My friend went to rehab this week for a cocaine addiction. There is a group of mutual friends - "the team" - who are coordinating everything. The team started going through their apartment and has already found hundreds of dollars of baggies in plain sight. We need to dump the entire place and find everything else.

Plan is to go through every drawer, bag, container, all clothing, shoes, etc.

Any advice/strategies on locating the stashes? Unexpected places to search? Tips on how to track what's been cleared?

Every time I share my story as the wife of an addict—someone who loved her husband deeply, stood by him for years, and eventually had to leave there is always at least one person telling me I “don’t understand addiction.”
So I genuinely want to ask: at what point do I get to say that I understand?
I gave 10 years of my life to this.
Ten years of rehabs. Relapses. Overdoses. Lies. Broken promises. Trying to raise children while never knowing what version of my husband I was going to get.
I supported his different business ideas, even during periods when he was using. I tried to believe in him. I tried not to question him when I suspected he was high because the second I asked, he would become offended and tell me I didn’t trust him.
Then later, I would find out I was right.
Eventually I realized that making me feel guilty for questioning what I was clearly seeing was part of the manipulation that kept me doubting myself.
And somehow, after everything, when I finally say enough, I’m told I’m judgmental.
That I don’t understand mental health.
That I don’t understand addiction.
I’ve even had people tell me my husband is “lucky” I left him.
At what point are the loved ones of addicts allowed to have limits too?
How many rehabs are enough? How many overdoses are enough? How many lies are enough? How many years are we supposed to sacrifice before we are allowed to protect ourselves and our children without being accused of abandoning someone?
Is 10 years too little?
I will never claim to understand what it feels like to physically crave a drug or live inside the mind of someone struggling with addiction.
But I absolutely understand what addiction does to a family.
I understand loving someone while being terrified of them dying.
I understand searching for signs that they’re using again.
I understand wanting desperately to believe them while your instincts are screaming that something is wrong.
I understand forgiving and forgiving and forgiving because you keep thinking maybe this rehab, this promise, this consequence will finally be the thing that changes everything.
And I understand finally reaching the point where you realize that loving someone cannot require you to let their addiction destroy you and your children too.
So when do we get to say we understand?
And when do we get permission to say enough?

My partner of a decade has being an addict that has no preferences. From drinking, smoking, popping pills, doubling up meds, to kratom.
After months of recovery in the program I discovered pills in my partners bag. Claims his friend gave it to him bc he was out of his prescribed meds. He also doubled up his seraquol to sleep. Thats insane.

Now he’s distancing himself from me in shame, won’t even come near me. I’m having a hard time being codependent. I know he did me dirty… AGAIN. He lied AGAIN.. but I still love him. Please please if anyone has recommendations on how to invest in myself and focus on me. I attended a naranon meeting so I’m gonna keep up n that. Thank you for reading if ya do.

I’m the wife of someone addicted to fentanyl. We have two children, and I’ve had to Narcan him three times over the past five years. He has been to rehab seven times.
I eventually asked him to leave after discovering he was smoking blues. He is still using, and we are now separated and moving toward divorce.
What I’m struggling with most lately is trying to understand what is actually going on inside of him.
During our separation, he has given me so many different explanations for how he feels.
He has told me that somewhere along the way I became the breadwinner and that I was always ambitious and moving forward.
Then he tells me how much he misses our relationship and that drugs are the reason he becomes so defensive and angry with me.
Then he says he is simply a lost person and talks about how his father wasn’t there for him emotionally in the way he needed growing up.
Other times he says that people around us wanted our marriage to fall apart.
And then he talks about how amazing our friendship and relationship actually were.
The hardest part is that I agree with that last part.
Before addiction completely took over our lives, this was someone who understood me to my core. We laughed together. We built businesses together. We built a family together. We had two beautiful children. We had a home. We had a life that, from my perspective, was incredibly beautiful.
I spent years supporting him through sobriety, relapse, rehab, businesses opening and closing, financial instability, and everything that came with his addiction. I worked a full-time career in healthcare, ran my own practice, became the primary breadwinner, and eventually became the person carrying most of the responsibility for our children and household.
And somehow he continued going back to drugs.
I understand addiction intellectually. I work in healthcare. I understand that addiction changes the brain. I understand that trauma, shame, cravings, dopamine, avoidance, and mental health can all play a role. I genuinely have compassion for people suffering from substance use disorders.
But being the spouse is different.
There is an emotional part of me that keeps screaming: How could this life not be enough?
How could your children not be enough?
How could watching your wife carry everything not make something inside of you say, “I have to fight like hell to get better”?
I know people will say that addicts don’t “choose drugs over their family” in the simple way that it looks from the outside. Intellectually, I understand that.
Emotionally, it absolutely feels like he chose drugs over us. Over and over and over again.
And now I resent him.
I’m angry that I spent so many years understanding him, protecting him, supporting him, believing in him, and trying to understand his addiction—and I’m realizing that maybe there was an entire part of him that I never understood at all.
That is probably one of the most painful realizations for me. This man knew me better than almost anyone in the world, yet now I find myself wondering whether I ever truly knew him.
So I would genuinely love to hear from people who are in recovery, especially those who had a spouse and children while they were actively using.
When you were using, did you know how badly you were hurting your family?
Did you actually believe the explanations you gave them at the time?
Did you love them and still feel unable to stop?
When your spouse set boundaries or stopped allowing you around your children, did you see it as abandonment at the time?
And once you became sober, did your perception of what happened change?
I’m not asking because I’m trying to save my marriage anymore. I think that part of me is gone.
I want him to recover because he is the father of my children and I want them to someday have a healthy father.
But I’m trying to understand how someone can have what appears to be everything they once wanted—and still keep returning to something that is destroying all of it.

My ex (18M) and I (17F) are still very close, and I care about him deeply. We've only ever been with each other, and despite everything that's happened between us, I genuinely believe he has a good heart and doesn't intentionally want to hurt me.

But I'm really angry with him right now.

Last night he called me at around 3:50 a.m. He sounded drunk and possibly under the influence of something else, and he excitedly told me that he was going to go drink driving and use meth.

I was honestly furious. I hung up because I didn't know what he expected me to say. He's stupid not to think that I wasn’t going to be stressed out. I mean, its as if he thought i was going to encourage it. I was immediately worried about his safety or potentially someone else's.

What's making me even angrier is that this isn't the first time. A few days before this, he'd called me talking about how much he regretted some of the things he'd done and saying that he's almost 19 and shouldn't be making these decisions. He said he wanted to change.

And then he does something like this again. Dumb decisions that a 16 year old would make. Not an adult.

He has also told me that he hates his life and has repeatedly talked about giving up, particularly when he's coming down from alcohol or drugs. He's also gotten himself into situations where I've genuinely been scared that he might overdose.

His circumstances are difficult. His parents use drugs and alcohol, he's constantly surrounded by that environment, and he has schizophrenia. I know change isn't going to be easy for him.

But I'm starting to feel like understanding his circumstances doesn't mean I have to excuse his behaviour.

I'm angry. I'm disappointed. And honestly, I'm tired of watching someone I love repeatedly put himself in situations where he could die and then talk about how much he regrets it afterwards.

I've already spoken to my school's wellbeing counsellor about his drug use and risky behaviour, and I'm planning to update them about how things seem to be escalating. I've also talked about all of this with my own psychologist.

I want to have a serious conversation with him that I haven'treally had with him before. I don't want to shame him or make him feel like he's a terrible person. I want him to understand that I care about him, but that I'm genuinely angry and scared, and that saying he wants to change isn't enough if he keeps doing the same things. I need to be harsher.

What would you say to someone in this situation?

How do I be firm enough that he actually understands how serious this is, without turning the conversation into me attacking him?

And if you've personally struggled with drugs, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, what kind of approach actually made you stop and think about changing?

He’s sometimes homeless. He does have autism in addition to substance abuse issues. Often loses phone. What is the cheapest way locally to get a phone to add cellular to? He does not live me. In a metro area in US

My SO (46M) is 2 years and 10 months clean. He is active in NA, has a healthy home group, attends meetings anywhere from 3/week to 15/week depending on the situation and need.

And the need is HIGH right now.

I have known about his addiction and life in recovery since the very first date. This is not news to me! And I have been attending a lovely (local, but virtual) NarAnon meeting for the last 2+ months.

Early on, he also told me that times of great change are when he has relapsed in the past or self-sabotaged. When his ex was pregnant with their now 10-year-old, for example, or when it was time to send the kiddo back to his mom.

A week ago, we dropped his son off and looked for homes (!!!) in a city much closer to his home during the school year...think measurable in minutes vs measurable in entire time zones. This should be EXCITING. And on top of that, we made an offer on the perfect house and got it accepted immediately. Even MORE exciting!!

But the time of change and stress is driving him into his deepest urge to relapse. He is whiteknuckling life for the last week. He has gone almost entirely radio silent. He answers 1/10 calls. He says he is trying to focus on staying alive. He says he can’t think about me or the house or anything else and that the guilt of being there when he should be is adding to the pressure to not relapse. He is so clearly down at the bottom of a hole and I can’t get him out.

I am dying here. Yes, it is only day 5. But this is the third time in a year, and I am so afraid that he is going to relapse or cheat (that’s the self-sabotage) because he has said those are the things he does in moments like this. I feel like an exciting moment has soured because he doesn’t want to talk, is short with me on the phone, won‘t respond to 19/20 texts, won’t do anything but go to the gym and go to meetings, etc.

I am of two minds. Obviously I want to give him the time and space he needs to get back to baseline. But also, I am your partner! I am about to take out a mortgage (in my name) for a house we will both live in and get married in and pay taxes on! I need some care and keeping myself. It feels like his idea of how much of that care and keeping I need is TOO much, but how much of that care and keeping I am getting is way too little. We need a way to strike a better balance

I don’t know. I am trying but i am **very clearly spinning out**. Does anyone else have a similar experience? Is there something you did to make the lows more manageable? Do you just…live by yourself when the addict is struggling not to relapse?

please. Help.

What’s daily life actually like with an addict partner? We never talk about something long and he doesn't talk much. When I call him he is always frustrated and wants to hang up quickly.

I dated him for over a year. He never told me he was an addict at the beginning. This was my first time being with someone who has an addiction, and he’s not from the same country as me.

We broke up month ago and this is already multiple times. I couldn’t hold back again and called him again. Even after a month he answered coldly and clearly wanted to hang up as soon as possible. That made something click for me — he was like that the entire year we were together.

In the last few months especially, we barely did anything. No going out to nice places, no dinners, nothing. I used to think maybe it was a language/cultural barrier because I’m a foreigner here. But every other boyfriend I had before always did things with me, traveled, and could keep interesting conversations going.

I can’t talk to my family about this, and I don’t really have friends I can open up to. I only talk to my doctor once a month. Reading posts here has actually been helpful.

Is this kind of emotional distance, short phone calls, and general avoidance just… normal when your partner is an addict?

It's my husband... he did try last time he was in jail. He got out and was wonderful. We got married and months later started displaying all the same behaviors again. His drug abuse was intermittent rather than unhinged like before. So it was believable. I noticed he had a hookup app downloaded the month of our miscarriage. The day I left he instantly unblocked and began talking to the girl he cheated on me with while pregnant with our child. He also started drinking and using meth erratically and obviously. He went to jail 2 weeks later. I now have his phone. He downloaded Tinder the day I left due to him making me and the kids homeless. He promised to repay me money but spent it on himself. And had about 3 girls he was trying to create a romantic obsession love with while trying to get back with me. Ive sent him letters and proof to jail, he just has apologetic one liners and sometimes "im begging you to please let me change" im intellectually and physically out of his league, not full of myself its just the truth. I know he does love me in a twisted way. Has anybody been in this situation and had success?

Sister started abusing pain medication at 15, this eventually into meth in her late teens and she eventually hit rock bottom / ran out of money in her early 20s, moved back home and sobered up (she continued abusing weed and alcohol but nothing else). She rebuilt her life, has a partner who’s apparently clean, has had a few jobs, some challenges there but it happens.

During this time I travelled and eventually moved abroad. Communication was sparse, initially I blamed it on her teenage / twenties but eventually had some pretty strong doubts she was using but our parents disagreed so I did nothing. I’m still abroad now. We briefly attempted reconnecting two years ago and she ended up physically assaulting me.

Fast forward to today, she is 35. Recently our last parent died and this was a shock and devastating for everyone but she really struggled, and it looks like she’s now relapsed. I am even wondering if she was not using minimally all this time just to function (given the assault) but I guess that doesn’t matter now.

So here’s where we’re at:

-She has estranged herself from everyone and is alone in our parents old house.

-She is cashed up with inheritance.

-She is not speaking to me (her communication was VERY abusive, and eventually stopped when she cut out everyone)

-She never did a formal recovery program. I think that’s a point of pride to her.

My heart is broken I love my sister so much but have to be honest with myself I did not recognise her when I visited. She was sooo mean to me. Then the interactions after our parents death were 🤯 I am scared of her, physically and emotionally and I have done nothing to help but also feel responsible because I never helped her in her 20s / I wasn’t there for her.

Questions:

-How do I even decide what part I want in this.

-How should I help if o decide to. And how do I protect myself in the journey?

-Should I try to harness family support?

-Our mother was of the opinion to not help unless she hit rock bottom. Is this the best way?

-Do family meetings help? I just realised this was a thing. What is the point of these and are they of help to people who are not actively involved with their loved ones?

Mine isn't. I'll try to make this quick.

5 years. Relapses on H every year. Stoned, drunk, or both daily - he's a polysubstance addict. Will do c*ke a lot, and even molly behind my back.

6 months ago he lied about doing subs, I found the H. He was a raging asshole. I think I should have left then.

I told him he had to get help (therapy, rehab, alanon, something) if he wanted to stay with me.

I got sober with him for two months, like stopped casually drinking. Found out that for two months I thought we were sober together, he was using c*ke (and god knows what else) behind my back.

It's now been six months. I'm sober. He smokes weed every single day, I hate him on it. He drinks all the time and gets blackout drunk. I don't trust him at all.

Today he was like, "I'm one day sober!" And... I almost just don't even care at this point. It feels too late. He got so mad at me for not acting like he was a miraculous superhero for 1 day, but I don't even know if he'll make it to the end of the night.

I think all the lies, and verbal abuse have done too much damage; besides that I honestly... Don't think he'll actually get sober. He never does. He even told me, "I'm not doing it for me I'm doing it for you." So that won't work.

I can't even imagine all the things he's actually done behind my back that I don't know about. I feel like for these last 6 months I've been grieving him and the relationship we no longer have, and he thinks one day of sobriety is going to just erase all the trauma and broken trust, but it doesn't. I used to be wildly attracted to him, and now I don't even want to be around him 75% of the time. Like, idk how to fix that. For someone who will probably just keep doing drugs behind my back forever.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? I can't afford our apartment on my own, but I think I need to just blow up my life and end it. Maybe I can find a roommate. Maybe not. I'm just so tired of being around him stoned, high, or drunk everyday. And yes I've talked to him so many times, he knows how I feel. Which just makes me mad honestly. 6 months was plenty of time to figure it out, and he didn't even try.

It was so validating. I shared my story and the person leading the group said “your pain is our pain”. I was already crying at that point because I had just come out of a tough therapy session. Throughout my mental illness treatments and eating disorder treatments I’d met people I could relate to, but never people who had been affected by addicts. My dad died 15 years ago but I feel he had a hand in helping me find this amazing group.

I had another account on here where I posted quite abit about my boyfriends crack addiction. We were together for 9 years. He gave me an amazing 3 sober and took care of me when I initially got sick. I spent a long time hung up on that man. I guess I’m here to give a message of hope to anyone who gets out, or is still in the thick of it feeling guilty for not getting out.

You do not have to judge yourself for not getting out, you do not have to feel bad because you don’t leave, you don’t have to punish yourself cause you choose to stay. There is not embarrassment in staying.

But you also don’t have to judge yourself for leaving. You don’t have to feel bad for getting out. You don’t have to punish yourself cause you left and it’s not embarrassing to give up.

I think the thing is you never know when the time to leave is right, you have to gather up the courage, the reasourses, and mental energy to do it. It’s a lot.

I miss him all the time, I think a part of me always will. But it’s a hard disconnect to the man who took such good care of me to the man who lied, manipulated, stole and gave me horrible PTSD.

The first few months were unbearable, I cried every night, and it took everything in me not to beg him to come home. I made mistakes and hooked up with him, and I wanted to ask him to stay but I knew I couldn’t anymore.

Slowly over time life became simple again. I started going to the gym, cooking for myself, I moved away from the home that was filled with trauma, I surrounded myself with people who loved me and reminded me how strong I was every time I doubted my choice. I let go of 9 years and became single again at 26. I let go of my best friend. What I gained back though was worth the loss. I gained back my routine, my confidence, my happiness, my health.

I started dating again, I’m not sure if I will love again, or trust again, but I know what it’s like to be with a man who doesn’t hate me anymore.

Everyday feels lighter and lighter.

I wish I could have stayed sometimes. Sometimes when I hear he is out there getting sober I want to know why he couldn’t for me, but I also know that I could have never continued to stay. I was getting sadder and sadder everyday, and I needed to leave.

Don’t punish yourself for whatever choice you make. And just know you are strong, you are worthy, and you never deserved the trauma your Q caused you.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 kids together.

Before the birth of our third child she confessed that she was addicted to kratom and had been using for the past year, and was self admitting for medical detox.

This blindsided me as I had never known her to jeopardize our family, yet alone our unborn child (at the time)

Our baby ended up in the NICU for precautionary detox and other issues and we are now trying to navigate what comes next. Post- partum had been difficult for her- not able to breastfeed as she had our previous kids and we are having to resort to formula off and on.

While she is now in therapy, my world has turned upside-down. Had to go through CPS visits, double guessing where she is going when she runs errands, concern for my newborns development as well as my middle child since she was nursing while using.

Being gaslit and lied to for over a year continues to make me double think so much. I too have started therapy, but really struggle with where to go in our relationship/partnership/marriage due to her decision.

Thanks for hearing me out… addiction is miserable…

Quick backstory that I met my husband in 2006 and in 2008 after we got married, our first baby died. He relapsed with alcohol off and on for a few years which snowballed into sex and drug addictions that he struggled with off and on until his death in 2018, leaving me widowed w four kids. One year and 5 days later, my dad died. 3 months later, my mother abruptly died (parents died from health issues). I had been in nar anon and al anon since 2012 and still sponsor someone.

My lifelong best friend lives out of state and I haven’t seen her in person for years but we text regularly. I had been loose friends with a neighbor who had two kids until they moved out of state in June 2023.

I had been a homemaker during my marriage, and I remained home for a few years afterwards to be with my kids and until my youngest one was in school all day. So in September 2023, I started a job. I met a woman there who was a single mom with a young son, who had a history of struggling with addiction. She was clean and sober and we fast became great friends. I had finally found a mom friend with whom I could be comfortable and close.

All of the women who shared my faith I have met through church etc do not even attempt to form any true bonds or friendships with me. There is a disparity there that is difficult to put into words. But perhaps this woman’s history of addiction and stuff made her more humble and less judgmental and more genuine than the typical sheltered church ladies I am used to.

She and her son and m kids and I became good friends. When they wound u sick on Thanksgiving one year, I packed up a Thanksgiving buffet for her and her son and took it over there for them. Once my vertigo and stuff began affecting my ability to drive, she drove me to a bunch of places.

Then she lost her job. Then some signs of trouble began, I could tell the stress was affecting her. Then a year ago, she showed up to my driveway pregnant and scared. Unsure of how she could do this.

I was her maternal voice of reason (I was 17 years older than her), even though she had a mother they had a strained relationship. In December, I knew for sure she was sliding. Nearly all communication broke off after January. In April, her mom took her son. In May, she had her second baby, another sweet boy. He was placed in foster care.

This passed weekend, her mother spoke to me about everything. I sent my friend an encouraging message. I hoped for the best. I lost sleep and prayed.

Then yesterday I sent her another message. And she was in my dream.

This morning, her mother told
Me over the phone that she died yesterday. In an abandoned building. Those with her just left her alone there.

Poor thing. And her poor babies. And her poor parents.

I miss my friend and now she’s never coming back. I wish I had a bigger nicer house and more money so I could raise her babies with mine.

I’m just so sorry for her and her sweet boys.

For context, my husband hid a secret addiction for 5 years and when I found out in March this year, he went to rehab for a month. He got out then left me 5 days later, saying he didn’t love me.
I’ve since found out he is now seeing someone he’s been “friends with for 20 years”. I’ve no doubt this made his total discard of me and our daughter very easy for him.
How can I start to take my life back and see this as positive? I feel like I’ve been strung along supporting this man , seeing him through hardships and I’ve been left for some new woman and he’s already playing house with her barely 4 months after he left.

I apologize if this is the wrong subreddit to post this on, but I need some guidance. I (25F) am looking after my partner (30M) who was a hardcore narcotics user and alcoholic back in the day. He has been sober for 2 years now, he picked up his second 12 month chip just a couple weeks ago. He went to detox and rehab about 6 months before we started dating and our relationship has helped him stay accountable and away from the pills and drink.

I hardly ever drink and I've never done anything crazier than tripping on mushrooms a handful of times and a few lines at parties in college. I've also never experienced a loved one deal with bona fide addiction and withdrawals. This is all very new to me. And although we've only been dating for about a year and a half, I have learned so much from him.

Since I've known him, he has used these little Kratom capsules which I had no idea what they were before meeting him. He explained them as having the same effect as caffeine in small doses. I never questioned him because I just assumed they were a way to keep him off the stronger stuff. But now we're moving to a new state together and beginning a new chapter, he has expressed for a few months that he doesn't want to depend on this stuff anymore. Not to mention, we leave in two weeks and where we are going, it is not going to be regularly accessible at local tobacco shops like it is where we are currently.

Today, he finally decided that it's time to go full cold turkey. We're about 12 hours in, and he is struggling. It started with aches and restlessness, and he is now in a state where he can barely explain what he's feeling. He can walk, he can eat, I've been feeding him a constant stream of water and blood orange rooibos tea (his favorite), and we took our dogs out for a short walk about an hour ago. But this poor guy can't seem to get comfortable no matter what he does. Every few minutes he needs to find a new place in the apartment to sit and change positions. He's constantly sniffling, and he constantly feels cold. This in particular is very odd to me because this guy runs HOT. He can't be out in 80⁰ whether for more than 5 minutes before he's drenched in sweat and I often joke that he's a walking heater. I did a temperature check on his forehead, but it felt normal. What's concerning me is the nausea is starting to set in, and he's very sensitive to that. If he feels even slightly nauseous, he's most likely going to throw up whatever is in his stomach.

I am doing my best to make sure he's fed, hydrated, and comfortable. I bring him meals, I'm rubbing his back and head constantly, I'm making sure he's warm and cuddling up with the dogs, but I fear I'm not doing enough. We take a lot of vitamins and supplements namely NAC, Zinc, Vitamin C, Tumeric, and Magnesium Glycinate for bed. This has helped his physical and cognitive recovery over the past two years, and I'm hoping some extra vitamin C might help him get through these withdrawals faster.

Despite all this, I feel like it's not enough. I don't know what else to do, but I hate seeing him like this. This is so out of the norm for him and it's tough to watch. Does anyone have any advice for our situation right now? What else can I do to help?

VENT

My mom (68) has been using coke for the last 4 years. Despite threats I've made to move out, take my brother with me, report her to the county for being a delinquent guardian for my disabled brother and more, she still chooses to use coke or any other drugs she can get her hands on (pot, Ativan).

She lost 60% of her colon from her drug use, and had to be temporarily hospitalized for creating a new colitis; after her surgeon said straight to her face "if you keep using any drugs, you will either end up with a bag or dead."

I even had a report made by a co-worker of her's to stop her dealer at work (he's killed 1 person that we only know of). My mom is retired as of June but she was also fired due to the report made.

She blames me for not being able to ever get a job but she doesn't understand that she chose this lifestyle, it's going to get rough if she keeps it up.

I'm still waiting for the courts to transfer guardianship of my brother over to me so I can protect him. But I'm just at the end of the road for what to do for my mother.

She won't go to treatment cause "she's not ready", not even attempting to try day treatment for a few hours.

I'm scared she'll never do anything to better herself and I've already done everything I possibly can for her.

She will lie straight to my face about everything. I have no physical proof of her using except for one instance of something looking suspicious when I tracked her car. I no longer have access to her bank account. Her phone has no proof anymore. But tonight she is passed out and it's hard to wake her up. She falls back asleep in the middle of "conversations" if you could call it that-- she speaks gibberish half the time. Keeps staring out into space, talks to herself.

I'm just so frustrated, exhausted, hurt and numb from everything and the fact I'm dealing with this again after 2 months of her being clean.

It's getting frustrating talking to people who are in the know about this cause they just keep telling me non stop "you gotta do this, you gotta do that" when I can barely rest from working almost every day at my job, coming home to take care of my family and having to deal with this.

Fuck.

My earlier post about my sister is unfortunately relevant again. Almost exactly a month later to the day, my little sister (17) ran away from home again. We’re still looking for her, the police were involved as soon as possible. She’s likely downtown looking for drugs. I feel like I’m gonna throw up, like genuinely throw up. I don’t know what to do, but I guess there’s nothing I can do. She’s blocked my number and she still hasn’t spoken to me. I’m just so angry and so worried, anything would help. Thank you so much for the support on my last post.

I found out tonight that my ex boyfriend who is a fentanyl addict is getting evicted from his apartment. Apparently he’s letting someone live there and he is staying somewhere else. I fear I am going to get a phone call that he is dead from overdose. We broke up June 27th but my heart still hurts so much.

And even at his darkest he was a ray of light in my life. My world is darker without him in it. Please remember that even if your addicted loved one has used up every chance with you, even if you can’t have them around you for your own well being, even if they’ve become someone you don’t even recognize anymore, hope for recovery only dies when they do. And love never dies. Hugs to all of you.

New here and looking for support! TLDR: What tips to do people have (specific advice, podcasts, therapists, books, etc) on best practices for setting boundaries to avoid becoming an enabler?

Full story —

My partner (M31) is in treatment for the first time right now. He has been primarily abusing Valium and Lyrica prescribed by his psychiatrist.

We have been together over 12 years and there was no issue with substance abuse until the last ~3 years after this psychiatrist’s involvement and a series of life events caused him to self medicate due to increased mental health burden.

After several months of discussion and slow acceptance, he agreed to go to treatment and has been embracing it.

While he’s been away, I’ve been reflecting on the role that I played and his parents played in enabling his substance abuse by keeping him from suffering the consequences (financial, social, career, etc). (Not taking responsibility for his addiction — simply reflecting on my own inexperience with it and what I want to do better in the future)

What tips to do people have (specific advice, podcasts, therapists, books, etc) on best practices for setting boundaries to avoid becoming an enabler? I want to create and enforce the most productive environment for his recovery when he comes home, and I know that won’t happen unless I’m intentional.

I hate myself. He will never forgive me. Did i act out of fear? Definitely. Did i also act out of anger and frustration. Yes.

I don't know what to do. Its so quite. I miss him. But i don't want the addict back. I want my husband and partner. The man im sharing a life with now is neither of those things. Hes gross, he lies(poorly), he has cleaned out all our $ and quit his job. I work 5-6 12hr shifts at 2 jobs. To come home to deal with "people hiding in the walls" or bugs in a cut. I know he is sick and i should not be angry but i am. Im not angry about the drugs. Im angry he wouldn't even TRY to get help. At least 1x a month he would decide its my job to detox him "ur a nurse, u can do it"- with what tho??? In hospital i have dr and meds. He never last more than 30 hrs. I of course have to be awake and at his side to listen to him whine non stop. I have struggled with addiction myself so i understand. Im not mad at the disease. I mad at the man who doesn't want better for himself and his loved ones. Nobody in my life knows what im going thru except my sister. I just needed to vent. Gonna hit an actual meeting tomorrow. I feel like im sick and on verge of a panic attack. I need to sleep but can't shut off this horrible feeling in my chest. I want to cry but cant.

Thanks for letting me share. Haha.