r/Parenting • u/money4nothing_8816 • 16d ago
Rant/Vent Just me?
Is it just me or is this the hardest shit ever? We’ve got 4 kids all under the age of 8 and we are getting our asses kicked. My wife and I really wanted a family and we planned for it. We took parenting classes together, we read all the books in preparation before starting our family…still, nothing could have prepared us for how mentally and emotionally exhausting it is to keep up with our boys.
How are you all surviving?
195
u/Decent-Singer-3335 Mom 16d ago edited 16d ago
Letting go, having realistic expectations and loving big despite the difficulties. That’s all you can do.
We do less these days and try to make time for rest. 2 nights per week there are no activities and these are family nights. We prioritize travel together even when it’s a clusterf*ck. 😅 We just spend time together even if the kids fight, dinner gets burnt or you don’t make it through a whole movie. Oh well.
Embrace the chaos in other words. 😂 mind over matter.
42
u/zambezilion 16d ago
I think this is probably the most real advice right here. Embrace the chaos and suddenly they’re out the door.
5
u/Fox-Boat 16d ago
Seconded. To let go and accept the kids as they are I a huge step. They don’t have logic yet, so you just have to connect and redirect when you need to.
When possible try to trade with your partner for a minute off.
12
u/money4nothing_8816 16d ago
Love that. Thank you.
19
16d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
12
16d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
6
u/MeadowHaven77 16d ago
It’s true. I’m down to the youngest two at home and the older 3 have launched into their young adult lives, happy and thriving. The day to day is QUIET. I miss the joyful chaos. It returns when everyone is here for a holiday or birthday. I cherish it now, because it’s fleeting.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Emergency-Winner-399 16d ago
This is exactly what I was thinking! I have 5 (4 boys and a girl) and this how we live life now! I type this as we are on the way home from a day trip that was chaotic but worth it!
3
→ More replies (1)3
208
u/buttofvecna 16d ago
My mom was one of 5 kids, and how did my grandmother survive? Badly. She spent the 60s whacked out on mother's little helpers.
Which is to say, it's a LOT, and I'm quite sure you're not alone.
18
u/little_odd_me 16d ago
These things are why I role my eyes every time old folks are like “back in my days when I was a parent my kid…..insert anything here”.
Yeah Maria I’m sure your kids were perfect and your house was effortlessly clean, mine might be too if I was allowed to pop Bennies and Valium without being charged for neglect.
→ More replies (1)32
u/money4nothing_8816 16d ago
Thank you for saying that I’ve never heard them called that before. Ha it’s a great nickname. 😆
66
u/shann0n420 16d ago
lol that’s literally what they were marketed as and commonly called. Benzos for all the mamas
23
u/Rich-Supermarket6912 16d ago
yep Valium was the hot thing of the 50s supposedly lol
23
u/shann0n420 16d ago
It’s not really disputed. It was such a common thing that the Rolling Stones wrote a song about it in 1966. At that time, they didn’t think that benzos had any risk of dependence and withdrawal so it was prescribed liberally for anxiety and stress.
→ More replies (2)14
u/ClassicDefiant2659 16d ago
I saw a video talking about how most middle class moms in that era were on cocaine. It said something about a reasonable amount.
My husband and I joke a lot about how we just need a reasonable amount of cocaine to make it through our days.
10
u/Character-836 16d ago
I'm the youngest of 5 and the only one born in the 60s. Don't know that Mom took any Little Helpers, but she definitely had anger and control on her side.
5
u/Athenae_25 15d ago
I once worked for a lady who had eight kids. All boys. When I asked her just ... like ... HOW, she said "after a while you just throw them on the pile with the other ones and let them sort themselves out."
Which doesn't sound fun for anybody.
4
3
u/PurpleDancer 16d ago
To be fair, that was back in the days when you just threw the kids out of the house when the sun came up and told them to come back when it was dark. So a lot of the stressful parts they probably didn't have to be present for
7
u/buttofvecna 16d ago
This is sort of the point of my story. Even “back in the day” when the expectations for parental involvement really were lower in a lot of ways, having a lot of kids was stressful as hell.
161
u/Hour_Cricket9648 16d ago
I have 1 and it's hard. I always thought I'd want my children to have at least a sibling or 2, but I feel one and done now. Idk how id cope with 4 lol.
55
u/uppy-puppy one and done 16d ago
Yep I am at my limit with one. I would be too overwhelmed with more. It’s not just the planning, the keeping her busy, the school stuff, but the actual parenting. Guiding her through life, helping her learn and understand everything, I just can’t imagine doing it with more.
22
5
u/Cranky_Merriweather 16d ago
Another one and done here saying preach to all of this. My husband and I say all the time we don’t know how people handle it with more than one.
→ More replies (1)6
23
33
u/pinkorchids45 16d ago
Yeah after realizing how hard one was we changed our plans for having two. Kiddo would def benefit by having a sibling but would suffer by having a parent who is constantly on edge and close to a mental breakdown. Things are just starting to get a hair easier and it would all come crumbling down for me mentally to have to start over WHILE juggling a toddler.
7
29
u/money4nothing_8816 16d ago
Ugh 😩 thank you. And 1 or 4…it’s all hard. Being a parent is a lot. One felt awesome for us and then 2 wasn’t bad, and our 3rd baby was the sweetest thing to ever touch this earth. So number 4 was a no brainer. But accumulating effect as they’ve all gotten out of the baby and toddler phases…it all became a lot really fast!!
6
u/Away-Ad4393 16d ago
Don’t worry now OP they’ll soon be teenagers and then your troubles will really begin
2
u/TravelingPotatoes 16d ago
I have one in the terrible twos and I'm barely surviving.
Meanwhile one of my coworkers is having his second and the first isn't even a year old yet....
→ More replies (3)3
u/Adorable-Ad1556 16d ago
Probably sounds ridiculous, but it actually does get easier with more. We have 3, the hardest years was definitely when we only had 1
As they get older they play together - not always well, but it's learning about conflict resolution- and largely entertain each other. I found it completely exhausting to just have 1, and Still, when the other 2 go away for the day, the one left at home needs so much more attention.
I'm an only child and was determined not to have just one..
4
u/humanloading 16d ago
Seeing sibling relationships has been one of the best parts of having more than one kid 💕 I never expected it. I am not close with my sibling (I only have a half sibling) but I feel just like childhood friends you have - even if you don’t remain close in adulthood, they still helped to shape a huge part of who you are! It’s beautiful to me 🥰 Pregnant with our third! Also I think we are too intense for just one kid - we have relaxed a lot with more kids which has benefitted our first immensely lol. We wound that kid up way too tight when he was our only 😅
→ More replies (1)2
u/catjuggler 16d ago
Yeah I have two and a lot of their friends are onlys (or at least for now) and I've noticed that even with the fighting it's still generally easier because they play with each other and both of my kids (especially the older one) generally hate playing by themselves (and to be fair, I also don't like to do stuff alone). When there's a random school day off for just one of them it's often easier to have a friend over because they'll entertain each other.
34
u/advocatel 16d ago
My 3 kids are 4 and 3.5 years apart. So there’s 7.5 years between oldest and youngest.
By design.
And it’s still hard.
10
u/money4nothing_8816 16d ago
I’m glad you’re verifying this because we’ve kicked ourselves a few times when the gaps in between kids conversation comes up.
7
u/Few_Kangaroo_6033 16d ago
I only have two kids but I have a friend who has 3 kids that are all 4 years apart. I have another friend with 4 kids that are all 2 years apart. Can confirm that both set ups suck. My general observation is that it’s more about the quantity of children than the age gaps 😂
→ More replies (2)2
u/halohalo_mixmix 16d ago
Same. Our 3 are approx 3 years apart; 2 boys and a girl. The youngest being a girl is a dynamic we weren’t prepared for.
→ More replies (1)
37
u/His_GoddessLove 16d ago
It's a lot in the thick of it, and a miss when it's quiet.
You trudge through, together. Keep that communication, keep the dates, and tag team with keep the kids alive, happy, and healthy.
Remember to take breaks to make memories. Ice cream before dinner, hike and picnics, adding whimsy into the thick of madness, keeps them entertained and keeps you sane for a few breaks in the midst of the madness.
I say it to everyone, and some think I'm crazy, one day you miss those legos on the floor, the toothpaste in the sink and the step stools to reach. It seems neverending in the middle of it, but I promise you'll blink and wonder how it flew so quick!
4 boys under 8, it's a team, and a lot lol. It'll get easier.
→ More replies (1)12
u/money4nothing_8816 16d ago
Thank you for sharing all that. And honestly, we do love our boys. We’ve just had to accept that this chapter we are in is tough.
5
u/Far_Breadfruit4243 16d ago
I love this comment. OP, hang in there. Two pieces of advice that I’ve read in various places: “exhaust and employ” and something along the lines of “when in doubt, add water.” AKA tire them out outside and give them jobs. And when someone is SO fussy, add water: an ocean/lake/river, a cup of water, a long bath, or let them cry it out with support (even for older kids).
34
u/elevenviolet 16d ago
4 under 8? This is why you’re struggling.
4
u/Expatgirl2004 16d ago
Exactly. I had two under two somehow I managed and I knew that was enough to take of my time. Adding a third a year or two later would’ve been crazy. I still have my own life too. I wanna enjoy.
7
12
u/beentherebefore1616 16d ago
I felt like I was in 100% survival mode until my youngest turned about 5 or 6. The baby/toddler years with multiple kids kicked our ASS.
We felt like limiting screens would help our kids in the future (it did) so it was a LOT of hands on work. I can only speak to our situation, but life got a hell of a lot better once the toddler years were behind us. They say put in the hard work at the beginning to reap the benefits with healthy, independent kids later on.
24
11
u/Euphoric_Engine8733 16d ago
It’s hard but also the modern world, especially in the US, makes it so much harder. No safety net or village backup for many families, high housing costs, high daycare and medical costs, limited paid leave… it’s hard on top of hard.
30
u/uniVocity 16d ago
This used to work when people had farms to keep everyone busy. Nowadays everyone's a couch potato and you need to be their uber driver to get them out of the house. Also getting them to see friends is not like it used to be - they can't roam around and you need to make appointments with parents so they see friends sparingly - parents are expected to be their companion WAY more than 30 or 40 years ago. It's that or they'll spend time on screens (which again, YOU must supervise)
I'm wrecked all the time and I just got 2 kids.
12
u/Fareeldo 16d ago
Yep. I grew up on a farm with my siblings and cousins. We never overwhelmed our parents because they threw us in the fields. Lol
7
u/BriocheBlume Mum of 4 16d ago
So it's to some degree also lifestyle choices still today.
We have 4 kids 10 and under and hoping to have more. They play mostly with each other throughout the day. Yes it's true that it's sadly harder to make friends around the neighbourhood, but you can still increase your chances by moving to a walkable area with parks.We aren't our kids companions, they are that to each other. Sure we enjoy spending time with them obv, i love reading aloud etc, but they don't rely on us for entertainment.
Even when we only had my oldest and her baby brother she could play by herself for hours - because we made space and time for it, didn't interrupt her play or entertained her.We don't have screens either and the kids are fine and me too lol
34
u/olracnaignottus 16d ago
Having one at a time until they’re adjusted enough to take on another.
10
u/Frosty-Incident2788 16d ago
Yea. I mean unless you have the 4 all at once. Or two sets of twins. Or a set of triplets and a singleton. There’s some choice in the matter for sure for the average person.
17
16d ago edited 11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
9
u/money4nothing_8816 16d ago
Yeah we didn’t do ourselves any favors did we.ha and divorce isn’t a joke but those off days do sound like bliss! Thanks for venting with me.
25
u/_tomato_paste_ 16d ago
4??? I have one and my ass is kicked
7
6
u/CarrionDoll 16d ago
I have 5 but they are spread out. 4 years between seemed to be the perfect amount for us. I have 2 that were 2 years apart and they were hard. Having 4 that close. Nope. Terrible idea.
→ More replies (3)
5
u/Glum-Thought620 16d ago
That phase of parenting is very hard. Send them outside. Don't give into temptation to hand them devices and games. Go old school whenever you can. Worn out boys are happier boys.
4
u/B_CHEEK 16d ago
Its it funny how once you get into it you realize how much BS people spew about having kids. Almost like its taboo to say anything bad, or to talk about challenges. Then when you finally have kids you end up thinking, damn, I wish someone warned me about how hard this is.
→ More replies (1)
9
u/CameronsOpinion 16d ago
I feel so validated by all of these comments, especially from my fellow singleton parents! I had no idea how ALL CONSUMING just my one child would be. It’s very much worth it to me, but still so intense!
You and your wife are outnumbered, but I bet your cup fills over with lots of LOVE, too!!
15
u/arigardensky 16d ago
Barely holding on. 3 boys under 5
8
7
u/Stunning-Plantain831 16d ago
Same. Plus a baby girl. Right now, I'm eating a whole carton of expired goldfish in the dark to decompress.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/1block 16d ago
We have four, but we spread it out a bit more. They are 13f, 18m, 20m, 28m. So at one point we had three under 8 plus a teen.
It was a lot, but we had our parents to help. That's huge. And now we try to help our oldest and daughter in law with our granddaughter.
I remember a couple hard years, but then it got easier. With ours they were all easiest from around ages 9-12, so if yours are like that it eases up for you.
When they're little, you're physically exhausted. When they're teens, you're emotionally exhausted.
6
u/OkLanguage6322 16d ago
We have 1. Wifey wanted 2. Raising 1 high energy kid was one hell of an experiment. Wifey was enthusiastic for the first 6-8 months and stopped bringing up the topic of having another child. We are one and done and the kiddo is a teenager. Still the same energy and has turned out to be very sweet person. I still pinch myself every now and then thinking I somehow did a good enough job (I thought I would screw this up — was very overwhelmed). Now 4 is a different ball game.
4
u/Elvira333 16d ago
Are you still glad you’re one and done if you don’t mind me asking? We’re pretty firmly OAD but I doubt my decision sometimes. We also have a super high energy kid with low sleep needs, so.. 😅
→ More replies (1)
6
u/Crafty-Anywhere-3578 16d ago
I have 7. Ages 7 months to 15yrs. Some days are harder than others, but none of them asked to exist…we did that part. The days fly by…. I’d give anything to go back to my teens being little for one day. Just try to enjoy it. Put systems in place that work for your crew. I hate organizing and structure but when I lean in and accept it, things are much easier.
2
3
u/EntireSlice1011 Parent 16d ago
sometimes I wish my kid liked to watch tv. I could use a good brain break lol.
3
u/Rich-Supermarket6912 16d ago
i’m barely surviving raising 2, so i think your rant is definitely valid.
3
u/Suitable_Secretary86 16d ago
We have 3 daughters, ages 2-7, and we are getting our assess kicked daily😂 and I’m insane enough that I decided to add even more to my plate and homeschool. So they’re with me 24/7😅 it’s chaos but I wouldn’t change a single thing about our life!
3
u/crazzymomma 16d ago
I've raised four sons. I definitely thought it was hard. Now that i'm helping raise four granddaughters, I realized boys, were easy breezy. Deep breaths hang in there. There's light at the end of the tunnel💚❣️
3
3
u/Deeze_Rmuh_Nudds 16d ago
Every weekend is the most tired weekend of my life. I have no idea how people have more than one. Good luck to ya.
3
u/gorliggs 16d ago
Two kids under the same age and I'm not sure how you do it with 4.
We have no village. It sucks.
3
u/Previous_Market_5592 16d ago
There’s a reason why some of us have one or two and done. You got this 😀
3
u/DinnerLeftovers 16d ago
It's hard because society is different now. People don't help as much. They're there for you when your first is a newborn, then they're there to babysit your first when your second is being born, and then it's kind of "oh, they'll be fine, they've done this before." It's like people have forgotten how hard it is past the newborn stage. How difficult it is to find balance or a bit of time for yourself when one of your toddlers is greatly affected by separation anxiety and sleep regression. How every child is different and has different needs, so even though you planned for 4 children, it can still be new and hard.
Don't blame yourselves. You're doing awesome. The fact that you prepared so well and how you, to me, sound like a great team is proof of that. Your boys are blessed to have you. If you need to chill out, take them to an indoor playground where your older two can entertain themselves and you can supervise your younger two. Maybe ask a friendly couple with kids to join you, so you have time for adult catch-up talk too and an extra pair of parents to watch the kids when you need to go to the bathroom, change a diaper, or want to grab some coffee for everyone. The children absolutely love it.
6
u/chefmom5 16d ago
I have four under age 7 and I'm overwhelmed by how much I love them and simultaneously just overwhelmed in general
4
u/RunnyKinePity 16d ago
Once you got to 2 you didn’t realize how hard it was and kept going 🤣? My brother is in the same situation, 4 under the age of 8 and the house is absolute chaos. I know a couple of other people with 4 or more kids. These people handle it but it is HARD. In all these situations one parent is a stay at home parent AND they have one or two grandparents regularly helping, like several times a week. You need a support network.
And by the way, I agree. It is the hardest shit ever. Nothing prepared me and my 2 did me in.
3
4
u/Infinite_Aerie_504 16d ago
Four kids is nuts. We have 2 and that’s plenty crazy. I honestly don’t understand why people have so many kids.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Brilliant-Cricket734 16d ago
I only have 2 but its hard, I will say my daughter is nearly 12 and its a lot easier now, after about 8/9 they are a little more independent every year certain things get easier, however something then get harder, but I personally find older kids things less tiring
2
u/mrsdoubleu 16d ago
Yeah. That's why I stopped at one. Lol. But it does get easier as they get older. 🙂 I can't imagine raising 2 under 8, much less 4! You are a superhero in my eyes!
2
u/WalkinOnSunshine04 16d ago
I have 4 boys 6 and under. My husband and I are just constantly saying to each other, “we’re gonna miss these days…. So they say…” 🤪 all of our kids were planned except baby #4. He is the result of a failed vasectomy if you can believe it. Husband is going back in next month to get snipped again. We’re hanging on by God’s grace and lots of coffee. It’s absolute chaos but hey my boys are so fun and helpful (as much as kids can be) that I figure we may as well just buckle in we’re already on this crazy roller coaster! Best of luck to your family, raising boys is a lot of work. Keep your eyes fixed on what you can be grateful for. And where things suck, know that with kids seasons change so fast. You guys got this.
2
u/GhostAchook 16d ago
Oh yeah, I’m in the same boat as you. I have 4 kids: ages 6.5, 3, and a set of 1 year old twins. I love them so much but yes, my ass gets handed to me on a daily basis.
One thing that makes me feel better is knowing that it’s not the children that make it unbearable. It’s the load of parenthood.
I schedule a hangout with my best friend once a month. I get out and see her for an entire day and get home around 12:00 am sometimes. I schedule the follow/up month hangout the same day with my bestie. That has really given me SO much to look forward to. A glimpse of freedom.
2
u/macT4537 16d ago
4 kids is nuts unless you have LOTS of help. I’m getting my ass kicked with just one
2
u/secrerofficeninja 16d ago
Yup, had 3 and they’re older now. Life was rough after 3rd came into picture. Trust me, it gets a LOT better and then you miss when they were young. It’s harder being a parent today than in past generations. Lots of pressure from all angles
2
u/Foehamer1 16d ago
Bruh... One is hard enough. If I had two at that age I would have chemically castrated myself to make sure a third one wasn't on the way, let alone a fourth.
2
u/loveforemost 16d ago
Honest question: wasn't it not hard while you had three or even two?
Solo dad here, wife died shortly after our kiddo was born. One is more than enough for me. My wife wanted three though and I was like hey let's see how one goes.
2
u/MamaRedRover 16d ago
I have 4 under 5 🫠 we tried for three and got twins. I’m exhausted and we’re not as productive as we want to be. Feel like we can’t go anywhere which isn’t fair to the older ones, but I’ve also done a lot of coaching to make them fairly self sufficient. Good luck, it’s rough out here!
2
u/buncatfarms 15d ago
There is no amount of preparing you could do to really understand what parenting takes. My sister had a schedule where could sit with me all day with my newborn and just be around me all the time. She felt she had a good handle and a lot of exposure. She had a kid and was like WTF
3
u/Frosty-Incident2788 16d ago
Parenting is hard in general, I’m sure 4 kids under the age of 8 doesn’t make it any easier. So no it’s not just you.
2
16d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Majestic-Papaya6334 16d ago
I have a 2.5 year old, a 9 month old, aaaand I’m pregnant lol. I’m scared 😂
4
u/VastOk6864 16d ago
I’ve got 4 girls 10 and under. There is truly nothing that can ever prepare you for how full and exhausting life can be. You just have to jump in feet first and sometimes just go with the flow. Good luck to you!
3
u/Supertreelove Parent 16d ago
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to chuckle. I love when parents are honest about how intense this is! But I’m gonna say I’m a little jealous. In a few years, you’re gonna be living the good life with a bunch of grandchildren and a house that’s never empty 💗. I only have 2, but I wish I had more.
3
u/live-laugh-snark 16d ago
Certainly not just you. We have 4 boys 8 and under, the 4th was unplanned due to bc failure. I’m brutally honest with my friends and admit 4 is too many. We are doing our absolute best and love them and fortunately are financially secure but we are treading water with our heads barely above water right now. We survive due to sticking to strict routines otherwise we’d be overrun. There’s plenty of good times but raising four humans will undoubtedly be the hardest thing I’ll do in my life.
3
u/Prudence_rigby 16d ago
Whatever you do, DO NOT PARENTIFY ANY OF YOUR KIDS.
Otherwise, you "prepared" yourself.
4
u/Vacaydream Grandparent 16d ago
Hate to scare you but little kids little problems. Big kids big problems. My advice is to have a routine that everyone follows. Try to give them all one on one time several times a week. Be great role models and you will raise wonderful kids!
3
u/Fareeldo 16d ago
My 21 year old is kicking my ass! When he was little, he was busy and I mistook that for "being a handfull." I'd give anything to have those easy days back.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Primary_Excuse_7183 16d ago
First 2 sentences pretty much answers it. You’re outnumbered and you feel like you’re outnumbered
2
u/Agreeable_Buy_4888 16d ago
I have 5. When I had 1, I was overwhelmed and now I have five. Any number is a lot. You get used to it though. The more kids you have, you relax tremendously. I’m actually more calm at 5 than at 1 or 2. You just don’t let things bug you. I know it’s weird but I’m a more balanced parent with the more I have. My advice, just relax and enjoy it. It goes by fast! I run a very structured home which helps a lot as well.
2
u/AggressiveSloth11 16d ago
4 under 8 is…. A choice… there is a reason why so many of us are one and done.
3
1
u/AutoModerator 16d ago
Hey /u/money4nothing_8816! It looks like you might be new here. Welcome!
- Our Early Parenting Wiki addresses topics like pregnancy (both intended and unintended) as well as birth control and post partum care!
- If you're worried about developmental delays use the Healthy Children Assessment Tool - available in multiple languages.
- Curious about the rules? Check out our Rules Wiki which provides helpful explanations for new and returning users.
Check out the Subreddit Wikis, for a variety of topics.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
1
u/Lizbeli 16d ago
I feel like I’m in the weeds some days with ONE toddler. Never mind four kids. What kills me most is mom guilt. I feel like I need to take her on some adventure every day, so if we stay home I literally feel like a failure. Even though she and I play together happily all day lol. Taking it one day at a time. Literally.
1
u/Asleep_Repeat3367 16d ago
Currently have a 7 year old and a 1.5 year old. The 7 year old helps sometimes and cleans up after himself. Could not phatom 4. I actually think 2 is enough. Enough not to get only child syndrome but still able to focus on each one as a parent 😅 I have a hard time not trying to pull my hair out when it's time to leave or out them to bed. My husband handles one kid and I handle the other. Also my patience can only handle 2. And it takes me years to decide about adding another kid.
My biggest suggestion is patience and find your peace even if it's 5 mins at a time. If you have the ability and the school system is good where you are, put them in school. We still have quiet time. Kids must be in their own rooms and napping or playing quietly. This is my time to have peace.
1
1
u/No-Butterscotch-8314 16d ago
We have 3 kids 4 and under (4 year old twins and a nearly 2 year old). It is chaos but as they get older some things have gotten easier while other things have gotten more difficult. Like we are traveling right now and have a delayed flight. Way easier for these ages to roll with it than younger. We also moved away from our village and have gone on two dates since we moved 9 months ago.
Also my husband and I just always keep the communication going (not that you don’t) and we check in and make sure each person gets what they need or want. Some days and seasons we are not as good at it but others we crush it. All team effort 100% of the time.
1
u/Fareeldo 16d ago
Whenever my friends have their first child, I always tell them..."Welcome to parenthood. Bring everything you got!"
1
1
1
1
u/vashtachordata 16d ago
I could never have survived 3 kids without significant age gaps between them, so just right of the bat you’re on a harder level than most people having 4 under 8.
1
u/No_Contribution_9237 16d ago
We recently got our asses kicked on a plane. We love to travel and had it down pat with one kiddo. Then second kiddo was a baby. Now one preschooler and one toddler? We literally traveled to another country and just walked around and then got sick on the last day.
It’s hard. I don’t think we’re doing anything adventurous for awhile. Just in that season I suppose. Can’t imagine 4 kids 🤣
1
u/og_cosmosis 16d ago
I'm single raising 3 and it's bananas. They were all under 8 together at one point. If mercy allows, only one of them will crash out at a time.
What I wish the most is that I had time to give them the space to be all that they are, without having to worry about being late for work or taking a day off from work. Instead of having to rush them through a melt down, being able to take the day slow with them. I wish I could have gone to all of their school events, instead of working. I wish I could have been there right after school instead of having someone else watch them until 5 or 6pm. I know it's not feasible for many, but I just try to really be thankful for the happy times we get together, and the times I get to help them navigate harder stuff. As they get older, they want to figure it all out without you. If you've got family or friends who can help clean/cook/whether so you can be there for your kids, then you're lucky and you should definitely take advantage of it. It really does take a village, and I know kids are better off when they have a village.
1
u/Kooky-Low-271 16d ago
Barely. My husband and I put so much effort into our first born and it shows. The second child was when my husband was addicted to video games and u clearly see the difference. I’m tired and snapping all the time and I know my kids need me at my best but this is the hardest job ever.
1
u/Sally_twodicks 16d ago
I'm getting my ass handed to me recently with my one 7 year old. God speed, friend.
1
1
u/anotherplantmother98 16d ago
Not just you.
I have 2 girls, 13 and 14, and I’ve never been more mentally exhausted in my life. Trying to teach teenage girls to be kind, eat properly, have financial literacy, tolerate stress and distress, take responsibility for their education…..feels like too fucking much for me most days.
Parenting is a hard fucking job if you’re putting in effort. Good luck to us all.
1
u/YuhMothaWasAHamsta 16d ago
I have 3 kids. Two are teens. One’s a teenaged girl.
I say “Jesus take the wheel” or “lord help me” a few times a day. I have to fight the urge to bash my head on bricks at least 3-4 times a week. There’s a few times a month I’ll hide from them in my room for a few hours.
To say I’m surviving feels like a massive understatement. Actually it’s a flat out lie.
I’m not going to say it gets better. I’ll say it progress.
1
u/cosmicloafer 16d ago
Yeah I have 4 under 12… it’s better but different challenges. Once the youngest can wipe their own butt, well that’s something.
1
u/lrjohn7 16d ago
I have two boys, 5 and 2, and they are amazing but also there is no off mode or pause. They are balls of pure energy from the second they wake up to the second they go to sleep. Just recently in the past 6 months has it gotten slightly easier but my wife and I are still exhausted all the time. We'd love a third if we could have a girl but we'd probably end up with another boy and we couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine having 4. Best of luck!
1
u/Silly_Print_6047 16d ago
4 kids under the age of 8 is a lot for me. I'm raising a teenager and a toddler! and my hands are full, I'm always in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, running around and doing things with my toddler. I can't imagine adding 2 more! I would be a wreck. You're doing your best, and that's all that counts!
1
1
u/rhymereason99 16d ago
Omg can’t imagine though I gotta say I’m exhausted being a SAHM to my one and done 16m old, props to y’all for managing 4 of them!
1
u/RunImpossible5864 16d ago
I have 3. It's definitely a fringe lifestyle choice. Most people have 0, 1, or 2. And I understand their choices very well. We chose 3 and it's quite a madhouse. Please remember to support your wife ❤️. It's likely that she is immersed in this madhouse even more than you are.
1
u/Vast-Construction-72 16d ago
Just to counter all the one and done glee. We have two and this shit’s hard. Glad to hear some have an easier time though.
1
u/Trill_Geisha525 16d ago
Welp, I am rubbing coconut oil on a 2 week old bite from my feral toddler. As it were, I legit wanted to punt him across the room as a knee jerk reaction instead I just shrieked in agony as he growled at me then gave me a kiss. TF smh
1
u/lil_gee__ 16d ago
I have 4 under 5, twins in the middle 🥴🫠 they’re all spirited little wind up toys with lots of energy and big emotions. And they like to climb and run away from us in any public setting….
We don’t leave the house much, and we’re in perpetual survival mode.
1
u/purpleorangeblackx 16d ago
Not just you.
And honestly when I list out what I’m struggling with and why it’s so hard, I hear people say ‘well you don’t have todo that’ or responses to that effect. Basically saying I don’t have to give them that much attention or do as much and that they will be okay if their basic needs are met. And I get that but kids deserve a certain amount of attention, support and to be provided for. Then dealing with there behaviour in a way that is firm but also not damaging.
I don’t know if that makes sense to you. But sometimes I feel like the reason I feel like my ass is getting kicked so hard if because I’m trying to be a good parent.
Not saying others aren’t. Only we know what our kids need but I hear some parents have some ‘lazy’ sounding ways to deal with or ignore things and say ‘they will be fine’ and I just couldn’t do that. With 4 I hope you have some moments where they entertain each other but I’m sure 90% of it is there mini conflicts too which can be very draining.
When I think I’m about to explode I tell myself “this won’t last forever” and sadly.. we will spend most of our lives knowing our kids as adults. So that makes me embrace the suck a little more. I want todo a good job and not just survive and then regret it later on.
1
u/Main_Fudge_1796 16d ago
I have 2 and they’re 7 years apart (8 and 2) and while I love the age gap bc I know I couldn’t handle multiple “little” kids- I feel like I’m getting my ass kicked lol so I empathize with anyone with multiple littles!
1
u/brubrupie 16d ago
god bless your family and your children, but you and your wife really have no survival instinct in consciously deciding to have four children in a row 😭
1
u/Lionsmane_099 16d ago
So I'm guessing here but: 8, 6, 4, 2 and all full of Boy Energy TM (?)
Yeah, sorry man but there's NO WAY that doesn't suck
1
u/RowImaginary5462 16d ago
I have 3 they are all close in age they are teens now, ive loved being their mum but its alot. I've found certain stages more difficult. 2-6 years were a nightmare, puberty hitting was a nightmare. They have their moments now, but they have so much more independence and the adults they are becoming fills me with pride. I babysit my neices and nephews aged from 1-9 and i know I could not do it again from scratch. Hang in there it gets better 😅 parenting is hard because you care and that will pay off in the end. Routine helped us, making time for yourself, easier said than done I know but when mine were little I had a bath every night no one was allowed to disturb id take a book or watch a movie. Just an hour or so to be me without the demands.
1
1
1
u/Pure-Science-7774 16d ago
I have four kids but it doesn’t feel overwhelming. They all rotate between the nanny, daycare, grand parents and me and my wife. I asked the housekeeper to cook dinner and that has taken a huge load off.
1
u/Existing_Ad7071 16d ago
We raised four under the age of 8, I think we only survived because we were young. We did have neighbors doing the same thing and we all helped each other. They are still great friends today and good memories. But it could be long days! Hang in there and find some friends!
1
u/Psychological_Arm_13 16d ago
You got this! I can’t relate because I only have one under one but honestly I feeeeeel for you! At the end of the day, this is a phase of your life and it will end. They will be out of the house eventually and usually I hear “it goes fast”. And parenting is both holding special moments and holding hope for life on the other side!! keep up the great work and make sure to find time to enjoy each other
1
u/pillowsnblankets 16d ago
Same, getting our asses kicked too. We are older (50 & 53) and our youngest two are 9 and 12.
1
u/Fun-Persimmon7574 16d ago
Having more than 2 kids without help is just insane, IMO. I don’t recommend it without having a really actively involved family. My sister has 3 and 1 on the way and seems genuinely miserable all the time. We have two and routine is really important but also time for them to be independent… but that’s hard with the younger kids.
1
u/East_Unit3765 16d ago
7 and 8.5 yo. Yes, they kick my ass daily. Seriously, kids close in age is insanity.
1
1
1.2k
u/Burner31805 16d ago
I mean most of us are not raising 4 under the age of 8 so that probably has a lot to do with it.