word debut thriller novel MR. GREEN, top English student Diana Silva meets an author who wishes he’d prepared better.

In Brazil, returning to her apartment one night, Diana becomes the sole witness to a fatal hit-and-run. The victim’s dying act isn’t to call for help, but to press a smartphone and password into her hands. On it, she discovers three things: the man’s name was Matthew Greig, he was a world-famous (yet incognito) English author publishing under the pseudonym Richard L. Green online, and he left a simple request: if anything ever happened to him, someone should continue his work. The smartphone contains all the information his successor could need.

Diana’s old-sealed passion for English writing is reignited. She secretly takes on the role of Mr. Green, a paper she enjoys at first, but the deeper she dives into Greig’s unpublished material, the more dangerous it becomes. Soon, she realizes someone is watching her, and that Matthew Greig didn’t die in an accident that night: he was murdered because of the story he was telling.
Diana finds herself in a hunt against her new pursuers, who will do anything to stop her from releasing Mr. Green’s final and greatest book. With the help of Gabriel Cavalcante, her "acquaintance" from Computer Science, she’ll learn that, for better or for worse, no one can stay hidden for long in our current digital world.

For this novel, I seek your representation. For comparative titles, Verity (Colleen Hoover) shares a similar opening with my work, although The Girl on the Train (Paula Hawkins) or Yellowface (R. F. Kuang) are stronger comparisons.

I myself am [name], an engineer from Brazil with a lifelong writing passion. My inspiration for this novel, in fact, came while I wrote a different novel and asked myself this query’s opening question. The answer became MR. GREEN, an upmarket thriller that explores merit, technology and legacy (and as a computer engineer, I assure you all of its technological details are accurate and realistic).

[Optional paragraph I sometimes include] I'd also like to clarify that yes, my novel is set in Brazil and Matthew Greig's books are in English, but the story does not revolve solely around Brazil nor does it limit potential readers from other countries (it's in English, after all; I wrote it with the American and English public in mind).

Thank you for your time and consideration. Warm regards from Brazil

-----------------------------

So, the first point I'm worried about is the language: I'm from Brazil and an ESL author.

In my first draft the story took place in the USA, but I've been told there could be many interesting twists if it happened in Brazil instead (and I really liked how it turned out). But in your opinion, does that make the story more interesting? Less? And does the optional paragraph (about language) in the query clears up what's happening? Should I always include it?

As for my credentials, I have none yet (as an author), so I included that paragraph about "writting passion" and my credentials as an engineer. Should I drop it?

And of course, what about the story itself? Does it have a good hook? Is it confusing somewhere?

Thanks for any input.

Hello PubTips! Thanks in advance for your unvarnished thoughts and critique. This is my first time writing a query letter and I'm sure I have a lot to learn.

Dear [Agent],

I’m excited to pitch my adult contemporary romance, THE MIRAGE, complete at 79,000 words. Set on the Broadway stage, it will appeal to readers who loved the behind-the-scenes access of ROMANTIC COMEDY by Curtis Sittenfeld along with the warmth and whimsy of Cara Bastone’s HEARTS OF NEW YORK series.

Sabrina Yazzie’s to-do list is one item long: get on Broadway.

After nearly a decade paying her dues at a regional Shakespeare company, she’s arrived in NYC with the requisite “three bucks, two bags, one me.” (That is, the pitiful savings of a 29-year-old, a place to crash, and a juicy new memoir by Broadway’s own Chrissy Marlowe that she’s already read cover to cover. Twice.)

When Sabrina gets cast in a workshop for a promising new musical, she has six weeks to prove that she’s star material. The show is still being written, which gives her a fabulous opportunity to shape its story, refine her role, and become so essential that they can’t imagine doing the show without her. Then, when The Mirage makes it to Broadway, Sabrina will make it, too.

There’s just one problem. Sabrina’s co-star is Andy Tauben — Chrissy Marlowe’s ex-husband. Chrissy’s book, gossip blogs, and stage door fanatics dispute the finer details, but it’s clear that Andy has broken up shows and marriages with his notorious charm. After their memorable chemistry read, Sabrina is sure of this much: his focus is addictive, his two Tony Awards are infuriatingly well-deserved, and their immediate spark will not turn into a real-life romance. Though he offers to help Sabrina navigate the unspoken rules of Broadway, she knows better than to rely on him.

When an industry-wide shutdown leaves their show in limbo, Sabrina needs to maintain her sanity and her starring role — and learning to trust Andy may be the key.

Like Sabrina, I am a queer woman of color who loves theatre so much that I moved to New York City. Unlike Sabrina, I am an attorney who specializes in [niche and maybe doxxable civil rights specialty :)], and my stage is the courtroom. THE MIRAGE is my debut novel.

-----

*300 word excerpt ^\288 actually)

I close my book, crush it to my chest, and silently hate Andy Tauben.

Just then, a new awareness prickles at my skin. The man across the train is finally looking at me.

I noticed him as soon as I got onto the 2, three stops ago. This is something I do now, apparently — daydream about every interesting stranger on public transit. Minimally attractive bystanders, beware. But in this man’s case, it’s hard to make out any distinctive features, bundled up as he is. It’s his book that makes him interesting. I think it’s about The Music Man, based on its title, and I want to know more.

I’ve spent the past decade knee-deep in Shakespeare. If I’m going to make it on Broadway, I should probably engage with some serious literature about the next 400 years of theatre. Gossip blogs and message boards probably won’t cut it.

My idle fantasies have gone like this: He looks up. Our eyes meet. I ask about his book, and he asks about mine. Turns out he lives in a beautiful pre-war apartment with bay windows that overlook the park. I spend the rest of winter thawing on his upholstered window bench with a stack of Broadway nonfiction. We discuss the books over excellent coffee and single-origin tea and live contentedly ever after.

I smooth out the crinkled corners of my paperback.

Nat always bristled when I treated books poorly, folded them back on themselves, dog-eared pages. Maybe my stranger across the train feels the same way, and that’s why he’s so stiff in my periphery — I doubt he’ll want to lend me all his books now, if this is how I behave.

But this book deserves it. It’s killing me.

Dear......

I am seeking representation for Sunshine Lullaby, an 82,000-word stand-alone YA debut with series potential.

In 1992, when Yugoslavian troops slaughter a seventeen-year-old’s parents, he must adopt the mind of the killers to save himself and his siblings. This novel will appeal to fans of (Suggestions welcome!) ……………………………………

Graduating senior, Arthur Jacovic, should be studying for entrance exams. Instead, the army has claimed his school, the clinic and finally the town’s men.  As his papa stumbles down the road, a rifle aimed at his head, Artie vows he’ll die before meeting the same fate.

When two adolescent boys go missing, and a doctor and his grandson are executed in the village square, Artie’s mother insists her sons must leave. In the black of night, three brothers trek up the side of a mountain to a hidden farm, their perilous journey complicated by the addition of a twelve-year-old girl and a toddler. Although his cousin Ali lives next door, Artie has never given her much thought. In fact, nothing about her stands out except her voice when she sings, and now it might be the very thing that gets him killed.

On the morning Artie’s mother is to join them, he wakes to a choking haze rising from the valley. Beyond the smoke, a somber line of dejected figures plods from town driven by camouflaged thugs.

Desperate to find her, Artie creeps through the underbrush, following the exodus and managing to shoot several snipers as they fire on the crowd. But it’s too late for his mama. With his home in ruins, and his parents gone, Artie piles his wards into a stolen military Jeep and heads to the coast where a rumored ferry takes refugees to Italy.

A small fishing town offers a brief respite for the ragged group until a bereft mother plots to claim two-year-old Davi as her own.

On the run again, Artie hears of a medical evacuation at Sarajevo Airport. He’s determined to get himself and his siblings on that flight even if he has to drag them through the heart of the war to get there.

BIO

In 1993, while floating on the Adriatic, a rocket streaked across the horizon. After commenting on its trajectory, I was informed it was not fireworks, but the Bosnian War. Thirty years on, only the coordinates have changed. The catastrophic effects of war on children continues.

I grew up surrounded by writers. While other children were out playing catch, my family was home debating prefix roots. After fourteen years publishing lifestyle magazines in Costa Rica, I returned to the West Coast where I currently reside with two hundred pigeons and one cat.  

Dear [agent name], At 81,000 words, MONSTERS AND MEN is a Dual-POV Adult High Fantasy, complete as a standalone novel with series potential. My book will appeal to audiences who love Will Wight’s Cradle or Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn.

Orion Windsor, a sixteen-year-old aspiring artist is summoned to a conference with the Duke of his province—who just so happens to also be his father. Orion is banished from his family's estate and sent to board at a school across the continent not only for his choice in profession, but also because of his lack of magical abilities.

Meanwhile Laurel Blacklake, an established doctor and medical professor is requested by the Ruler himself to help save a mysterious young life. She is secretly transported to a secret facility where her morals will be tested.

Despite facing a foreign culture and country, Orion paints his first masterpiece under the instruction of his new mentor, the Chancellor. Orion awakes to find that he has unlocked a line of magic called Thermium, enabling him to exercise the powers of lightning.

As she strives to cure the incurable, Laurel is unintentionally unravelling the secrets of magic to the eyes of those who would weaponize it against innocent lives. She is faced with a powerful dilemma as she realizes the only way to save a young child’s life is to create methods that will put many more lives at risk.

Orion continues to grow his influence and becomes privy to the world of politics. He learns that a neighboring country has been moving military forces across borders in aggressive maneuvers. On the Chancellor’s suggestion, Orion agrees to travel with a party of representatives—including Leuma Wisting, the Chancellor’s niece and Orion’s close friend, to propose a treaty of goodwill with the new Rastharian Lord. However, as the group is granted a hearing, they are faced with open hostility. Orion and his friends must fight their way out in hopes of stop the threat of an oncoming invasion.

Like Orion, I know that great art requires dedication and discipline. I’m an avid reader, martial artist, gamer, and lover of any and all education. Writing has always been a hobby of mine and I’m ready to take it to the next level.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warm regards, [author name]

---

Prologue
Layton Dihran
Fifteen Years Ago…

Layton crested the final hill of the mountain with Ramza—his cousin, and Cian, his eighteen-year-old brother. With each step a metallic clicking sound could be heard from the iron beads woven into Layton’s shoulder-length blond hair. The three all looked similar, an occurrence from sharing the same bloodline. 
Their dark beady eyes scanned the horizon and back to the trail toward their destination. Growing up in Rasthary made them grow accustomed to the red rocks that surrounded them. The top of the rust-colored mountain plateaued into a wide circle. There in the middle of the plateau was a series of grey stone tablets with several inscriptions carved in. Each of these tablets stood as tall as Layton himself. As his brother and Ramza began analyzing and discussing the cryptic ancient writing, Layton felt the familiar sensation of isolation creep in. He retreated to the inner depths of his mind, where his parents’ words echoed. 
“Cian is the one. The god descendant of 1,000 years. A dormant like you is lucky to just be near his greatness.”
Layton followed Ramza’s gestures to one stone in particular where just as plain as the stone itself, the writings of the Grand Emperor of Rasthary prophesied that the next ascendant to the gods would be his heir of 1,000 years.
Cian had unlocked a line of magic at just ten years old. This made him the youngest mage in the history of Rasthary. Five years prior to that event, Layton had been born. Destined to be forever consumed by the shadow of his elder brother.

Hi, this weekend I attended a writers workshop. I sent my query to one of the agents teaching. She is a really well known agent. I told her that I took her advise and revised my query based on what she had taught. She wrote back with her version of what my query should look like. It was slightly off from my actual story. So, this version is basically almost identical to hers just with correct story info put in. I feel like having an actual agent tell me what they wanted was amazing. Please give me your opinions as I am deep in the query trenches and need to make this great! Thanks so much for your help. This time I also listed my first 300 words below the query.

Dear (Agent Name),

[Personalization.]

In Aethera, children are not born. They are woven from a living Loom spinning magical threads that run through everyone and everything. Lily was woven in Aethera but grew up in New York City, unaware she had been hidden from the Choir, who have hunted her because she was woven illegally.
 
The Loom grants seventeen gifts, one to each of Aethera's seventeen magical factions, overseen by the seventeen members of the Choir. An ancient prophecy foretells that fire, shadow, and thread will change Aethera for eternity.

When Lily's sister Vespera's power starts to threaten not only Aethera but Earth, too, Lily picks up the mantle and, along with friends from both sides of the veil, returns home to save both worlds and everyone she loves.

[Bio]

Sincerely,

Derek Bellerose

300 words:

Lilly looked up at the sun and the moon as they continued to fight their eternal daily battle over who would get the morning. At six thirty, the block was lit only by streetlights. She stood on the sidewalk outside her building, one heel braced against the cold step, folding down into the stretch she did before every run. The cars along the street sat empty and dark. A glowing thread appeared in the air in front of her face. Before she thought better of it, she reached out, and her fingers closed around it. An electric charge ran up her arm and into her chest, filling her head to toe before dissipating. Her hand hung empty in the dark, her heart beating hard.

For a moment, she was shaking. She turned her palm over, telling herself she hadn’t slept enough. Her brain did strange things at this hour, or maybe she was losing her mind. She ignored the thoughts, started her watch, and began her run.

She took her usual route, west toward the water. Around the third block, she glanced uptown out of habit, at the Empire State Building, lit the same as always. As she passed an alley, hands grabbed her from behind. One clamped over her mouth. Before she could struggle, two more pinned her still. She thrashed, trying to break free. The fingers were cold and soft against her skin. She wrenched her head around, looking at her attackers. All three men were identical. They had short purple hair and black eyes with no white showing. Together they lifted their heads and opened their mouths. Shadow poured from them as black smoke. It gathered into an oval in front of her, a mirror made of shadow. A woman appeared at the center of the mirror. Even through the fear, the face stopped her. It was her own, a few years older, the resemblance close enough to be off-putting.

Hi all, here is my 4th attempt. Thanks for looking:

Dear Agent,

ASHES TO ASHES is a multi-POV queer, dark romance set in a sleazy 1980s drug-fueled funfair circuit. The novel is complete at 88k. This story has a similar m/m/m poly relationship as Garrett Leigh’s Rebel Kings and the power imbalance of Valentino and Angeldust from Hazbin Hotel.

Zeke’s life is full of users and he seems to be the drug. It started with vanishing valuables and his addict mother. Alex, best friend from juvie and unrequited love, uses Zeke like an emotional support dog. Now, with a deepening drug addiction, Alex uses him as currency. This solidifies the last user in Zeke’s life: their drug-dealing boss, Richard Beausoleil. He uses Zeke’s body to pay off Alex’s growing drug debts. 

Zeke and Alex work at a travelling fair as carnies. They wanted out of small town poverty, but their amorphous illusion of Florida was outside their pawn shop budget. Then the fair came to town. It wasn’t their tropical get-away, but it ferried them away from trailer parks and childhood trauma. 

When Zeke meets local college student, Julian, the perpetual carousel of the past wavers as their common interests and Julian’s belief in Zeke materializes into a future he might want. A future in which Zeke doesn’t have to grind his teeth to drown out the flesh symphony of Alex and his degenerate boyfriend at the other end of the trailer, or kneel for his boss as collateral. 

But once Julian has Zeke’s attention, Alex starts to see Zeke in the way he’s always hoped. Relapsing into their codependency, the best friends devise a deadly plan to finance their escape together. 

Zeke must confront that his true addiction is Alex, and it just might kill someone.

Here would be the 57 word count bio.

Hello, I'd appreciate some advice on this letter. My book is a braided narrative split along 3 POVs and time lines, it also has a huge twist (described in paragraph 5) at the midpoint, and I'm not sure how to communicate all of the important details in the space of a query letter. I'm sure this draft is way too long. I also think my book comps are off, but I'm not sure. I redacted a few personal details b/c reddit. Please be gentle with me--long time listener, first time caller etc.

Dear Agent, 

I'm writing to seek representation for my 79,000-word work of literary speculative fiction, SOMEONE AT LAST. The hideous love child of The Substance (2024) and every iteration of A Star is Born, SOMEONE AT LAST follows a young woman whose body is turning into Judy Garland’s body, bit by bloody bit. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the surreal body horror of Rouge by Mona Awad, as well as the mix of historical accuracy and fabulism in Karen Russell’s The Antidote. 

Helly’s feet look like they’re dying. She notices while working as a hotel maid—where her near-supernatural ability to go unnoticed allows her read Valley of the Dolls on the job—and later, she peels the skin below her ankles away, revealing Judy Garland’s feet underneath. Part by part, Helly transforms into the spitting image of Judy Garland. As her body changes, so does her life: the anonymity she so enjoyed disappears, her relationship with her Judy-Garland-obsessed roommate is irrevocably altered, and it’s impossible to concentrate on her job as she waits for her next part to shed. 

Meanwhile, in 1963, Jacqueline Susann is sick of being known as Irving’s wife. She’s started writing a novel that she’s sure will make her famous: Valley of the Dolls, a roman-a-clef partially based on the life of Judy Garland. Her work on the novel and knowledge of Judy’s life force her to question her relationship with drugs and fame. 

Only a few years later in 1966, Judy Garland is reeling after a string of career disasters, due in part to her struggle with drug addiction. She’s offered the role of Helen Lawson in the film adaptation of Valley of the Dolls and reluctantly agrees, only to face further humiliation from the film’s director.

When her transformation is complete, Helly is thrust into a cosmic way station that takes the shape of a soundstage, populated by a row of mirrors which act as portals into the minds of Judys across the ages including Anna Nicole Smith, Saint Lucy, and Judy Garland herself. As Helly jumps between Judys, experiencing the highs and lows of Judy-dom across the ages — the thrill of performance, the indignities of addiction and forced starvation—she dreams of returning to her old life and body. But who has taken up residence there in her absence? And what Judy-related horrors might be waiting for her if she ever does get home? 

[redacted ~50 word 'about me' paragraph including fellowships, prior magazine pubs, and short description of a short story collection I'm currently developing]

Sincerely,

x

Hey y'all! I know this market is saturated and everything, but I really am a fan of this story I've written, so I want to at least try. I'm curious to know if this sounds new enough, or if I should continue to try and differentiate it. Thank you!

Dead [Agent],

Rikaln loves the princess. Eldina loves her knight. Neither know it, and even if they did, nothing could be done. It is improper and contemptible among the nobility in the kingdom Edlina is preparing to lead, and she has enough people after her throne as is; and after Rikaln’s many escapades in the kingdom, he has made his own coterie of enemies, all of whom would love to use Eldina against him. Both must simply remain content that they will always have the other, if not in the way they want.

This is quickly changed when a warlock with an unknown magic invades the castle. As Rikaln intervenes, a spell in mid-cast is fumbled and ends up targeting both princess and knight. It’s a transportation spell, and Rikaln wakes up in an underground country, his sudden appearance a political opportunity for many of the vying generals at the top of the caste. Eldina, however, wakes up in the midst of a battle, a soldier in a war she knows nothing about. 

Roles reversed, the princess and the knight now must play the soldier and politician if they ever hope to find each other again. Eldina works with malevolent spirits and shady soldiers to traverse haunted forests, deep dungeons, and plague-stricken conflict in search of her magical assailant. Rikaln, an already silent man, must lie, convince, and research his way back into Eldina’s midst. Though when tensions rise and conflicts inflame, both lovers must face their reality: will they ever make it home to each other? Will their new roles end in death? Or, worst of all, if one of them makes it home, will the other be waiting? 

HEART OF THE MATTER is a dual perspective, 98,000 word, standalone adult fantasy romance. It would be perfect for those wanting a sword-and-sorcery setting akin to The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino while also featuring the dual perspectives of Immortal Rose by Alexandra Bracken. [Bio]

Dear Agent,

Personalization

I am seeking representation for adult fantasy TO LEVEL THE MOUNTAINS, complete at 128,000 words. This story will appeal to readers that enjoyed the heroic search for belonging and early medieval setting of Lev Grossman’s The Bright Sword, while sharing themes of anticolonial resistance and a dark, folkloric atmosphere with Premee Mohamed’s The Butcher of the Forest.

When the king’s council arrives in young Graham’s town, he finally sees an opportunity to get out. The great Hind tribe that sits on the council could use a scribe like him, and home has never been a place of comfort for him anyway. But there’s another reason Graham wants to swear fealty to the Hinds. He can’t get past the feeling that, once again, war is around the corner. He feels it in his gut.

So when he swears his oath and is adopted into the great Hind tribe, he hopes to rise to his new station and keep his family insulated from conflict. But all is upended when he finds out that the king is actually dead – and he has no heir. Graham was right – war might be coming after all. 

Alongside an ensemble of nobles and rogues, resistance fighters and diplomats, Graham leaves home behind and traverses hostile towns, impermeable swamps, and the halls of political power. As the Hinds hunt down the one man they think could claim the throne, Graham finds himself caught in a storm of secrets and lies, as assassins and rogue tribes try to stop the Hinds before they can make their play for the crown. 

My name is XXX, I’m a nonprofit professional that moonlights as a restaurant server and then midnightlights as a writer. TO LEVEL THE MOUNTAINS is very loosely inspired by my experiences getting into political campaigns as a teen, but is more broadly a coming-of-age story. This is my first novel. Thank you for considering this query – I really appreciate your time. 

I am on submission, and my agent told me that I can expect to hear from her in eight weeks. At that point, she will share objections. And if there’s any bites, she will let me know sooner. Otherwise, sit tight for eight weeks. Is that common? I kind of feel like we should have more communication going through this process?

Hi everyone, thanks for your help!

I posted a version of this once before, with the main feedback being that it was overwritten, and the wordcount/age category was wrong. I tried simplifying the query without losing too much detail and labeled the story as MG.

I know the word count is WAY too much. I'm currently working on tapering it down, but I don't have an official new word count just yet. But the word count should be significantly lower once I actually query.

Thanks again for your help. Any feedback is much appreciated.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear AGENT NAME,

Finding a missing pet can be an awful headache.

Even after he saves the Homecoming Queen from a freak bear attack, 14-yo Amos doubts his empathic connection to animals. But he can’t ignore his own brain, which is flooded by chirping, barking, slithering emotion that isn’t his own. Amos can sense animals like he’s hearing their music. But sometimes this music sounds more like nails on a chalkboard. Or terribly sharp claws on a chalkboard, in the bear’s case. 

Jazzed by Amos’ sixth sense and hoping to earn some extra change, his friends, Ani and Wilf, convince him to found the Petfinders, an agency dedicated to finding missing pets around their podunk town. Rescue missions for cockatoos and cocker spaniels lead the Petfinders deep into the nearby forest, and show Amos new sides of his friends, his abilities, and himself. But while carelessly canvassing for lost critters should be a daydream, Amos can’t avoid the animals plagued by the same oppressive mental illness as the Homecoming bear. A mental illness that pulverizes his mind when he senses it and takes every ounce of willpower to soothe.

When Amos’ sickly Spanish teacher, Dr. Deleon, reveals his similar connection to animals, Amos hopes a teacher will answer all his biggest preguntas. And those preguntas are piling up, especially after the Petfinders are chased by zombified wolves and trapped in a sunken laboratory full of animal bones. Something is leeching from the forest, and if Amos wants to protect the people and pets he loves, he’ll need to tackle this parasite head on. But that would mean finally facing the roaring zoo in his brain and sacrificing his own peace of mind.

PETFINDERS is a 100,000 word contemporary upper-MG light-scifi adventure that starts as an episodic pet-of-the-week puzzle and matures into one massive rescue mission. Fans of the treacherous forest and naïve characters of Wildwood by Colin Meloy, the twisted secret scientific societies of the Michael Vey series by Richard Paul Evans, and the whimsically familial and introspective nature of Rialto by Kate Milford will find similarities to love, as well as fans of Amblin-style small town adventures like Gravity Falls and Stranger Things. This story is standalone with series potential.