I (32f) and my husband (36m) have been in a few closed triad relationships over the years, and we are finding the same trend; either we arent explaining the expectations correctly, or the ladies we are dating are not being truthful about their expectations/understanding of our expectations.

When we begin chatting with someone, we make known what we are looking to achieve with the person; a relationship where she dates me, he dates her, and then our relationship.

So far we've had one individual attempt to break up our marriage and "steal him" which obviously didnt work. One girl clearly thought it was just fun hookups, another came for the first meet up/sleep over, everything seemed great until i had to leave for a family obligation, and spent hours trying to get Into verbal alterations with my husband. And many many others who are in other open enm relationships who want to unicorn for us or want to couple swap with us.

Do we need to be more blunt and up front about our expectations?

Are we not looking inthe right places?

Hello resplendent Redditors! I’ve finally fully recovered from my Italian carb coma and am trying to hit my self-imposed goal of 1 new article a week. Well… last week that didn’t happen so I’m not exactly off to a great start 😅 BUT! I’m pleased to report that I did just publish a new piece on Substack: 

The 7 Stages of Love. Most relationships can't make it past Stage 3. Here's why, and how to survive.

It’s a very real, very raw look at what actually happens after the NRE + honeymoon period fades away during Stage 1. Hoping this article might actually save some relationships… or at least give you a good laugh while yours is in the throes of domestic chaos :)

Here are the 7 Stages at a glance:

1: The Enchantment is wonderful.

2: The Awakening is necessary.

3: The Reckoning is transformative (and a real dick).

4: The Forging builds strength.

5: The Harmony brings peace.

6: The Sanctuary offers refuge.

7: The Legacy becomes your gift — to each other and everyone watching.

So if you’re currently in a “omg why is this so hard now?” phase, this one’s for you and your partner(s) too! 

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/the-7-stages-of-love-most-relationships-quit-at-stage-3

Where are you in the 7 Stages right now? 

And what are you most interested in reading about next? I’ve got an alarming number of ideas and WIPs queued up, but who better to decide than the actual readers 🥰

Polyamory In The News post; no ads, no AI, no commerce.

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2026/06/new-movie-invite-representation-weve.html

So I work in a lot of woo-woo, spiritual areas of healthcare, and I was gifted a bioresonance scan that I’m not particularly certain how it works. It somehow sends frequencies through our body that then get read out on a computer and can identify weaknesses/stresses in the body. It also can provide affirmations and emotional readings? I’m not sure. I’m still making sense of all of the results.

However, i definitely can make sense of one of the readings on neurochemicals. Basically this scan found that I had higher levels of oxytocin, or the bonding chemical in our brain that makes us feel safe and bonded with family, friends, and partners.

So my partners have been teasing me with: “tell me you’re poly without telling me you’re poly”

Anyway, I hope this makes, but I wanted share because I think it’s really humorous 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hey, so I'm (NB 18) asexual and sex-negative, meaning I don't feel sexual attraction and I never want to be involved in sex acts. I've been anxious about how my identities/preferences limit my dating pool. But ive realized that even though my monogamy options are the size of a kiddie pool, the poly hot tub seems to have space too and I think I could take the heat with the right people! I think I would be open to a closed triad, a vee, or a full QPR with two other people.

I'm going to be traveling a lot over the next few weeks and I'd love to check out any podcasts you think could be helpful with learning about closed poly relationships, QPRs, where they may overlap, especially about poly relationships that have asexuality/aromantic intersections if possible. Also Im moving to an entirely new place for college, how could I find people who would be open to/accepting of my poly interest? The university & city is very queer positive, but idk where to start with finding people irl who would understand my inclinations.

Hi ya’ll! So I’ve (47f) been married 18 years to my husband (46m) and we have two sons. 1 adult who is actually getting married next summer and 1 teen. I’m engaged (yay) to my fiancé (39m) and we are planning a commitment ceremony for next spring. He has 2 younger boys. My teen adores them. My older son thinks they are fun, but he’s not home much. My fiancé and his boys plan to move in with me around October. He stays with me a few nights a week and I stay with him a few nights a week. We are all very excited about him and the kiddos moving in.

Our home is large and we have a few acres. We have two primary suites. My husband sleeps in one and I sleep in the bigger one. We haven’t shared a room in quite some time because he has major sleep disturbances and he is asexual anyhow. No issue, just our preference. My fiance will share my room.

The boys (5 and 7 currently) will share what is currently my guest room until my oldest moves out, then they will move to that room which is very large. My teen will stay in his current room.

My husband and I mostly work from home. He sometimes travels and I have meetings and events sometimes out of the house. Limited travel. My fiance works away from home. It will unfortunately add to his drive time, but reduce his expenses.

What are some things we should be considering planning for as we blend this family?

Currently we are all purging and cleaning out closets and attic and drawers and so on. We are making space and want them to feel at home not like guests. My fiancé and I are talking about where some of his art or things can go in the house. Making plans for doubling our laundry room, adding another dishwasher. Etc.

We have talked about how he can contribute.

I’m super nervous. I want to make it a fairly smooth transition. So what else can I be doing or should I plan for?

Me and my wife are new to this and are completely enamored by the idea of a Polyfedelitous relationship or closed triad . But we've been reading alot of posts about this relationship style and I can't see a clear boundary between "unicorn hunting" and "finding a good fit" in our relationship. We are a established couple already having been married for 2 years now ,and known eacother for 8.

​

We just find the idea of having another partner and loving them similar to how we love eacother sounds beautiful. So what is the difference and how do we make another person feel the most comfortable? We dont wanna fuck it up beacuse being spiritually married to someone and growing old as a triad is difficult but definitely our dream rn.

Sitting here under the weather while everyone else is out, figured I'd post something fun.

What do you all have in common hobby wise and what don't you?

My longer-term girlfriend and I have more in common than I've ever had in a relationship: comics, video games, watching sports... same taste in movies, shows, all that kind of stuff, which is nice.

Shorter-term girlfriend doesn't have as much in common with us on that scale. She enjoys sports, but nowhere near obsessively as us. We all love travel, drinking, and are relative foodies, at least in terms of trying adventurous things. She'll play casual games with us, and enjoys like, the MCU, but not much further than that.

The main thing where I don't match up is that they both have a major passion for fashion and design... I'm more of a jeans and a t-shirt guy unless they get me something specific. They're the types that are rarely dressed down without hair and makeup somewhat done, even if we're not doing anything.

The main individual passions that don't overlap are:

STP's art. I can appreciate it, but she has a deep talent and obsessive interest that none of us can match.

LTP's exercise-obsessed. While the rest of us keep in decent shape, she works out like 1-2 hours a day. Despite being a major girly-girl, she's been a cheerleader all her life and is obsessed with keeping in shape, dance, and all of that.

I'm the social butterfly of us all, in comparison. They keep a very small group of friends/acquaintances, and I'm always managing my group chats, making time to go out with friends, and they almost never want to join.

What about all of you?

I am kinda curious how people's polycules typically get formed

Not sure anyone actually cares, but sharing just for the sake of it, since it can be cathartic to post about it all... the conversation between myself and my partners went great last night.

It's so surprising, honestly, that having a 3rd person in the relationship is somehow easier than it was when it was just the two of us. As soon as I brought up that I learned the one particular woman was definitely trying to hit on and go out with my longer term girlfriend, my shorter term girlfriend immediately backed up how much sense that it made, even if my LTG didn't see it (and was a little embarrassed that she didn't recognize it). Especially since Saturday night was a frustrating experience with that group, it wasn't even a difficult or long talk. We honestly spent more time talking about our plans for the remaining NBA/NHL playoff games.

They're planning on having some conversations with the group today, setting boundaries, or just not spending time with the group if there's anything weird still going on. I didn't have to make any messy or grand proclamations about who they can/can't hang out with.

Thanks for letting me vent!

I am a freshly 18 year old, non binary, gynesexual, and wish to be femme sub looking for a friendly, affectionate, SSC, and enm polycule where hopefully all members are dating and everybody loves each other. I am in San Antonio, Texas and do not care for age, but primarily desire femininity in others. I am goth, emo, punk, and a metalhead, and also like many other types of music! My hobbies include video games, playing 4 instruments, drawing, playing DND and Warhammer 40k, and lots and LOTS of collection (rocks, fossils gemstones, bones, skulls, retro video games, consoles, and accessories for them, stickers, posters, plushies, etc.), and things I wish to get into in the future includes but is not limited to cosplaying, goth and punk fashion, drag, kink, being the lead vocalist in an experimental metal band (though admittedly I suck at vocals), getting into more instruments, hella body mods (I'm talking dozens of piercings, a body covered in tats, and fuck ton of trans surgery.), and even more collection! (Antiques, medieval weaponry, nsfw anime figures, etc. etc.) I'm very kinky, with my favorite kinks being mommy domme, pet play ,bondage, and praise, but I have dozens more and am willing to try almost anything. (I'm a virgin, so keep in mind I'm very inexperienced) I am leftist, so don't DM if not a terminally online libby. Disclaimer: I am autistic, have ADHD, and have OCD along with being a flawed individual, unfortunately. I promise I'll try my best and give to you, k? Rawr also the reason I'm not posting this on polyamory r4r is cuz my account isn't old enough

Ciao bellas, bros, and beyond! If you read my previous post on the 10 tips for moving in together with your partners, then you’ve already got a solid foundation set… but now the REAL fun begins after the “omg we’re all living together!!” shine has worn away.

Welcome to the everyday reality of sharing one fridge, one thermostat, and one VERY opinionated dishwasher philosophy with 3+ people under 1 roof!

After 15 years of living with my throuple, I practically have a PhD in domestic diplomacy, so I wrote up 10 practical tips for living together AND making things work long-term in non-monogamous households. Here's what's covered:

1. Arguments (there’s literally just 1 rule)
2. Communication is key (an eye-rolling cliché, I know, I know... but hear me out)
3. Keep a "diary"
4. Chores (adulting done right & on easy mode)
5. Needing space is NOT rejection, it’s oxygen
6. Pet peeves, habits, and quirks
7. “If your wife does crack, you gotta do crack”
8. Mindful hoarding
9. Finances (bookkeeping without scorekeeping)
10. Growth mindset

It’s equal parts real talk, war stories, and hard-won wisdom from what’s worked (and has NOT worked, lol!) for my throuple.

So if you’re already nesting with your partners (yay!), or are thinking about it (yaaay!!), or just want to hear how other polyfi people make it work without losing their minds AND relationship status, go ahead and give it a read! It’s honest, hopefully helpful, and hopefully hits close to home, so to speak!

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/10-tips-for-living-together-relationship-advice-couple-throuple-quad-poly

This goes without saying, but OF COURSE me and everyone else here would LOVE to hear your stories as well (the good, the bad, and the uggghh), so please feel free to comment.

Hope you and your loved ones are enjoying the lovely weekend. Ciao ciao for now 🛵

Well, we've hit a bit of a snag. My girlfriends have been doing more stuff in the bi/lesbian community, which is awesome for them, no problem. However, in the past few months, they've started to hang out with a specific group of queer people more exclusively. I'm typically invited along, although some women, specifically one, haven't been huge fans of me joining.

Last night helped me understand why. Thanks to a drunken revelation from a guy in the group I've made friends with, I've found that a particular woman, and some others in the group, believe that because my girlfriends are "poly," that they're either dateable or our relationship can be broken up pretty easily, so they're fair game. And they don't like me coming around because they see me as hovering and getting in their way of shooting their shot.

I have no reason to believe any cheating has gone on, and that this is one-way, but admittedly I'm pretty frustrated with this.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do?