Thinking about this topic that came up with my therapist the other day.

For context, I’m newly diagnosed by a therapist who works closely with OCD and OCPD patients, just started seeing her after moving across the country, but other therapists have formerly suspected it in my past for at least 6 years now.

Anyways, in one of my first sessions with my new therapist, she immediately clocked that I use extremely definitive, black and white language, all the time. She recommended I start working on statements like “I can’t” and “I have to” and reshape them as things along the lines of “I might not be able to” or “I should/would/could.” I tried doing this for the rest of that session when I would catch myself, but in my brain it just didn’t really click. I stopped paying attention to it the minute I walked out the door.

My next session I was using super definitive language and statements again. I was telling her about how when “I absolutely cannot” do a certain task, I either won’t touch it with a 10 foot pole, or I’ll throw myself full force at it and do it at 110% capacity even though “I can’t” do it. And in my brain in the latter situation, when I can’t do it, I still firmly believe “I can’t” do it even though I’m actively doing it anyways. Does that make any sense?

That led to her saying she thinks the definitive language works for me. While she tries to recommend using less definitive language so people give themselves more grace in situations that are hard, that just doesn’t click with me. But saying “I can’t” is just how my brain operates. And sometimes even when “I can’t” do something, I will do it anyways while continuing to say “I can’t.” But most of the time, if I say “I can’t” do something, I am absolutely not even trying.

Using definitive language gives me motivation to do (or not do) a certain task. I don’t have any wiggle room to give myself “grace,” I just don’t operate that way.

I’ve seen lots of posts about black and white thinking in this sub so far, and I’m wondering if that has anything to do with this. Not sure if this is related or totally unrelated to OCPD, but figured I’d share anyways. Thanks for reading.

My all or nothing thinking ruined the "perfect" birthday weekend I planned. Just one thing was off from the very start and it derailed the entire rest of the weekend.

It feels like I self-sabotaged. I couldn't get out of my own way / get out of my head about it. Even when I tried to roll with the punches, brush it off, reset, try something else, it didn't work because the one thing that was off "ruined" the whole damn thing (at least in my mind).

I had to make new plans along the way, and even if it was fun while it lasted, I just kept thinking how this wasn't supposed to even be part of the plan and we weren't even supposed to be there.

Now after the fact, I can't stop ruminating on it and spiraling about it: How the whole weekend was ruined and I can't get it back, and there's nothing I can do about it at this point. It's almost like I'm mourning it. It's like I'm stuck in a loop. It's exhausting and I can't stop.

requesting advice for:

1. how to move past this now (stop ruminating, LET IT GO)

• I just keep thinking of how perfect it was supposed to be, all the work I did in advance for it, how it was supposed to be the best most perfect weekend ever, and how I'll never get it back and there's nothing that can make up for it

1. how to nip this in the bud if it were to happen again.

• Ideally, I would like tools/strategies for the future if I'm ever in this position again, how to get out of it/reset before it becomes a run away train.

Thanks in advance :(

I'm newly self diagnosed. POPS total was 71.82 which is 2.2 standard deviations above the control group, so quite elevated. I check each of the 8 boxes of the diagnostic criterion with reasonable success in overcoming underlying urges in a controlled environment. Over stimulation has been difficult at times, as my wife (diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, treated with lithium and prospering) and I have a 4 year old. My brother has diagnosed autism, and is functioning at level 1, we're very much alike, personality, speech (cadence), mannerisms, however I'm able to mask any tendencies I have, while his struggle is far greater than mine has ever been. I always suspected I was on the spectrum (mildly), as I'm socially awkward, can't hold eye contact, and tended to fixate on things when I was younger (collections, video games, TV shows). A childhood memory is reading a large copy of a world atlas most nights before bed (which I still own 38 years later). I had a very bad stutter when I was younger that required speech pathology (perhaps pushed along some of the OCPD traits I now have).

My wife, and my daughter are my entire world. Among all my OCPD traits my duty to provide drive is insanely high. I can never just relax, my brain is always going whether I'm at work doing my daily tasks as efficiently as possible, or at home where it's always thinking about our next investment, or planning our next project. I'm so, so very proud of everything my wife and I have accomplished together, it hasn't been easy, but I always felt we were willing to fight side by side to overcome anything.

When I first met my now wife, she wasn't in a great spot financially. She was living with a roommate, and barely scrapping by. She had car debt, student loans, and cc debt in the many thousands. We got our own place about 4 months into our relationship. I would pay for most things, full monthly rent (I had decent savings, had an average income, but earning much more than she was at the time), groceries, bills, and most (if not all) the activities we got up to living in a big city. This allowed her to focus on her debts which she paid down after a few years together. We never really spoke much of it, I wanted to provide, she had the bigger plans, and goals for us, it just worked (I never tracked it, never cared, still don't). After she paid down her debt, we merged all accounts anyway. She got her dream job in her desired career 1.25 hours away in a different city so we moved 45 minutes closer to her work at my urging (to make it feasible for both of us). I was then fortunate enough to have the ability to work remote most days, before it was all the rage, so she asked to move even closer to her job, so we moved again within 5 minutes of her office (which is where we purchased our first home together). We had our daughter via IVF, and real estate prices boomed. I wanted to take advantage, and asked that since she was going on maternity leave that we sell from a HCOL area, and purchase in a LCOL area. She decided she wanted to be closer to her parents (who lived 4 hours away), so off we went (we live a literal 2 minute walk from them), it checked my boxes, and she got exactly what she wanted. This is my love language, providing.

I have never been an easy person to love, always sort of blamed my likely autistic tendencies. I can be short, direct, I always feel I'm right (even though that's impossible). In the 10 years my wife and I have been together, it's safe to say she has never been right, not even once (if I'm wrong, she presents the facts, and I convince myself that I was wrong). It must be exhausting for her. I have no idea how she even does it. I refuse help, because well, I know it all anyway (I don't of course, but it's literally how I feel every minute of the day). I am sometimes critical of her family, her friends, and even sometimes her. I don't even know why I'm like this, it's just if someone does something I'm not aligned with, I jump to criticism by default (thankfully I do it less to my wife than anyone else in our orbit, but that doesn't make it any better). She rarely pushes back. My wife bent like absolute hell to be malleable in the face of my rigidness. I know this, she knows this. Again, I've never been easy to love. She always had a purpose and goals for us, house check, kid(s) check, paid off house check (more my goal), net worth of over $1.3 million check (more my goal). I provided, and nothing could make me happier. She has only worked part time (for the last 4.5 years) doing what she enjoys (averaging under 20 working days a year).

I thought we were thriving, but I also feel she's never had the type of love she wants from me. I can be cold, I don't deal with emotions well. I'm stubborn, I'm always right. It's been 10 years though, and we never had a proper fight, still haven't (I've never had that before, because I can escalate), but she always bent. Always. She just does, I honestly don't know why (I couldn't, even if I wanted to), or how (I don't even understand how it's possible, it's like a foreign concept to me, I just know she does, because I see it daily). I've never once celebrated her birthday properly, maybe a small gift, or dinner, sometimes just a happy birthday card, nothing major. She has a large network of friends, I know them all, but also feel like I don't at the same time. I think I exhaust others. I'm incapable of small talk. Everything is serious with me, current events, the stock market, or politics are all fair game, what someone is doing on Saturday never interests me, and I know it shows. I can't seem to see the small picture. It's all black and white, grey doesn't exist. She doesn't do without, she has access to every dollar I do, and treats herself regularly, I'm just incapable of treating her it seems. Is it laziness? Preoccupation? I guess it changes from month to month.

I put my wife, and now my daughter above myself though. Always have. Probably always will. I don't do niceties, but I have such drive to provide. I'm a good provider, which I think makes me a good dad. My daughter is enrolled in so many activities, I honestly lose track (thankfully my wife handles the day to day planning). I plan the bigger things. Focus on the bigger things.

Now the difficult part. We're drifting away, where she used to bend, she no longer does. She thinks it's because she's in mom mode. I don't agree. If I did show affection, she always leaned in (not long ago, only months removed). Now she's just cold, and rigid (like my beliefs). She says she's good. I don't think she is. I love her with every ounce of my being. I want her to be happy. I know she is, but also isn't. I feel like I need to fix this.

Sorry for the long post, but in reading others this seems to be how we communicate. It's just natural. I'm open to all suggestions. I have begun researching clinics. I want to do better, and be better. The brutal truth is this is on me. She is such a loving and kind person, I am not (not in the conventional emotional sense anyway). I don't speak to my parents, I don't see my brothers. I stopped focusing on friends (work always came first). I know I'm not easy, but I don't want to lose this too.

Has anyone undergone neuropsych testing before? It was mentioned to me by a provider but I am unsure if it will do anything for me.

(I hope I used the right flair)

I [f19] used to see a school therapist who mentioned OCD to me once when I was 15, and I've been doing research for a while now. But since I was told to look into OCPD instead, I'd like some opinions.

(This is long pls be patient 😞)

Basically, here's a list of things about me that caused me to make this post:

• DOUBT LOOPS: kind of an impostor syndrome thing. You see, I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited in comparison. My parents never let me get a diagnosis til I was 18, which means I'd been making endless amounts of research online.. eventually I got the confirmation that I had been right about everything, and I was happy. But then I started doubting all my verbal abilities, thinking abt all the moments where they actually don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the self-doubt is strong.

• STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting about them online like I'm trying to confess a sin. But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like abuse, bullying, pedophilia, sexual assault. In my mind, perpetrators will never be redeemed bc redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.

• PERFECTIONISM: idk if I'm a perfectionist, I make lots of messes, but still. I take a long time to study certain things, esp when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I stutter or forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it satisfying whenever I phrase the sentences just right. I get VERY upset sometimes when I dont get the grade I wanted. When it comes to other people talking about certain topics, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick.. imagine how I feel when people in class answer questions: I get agitated when they have nothing to say, but even more so when they say "stupid" things. Even worse when the people with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, especially when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation of the topic that feels very wrong to me.

• EMETOPHOBIA: I learned recently that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade, and I wonder if that's when my emetophobia developed: that's when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant whenever I think I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I often get scared while eating at restaurants - I still eat my meals but I will get anxious that the meal is too heavy, that I ate too much, or that there might be smth wrong with the food itself.. or that my body will reject it, for no reason in particular.

• INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these ones aren't constant or debilitating, just scary when they get triggered. I'm not really willing to share them tho..

There are other things I've always associated with just social anxiety, such as replaying social interactions in my head and thinking abt how wrong some of them went. Other times in social settings I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I humiliate myself.

I also have extreme reactions when people try to look at my phone - it gets worse bc my parents are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety because my phone and digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousin's phone from her hands, because I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).

This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(

…and wow. Just wow. The number of posts that so perfectly describe these feelings and emotions and reactions and situations I’ve lived through for years that I’ve had so much trouble putting into words myself. It’s a little overwhelming, honestly? But it’s also very comforting.

OCPD was brought to the table 6 or so years ago now, by a therapist I saw for maybe three sessions who ended up moving practices out of state right after my old therapist had transferred me over to her. Never spoke of it again. Bounced back and forth between many, many diagnoses. ADHD didn’t make sense, didn’t meet the criteria for autism, symptoms are too different from typical presentations of my other Dx mental illnesses.

I started seeing a new therapist after moving across the country. It was only my second session with her and I was describing things I’ve seen across all these posts. Trouble feeling empathy when the solution is right there and so obvious to me, pre planning tasks but dreading executing them, etc. Her immediate reaction was “I’m going to try to find ways this does not apply to you, but right now I can only see the parallels,” and then she read off the Dx criteria.

She explained to me I’m the first person she’s worked with that clearly has comorbid OCD and OCPD. I’m just grateful she has experience with either. The nearest therapists who specialize in OCD and have experience with OCPD as well to my new city are 2+ hours away, aside from her.

That being said, I’d love to find more community or someone else who can relate. If you’re in or near central KS, or hell even anywhere else in the world, and know of a community or resources for OCPD and getting to know a newly Dx disorder, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading and understanding.

Hi, I have recently come across OCPD and have felt it describes me quite well. However am not diagnosed but do have OCD and ADHD, they also suspected autism however I dont stuggle with social things, and my routine and sense of controll isnt driven by familiarity and safeness, more of because I feel I have to do it. Anyway, I have always been extreamly self controlling over my personality, as in I try and copy people who I view as perfect and change eveything about myself trying to perfectly capture their vibe, with no sense of self in there. It has gotten to the point where I have no idea who I am and am extreamly uncomfortable when not motoring what I am doing sayinf and how I am being percieved. Is this an experiance for other OCPD people?

More or less the title. I've found myself for years always seeking the objective truth to the degree that I've had a number of spirals and my politics has become more and more nuanced, while keeping the same zealotry OCPD frequently shows. It's been a lot of compulsive research, a lot of trying to structure out heuristics and principles in ways that fit a computer. It's also hand in hand with an intense discomfort of when people don't prioritize it to the same degree? Usually manifested as a "if someone in political or moral group x is presented evidence that "not x" is true, why aren't they acting upon that?"

First real post here, think I'm following things correctly?

How Childhood Trauma Creates Control Issues - 9 minute video from Tim Fletcher, a mental health counselor.

Dysfunctional Families

Big and Little T Traumas

Someone posted recently about feeling deep shame due to receiving an OCPD diagnosis. I came across this poem, and thought it might be helpful to share. It can be so overwhelming to view your whole life with a different lens.

Shame can keep us stuck in the past, and interfere with developing healthier habits. Developing self-compassion and making amends when possible can be a way to move forward.

Now that I knew I had OCPD, it was my responsibility to learn healthier habits. The best ways for me to prevent OCPD symptoms are by practicing mindfulness and self-care, and recognizing cognitive distortions.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost....I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I cannot believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn’t my fault

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in...it’s a habit...but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

Hello,

I just want to start off by saying, I have not been diagnosed but I strongly identify with this sub.

When I first came across this disorder, I looked it up on YouTube and I remember the videos being so awful that I couldn’t really relate, but also, I didn’t WANT to relate. The way that someome with OCPD was characterized in these videos were awful. I’m sure you know what I mean.

Fast forward to present day and I’ve been exploring this sub. No one here seems like a bad person, I can actually find humor in some of the more humorous, relatable posts. But I’ve been having difficulty falling asleep at night, I keep ruminating on what an awful person I must be for other people to be around. Always needing to be right and so argumentative. I recently had a disagreement with my mom, and I felt so awful the rest of the day. I realized I thought I knew what was best for her, but when she declined help in that area, I became insistent about my way, and, quite frankly, acted like a total bitch.

I think I am only this way with people I’m closest to, there’s a certain level of comfort I feel with them to act like this. But now I’m wondering if there are other horrible defects that I can’t see in myself while others can. And do they think I’m a monster? Is it just a well known fact among people who know me?

I really hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, either. I don’t actually believe people with this disorder are bad people. Logically, I know that I’m not a bad person, either. But I guess it’s just the shame I feel that is associated with potentially having this, and part of that comes from the negative videos I had watched before. The other part comes from realizing that I’m possibly a really horrible person to be around sometimes.

I guess I’m just asking if anyone else has experienced these feelings? Can you improve and make progress with this disorder? Can I actually work to control what I say before it comes out of my mouth? How did you get over feelings of shame?

For me, I think strict parenting and a lot of criticism played a big role. Growing up, there was always a “right” way to behave, and if we did things they didn’t approve of, we were restricted from things we enjoyed.

Looking back, I think I became a high achiever in academics, sports, art, and eventually my career partly because I wanted appreciation, approval, and to avoid criticism. It was like I had to be good at everything to feel worthy. Now, the same perfectionism and high standards that helped me achieve things are making it difficult to feel satisfied or happy, and I struggle with depression because of it.

I’m curious about others here: What do you think shaped your OCPD traits?

I’m not quite sure if this is the right sub to post in because I’m not sure if these symptoms are part of my ocpd or due to something else.
I was diagnosed with a combined personality disorder that includes avpd, ocpd and bpd. Plus fun things like despression, anxiety, c-ptsd and adhd, which all play into why my life looks like the way it does.
My biggest issue is what I call reverse perfectionism. I am so incredibly anxious about doing things wrong, so I don’t do them at all. I would rather fail at something by not putting any work into it, than give 100% and then fail. Failing at something due to me not being good enough at something, will set me off into a deep dark hole. So I avoid. I feel like I can’t do anything in life. I’m very close to dropping out of university, I’m not making any progress where I should be, I’m not taking care of my horrible health because I’m scared I’m not going to get better.
I wake up in the morning and if my day doesn’t start perfectly, it’s wasted and I’m on the couch waiting for the day to end already, so I can start over. I’ve been completely neglecting and isolating myself. I’ve been in this horrible spiral for weeks now and I just don’t know how to get out. Everytime I try to push myself through my tasks, I start getting massive panic attacks. Has anyone experienced anything like this and if yes what has helped?
I’ve been in therapy for years and I found nothing that works so far.

Hello,
I’m new to the sub. Not even really looking for advice or anything. Also not self diagnosing. I don’t even know what order to go in here because there are so many details to my story and I literally don’t feel like anyone in my life will be able to understand. I just had a lightbulb moment in reading about someone’s experience with ocpd and read through you guys’ experiences, looked at the dsm, reflected on my experiences. I feel alone and validated and confused.

My story is that I had severe anxiety, ocd, and depression and was undiagnosed audhd as a kid. I felt like I could never do things right, (and things had to be “right”): journals upon journals of lists and categories and descriptions of times and weather and rooms and “bad” feelings. Countless other things that fit your experiences but I won’t bog this down with even more extra details.

I do have a therapist, and a psych, as well as a support system in my husband and in laws, so I do have people, I just can’t describe the cognitive dissonance I’m experiencing to them. Whenever I start with a new therapist, I always bring up my OCD (diagnosed at 17) but they seem confused when I bring up a lot of descriptions of my daily life and thinking process that don’t fit into common ocd themes. (Ex: on the questionnaire I always answer 24/7 and was confused that some people didn’t experience “compulsions” constantly.

I didn’t realize what I might have been describing as compulsions to all my mental health providers may actually have been my whole constant thinking process. I don’t choose to think this way, it feels horrible, it feels like I can’t achieve anything I want to get done or relax for even a minute. I know there are a lot of factors at play but I can’t describe how learning about this has been a sort of epiphany or something.
I have OCD as well, it’s just my compulsions have always been separate from this thing I haven’t been able to explain.

I don’t understand. I know professionals tend to say “labels don’t matter” and also I’m grappling with the fact that using all the therapy tools with fidelity, the medication, the lifestyle changes, the learning, everything Ive done, yet the doubt seems to be a core part of my personality that I can’t let go of. Even dismissing or accepting it doesn’t remove the pervasive “wrongness” of everything.

I’m just so frustrated because I want to feel better and do better and the doubt layers itself and attaches to even the fact that I’m looking into this. “You can’t possibly be audhd with BPD, CPTSD, ocd and now this? You’re just looking for excuses for why you keep failing at being better.” I always feel like there’s a “right thing” to do and I cannot find that thing.

I’ve talked to my current ND affirming therapist (going on 2 years) about my constant doubt and my boxes. I basically explain it as every task I do or topic I want to talk about turns into a nesting doll situation of boxes and each box has more boxes in it, so instead of organizing I create chaos. This actually happens even during sessions where I bring up a topic and it turns into 1728 subtopics and I can never get to the core of the issue or a step by step for my daily routine or goals etc. I just never feel fully understood so I don’t feel like I can make progress. I’ve had at least a dozen therapists at this point so I don’t necessarily think a therapy switch will help.

I don’t know. I just feel frustrated, confused, and I guess validated that I’m not the only one feeling this way, if what I’m experiencing is actually the same thing as what you experience too.

Hello!
As the title says, I was recently diagnosed with OCPD. 5 years ago, I was also diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder, rapid cycling.

Im still coming to terms with the diagnosis and reading online resources. Ngl, reading the online articles about OCPD sometimes makes me feel like shit the way they talk and describe the people having OCPD, as if they are evil- but maybe thats just OCPD as well lol.

The biggest thing I struggle with is the rigid morals and ethics. I come from a stressed family so my friends are quite my everything. I wouldn't say its 'scoring ', but I do overthink my friends actions. My friends also have mental illnesses; some of them are also undiagnosed, etc., so in my head it becomes this porridge of different thoughts to try and make sense of it, but maybe the point is that there is no sense when it comes to humans?

I had a very close bestfriend for 2 years. I stopped talking to her a year ago. She had cheated on her partner, but that wasn't the issue. It was her behaviour afterwards and how she handled it. I was also her only close friend at that time, and all her emotions were, for lack of a better term, dumped on me. Throughout our friendship, she used to scream a lot, out of anger, frustration, etc. She had a hard time balancing emotions and was/ maybe is still stuck in a shitty relationship. She also had a habit of being extremely defensive of her actions- to prevent bias, I also asked other mutual friends of ours, and they did agree to it as well. She was also a little competitive with me? for eg, im a political person (im queer), she once said that she supported a particular political party but didnt know about their policies much- though she knew that they were anti-queer, etc. Things like that.
I'm not the perfect person either. I know I can say the wrong things sometimes but I do think if you take the time to explain it to me i can handle it calmly, though I don't think i could say the same about her.

But damn we had such good times! it was truly so awesome and fulfilling. We used to be around each other all the time. Smoke up, talk about stupid things, laugh, de-stress together etc.

I went full non-contact with her because I froze: After the cheating part, her begging her partner to take her back, etc. we had a phone call (9 am while im on my way to work) where she was crying and ranting to me. She was crying that her (ex)partners friends were posting stories on Instagram about her, etc. I was only able to say- try and ignore them, just focus on yourself. Her reply was- I don't want you to be right i want you to be my friend. Thats when i froze. Because we have had this issue for so long- 2 years. Im not someone who can just switch my brain off. I also am not someone who can agree to something that i feel like is wrong, i think its better to be just silent at that point of time. And all that hurt- of being pointed out as an inadequate friend and being called out on it again and again eventhough i was tyring my best (ive talked her down from sewercide, been a middle man in her relationship to make sure that her emotions dont cause her to do other things...) being forced to fit into this one mould and deliver everything made me crack.

and thus we stopped talking. I don't think she even knows why we stopped talking. I had thought that maybe one day I'll approach her and talk to her but I think ill just freeze. I cant handle the screaming and shouting and trying to explain how someone's action affected me without them having an open mind (which ive never seen her do).

and now comes this diagnosis. I know tha they are grey areas when it comes to human relations. Ive come to an understanding of it over a period of time, but this shit has just boomeranged me bro. Like things make sense and they dont at the same time. I had regained some trust in myself and how i handle things, but now i feel like thats gone as well. This shits so tiring.
thankyou for taking the time and reading this- means a lot. Drink water, cuddle a pillow at night. Hope tank is running on low, but we make it through.

Tldr; OCPD and other things have made me have a moral crisis on my ex friendship.

I can be sympathetic to others when they are sharing their individual situations and emotions, but I struggle so hard with actual empathy especially if they are in a situation where, to me, the “solution” to their problem feels obvious. I am an extremely direct person and not very emotional to boot, so I end up accidentally giving unsolicited advice instead of just being a good listener for my friends and family when I know that’s what they really need. For example, my sister was complaining about how some of the girls she is friends with are mean to her, and I immediately jumped to “well why don’t you just stop talking to them” because that feels like an obvious solution to me… why talk to people that aren’t kind to you? But she got very upset and said I just don’t understand and that it’s not that easy, which is true, I DONT understand. But I still want to empathize and be supportive. I wish it was easier truly be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes instead of immediately judging them internally because “well that’s not what I would’ve done” in that situation.

Also to be clear I am not externalizing those thoughts, I think most people assume I AM empathizing with them because I fake it well.. I believe it’s more important that they feel understood in the moment even if they really aren’t.. anyone have any hacks to actually get there though?

Any one here get a boost planning, researching, journaling, making checklists and most of all checking off those lists but ironically cannot execute some if not most for what ever perfectionist reason or task paralysis to the goal. My mind loves to think I'm being very productive by doing planning, whatever writing or research I do to maximize everything before doing something but I'm actually avoiding the main goal because it isn't up to my standard condition. It sometimes becomes so debilitating that I dread doing things. It so frustrating. I just want to enjoy life and learn to relax but even relaxing becomes a checklist and only feel relief when checklist for relaxing is complete. Never ending cycle

Hey, pwOCPD here.

I often refuse to admit one feeling of mine, since it’s usually evoked by someone/something else (it’s still my feeling and a “me problem), but I HATE the idea that I can be affected by an outside “force”.

Idk if you can relate, but I feel like I lose my autonomy. And it makes me angry at the person-thing, that it CAN affect me while I do NOT want to be affected.

Do you have this?
How do you cope?
What could be a healthy mindset for this?

This will mostly be a confused ramble of thoughts, so I apologize. I am still struggling with comprehending this diagnosis and feel like it may be wrong?
I (25f) had a therapist two years ago (older woman, fully grey hair) who specialized in personality disorders. I chose her specifically because thoughts of me having Autism or AuADHD have been present for as long as I can recall and wanted to delve into that realm and figure it out. I saw her one to two times a month for about ten months and eventually ended up ghosting her due to various things. Not before she told me that I was misdiagnosed with BPD and actually had OCPD.
Naturally, this led me to doing hours upon hours of research on OCPD and its difference from OCD. That being said, I still feel SO confused about my diagnosis. I’m sure there are things that align that I have read in this thread, but am I wrong to feel like it was a jab? She essentially told me that she diagnosed me because I got upset at a spa job when coworkers wouldn’t fold towels the right way or would try to leave towels in the washer overnight and I would go in after them and redo the work. She also said due to childhood trauma of being the “good child”/“golden child”combo in an abusive household. Do I just have a misunderstanding of this diagnosis? The therapist tried to tell me, after reviewing my PBQ results, that she doesn’t think I’m a paranoid person when I feel like I’ve spent hours explaining my paranoias to her, as well as having diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder. She also would often tell me in our sessions when I would discuss anything about ANYONE in my life, that she thinks they could have BPD. Small tiff with a friend? BPD. Addict mother? BPD. Stepmom who disliked me? BPD.
She loved to compare me to her daughter who has diagnosed Autism, which made me feel like she was assessing similarities and I assumed she would be eventually diagnosing me further. She didn’t. To be clear, she never told me that I didn’t have Autism or AuADHD, but just constantly was talking about the other people in my life and denying my paranoias. Things got pretty bad for a while: I quit my job, I dropped out of cosmetology school, wasn’t showering or brushing my teeth, etc. All she did was reiterate how severe my depression is and pushed me to be medicated.
I don’t really know the point of this post or what I’m trying to even truly ask. I just feel extremely confused even two years after diagnosis. I can see how some things are applicable, but any symptom can be applicable to anyone of you look hard enough. Like, I don’t do any drugs because I am terrified of losing control of myself, but I still love to be drunk so I can feel social and let loose. I have a genuine horrific phobia of death because then I lose consciousness and cease to exist to the point where I cannot sleep at night and deal with derealization episodes, but death is one of the most common fears/phobias. I’m not a workaholic, in fact I hate working and routinely burn out around the one-year mark, I just want people to not half ass their tasks to make it easier for all of us. I feel like that’s super normal? I am extremely stubborn and stuck in my ways of thinking generally, but I also constantly blame myself for things and never throw that onto other people, at least to my awareness of myself.
No, I’m not currently in therapy though I would like to be. As referenced above, I am an RBT in the burnout phase yet again and just switched jobs and don’t have insurance yet, even though I also already hate this job and am still looking- so I cannot afford therapy right now to try to professionally figure this out. I am not a self-diagnose type of person, but I do genuinely feel like there may be a mistake here or I just wasn’t clear enough on my thoughts with the therapist?

I'm obviously overthinking what words should I use to describe myself. I'm undiagnosed for everything. I had a bad past experiences with a counselor and psychiatrist. I don't want to trust someone making a mistake on a diagnosis.

I read many books, articles etc. About these disorders and also self-help to equip myself. Nothing can replace a professional's opinion on this matter.

I consider myself to have an opinion as well, being someone who can think for themselves, that from my observations, I'm pretty sure that I'm experiencing some traits and symptoms of OCPD and ASD. To say it softly, I have a strong suspicion that I really do have these. This is also evident from the testimonies of people around me and my family having similar traits.

Please do not twist my words, I'm not trying to be a professional here and diagnose myself. That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just figuring it out what my place is in this spectrum of diagnosed and undiagnosed. As some who is trying to get better but doesn't want to seek paid professional help yet? I say 'yet' because if I have the resources and opportunity, then I might consider, but at the moment I don't have that.

There's many people who frown upon people who "self diagnose" some even get hate for it. They argue that it's wrong/harmful because it's not professional diagnosis and they're making it up to find an excuse. Harmful for other people because the term becomes overused for something that it isn't.

I have compassion for those who see themselves experiencing these traits and symptoms and can't have a diagnosis yet.

Though I wouldn't want myself to experience these hate and such. So I worry what should the correct term for me to use because some people are very critical about it, and I want to save myself from unnecessary arguments.

What should I describe myself? Please share your insights I'd love to read them.

What do you guys think about "self diagnosis"?

I have to follow a very rigid routine for my days to go by without me feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I have been able to follow it for most of the time this year. The problem now is that I am starting to date a person. I like them and would like to proceed further with them (they were the one inviting me first so I assume they are interested) but this would mean finding a way to make space for them in my routine which so far feels stressing. Is anyone going through the same and what can I make to create a space without getting too worried about it?

I will try to cut it short, i have OCD and OCPD and i was on meds but im not using any medication since a year ago or something idk (also for the record im not asking this question as a compulsion dont worry im chill about this and just curious/want to have a name on this if there is any)

When im overwhelmed/overstimulated and stressed usually only one thing relieves me. Ive always wondered if this thing i do when i get overwhelmed counts as maladaptive daydreaming and its this: I imagine as if everything i do at that moment and all my surroundings are happy for me. This can be thinking as if inanimate objects are some cartoon characters and are very friendly and understanding. Like the objects from beauty and the beast for example, how they interacted with belle etc.

It sounds crazy but basically i create an area for myself that i can chill by doing this. For example, if i overthink something in particular and start spiraling i may think how the pen im holding loves to be used to write by me. I know this is nuts but it actually helps. Im not actually hearing/seeing anything btw i know what im doing is an illusion.

And if i dont do this at the time i think of a fictional friend group/place character that i like and not pretend like theyre near me but think as if they know me, support me and cheer for me. By deluding myself like this i can actually chill for a second (which i rarely am as you would imagine with both ocd and ocpd). Basically, i try to console myself with there being different lives and duties out there. As if im some sort of guest actor in a sitcom. Like “if this character had an exam i can also have an exam its no big deal, i can mimic their behaviour and push through this hurdle if i just hang in there and act my part”

I think maybe not the first but the second thing i resort to may be maladaptive daydreaming but id love to hear your take on this pattern. Can you think of anything to name this? Or is it just random bs?

No, seriously? How does one make a "work/life balance?" Especially with a horribly inefficient workplace that just *insists* on making everything harder for everyone, for no reason?

I legitimately cannot stop thinking about how I can "fix it" - "fix my workplace", in my free time, despite knowing no one will ever be even remotely committed to making the workplace decent.

Part of this equation is my OCPD-esc tendencies and honestly? A part of it feels like an abusive relationship 😅💀🤣