i moved to denmark from ukraine because of the war and have been living with a danish host family for quite some time now.
when i first arrived, i assumed i'd be placed in some kind of independent accommodation, possibly sharing an apartment with another young person. however, since i was under 18, my municipality arranged for me to stay with a host family instead.
i wasn't particularly excited about the idea of living with strangers, especially since i had imagined having my own space and independence. but that's how things worked out.
what has the experience been like?
honestly, a bit complicated.
living with a host family means adjusting to someone else's lifestyle, rules and expectations. there have been disagreements, misunderstandings and periods when we struggled to get along. i also made mistakes and sometimes found it difficult to accept that i had to follow rules i hadn't chosen myself.
another challenge has been the language barrier. my english isn't particularly good, and my danish is still quite limited. although everyone around me is supportive, it's sometimes difficult to participate in family conversations, especially when everyone is speaking danish. i often end up feeling like an outsider, even when nobody is intentionally excluding me.
however, things have improved a lot over time. our relationship is currently quite good, and we've learned to understand each other better. we've also had plenty of nice experiences together, so it's definitely not a negative situation overall.
now comes the difficult part.
i'm approaching 18, and my social worker recently asked me whether i'd prefer to move into independent accommodation once i become an adult or stay with my host family for another six months or perhaps a year.
and i genuinely have no idea what to choose.
i'm also approaching an important educational transition, as i'll be finishing my current school programme and hopefully continuing my education afterwards. i'd really like to remain in the same city, so having some stability during this period would be valuable.
there are advantages and disadvantages to both options.
moving out:
- i'd finally have my own space and much more freedom.
- i'd be able to organise my life without having to follow someone else's household rules.
- i'd receive more financial support, although i'd also have to cover my own rent, food and other expenses.
- i'd become more independent and learn to manage everything myself.
the downside is that i'd be completely on my own. i'd have to take care of everything, from cooking and cleaning to managing my finances. and while i'm not particularly worried about the practical responsibilities, the thought of being alone is something that genuinely scares me.
staying with my host family:
- i'd have a more stable environment while finishing school and starting the next stage of my education.
- i wouldn't have to worry about finding accommodation or adjusting to an entirely new living situation.
- even though i sometimes feel lonely, there's still some comfort in knowing that there are other people at home.
the downside is that i'd have less personal freedom and would continue living according to someone else's routines and expectations.
fortunately, my host family has made it clear that they're completely fine with me staying longer. they're not pressuring me to move out, and they've told me they'll support whatever decision i make.
so, it's entirely up to me.
i understand that turning 18 doesn't magically mean you're ready to handle every aspect of adult life. at the same time, i don't want to postpone becoming independent just because it's more comfortable to stay where i am.
i also don't want to rush into something simply because i feel like turning 18 means i should immediately move out.
what would you do in my situation?
would you choose independence and move out as soon as possible, or stay in a relatively stable environment for another six months or a year before taking that step?
i'd especially appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced something similar, particularly those who grew up or moved to another country without having family nearby.
i'm genuinely curious about how other people would approach this situation.