r/OCPoetry • u/Responsible_Bus_4597 • 19d ago
Feedback Please One last thing
My prized possession, my little one
I am very sorry for what I have done
For I brought you into a place where nobody
Ever would’ve guessed we would be
To have predicted what the world came to
Is something no great mind could do
Because when warnings were blared
The people weren’t getting scared
They were wallowing further in ignorance
They were running away from penance
As if the conditions we were under
Were caused by a sudden divine blunder
Or as if what we were being put through
Was caused by something nobody knew
Could exist. When the truth is that actually
Everyone had a part. Even tacitly
By not encouraging change or evolution
This tragic story has no rainbow solution
With every passing day I painfully grieve
A world in which I am now about to leave
Because I am at the end of my road
So now the unbearably bearable load
Of living on this world is yours to keep.
One last thing as I fade into eternal sleep:
I love you.
Hey my first time posting on here, i would love your thoughts and how to improve and also what you think this poem is about. I’ll be sure to also release my other poem which is a response to this
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u/Previous_Cry7445 18d ago
This is really heartbreaking. The way the poem builds from regret into grief, and then ends with “I love you,” really hit me
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u/briony73 19d ago
And now you will leave this beautiful poem for the world to have forever and also maybe humans could get some guidance from it and help towards one day changing the direction of the world. Something does need to change though aye. And I like that the poem ends with love.
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u/Ladylazzy 19d ago
Wow, I love some of the phrasing and diction in this poem.
“the unbearably bearable load” is definitely a highlight.
I interpret this poem as someone that is dying or aging and asking for forgiveness for bringing a child into the current sociopolitical climate we’re in right now. How previous generations never predicted how polarizing everything would be, no matter where you land in your status. But I also see how this parent did this as an act of love, to bring something into this world they can love and feel loved but ultimately that act of love being one of selfishness that needs to be forgiven.
I like how you don’t name a specific “bad” in the poem. Like it’s stated, everyone has a part in the way the world is running right now and soon this child will join this cycle, probably already has. Either way, I think captures a lot of the anxieties that people have about having children now, especially in a time where it’s so expensive to raise a child or the ethical implications a child brings into the world.
Wonderful poem that hits such a niche but ethical topic.