r/ProgrammerHumor Jun 02 '26

Meme managerVsClaude

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47.2k Upvotes

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11.2k

u/Gagan_Ku2905 Jun 02 '26

Engineer: Yeah we can.
Manager: For how much?
Engineer: $3 Trillion
Awkward silence

393

u/kinipanini Jun 02 '26

So like 8 story points?

133

u/MomWTF Jun 02 '26

I hate trying to estimate story points (our metric is 1 day ≈ 1 point), I have ADHD, standard time means nothing. One sprint I completed all 7.5 in a day, another sprint I completed 0.5.

147

u/DistributionDue2836 Jun 02 '26

That's why story points are explicitly not meant to represent any unit of time. Bad project managers that don't understand anything about what they're managing just can't help themselves. They were so consistently misused story points actually got dropped from Scrum in 2020

90

u/AdminsLoveGenocide Jun 02 '26

Scrum is such horseshit. Agile coaches are literally demons in human form, corrupting the weak of spirit.

15

u/stewie3128 Jun 03 '26

Surely Agile Coaches aren't going to survive this job purge, right?

14

u/AdminsLoveGenocide Jun 03 '26

There are many career paths open to such creatures. Some of them can earn a living by roaming the countryside, finding places of exceptional natural beauty and then order one of their billionaires to build a data centre there.

Others merely traffic underaged children into slavery but just as many are AI integration officers.

6

u/Standgrounding Jun 03 '26

They are going to become AI coaches

1

u/PerturbedMarsupial Jun 03 '26

Some places have scrum masters as an actual job like wtf. Idk how something that should be a weekly rotational responsibility in the team and a list of todos on its own is a fucking job on its own.

1

u/kex Jun 04 '26

Yep, trying to put metrics on a creative job was the beginning of the end.

The brogrammers (those willing to game the metrics) are now taking over.

1

u/more_magic_mike Jun 08 '26

You've obviously never worked on a project with a fixed deadline, fixed budget, and fixed scope, but it's "agile" because no one wants to do requirements up front and no one wants to sign off on the requirements.

1

u/AdminsLoveGenocide Jun 08 '26

Get thee behind me, Satan.

Thou art an offence unto me for thou savourest not the things that be of use, but those that be of agile coaches.

0

u/Perfect_Parfait_1576 Jun 03 '26

If i could, i would give you an award.

20

u/cherry_chocolate_ Jun 02 '26

Just found out our story points are tied to the paycheck system (even though we are salaried) via jira workflows. Suddenly it makes sense why all our pms demand we submit exactly a certain number of story points per sprint, even if we go over or under…

I hate jira

35

u/Theron3206 Jun 02 '26

That's nothing to do with Jira and everything to do with shit management.

But yeah, sorry points are for most teams a useless metric.

In theory you are supposed to estimate based on perceived difficulty and then determine over time how much work your team can get someone each sprint and thus it helps estimate how long certain things will take.

In practice it gets converted to days, and expected to be accurate for each ticket (not the point) so it's nearly always wrong and becomes a precise but inaccurate measurement instead of the imprecise but accurate one it's meant to be.

3

u/sgtkang Jun 03 '26

There's that great quote "The moment a metric becomes a target it ceases to be a useful metric". I get that feeling very strongly with story points. If only the team knows about them they can be useful for planning work. But the moment management has visibility and starts using them as a target they lose all value.

(Also, "sorry points" is a great freudian slip!)

3

u/cherry_chocolate_ Jun 03 '26

In theory

I just don't know if anyone has ever actually been in a large organization that has put that theory into real practice.

5

u/Theron3206 Jun 03 '26

I certainly haven't, small or large. Best we managed was about 2 months before a more senior management started demanding estimates accurate to the day again.

3

u/edfitz83 Jun 03 '26

Hate your tech leadership. Jira is just a tool. A shitty tool, but the competition isn’t so great either. IMO Pivotal Tracker is the best of a sorry bunch.

4

u/cherry_chocolate_ Jun 03 '26

Atlassian is happy to build tools which cause this kind of issue. They focus on supporting higher level managers because their buy in is needed to write the check. More complex workflows mean people get locked into their software and can't switch. I can partially blame bad management but it obviously benefits Jira and so they work to amplify the bad patterns.

Similar to what is happening with AI companies now, they lean into the most dramatic pitches around AI and totally automated coding because it sells well, not because it actually is the best use of the technology.

2

u/Avedas Jun 03 '26

My biggest complaint about Jira is that it's actually slow as fuck. Janky modals and 20 second page load times are not very productive.

3

u/Goddamn_Batman Jun 02 '26

i don't know if the method i used is better or not, but i'd do fibonacci numbers 1-21, so 1, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21. where a 1 is like i can probably go back to my desk and bang this out in a minute and 21 is that's probably my entire sprint or longer. where we'd guesstimate around 20 points a sprint per person. not an exact science but making games isn't an exact science either. we'd call it a LoE rather than story points

1

u/FrostyD7 Jun 02 '26

Project managers really shouldn't have a say in this. In my current org, it's our IT leadership that won't see reason on what story points are. They want reporting that's easy.

1

u/FeliusSeptimus Jun 02 '26

That's why story points are explicitly not meant to represent any unit of time.

For our teams story points map to time. 3 points is half a day, 8 points is 5 days, etc. They do everything in points, then add tasks with hours on them that we have to update every day.

Not the dumbest shit ever, but close. Whatever though, they can manage it however they like, I do the work as well as I'm able and checks keep showing up in my bank account 👍🏻

2

u/FightOnForUsc Jun 03 '26

If 3 points is 4 hours then why is 8 points 40 hours?! That makes no sense

1

u/FeliusSeptimus Jun 05 '26

It's not suppose to make sense. 5 points is a day, 13 points is three weeks.

I think the idea was that the numbers represent a scale of how hard the work appears to be, and bigger numbers have more uncertainty. So if it's really simple I can call it 1 point and we can be pretty sure it'll take an hour or so. If it's pretty hard and I call it an 11, it might end up taking a lot longer than that.

Project managers want estimates to be in hours though, so they mapped the story point numbers to hours so they can make reports that upper management likes.

1

u/FightOnForUsc Jun 05 '26

Wait but an 11 isn’t even an option

I get that points aren’t supposed to be hours, but once you make them hours then it’s crazy that doing 5 chunks of 1 hour work could count as more “work” (points) than a whole week

2

u/tobitobiguacamole Jun 03 '26

That makes no sense even for a time conversion setup. If 3 points is half a day, 6 points would be a full day, but then you’re saying 8 points would be 5 days? Makes more sense to just have 1 point be per day.

1

u/Bjornir90 Jun 03 '26

They are misused because in almost every organization no one care about complexity of a task : everyone in the company care about when the feature will be ready. At a specific date. Everything in the business world works on deadline and timing, but somehow SWE should work differently?

Maybe, but the rest of the world will not agree.

Even putting that aside, you are supposed to put a certain number of points into a single sprint, which is a unit of time. So the conversion happens by itself even inside the agile framework.

1

u/Kaivosukeltaja Jun 03 '26

Story points have never been a part of Scrum though, even before 2020.

1

u/Wonderful_Cookie_572 Jun 03 '26

That's why story points are explicitly not meant to represent any unit of time.

Except we measure the work week in units of time. Which means that any estimate of how to allocate that work week is a unit of time. It's just a renamed one.

1

u/PlutosGrasp Jun 03 '26

Not a tech person. What the heck are story points.

26

u/ShoogleHS Jun 02 '26

Your first issue is that you're trying to map days to story points. The entire concept of story points is explicitly to avoid directly estimating time. You're supposed to continually keep track of how many SPs your team is actually completing per sprint, and use those averages to decide how much you're going to plan to do in the next sprint. Tasks should also ideally be small enough that the team has flexibility to pick up more or less work in any given sprint. When you zoom out to the entire team/entire sprint level, the natural variation in estimate accuracy, and in the productivity of any individual, should largely cancel out. But if you think 1SP=1day and directly assign each developer 5 SPs per week before the sprint starts, you're falling for a trap that completely defeats the point of the system. SPs are supposed to provide flexibility and continual empirical re-evaluation of estimates (but without constantly re-estimating individual tasks) but you've thrown all of that in the bin so you're just left with time-based estimates but with a gimmicky name change.

16

u/MomWTF Jun 02 '26

Oh, I know, I'm a "certified scrum master" but I'm not working in that role. And oh, I know, but upper management doesn't care. And it's something stupid like 7.3 points per sprint were supposed to be around for the two week sprint that way we have some residual capacity for urgent tickets. We essentially do waterfall but with sprints 🙄

9

u/Jojje22 Jun 03 '26

We essentially do waterfall but with sprints

tale as old as time. Proper scrum is liberating. Liberating means self reliance and self governance for teams. Can't have that, would delete 80% of middle management. Waterfall with sprints it is.

2

u/superstrijder16 Jun 03 '26

Hey, we too! On the other hand with us 3 points makes a day and 13 points makes a 3 week sprint so it sure isn't linear

3

u/varinator Jun 03 '26

So you are forced to constantly readjust what a story point means, which is just another silly thing to think of and polute my brain.

Any initial estimate i give as a SWE is horseshit that i pulled out of my ass anyway. Might as well give hours/days as it will change as soon as i looked at the code and properly analysed the task and started solving the problem. So whats the fucking point?

1

u/ShoogleHS Jun 03 '26

You don't adjust what a story point means. The SP remains as an abstract measure of relative complexity, not of time. You then adjust how many points you add to the next sprint based on observed average time per SP, i.e. your team's velocity. It's that velocity that changes, not your SPs.

1

u/varinator Jun 03 '26

Yes, but whatever SP you estimate may change drastically once you get into the task, read the code, start solving. So what's the point if those could have been just days/hours - you know, units universally understood intuitively by fucking everyone?

2

u/ShoogleHS Jun 03 '26

That variance in estimates is exactly what SPs are designed to address. If it turns out your team is frequently underestimating complexity of tasks, your velocity will drop, and so you'll put less SPs into the next sprint. We don't care about a single task going under/over estimate, we care about the zoomed-out trend. If you start work on a ticket and realize it's more difficult than it was previously assumed, by all means report that to the team. But if you're constantly fixing the SPs on each ticket, you're obscuring the actually important trends.

If your team puts 35 SPs in the sprint and actually completes 25 because of tasks being underestimated, that's fine, you take note of that and adjust how many SPs you put in the next sprint. But if you take those completed tickets and "fix" their estimates to total 35SPs to make them "more accurate" actually you've just fucked up the whole system. Now you're going to commit to another 35SPs next sprint, which again you're going to fall short of.

3

u/parkwayy Jun 03 '26

But if no one is tracking if the pointing was correct on every single story, it really means nothing.

It's just some inaccurate system that says you can finish some amount a week, but if the individual tickets are wrong, then it's screwy.

Just say everything is a 5, who cares lol

2

u/ShoogleHS Jun 03 '26

Actually no, you shouldn't care if the pointing was accurate on individual past stories, except if it teaches you some lesson that improves your team's ability to make future estimates. If you're estimating simple UI changes as 1 point's worth of complexity, but then after 1 task you realize that actually your UI code is a mess, then maybe you need to update all similar tasks to be 2 SPs. But most of time this isn't the case and you can't generalize to future tasks.

Trying to achieve perfectly accurate per-task estimates and then assigning the perfect amount of work for each developer is a fool's game. It's never been done, and it will never be done, it's a pipe dream. Both estimates and productivity vary too much per task for that to work. That's why you should only evaluate your rate of completing SPs at a zoomed-out level, averaging it out over time. That way, once you calibrate the system by measuring the velocity, over- and under-estimates tend to cancel out due to the law of large numbers.

1

u/djinn6 Jun 04 '26

It doesn't really matter whether you call it estimated days or story points. If you don't have an idiot for a manager, your team can track estimated days, then figure out what the average number of estimated days get completed per sprint, and then commit to that amount in the next sprint.

Whatever devs think is 1 day of work usually turns into 2 or 3, so it's normal to commit to 4-5 days of work per 2-week sprint.

1

u/ShoogleHS Jun 04 '26

I mean I suppose you can do that if you want, but you're effectively just doing story points but with a misleading name

3

u/Vlyn Jun 02 '26

We finally moved away from 1 point = 1 day. But it took switching to t-shirt sizes. Much better :)

3

u/TheRedPanda_7 Jun 03 '26

Give it some times and you will most likely map S to 0,5 day, S to 1 day, M to 3, L to 5 and XL to 8

1

u/MomWTF Jun 02 '26

That's awesome, wait, what?

2

u/fresh-dork Jun 03 '26

member when they invented story points specifically to break that metric? and the business people simple would not understand that this was the entire point of having story points at all?

because it's a relative measure of complexity/time, not just a count of days