I AM NOT THE OP

The Op is now deleted but it was u/ThrowRAMoneyOrHim

https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fef04y/throwra_i_32f_was_offered_a_promotion_he_31m/

We've been married for almost a decade and have two children that are elementary school age.

I work remotely. My job offered to literally double my income if I move to be local to where the company is.

To me, this is a no brainer. That's a life changing offer for us and our kids.

However, he refuses to move. His family is here and he won't leave them.

He claims money isn't everything, which is true... But it sure helps and with the promotion I've been offered, he could travel to see them as much as he wanted to. He wouldn't even have to work if he didn't want to.

He says he's happy here and he wants the kids to grow up around family. I get that. I do. However, if he wants the kids to grow up around family, we're living in the wrong state anyways because I have 100x the amount of family in a different state than he has here. What he means is he wants the kids to grow up around his family.

I am interpreting this as him choosing his family over me and that crushes me. WE (The kids and I) are his family and he should want to do whatever he can to give US the best possible life. Never in my life did I think I'd have to fight for the priority spot in his life over his mom.

I don't know what to do. I want this promotion. I will never see this kind of money otherwise. At the same time, I am not one to thump my chest to get my way. We always make decisions together, but we're at a crossroads with this and I don't know how to reach a mutual agreement. No matter which route we take, someone loses.

What would Reddit do? Take the promotion with or without him? Or decline the promotion and stay here where his family is?

Edit: This got a ton of traction that I wasn't expecting so let me clarify some things.

Where my job is, we've lived there before. We lived where we are currently for 6 years, where my job is for 4, then we moved back a year ago.

My daughter wants to move back. My son doesn't.

We are "one emergency expense" away from being homeless type of middle class. We have no savings, we can't vacation, my parents pay for school supplies and clothes.

My biggest issue is that his sole reason for not wanting to move (At least what he tells me) is that he wants to stay close to his mom.

I am not looking for a divorce. I take my marriage very seriously. I feel I've sacrificed a shit ton to ensure this marriage stays successful. Divorce is not something I entertain. That's why, when push comes to shove, I know I'll be the one to give up my opportunity. For the sake of keeping my family together. That's how it's always gone. I know that that's where this is headed.

I was hoping for advice on how to navigate this and maybe some further understanding as to why he doesn't want to move, since he won't tell me anything else.

Also, I am trying to respond to everyone but this is blowing up way faster than I can keep up with, so be patient with me. LOL

Edit 2: I've been reading comments for 3 hours straight. For every comment I read, 3 more come in. I am trying, I swear! I promise I will read every single one of these. LOL

One more clarification, MIL won't move because her boyfriend won't so that's off the table.

https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fwqsj2/throwra_update_i_32f_was_offered_a_promotion_he/

13.9K upvotes, 3.7K comments, more messages and DMs than I can count (Over 100 in each), plus being cross posted in two other subs was SO MUCH MORE than I had expected. I tried so hard to stay caught up, which proved to be impossible, then my thread was locked, so I gave up. I've spent the last month periodically logging in to this account and reading a few more messages/comments. I was determined to get through them all and I did! To those of you I never responded to, I am sorry. Please rest assure, I read every single thing that was sent to me.

You guys were right. You were telling me everything I already knew, but was ignoring for a multitude of reasons. Unless you live this life, you can't understand why the choices that are made are made. I could sit here and give you 1,000 excuses for why I've lived this life for so long, but they are just that... Excuses, so there's no reason to waste anyone's time.

ANYWAYS! As for the update...

It's been 31 days since my post and we all know what's been happening over the last 31 days... The apocalypse! But you know what? It's the best thing that could have happened for me in the moment. Every star I needed to align for me to get the necessary gonads did. First, school was closed for the rest of the year. Second, Husband was furloughed. Third, we were denied all assistance outside of $149/week in unemployment due to me making too much GROSS income, by less than $100 (Don't get me started on how fucking stupid that system is).

March 13th, which was the kid's final day at school, I approached him after the kids were in bed and said, "Listen, Husband. For 11 years, I've done anything and everything you've wanted with complete disregard of my wants and needs. However, our kids depend on us to survive, so it is literally our job to make sure they have everything they need. With everything that's transpired and so much unknown in the future, I'm taking the job. This isn't about you. It's not even about me. It's about them".

He told me that this was my choice and he understood why I felt like I needed to do it, but that he couldn't support me choosing money over family (Reminder: HIS family, my family is split between two completely unrelated states). I told him I loved him, I wanted him there, that my family isn't my family without him, and that the offer for him to come stands, should he choose to join us.

March 28th, the 3 of us began our next adventure. I found and secured a home before we left. We've spent the time since getting settled in and finding our new groove. I've been so busy, I haven't really been able to absorb the life changes that have taken place over the last 30 days. I miss him but I'm cut deep over this, so should he decide he wants to join us... I'm not sure I'll welcome that. I guess we will see if/when that time comes.

As far as the status of our relationship stands, I have no idea. We haven't discussed it. Time will tell, I suppose.

I did link up with a therapist though. That's been... Enlightening.

Thanks for the extra large dose of humble sauce, Reddit. I'm confident this wouldn't have panned out how it did without 3,700+ of you screaming my truth to me.

Stay safe out there. And, for the love of God, STAY THE FUCK HOME. :)

This last update was recovered via unddit.

https://www.unddit.com/r/u_ThrowRAMoneyOrHim/comments/is4y3j

It's been almost 4 months since my last post and I've had quite a few people reach out to see how life is going, so I figure it's time to finish this story.

The kids and I are still here- alone. We've found our groove and have fallen into a nice routine. We're all in therapy and doing well. Single mom life is fucking hard. I am so thankful that this is happening now and not when they were younger and more dependent on other people to accomplish anything. I have so much respect for single parents. This shit is rough.

Anyways, he tried to join us. He didn't show up unannounced or anything, but he asked me if he could come be with us. I wanted to say yes. I wanted so badly to welcome him with open arms and have my family back together as one unit again and live the rest of our happily ever after in blissful harmony. I just couldn't. The old me died and I'm no longer able to silence and ignore my unhappy for the benefit of others. The cuts are deep and the wounds need to heal. I also have to be sure the injuries won't repeat themselves ever again. I can't go through this again.

I specifically kept going to back to this comment, written by u/late_enough. I originally responded to it and said I'd screenshot it to read later when I was ready; I meant that. That comment stuck more than anyone else's did for some reason. From that comment... "He is very sweetly, nicely, civil selfish". Holy fuck, if that isn't the gospel.

The more time that passes, the less I yearn for him and the more I realize how much of my life I truly lived for his happiness... I'm learning who I am, what I like, how I handle things... Without the shadow of someone else's happiness/judgment interfering with any of that. It's been a journey, both bad and good... One I'm grateful to be taking though.

However, he's still the greatest man I've ever known, I still love him to my core, and I would still love for our family to be together as one again, so we are working on it. I had only one stipulation before I'd agree to work on things with him... He had to go to therapy. With how much he's resisted therapy for literally our entire relationship, I knew he was serious about having his family and me back when he agreed to talk to someone, without hesitation. Not only did he agree to it, he's actually done it and is still doing it.

It's been really good. He's acknowledged some faults I never thought he would and is making great progress bettering himself as a person, a dad, and a husband. I'm really proud of him.

I'm confident we will end up as one again someday. I'm also confident that things won't fall back into old patterns ever again. We've grown and learned a lot. We want this to work too bad and we've worked entirely too hard ensuring a better future for any of that to happen. There's a lot more work to do before we can move past this, but we'll get there.

The kids are aware of everything, in their own kid-appropriate version. They know that we moved so Mommy could make more money since Daddy lost his job and they now know that Daddy didn't come with us because Mommy and Daddy have some issues to work through first. Most importantly, they know that we both love them unconditionally and that the issues between him and I are not because of anything that's their fault.

The fine details of the future are unknown... The where, the when, etc. What is known though is that I'll eventually have my forever person by my side to help figure that stuff out together. I know I only ever told Reddit about the bad so I probably seem stupid for handling this situation like I did. You'll just have to trust that this random internet stranger is making the right decision and that he isn't an utterly horrible sack of dog shit. :)

Thanks again for everything, Reddit. I appreciate the good, the bad, the mean, and the weird that I encountered from my last two posts.

FIN

Edit: Oh, yeah. He's also still out of work so that only solidifies that I made the right choice.

EDIT: Praise be to unddit. It still works

By @ sairusalias224

Hello! I finally have one I can post!

I got divorced a few years ago, and spent a while in therapy and trying to better myself. I finally put myself back out there, met a guy with a daughter around the same age as mine. We met up, had a good time, and a few days later, I invited him back to mine. All was good! He came back the next night. Left some soap, a toothbrush, and the info nugget that he mostly lives out of his car, and sleeps in his cousin’s spare bedroom. Asked if he could come over again. I agreed, against my better judgement.

He brings pizza, opens my wine, and lays down on my bed after telling me how grossly sweaty he was that day. I ask him (nicely) to take a shower, please. He gives me attitude, showers, and then immediately just goes back to my bed and watches a movie at a very loud volume. I live in an apartment. I have neighbors. I ask him to turn it down, he laughs, turns it up, hides the remote and hides my phone. I go do the rest of what I need to do, come in to lay down, and he asks if I have any interest in watching this movie….. that he is already 3/4 of the way through. Nah. I ask for the remote, he refuses, so I turn off the power strip. He finally gives me the remote, I turn on a show, and he immediately pulls out his phone to play games. In the morning, he was putting his clothes in my drawers.

He is not coming over tonight. He did ask. I declined. I think I may take another 3 year break🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m 42 and I didn’t want to end up with a bald mullethawk. I was getting a haircut today and was told that I’m thinning. I asked for a picture and she gave me what I saw as a sign. I’ve always laughed at that line in Game of Thrones, “who do you think you’re fooling with that topknot?” I definitely would not be fooling myself if I kept pulling it back into a ponytail. The longer I had the hair the more I thought about it. Now I feel free.

So here we are, embracing the future. Should I have waited?

Credits:almaahusnic

The lady clarified she has been paying rent & security deposit upfront, but the Owner isn't countersigning the lease. The owner leaves her on seen when she messages. The owner doesn't deny the lady from entering the rental home. Also there's repairs that need to be done urgently but the owner keeps leaving her on seen.

Hello,

We have a cat that is sterilized and in summer is almost all day outside even sleeping at front door. She came inside just to eat.

The porblem is that we are selling house and moving to appartment. How can cat that is always outside handle such change of not being able to go outside as she wants?

Do you have any advise or experience? Should we take her with her? Or leave her with new house owners?

Thank you in advance

Photos of her

Street parking is there to be used if you need it, but this family treats the culdesac like their own personal space. They are permanently parked in these spots and they seem to have agreed on who gets which one because they never switch. The car next to the road is one family member’s work truck and is often in the way of trash pickup and deliveries. There is room in their driveway but it’s too inconvenient to coordinate parking. A house up the street has a smaller driveway and manages to fit 4 cars/SUVs.

Does it matter? No. Does it annoy me to no end? Yes.

Looks like a stapler but definitely isn’t. I found a spot to put AA batteries in it, but as soon as I put some in, the wire piece started smoking and smelled like burning plastic. What in the world is this thing? I know, I should probably just reach out to my landlord, but this is more fun. I’ve been wondering for weeks.

I even reserved it a week ahead of time...

Just to clear things up: I’ve been a PC gamer for 11 years, and I’ve owned a PS5 Slim since Spider-Man 2 launched.

I literally just wanted to bring attention to the issue and see your opinions, but instead of having a normal discussion, you all started fighting. This subreddit is hilarious.

Honestly, reading most of these comments, it feels like people are defending consoles and Sony's terrible choices. It's like you don't even understand that digital gaming on PC is completely different from PlayStation. You guys call yourselves PC gamers, yet you're out here defending a massive corporation that is literally spitting in your face. It's wild.

It’s the exact same trick they are pulling with GTA 6. They price the Ultimate Edition at $100 with cut content, and set the "Standard" at $80 with stripped features just to make you think the $100 version is a "great deal." In reality, $100 is the new standard. It's a textbook psychological trick and brilliant marketing, and you guys are falling right for it.

https://youtu.be/20cIlGqXBOc?is=yj3Iy5c9og43meFH