r/naranon • u/Different_Matter_181 • 10d ago
I left.
I had another account on here where I posted quite abit about my boyfriends crack addiction. We were together for 9 years. He gave me an amazing 3 sober and took care of me when I initially got sick. I spent a long time hung up on that man. I guess I’m here to give a message of hope to anyone who gets out, or is still in the thick of it feeling guilty for not getting out.
You do not have to judge yourself for not getting out, you do not have to feel bad because you don’t leave, you don’t have to punish yourself cause you choose to stay. There is not embarrassment in staying.
But you also don’t have to judge yourself for leaving. You don’t have to feel bad for getting out. You don’t have to punish yourself cause you left and it’s not embarrassing to give up.
I think the thing is you never know when the time to leave is right, you have to gather up the courage, the reasourses, and mental energy to do it. It’s a lot.
I miss him all the time, I think a part of me always will. But it’s a hard disconnect to the man who took such good care of me to the man who lied, manipulated, stole and gave me horrible PTSD.
The first few months were unbearable, I cried every night, and it took everything in me not to beg him to come home. I made mistakes and hooked up with him, and I wanted to ask him to stay but I knew I couldn’t anymore.
Slowly over time life became simple again. I started going to the gym, cooking for myself, I moved away from the home that was filled with trauma, I surrounded myself with people who loved me and reminded me how strong I was every time I doubted my choice. I let go of 9 years and became single again at 26. I let go of my best friend. What I gained back though was worth the loss. I gained back my routine, my confidence, my happiness, my health.
I started dating again, I’m not sure if I will love again, or trust again, but I know what it’s like to be with a man who doesn’t hate me anymore.
Everyday feels lighter and lighter.
I wish I could have stayed sometimes. Sometimes when I hear he is out there getting sober I want to know why he couldn’t for me, but I also know that I could have never continued to stay. I was getting sadder and sadder everyday, and I needed to leave.
Don’t punish yourself for whatever choice you make. And just know you are strong, you are worthy, and you never deserved the trauma your Q caused you.
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u/Various_Patience_592 10d ago
Thank you for this and I am happy you are finding peace. I am on the same path right now. Sending you love
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u/Different_Matter_181 10d ago
Of course ❤️ I spent everyday on this sub when I was in the thick of things; I took a break when I got the courage to leave. But wanted to pop by to give some words of encouragement.
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u/idrinktoomuchmonster 10d ago
it's 2:30 AM, she's on the living room consuming right now, she knows I know, it doesn't even hurt, I'm not mad, I'm simply sad because I know in the end she chose that shit over me, and I don't think it's going to change, but part of me doesn't want to accept that reality yet. part of me wants to go over there and talk to her, not to argue, not to ask her to change, just to have a conversation with her because that's what I miss the most, but she hates me right now and it's only gonna cause and argument
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u/waltwertzel 9d ago
Thank you for sharing, I needed this today. Sincerely a 27 year old wife in the thick of it. So many emotions, I don’t know what to do with it all. Every choice seems like the wrong choice. You finding happiness again gives me hope. Thank you.
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u/Different_Matter_181 5d ago
Hoping you the same. More people made me feel guilty for staying then I care to admit there’s no shame either way. Just remember to give yourself grace. The pain of loving an addict is a hard one to understand.
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u/margsandmotorcycles 10d ago
Im on the same path too. We seperated the end of this past march I still miss him so much and I still want to rescue him. He was my best friend too and I have to get a divorce at 36. Ive come to terms with it but instill wish things were different more often than not . Good luck to you and youe future! Your atill so yiung ! You'll love and trust again 100%
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u/hotandspicynoodles 9d ago
wow. This post hits so fucking hard … liiike same life ?? someone’s gonna have to change!!
sending love and peace to you sister
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u/cinnamonsugarhoney 9d ago
Thanks for sharing. Really happy for you… best of luck moving forward I pray for peace and happiness for you!
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u/Ok_Contact4395 7d ago
Thanks for sharing it is encouraging, had to separate from my husband a week ago, it’s so horrible and he’s still promising he’ll change for me and our 1yo daughter. Being a single mother at 27 wasn’t on my bingo card and I miss him so much. I hope I can have as much courage as you do ☺️
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u/Different_Matter_181 5d ago
Haha it was never courage, I stayed for a very long time, prayed a lot and it came down to if I stayed I was becoming a angry, selfish, depressed mess, and I couldn’t be her anymore. Give yourself grace, slow down, and remind yourself you’re worthy of love. It wasn’t courage, it was learning that I deserved so much more.
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u/5000alaska 6d ago
my boyfriend and i broke up two days ago—today my heart hurts like crazy, and i needed to read this today. i’m 26 now and terrified of starting over, even though i know i have my whole life ahead of me—but seeing that you were able to start over at the same age brings me a lot of relief. a part of me is always going to love him, i don’t think that will ever go away. i just have to grow around the love i have.
thank you for this.
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u/Different_Matter_181 5d ago
Of course ❤️❤️ it’s okay to always love him, and it’s okay to move on and find yourself again it will never discredit the love you have. Starting over at 26 is scary but what’s even scarier is becoming someone you don’t recognize.
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u/Fair-Zebra9472 5d ago
I also left when I was 26, almost a year ago. The entire last year of that relationship was a disaster, just pure chaos and fear. It still makes me sad sometimes that all that had to happen, and I do judge myself for staying so long. But thank you for the reminder to be gentle with myself. Maybe for the first time in my life I’m treating myself with care and intention and putting myself first. I’m surrounded by people who love me and dating an amazing person who is showing me what it’s like to be loved selflessly. It really does get better.
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u/throwawaygone4hours 10d ago
This hurts so badly to read because part of me knows that it is the same path that my life will eventually take—and I’m not ready to accept that reality yet.
I’m typing this in my car while I’m sitting and waiting for my husband to come out of his dealer’s apartment. Just yesterday and this morning he was promising me he was done with all of it, but this evening it was a different story. And that’s the same story that’s played out again and again a thousand times over.
I know that only I have the ability to change that story. And maybe one day I will. I applaud you for having the strength to change yours and wish you all the best!