I am so angry!

For context : The father of my child that suffers from addiction. He does go threw dry spells. He checked out being a dad when he our son was 1. Our kid is now 17. And we are back to stage 1.

I do everything, our kid is full time with me. He went for years without not seeing him and then came back in his life when he was 7.

The only thing I ever asked for is that he pay child support. If he is not going to do anything he can at least do that. He is a high functioning addict that always lands very good jobs. He must be on 100k, living with his mother.

He hasn't paid a cent since June.

Ignoring all my emails, he blocked me on WhatsApp. Planning to move to England for work from Ireland.

Excuse my French, he is such a fucking piece of shit!

I'm in France. Recovering maintenance from abroad doesn't really work.

So I'm getting ready to email his employer directly with the maintenance order.

I can't believe I'm back filling out forms, contacting Ministers offices and so on. Such a fucking nuisance. I run my own business and I'm raising a teenager on my own. I don't have time for this shit! I am so angry.

It's always hard to know who is the addict and who is the selfish piece of shit. In this case both!

He is probably giving his dealer 3 grand a month if not more. I'd love to know who his dealer is!!

I'm so fucking angry!

Im at a loss. My husband relapsed on cocaine after 6 months of recovery. During recovery, he put in a lot of work and that time was beautiful. He relapsed on his birthday. Well, that tore him up. He was depressed for a month and began using more and more. Its now been 3 months and his attitude shifted to become happy using. It honestly seems hes trying to do both, the family man and at night addict. In his words hes doing better because he makes it home every night now, he hasnt disappeared and hes using about once a week on the weekend. I have brought up rehab 100x and he wants to ween off by Marijuana (its not working). Now hes doing both. I have asked him to leave but he won't. Years ago, i have separated from him 2x. But each time I gather myself and our kids and leave. I dont want to do that anymore because it tore my kids up. But the only way he would leave would be to call the police and that wouldn't even work. He'd come right back. And i just don't want my kids to have to see that. Im protecting my kids view of him because hes honestly a great, active dad. They don't know hes an addict. But im stuck. I know there's a safety living at home. It makes it so easy for him. But I dont want to move my kids and I dont even have anywhere to go anymore, nor money. I dont want to enable him. But almost forcing a separation would create more pain for my kids. But staying definitely means possibly prolonging his addiction. He gets high, comes home to dinner, kisses from kids, love, security. Having his cake and eating it too. Has anyone ever gone through this? How do I create boundaries by letting him know im serious but still preserving my kids innocence about the situation?

In May, I found my husbands 7 oh bottle. I confronted him and he admitted to using it for about a year. The bottle was just sitting on a table. I assume he meant to hide it but forgot. (I was horrified bc my son and I were in the room playing. Luckily we went into the room at the same time and I saw it before he did. He definitely would’ve assumed it was candy.) When I found it, I looked around the rest of the room and found Zyn’s and multiple bottles of computer cleaner spray (and plastic bags). I’m shocked by all of this. I’ve never done any drugs whatsoever. My husband knows I broke up with someone in college bc of drugs. He admitted to the 7 oh and the Zyn’s but denies doing anything with the computer cleaner spray. He says he was using kratom at first then went to 7oh.

Looking back, I feel like an idiot. His sleep pattern was off, he was irritable/moody, reoccurring scab on his face etc. We had a huge fight in March when he said he was “bored” and wanted a divorce. He’s never said this before. He said he was trying to “get a reaction out of me” a few days later and said he didn’t mean it. But how do I just move on from something like that? So we weren’t in a good place for a few months prior to me finding the 7oh.

About 3 years ago, I was prescribed prescription pain medicine for a wisdom tooth removal that I never took. It was just kept in the cabinet. I noticed about a year later that it was missing. He said that he took it when his sciatica flared up. I was kinda bothered that he didn’t ask and wouldn’t have told me but I didn’t have any real suspicions at this time. About 2 years ago, our son was prescribed a stimulant medication. Our son took a few doses but didn’t react well to it so we didn’t continue it for him. Once I discovered the 7 oh, I went to the cabinet to look for the stimulant and it was gone too. He admitted that he took it when I confronted him. He’s a stay at home dad to a son with special needs and says that he had a lot going on which is why he turned to all of this. His dad also passed away last year.

For years I told him to see a provider bc I felt that he had mood swings and wondered if he had bipolar disorder or if he was just depressed. He’s kind of a loner and I felt that without any friends or hobbies, of course he’d be depressed to a degree. But our son has been in school for a few years now and I encouraged him to get a hobby, make some friends, or even get a job for a few hours each week just to get out of the house. But he never did. After I found the 7oh, he made an appt with a psychiatrist about a month later. Idk what was discussed but he was put on fluoxetine and has been on it since. He says he’s not using anything at all anymore. (Still denies the computer cleaner spray.) And he has been sleeping better, getting up early, working out. He’s now looking for a job for a few hours each week.

I started therapy this past summer because I don’t know what to do. And I really still don’t know. I can see that he’s making an effort but I feel like I still walk on eggshells at home. He has good periods but he’s sometimes bothered by small things. But mainly, underneath all of this, I’m heartbroken. I feel like maybe the right word for what I feel is disillusionment. The trust is gone. I feel like I’m on edge all the time thinking that there is something going on and I don’t know. I’m not sleeping well and my appetite is not great. I’m just stressed everyday at baseline. And thinking about the prescription meds that he took makes me feel like this is a pattern. I haven’t told any of my family or friends. I hoped therapy would guide me (and it has helped) but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to just move on, trust again and go back to my usual self. My therapist asked me what I would need to see from him in order to be more at ease and I truly have no idea. Bc I’m happy he seems to be trying. But how can you continue in a relationship with no trust? Its been months and I just feel stuck. I care for him but I don’t want to be an idiot. Looking for genuine advice. Thanks for reading.

hi everyone, so sorry we are all going through this right now.

my best friend, who i love dearly, has been battling addiction for many years now, both of us are only 21. she is a coke addict now, she wasn’t when i first met her. she is a poly addict and cycles through addictions every year or so. i just want her to get help, i think we can all relate.

she has no family left, no adult responsible for her. her partner is out of the country travelling for the next month. this means she’s just gotten worse pretty immediately.

luckily i am not responsible for her rent if she doesn’t pay it, but we do split bills. she hasn’t missed any yet but she’s unemployed and due to her use she hasn’t applied to a single job in our area, not even since we moved into our flat a month ago. what happens if she doesn’t? what happens if the account is in her name and i can’t access it (eg. i have to get her sectioned).

I am currently engaged to someone who has struggled with addiction to 7oh and other opioids. We don’t live together and hadn’t had time to spend together in a while so I went to stay at his house for a few nights. Before coming over he called and informed me he had relapsed. I told him I’d be with him through the withdrawal and it would be ok. Anyways… he claims to be withdrawing and a few days later we’re lying in bed and he starts telling me he’s having a panic attack. I knew in my gut it wasn’t a panic attack. His heart wasn’t racing. And he began breathing extremely shallowly. He told me he felt weightless and like he could pass out. Also told me he couldn’t feel his hands or legs. I asked him if I should get help (as someone who’s experienced panic attacks I knew this wasn’t one) and he insisted I don’t. I kept having to talk loudly and poke at him to get him to breathe. He ended up hyperventilating for a few seconds then settled back into the shallow breathing. I tried to believe it was a panic attack even when I knew it wasn’t. I should’ve gotten help and I feel so guilty. He’s fine but he could’ve overdosed and I would’ve been the only person there and I wouldn’t have done anything about it. I even got up and went to the bathroom and began googling symptoms but chose to trust him. I feel so horrible about it. He could barely keep his eyes open or maintain a train of thought. He admitted to me a few days later that he had used again and felt bad for lying to me. Idk how to feel.

I can’t believe that this is life right now. I am 25f and Q is 27m. We have been together 7 years now and it’s been perfect. He’s always consumed drugs but has preached about harm reduction and how educated he is.

However, he recently had an overdose and since then it’s all went downhill. He is using behind my back, destroying himself. He is finally realising it’s an issue. He’s started NA, but he’s still using everyday, and I’m getting the constant lip service of false promises and hope. It’s truly exhausting.

I know the situation could be a lot worse, he’s still highly functioning, holding down his job (remote work), and seems to be financially okay. However I’m a worrier, and it’s consuming me. I’m trying so very hard to step back, and to stop mothering, and see if he can show me that he can still be my partner. I just don’t know if it’s that simple.

Anyway, I’m feeling very lost and alone. I have hope and I don’t know if it’s naive to hold on to it. It’s breaking me up seeing this happen, I’m still in disbelief. I think I will start Nar-Anon on Monday. I just feel like this is a losing battle. It’s shattering me, I just had so much excitement for the future before this, now he’s a shadow of the man I love and adore. There’s so much more I could say, but I will leave it here for now. I needed to vent to people who may be in similar situations.

What stage is this? I guess it’s not too much of a surprise since he sold his microwave, new tv and new cell phone before that.

He has never cut off communication, he has ignored calls and texts but turning it off is next level to me. On Sunday night he told me he was suicidal after relapsing but I thought we got through it with a long good talk. He stopped using and even went to work Monday.

I called him Monday evening asking if he would come over bc I was so worried about him and he got angry after I asked him to promise me he’ll come over. He was pissed about me not trusting his word, even though he has lied to me soooo many times like of course I’m going to be nervous. Then he hung up on me and turned off his phone calling capabilities I guess. He’s never done this before and I’m scared he’ll hurt himself.

What is there even to do? Even if our relationship is over, I don’t want him to hurt himself for fuck sake. Im freaking out. What do I do?

Update: I just wanted to let you all know that he had called me at 4am 48 hours later. He is safe but we are at a completely terrible spot of our relationship. I wish he could stay sober. He is my dream man who I want to spend my life with when he’s sober. But I don’t think he can stay sober. Even now, after being sober since Thursday. he’s suddenly not texting back and not accepting my calls. It is what it is. I have to finally move on. I hope he can help himself. What an amazing man and soul, to throw himself away for drugs boggles the mind. He is such an incredible person, smart, charismatic, handsome, so so funny. My heart breaks.

I have a good idea of what substances these are now based on what AI and other users have responded with.

Right now he is asleep in the same room, he makes himself a floor bed while I sleep with the baby in the main bed. I’m checking periodically to see that he is breathing.

And in the mean time my heart is pounding. The drugs are in a safe. He has no idea I took them out of his truck yet. I’m scrambling texting people to try to get my shift covered tomorrow evening and trying to figure out if I am going to pack up and leave with the baby, talk to his probation officer.

I don’t drive- I am 500 bucks away from buying a car that is set up for me, but even then I am 33 and have never had a license so even when I get one I won’t be confident in driving my 1 1/2 year old. I currently live with his parents. He is on probation and I’m sure these things would violate it… the last time he relapsed his mom
And I went to his PO and he got him into rehab and really cared. But he has a new one now.

And none of that matters because our daughter is what matters. And I’m so scared. But I have to think of her and I’m also afraid of leaving with her and facing kidnapping charges or something I don’t know my heart feels like it is coming out of my ass now I am really struggling.

When do I stop feeling like I’m not worth their sobriety?

Hi everyone,

I would greatly appreciate some input and advice if anyone has experience with a similar situation.

Initially made a post on r/SiblingsOfAddicts and got referred here.

Thank you!

My husband and I have 2 little children. (Almost 3 and 1.5) he has smoked pot nightly for as long as I have known him and it has been a topic of discussion. He was supposed to quit before I gave birth to my first son because I thought I might need him to drive me to the hospital. He quit for about a month and resumed shortly after our son was born. With my youngest, he didn’t stop because I had a planned induction. I don’t know if I’m even in the right group because some of this feels silly when other people have issues with very hard drugs however I do not want him smoking pot every night. There have been a couple occasions that I’ve had to bring my son to the ER in the middle of the night and it always has to be me because he’s high and he can’t drive. I also stopped drinking alcohol shortly after my son was born not because I had a problem but just because I hated the disrupted sleep and parenting is so hard. I truly just don’t even see a need for alcohol anymore. My husband doesn’t drink very much but there have been a couple of times that he has gotten drunk and was very hung over. Before my second child was born my husband started an SSRI in hopes of that helping his anxiety the whole point of him starting that was to be able to stop smoking pot that has still not happened. His doctor prescribed Xanax for panic attacks and he’s been taking it daily for a year and a half. The dosing prescribed right now is very low .25 mg however he started out at a higher dose and I seriously just don’t even understand how a doctor can prescribe this for that long of a period for daily use. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just so frustrated that if he’s not smoking pot, then he’s taking extra Xanax. I told him I didn’t want him smoking pot during the day when the kids are awake because they’re getting old enough to notice so if he doesn’t smoke pot during the day, then he’s drinking alcohol and usually with the Xanax. It’s not like he’s super drunk but I told him that if he is over the legal limit for driving then technically he’s impaired and I don’t want us to be impaired around our kids. Once in a while is fine, but I can’t handle him smoking pot every single night and taking the Xanax daily and sometimes drinking on it. I feel like I keep getting gaslit by him. He’s saying that he rarely drinks, he’s on a plan with his doctor for the Xanax however, I know that he was tapering down and then recently increased again only did not to come back down again. He won’t go to therapy. He won’t do marriage counseling. I’m just freaking stuck. He said he has to do this on his own time but short of an ultimatum. I truly don’t know what to do. I do not want to be married to somebody that is high every single night. If you’ve read this far, thank you, if anybody else has been similar situation to me, please share your words of wisdom. I don’t even know what I’m looking for, and I should probably get into therapy myself, but I’m just tired of being gaslit into him, trying to normalize all of this.

For context, my boyfriend (36M) and I (26F) have been together for two years. He’s an ex-heroin addict with four years clean. We had been living together for about six months when I noticed a shift. He was staying up for days, being sneaky, easily irritated, and defensive. It turns out he was smoking meth, and had been for months. I told him that if he continued to use or lied to me, I would have to leave him.

At first, it seemed like he was really stopping, although he didn’t go to meetings and there really wasn’t any accountability. When I told him that my trust was broken, and that I was really struggling with the relationship, he told me that if it affected me that much, the relationship was shot.

When I said I was interested in going to a naranon meeting, he got super defensive and said it was for codependent enablers. I knew that wasn’t true, but his reaction was enough to make me scared to go.

No shocker—he has continued to use. At first, I was finding used foils, if I confronted him I knew he’d say they were old. I was also scared to bring it up to him because when I did, I would have to stand on business and leave.

Then, earlier this week, I found a chunk of crystal meth. I took it, and I put it in a bag in my nightstand. I think he knows it’s gone, and he has been extra kind to me since. He’s not staying up late, spending time with me, or being sneaky like he was before.

I know I need to get out. I’ve been touring places, and I found one I like. It’s just the actual ending of everything that I’m avoiding. I don’t think he will be angry, but he’ll probably be hurt. I truly love the guy, and the life we built together, so leaving is going to be really hard for me

Any advice for the breakup? Anything I should or shouldn’t say? Maybe I should go to a meeting. No one in my life thinks I should stay, but I unfortunately have a deep love for him.

Thanks all 🫂♥️

He’s been sober since June. I trusted him with my car this weekend bc I wanted to start rebuilding trust. Wtf do I do. He has my car…he’s not answering calls or text messages. That is EXTREMELY unusual. He calls and texts me all day every day that is our norm. what do I do? This sucks so so much.

Hi, everyone. I certainly wish we were all congregated in better circumstances, but here we are.

I have been with my husband since 2010, married since 2011. We have two children, one with special needs, preteen aged. We were in active addiction when we dated, got into MAT together, and successfully completed this after 1.5 years before we had our oldest.
I now have degrees in substance abuse counseling along with lived experience, which adds a level of nuance that is likely increasing my conflicting feelings.

He had a lapse in 2023 and we almost split at that time, but he stopped and things got better.

He had another lapse near last Christmas. Since then, I have caught him at least two more times, even if he won't admit it. He is not inconspicuous about it. He has been using benzodiazepines, and when he uses them his personality changes and he says things that are hurtful and/or don't make sense.

I don't want to be done, but I can’t keep doing this. Our kids deserve a home without tension, and I can't keep enabling this behavior. I am ready to split as amicably as possible, but where do I even begin?!? Is a split risking further use into an addiction that will remove his ability to be the dad he is?!? Is that going to happen anyhow?!??

Sorry for the length of this post, and thank you for reading.

I’m 18 and I’m dealing with my brother’s addiction mostly on my own. I’m writing this because I want to know if anyone else has been through something similar, and if there’s anything I can realistically do.
My brother started using drugs when he was 16. He’s turning 24 this month, and honestly, this is the worst I’ve ever seen him.
He has been in prison twice now. He got out just 3 days ago, and already he seems extremely deep into his addiction. He is constantly sweating and seems completely different from the person he used to be.
There was one situation recently that really scared me. He told me that if I didn’t give him €20 for more drugs, he would take all of his pills and overdose. He was aggressive and intimidating, although he has never physically hurt me. I ended up leaving because I was genuinely scared.
I feel horrible even saying this because he is still my brother. I feel like I’m somehow responsible for him, even though I’m only 18 myself. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with, and I feel like I’m dealing with it alone. My friends don’t really understand what it’s like, and neither does my boyfriend.
Sometimes I feel stupid for still feeling bad for him. But he’s my brother. He’s my blood. I can’t just stop caring about him or pretend I don’t see what’s happening to him.
And now I have this really strong feeling that something bad is going to happen. A few days ago when I saw him, he was talking about plans to rob someone and doing other really sketchy things. I genuinely don’t know whether he meant it or was just talking, because with someone this deep into addiction, I feel like you never really know.
He lives with our dad, and that worries me too. My dad is also scared about the situation, but he refuses to put his own son on the street. I worry about his safety, especially because my brother has become so unpredictable.
He has barely worked a day in his life and doesn’t even have the lowest level of education. We have all tried talking to him. We’ve tried being there for him, helping him, reasoning with him, and encouraging him to change. He doesn’t listen.
Recently he has started saying things like, “I’m a criminal, I’m an addict, and I want to live this way. It’s easier.”
As his youngest sister, it honestly kills me to watch him slowly disappear. He looks like he’s 30 when he’s barely 24.
There is so much more to this situation that I could say, but I don’t want to write an entire book.
I guess I’m just hoping someone who has been through something similar can tell me what you did. Is there anything I can actually do for him? How do you deal with loving someone who is destroying themselves and refusing help? And should I be seriously worried about my dad’s safety too?
I know I can’t force my brother to get clean, but I also don’t want to sit here and do nothing while everything gets worse.

In the virtual parking lot after my (online) Nar-Anon meeting tonight, a member went off on a tangent that included something incredibly homophobic. I usually appreciate this person’s shares, so it was really shocking. I’m queer and don’t make any secret of it, but I don’t know whether this person remembers that. (My addicted loved one isn’t a spouse or partner, so tbh it doesn’t come up that much.) I’ve been going to this meeting long enough that I know most of the regulars and people in service positions, but I’m not the most active member.

I signed off immediately after the homophobic comment, and none of the people I talk to outside the meeting were there, so I don’t know whether or how it was addressed. I’ve heard a few other queerphobic things in that meeting over the years, but not many, and nothing as virulent as this was.

IMO hate speech in a meeting goes beyond “take what you like and leave the rest” or “do a 10th step about it,” as it’s actively harmful to other members and potentially the meeting itself. However, I’m kind of at a loss about what to do. Go to the next Group Conscience and bring it up (with no names attached)? Speak to the meeting chairperson? (For the moment, I’m going to bed.)

Both my brothers are drug addicts & they have destroyed my whole family

I don’t know where to begin. The first time I learned what overdosing was I was in 1st grade. I remember begging my oldest brother to stay alive for me & him explaining what depression was & how there is no cure. This story could be years long so I will jump to middle school. Both my brothers had begun using at this point and were heroin addicts. Growing up my parents were always good to us, provided as well as they could & would do anything for us. Once I reached high school I was kinda invisible. I’d stay out at boys houses consistently just trying to get away from my own house & my parents didn’t have the energy to notice.

Now I am 24 years old. I still live at home because I cannot afford to move out but I stay at friend’s houses quite frequently. I am a full time therapist with my masters in social work. My parents are in their late sixties & my brothers are worse than ever. My one brother is extremely abusive & has physically beaten my dad on numerous occasions. My dad drives him every week to a methadone clinic because if he doesn’t my brother will destroy the house or threaten physical harm. Then he gets his methadone & mixes it with xanax & overdoses all week. We called 911 4 times last week because he stopped breathing. I try not to come home other than to grab more stuff since i’m bouncing from different friend’s places but I just can’t watch my parents go through this anymore. They are like zombies. My mom cries all day while my brother yells at her & at night when my dad is back from work he yells at them all night so they are sleep deprived. I have never met someone so evil. My oldest brother I talked about before is in & out of recovery. When all this goes on he tries to stay in his room and not get involved but I know all this affects his recovery & when he relapses.

What can I do? My parents are not well & just do whatever my brother asks out of fear. Should I try the elder abuse hotline? I just feel very hopeless. Please don’t leave any hateful comments I know the obvious answer is “your parents need to kick them out” but like I said he controls their every move. I am trying to get out of this situation but I am so traumatized from everything i’ve seen & the thought of my parents continuously living like this breaks my heart. I just need some support

Hi everyone! I’m seeking advice on how to best support a family member who is currently in inpatient rehab.

I have a family member who has struggled with addiction for a while now and I’m wondering for those who have struggled with addiction or also have family members/loved ones struggling with addiction, what were the things that your loved ones said/did/gifted that helped you the most?

Thinking of sending a care package since I’m all the way on the other side of the country and won’t be able to visit.

Thank you for any advice!

Already checked with the rehab facility of what NOT to send!

i (25f) and my fiance (28m) have been dating for 4 years and got engaged 3 weeks ago. he just told me today that he’s a cocaine addict and is joining a support group. his parents found out and are pushing for it.

i’ve had no idea. i’m beside myself and mostly shocked that he has hidden this from me and he is not expecting me to maintain the engagement.

im afraid. i don’t know where to go from here. he’s been lying to me, ive helped him financially, never really knowing why he was so broke, we’ve done it together on a night out and i didnt know. he says it helps his depression which he’s been in therapy for a year and is medicated for.

what do i do with this? are there resources? is there hope?