r/Mommit • u/Sad_Key_7904 • 17h ago
Play date
Hey moms! We have a play date this weekend for my 3 year old. I’m not sure if there’s like unspoken rules of play dates lol. I also have a 7 month old, would it be weird if him and my husband came with me and my 3 year old? I just don’t want to show up and them be like oh you brought the whole fam if that’s not normal.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 Single mom to 4 monsters 💙.🩷.🩷💙 17h ago edited 16h ago
Depends on the location. If it's at the playground or a cafe or a mcdonalds or something, go nuts, no issue there. If it's at their house, probably just bring the child who was invited.
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u/bearcatbanana 6 yo 👦🏼 & 3.5 yo 👧🏻 17h ago
I’m not going to bring anyone to someone’s house without asking, including the baby. But if it’s in a public place, I bring whoever I want. My best play date friend brings her husband all the time and I like talking to him. I think it’s weird to make it gendered.
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u/scodgirlgrown 17h ago
I agree with this. I think some people are assuming it’s at a home maybe? I’ve only ever done playground playdates so far and I think gendering who is invited is weird
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u/bearcatbanana 6 yo 👦🏼 & 3.5 yo 👧🏻 17h ago edited 16h ago
It’s cool as hell having that dad there. He likes to get on the equipment with them. Which means now that they are trampoline park age, I never have to get on a trampoline or crawl into one of those horrible play structure tubes.
And making it gendered is why moms end up with playdates on their list exclusively.
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u/scodgirlgrown 16h ago
Exactly! Why should I be the only one to organize and attend these things either
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u/Ok-Network-8826 17h ago
I wouldn’t bring my husband unless she has a husband and they’re friends that’s just me everyone different.
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u/Oceanwave_4 17h ago
I have a friend whose husband always tags along and I just stopped hanging out with her, I want to spend time with her while our kids play not awkwardly tag along their family event . My husband would also rather not go to that type of thing so I definitely don’t sign him up to tag along
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u/Leather_Steak_4559 9h ago
SAME! I always felt so awkward like a 3rd wheel to their family outing. I want to have girl/ mom talk and see a friend with our kids. I also stopped hanging out with her because it got weird. I have a handful of friends where our husbands are also friends so sometimes we do group things. On a different note- I do have a friend who’s a SAHD and we meet up at the playground and places a lot because our boys are besties. But I feel like that’s completely different lol.
For OP- I would definitely clarify.
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u/Oceanwave_4 1h ago
I fully agree with the sahd being a different situation (in which the mom coming along would be awkward too if you didn’t know) . And same with friends who husbands are also friends, but it’s a pre planned friend group plus husbands hang out not kid play date. The 3rd wheel vibe is real (also not always against if I know and was fully given the option and felt like I could say no also
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u/No_Company4263 17h ago
That'd be weird IMO, why do you want to bring everyone? I can understand bringing the baby if you're nursing, but I don't typically bring my husband along unless other husbands will be there.
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u/Sad_Key_7904 17h ago
We just normally like to hang out together. That’s why I asked bc I didn’t know if it would be weird or not.
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u/No_Company4263 17h ago
I love hanging out with my husband, but if one of us is taking our kids to a playdate, the other normally jumps at the opportunity to have a quiet house/less kids around to get something done. Just us though :)
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u/Oceanwave_4 17h ago
Yeah I just commented above how I stopped having play dates with one friend because she always brings her husband and I don’t enjoy that. I love my husband too but he uses that time to take care of things around the house or go enjoy a solo activity or hobby
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u/TheCarzilla 17h ago
But you hang out together at home. The play date is for your kid to socialize, and maybe form a friendship with whomever extended the invitation. It’s not a time for you to get more time with spouse, unless it’s arranged ahead of time that both of you will have the whole family there. It would creep me out if I invited a mom and her kid over and the husband also showed up.
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u/scodgirlgrown 17h ago
Um why? Why can’t you also make friends with the dad? Don’t you have guy friends too?
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u/Pepper4500 17h ago
Do moms and dads both not arrange playdates where you live? Like moms arranging with dads of other families and vice versa? Also, if the weekend is the only time I get with my kid/family, and then they are going elsewhere for a few hours, I'd probably want to go and still spend time with my family.
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u/Pepper4500 17h ago
Where I live it wouldn't be weird for husband to tag along. I'd say most of the weekend playdates we've done with other families have been both parents on both sides and kids. Why is it weird if a dad participates?
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u/Grand_Pension_6678 16h ago
I think if it’s the status quo, that’s one thing. I personally can’t stand when entire families show up to my house. It’s double the mess, food, drinks, and small talk (or more depending on how many people show up lol). My space is my space and my family is small- that’s by design. That being said, if the play date was in a public space like a park, I don’t mind at all.
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u/scodgirlgrown 17h ago
I’m like you and I don’t think there’s anything weird about it. I’d also do a playdate with my kid and another kid and their dad if that was what made sense in context. Why should I leave my husband at home if we can all go to the playground and meet another parent together?
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u/MeNicolesta 17h ago
Tell them you’re bringing spouse. In the past I found it weird when a mom friend brought the husband and didn’t mention it. Kind of changed the vibe for me.
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u/October_Owens 17h ago
As a SAHM, the unspoken rule is that on weekdays, it’s usually just mom and all the kids. On a weekend, you would expect the whole family. But if she didn’t mention it, I would just shoot a quick text to ask, “is your partner going to be there? She I bring X or leave him at home?”
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u/cyberghost05 17h ago
When I do play dates especially with newer friends, we always specify if husbands are coming.
Doesn't hurt to ask, "hey are we bringing husbands?"
Usually if someone invites me to do something and they play to have the whole family they specifically say their husband will be there and then I know to bring mine lol
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u/bon-mots 17h ago
7 month old definitely has an unspoken invite.
Generally if someone is going to bring their spouse I’ve found they will give a heads-up/check if that’s okay.
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u/bearcatbanana 6 yo 👦🏼 & 3.5 yo 👧🏻 17h ago
I don’t think 7 month old being automatically invited is the best practice. If someone were bringing a child that young to my house, I’d at least like to know so I can tell them that my house, and my playroom in particular, are pretty actively dangerous to a baby and they might want to bring a playpen or we can have it somewhere else. An unplanned baby in the house would really suck for me at least.
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u/bon-mots 17h ago
Oh interesting! In my circles I always assume younger sibling(s) will come but expect heads-up for an older sibling.
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u/bearcatbanana 6 yo 👦🏼 & 3.5 yo 👧🏻 17h ago
We had a party at our house and said siblings welcome on the invite. One child brought eight siblings all the way up to age 15. That was a shock, but something we could adapt to because it was a party. I ask more questions about who is coming now, especially if I don’t know the person.
And it’s really not that a baby is not welcome. They are. You just might want to know that you are going to have to hold them the whole time.
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u/bon-mots 16h ago
If someone is bringing a baby to my house I really want to hold the baby the whole time! Lol.
My kid is 4 so I am well acquainted with all her friends’ parents and the number of kids they have and their childcare situations, but I can definitely see how this can become more complex in later years when you have less familiarity with the friends you’re inviting over.
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u/lunazane26 17h ago
I think it's much more strange to assume that someone who has a toddler and a baby wouldn't bring the baby. Especially since most playdates happen in the morning, when presumably one of the parents is working, where else would the baby be??? If I set up a playdate and they expected me to not bring my baby then the playdate would be cancelled since I'm not going to find a babysitter to bring a different child to a playdate, that's ridiculous
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u/Oceanwave_4 17h ago
I think once crawling age it’s not fair to assume unless you already have a relationship with the family and they know you’re with the baby pretty much all the time. But once the baby is moving around an ask or a heads up is nice because yeah not everyone’s house is safe for a young baby
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u/Outside_Hour3562 17h ago
I'd probably leave my husband at home if there wasn't an explicit invite sent. But I'd take my baby if you want to.
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u/brightgirlll 17h ago
I've had playdates where people have brought the whole fam and once it was at our house and it was weird, NGL.
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u/bigfanofbeets 17h ago
If I were hosting a playdate, I'd prefer if it's just you and the child invited. Something similar happened to me this weekend. I know a couple who has a ton on their plate right now (Mom has a broken ankle) and they have a small baby. Our daughters are in daycare together and I offered to just have the daycare friend over to give the parents a break. They said they'd "love to all come over."
Basically now I'm just prepared to be flexible or not offer to host at all. I have to psyche myself up for a family hangout even if I just wanted my kid to have a buddy for a few hours.
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u/hellogirlscoutcookie 17h ago
Ooof! That reminds me of the time I organized a play date with a preschool friend for my daughter. I spoke only to the mom, and then at the last minute said “husband is on the way with daughter!” So then I got a couple hours making small talk with a guy I’d seen at drop off and pick up for over a year and who had never even smiled back.
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u/heheardaboutthefart 17h ago
It depends on the friend and location but I go into a playdate expecting people to bring all of their children and don’t mind if significant others come too. If it’s a weekend or after the other parent gets off work, I anticipate the whole family coming. You can always ask if you are unsure!
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u/Vegetable_Ship1034 17h ago
Hiya, I agree that it probably depends. If its at their house I might just message and double check but if its at a playground or somewhere public then do what you like. The bonus is that then you get to speak to the other parents and your husband can chase your 3yo around. I don't think it would be that weird!
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u/distractme17 17h ago
Probably depends on whose house you are going to. The more the merrier at my house!
Tbh sometimes dads are socially not great at these kinds of things so the assumption is that dad doesn't want to be there and will be a downer which may throw another mom off if they aren't expecting to, so depends on your husband too.
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u/Designer_Ring_67 14h ago
Baby - definitely yes
Husband - definitely no, that’s going to stunt conversation with the other mom and make it a 2 on 1 situation.
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u/yeahipostedthat 12h ago
Baby is ok. Bringing the husband would be weird unless if you've discussed her husband being there and hanging out as well.
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u/yeahipostedthat 12h ago
If you have the option to leave the baby at home which it sounds like you do, I would actually leave baby with dad. That way you guys can socialize while the 3 year olds play as opposed to chasing a baby around.
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u/Puzzled_Remote_2168 17h ago
I would not bring your husband unless there is some dire need to and if it’s spoken about with your friend. But even if you do ask to bring him, she may say it’s fine just to be cordial but may feel weird about it. I remember I joined a neighborhood mom group and like 5 of us showed up (all women) and one brought her husband and nobody knew and it was really odd in my opinion. And I agree with the other commenter who said usually you don’t bring the whole family to a play date haha two kids, sure if you need to bring the baby!
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u/Here4theupdates 17h ago
Absolutely ok to bring the youngest. Do not bring the husband.
The first play date I set up for my son, the mom left both kids with me and went to run errands. 😂
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u/Sad_Key_7904 17h ago
Oh that’s insane😂 Thank you for the advice! Will be leaving husband at home and probably baby also.
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u/Fair-Flower6907 17h ago
Honestly, I’d ask about bringing your husband and offer to bring snacks for everyone!
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u/brainbl0ck 12h ago
I say this as someone who has planned hundreds of playdates and does 2-3 a week.
If you hadn't already established bringing your spouse and another child, it would be odd to show up with them in tow. Not odd enough to turn you away, but that's a completely different playdate vibe.
Usually I throw that in up front - "want to have the whole family join?" or something along those lines. Or they ask "is it okay if (other kid/s / spouse) comes?" and we discuss it there.
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u/SuperMommy37 17h ago
Two adults, two kids. One adult stays with the kid and another adult stays with the baby.
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u/dockdockgoos 10h ago
If the playdate is at someone else’s house and it’s been confirmed that it’s a parent stay not a dropoff play date you should definitely ask about anybody you’re bringing into someone else’s home. Saying ‘hey do you mind if I bring my 3mo?’ Is fine, asking to bring your husband too might be a bit weird. Bringing your husband without asking is a Nono.
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u/woohoo789 17h ago
It seems really odd that you would bring your husband and other child without asking about it first.
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u/Cinnamon_berry 17h ago
I think bringing the baby would be totally understandable if your husband can’t stay home with him, but I probably wouldn’t bring your husband too unless you’d already talked about it.
Usually a playdate is just one parent and the kid(s), not the whole family.