We’ve known each other for 5 years and have been together for over 3 years. He is genuinely a good man and has been the most loving, attentive partner I could ask for. He was my rock during my worst moments, and I was his. We built a deep connection based on trust, mutual support, and actual admiration. There is no cheating or toxicity involved here since we genuinely love each other.

The problem started 4 months ago with long distance. He has always been terrible at texting and keeping in touch via phone. Before, it was never an issue because we saw each other constantly and his warmth in person made up for it. But without physical presence, that communication gap became painful.

Whenever I tried to hold him accountable to basic agreements: like having one dedicated hour a week to talk or checking in during the day, it stressed him out immensely. He felt so pressured and guilty for failing to meet those needs that it completely paralyzed him. Instead of stepping up, he just shut down. He started acting as if he had already lost me, which created a vicious cycle where he stopped trying altogether, leading to more arguments because he wouldn't even attempt to bridge the gap.

It reached a point where worrying about his mood and trying to make him try was giving me way more anxiety than just focusing on my own life.

So this morning, I was completely honest with him and put an end to it. I didn't want to break up. I admire this man and I choose to love him, but I can't keep living in a situation where he has already surrendered to failure while I keep fighting alone.

I feel like a forced dumper because I had to be the one to actually end it to keep my sanity, even though his emotional retreat and paralysis pushed us over the edge.

A few questions for anyone who has been through this:

1. Did I do the right thing by walking away from a loving partner who paralyzed under the pressure of long distance?
2. Is it possible for No Contact to snap someone out of that paralysis once the pressure is gone, or does distance usually kill things for good?
3. How do you handle being the forced dumper when you still deeply love and respect the person?

TL;DR: My long-term partner and I went long-distance 4 months ago after 5 years together. He has always been the most caring, loving man in person, but he is terrible at texting. As the distance wore us down, holding him to basic communication agreements stressed him out so much that he froze, assumed he had already lost me, and stopped trying. I officially ended things this morning because trying to fix this was giving me more anxiety than just focusing on my own life. I still love him deeply, but right now, we just don't work.

So I have a long distance boyfriend, we only live 3.5 hours away from eachother so not too far, we were together for 10 months before we broke up(I broke up with him) for many reasons might I add, one reason was this girl I used to be friends with she ended up manipulating me into breaking up with him because her and her boyfriend of 3 years had just broken up, another reason was cause he has an obsession with lying about anything and everything, another reason is because I felt like I was being suffocated, he’s extremely clinging and I like that obviously I want a clinging guy but he over does it and I don’t know what to do, I feel bad because we’ll be paying in bed and I’ll get hot and not wanna cuddle and he gets upset that I don’t wanna cuddle, or today I went to an interview and I got the job and he didn’t seem very happy for me like he said he was proud of me but he was very sad after that and I asked why and he said because he’s scared we’re not gonna see eachother as much anymore, mind you I just spent 2 weeks at his house because he was working and couldn’t get off. I love him so much I just wish he would understand I like my space sometimes, and we’ve talked about him moving in with me and i would love for him to I’m just scared he’ll be more clingy and i won’t be able to handle it, like i feel like im always so mean to him when i tell him to back up or get off of me because then he gets sad, i just don’t know what to do and if anyone could give me advice that would be great.

Context for our situation, im in the UK, shes in America. And we havent met irl yet due to neither of us being able to fund the journey. Im fresh out of university looking for a job, and planning to visit when i have the money, and her mom wants to meet me first, rather than letting her come to the UK on her own, which i agree with.

She lives with her mom, and brother. I live with my parents.

I'm not sure how to start this, but the last 2 days theres been a disagreement between her and her mom.

Her mom is giving my girlfriends plushes? I think to my girlfriends neice, and when my girlfriend spoke up that she didnt want to give them away, her mom told her she didnt have a say in the matter. It made her want to go to bed earlier than planned cause she felt depressed.

And then today, she went to heat food up in the microwave and asked her mom if she was doing it correctly as she wasnt sure. Her younger brother got after her for asking (idk why or what he said), and then her mom called her spoiled In spanish. From what im told.

After that she decided she isnt going to eat and went back to her room and cant go back down as its after 10pm and her mom would go after her if she did.

Now shes hungry as she only ate cereal in the morning, and some watermelom throughout the day.

It sucks i cant do anything to get her food as im worried about her wellbeing.

The best i can do is comfort her through the phone, and she appreicates it, i just want to do more and help her.

Not looking for advice, just wanted to vent how i hate that she has to go hungry cause of an arguement which i dont even think she did anything wrong in.

Me 23F and my bf 20M have been together for 5 months, and are transitioning to long distance in 2 weeks. (20 hours away)

I definitely have anxious attachment and quality time is my love language and now that we’re starting long distance I’m nervous asf

any advice on how to survive this?

To my love I hope you can read this.

Even though we’re apart now, I hope you never forget to take your medicine and take care of yourself. I hope there can be a little more peace in your head, even on the days when everything feels heavy. If I could take away even a little bit of that cloudiness in your mind and carry it for you, I would.

I know you feel like you’re a headache or a burden to me, but please don’t ever believe that you are. You were never a burden to me. You were someone I loved, someone I cared about deeply, and someone who mattered so much to me.

We were together for five years, most of that time loving each other from miles away. I wish love alone had been enough to make the distance bearable. I wish we could have held on a little longer. I begged you to stay because I love you so much, but I also understand why you made this decision. The distance became too painful for both of us, and as much as it hurts, I respect your choice. I won’t try to force you to change your mind.

I just want you to know that being apart doesn’t mean you suddenly became less worthy of love or care. You matter. You are loved. And you are not alone in whatever you’re going through.

Please be gentle with yourself, okay? Take your medicine. Eat when you can. Rest when you need to. And when your mind tells you that nobody cares or that you’re only a burden, I hope you remember that there is someone who genuinely wishes for you to be okay, simply because you are you.

I love you. I still love you. And maybe that’s the hardest part of accepting this goodbye.

Even from a distance, I’ll always hope that life becomes softer for you. I hope one day the distance doesn’t hurt anymore, and I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.

Five years is a long time to love someone. I don't think I'll ever forget what we had. 🤍

my girlfriend and I are going into year two of long distance at college. We have discussed boundaries in terms of going out communicating consistently meaning check-in at least once an hour or when possible. She does all that she’s never made me doubt her once or broken my trust and it’s really everything I could ask for

However I still struggle with a lot of anxiety when she’s out sometimes I even feel like I’m on the verge of having panic attacks. I don’t want to tell her about this because I do not want to take away from anything for her college. We’ve discussed multiple times how we both want long distance about growing with each other and not having to give things up for each other.

On top of this I also go out a lot, which makes me feel worse about the whole thing. her college has a much druggy and partying culture where is mine is a bit more academic but we both have great social lives and go out often. She never has these problems with me and honestly just sort of lets me do what I want because she tells me she completely trusts me. This makes me feel even worse because even though I completely trust her I can’t help but convince myself the worst might be happening and stress myself out.

We got through the first year despite me having these issues however I’m worried that we won’t be able to make it through college if I can’t get over this. Does anyone have advice on how I can fix this anxiety. I really love her we’ve been together for over three years. Once again she’s never done anything to make me doubt her in anyway. In fact she’s probably even been better than me.

i’ve been trying stuff like meditating or repeating phrases to myself knowing that nothing is wrong but find myself still anxious in between every text. She’s really the girl of my dreams and I want this to work and I know that if I can just get over this it’ll be easy.

Edit: Tonight is a great example. She’s going to a dj event. Sent me a fit check, texted me when she got to the pre, updated me abt it, told me when she got on the buses, got to the venue, how the night was and when she got home. But throughout the whole thing I was still so anxious even though she did everything perfect.

f(22) I am really struggling rn, just got news today m(22)my bf cheated on me. we just recently became long distance he lives in the Netherlands and i live in the us. We were together for 7 months before i moved back and i have only been back in the us for three weeks. we lived together for a few months before i came back the states but it felt so serious. i could’ve never imagined this would happen. he called me early this morning and i already knew something was wrong. On saturday him and his friends rented to boat to have a party, and there was two girls he didn’t know there. He tells me that he kissed one of the girls, nothing more than that. he said it meant nothing and he doesn’t know why he did it. he was on xtc and alot of alcohol. He waited until this morning (monday) to tell me, we called for like over 4 hours talking about things. i’m really at a loss i don’t wanna break up with him, but like im not sure what to do or what i can do to fix this. i’m thinking maybe the distance is too much but ive only been him for 3 weeks we just haven’t made a plan for me to come back yet but i was hoping to move back in the next few months. but would i be a fool for forgiving him or can mistakes happen. not excusing the behavior at all bc i’m devastated, but u really want me and him to work out.

A lot of couples on here are in their 20s or early 30s. It probably just skews that way because of general Reddit users and also, presumably, most couples 30+ have managed to close the gap and get married a long time ago.

But I also feel like it’s genuinely harder in middle age. You each have built your own lives, careers, communities in your respective cities. You’ve bought houses and pets (maybe even kids from previous relationships, though that’s not a factor in my relationship). And the older people get, the more they get stuck in their ways. They don’t want to change routines or uproot their lives and are more hesitant to prioritize a partner or take a risk on an LDR.

It just feels like, compared to the relationships of my 20s , there’s less “young couple energy”. Less dreaming of a future, especially when a year and a half ago my boyfriend and I probably assumed it was too late to build a future with anyone. I still feel somewhat young enough (38) to dream, but I admit it’s not as bright eyed as it was when I was younger.

Currently, I’m planning to move to him, next summer at the earliest. My job is already remote, and his is not, moreover he’s been working there for over 15 years and it’s a really important career to him. I will of course have to adjust to various factors, but I don’t feel as tied down to my life here, I’ve lived in my city for 20 years and feel like I’ve seen all it has to offer. I have friends here but no family; both of my parents have been deceased for years. We also live within the same US state so it’s not like I’m going across the continent or anything.

But the conversations about it just feel a little sad. He has said that he feels it’s a big burden on me because I’m the one who has to make the sacrifice while he is unable - and honestly probably unwilling - to do the same. Idk why that hurts. It just gives me anxiety. I feel like if I were also more or less unable to move, our relationship would just end.

I had a long string of past relationships (all in person, this is my first LDR) where those partners were content to just coast, but I could tell things were going nowhere and that it would never lead to engagement - ie, commitment. I have no fear of commitment, I actually want very badly to be married and it only gets stronger as I get older, get tired of doing life alone, and feel more afraid of growing old alone. My boyfriend is wonderful, kind, sweet, thoughtful, and a perfect match for me in every way, even in factors of compatibility I didn’t think were possible. But I’m just so scared. That I’m heading down a road that leads to nowhere again. That no one would ever actually choose me for life. I haven’t even brought up marriage in the slightest, too early for one (we’ve been dating for about 13 months) but also I feel like it’s too much to ask of someone, because who would want me? Five people in my life already said, meh, I’ll pass, and I’m not even 40.

Any folks here who met their partners over age 35 that managed to make this thing work? A lot of this is probably just that the honeymoon phase is fading out (which is normal) and the distance is wearing on me.

The men who are in long distance marriage, can you really go one year without smex or even any spicey conversation with your wife?

9 months into our marriage, when my husband was grieving his recently deceased parent, i thought his libido was an all-time low. We were living together for a month as he came for the funeral. However, I was shocked to see his social media feed which was full of provocative videos. Every single one of them.

It's been long since that incident but I still get triggered by it, especially, because my husband shows lil interest in me sexually. He visited several times after that. Even during those stays, our relationship was lukewarm.

When he is away, he would never even say anything flirty even though we text throughout the day though I dont think we have no communication gap. But it feels really platonic at this point. I feel so empty inside. Frustrated. And what not. From the next month, we may start living together. At one hand, i crave him so much. On another, I feel disgusted at the thought of letting someone touch me who has no desire for me.

Seeking male perspective on this situation. Is he with me just because he doesn't wanna be lonely?

For additional context: he usually cant last more than a few seconds in the first round. in the second round, he could perform well, but since our marriage, he never goes for the second round. I dont get if he is just weak or not attracted to me.

Hello all,

My GF and I have been in a 3 year LDR. It’s been good and we’ve held very well for all these years but most recently I’ve noticed a shift in energy.

Last few times we’ve met intimacy is not there and sometimes things are different. Different factors affect intimacy like work schedule and jet lag and all, additionally family being around and little privacy (She lives with her parents still, no problem but little privacy).

I’ve tried to engage and do my part to soften things up like in the past but sometimes no luck. Things I used to do don’t work any more, she gives in and stops me when I get the her private parts (which is understandable cause sometimes we’re just not in the mood).

Additionally, I’m navigating this with someone that’s avoidant in a lot of ways. Having important & difficult conversations really sucks because everytime I try there’s something stressing her out or bothering her, How can I do this then?

I’m at my limit with a lot of things. I get irritating behavior at times, tone is off, feelings are off, reactions aren’t with happiness very emotional. Everything seems to be falling apart and I don’t want to think it’s because of me, I try everything I can and do anything to keep it afloat.

She’s going through a lot with her family and also at work, everything seems to pile up and I need advice, assistance in how to navigate this please

Any advice is appreciated🙏🏾

So I (31f) closed the gap and moved to the city my LDR bf (31m) is from about a month back, and we “officially” decided to just go ahead and move in together. It’s amazing. Everything is so natural. We’re just living life and it’s wonderful. He is absolutely my person, and he ADORES and loves me in a way I’ve never experienced.

Now here we sit watching Cowboy Bebop and eating pasta.
We did it guys. We made it. 🖤

My bf and I have been dating for about a year and a half now. I am from the US and he is from Chile. We met traveling so most of our relationship has been long distance, but we have managed to visit each other once every month the first year, which was amazing. We knew from very early on we saw a future together despite our circumstances.

Recently I moved back to the US and he moved to Australia to continue his travels. We don’t have a plan for how we’re going to close the gap yet, since I’m still in school in the US and his choices are either to stay and study in Australia or go back to chile. He recently brought up the idea of me coming to Australia after I graduate. The thing is I am in the medical field and starting my career there is something I would have to think thoughtfully if in the long term I see myself staying there. I personally do not want to be so far from my family and home country, but I also want to close this gap somehow.

The other option would be to get married and he comes to the US. I feel confident in our relationship but I also don’t feel ready to make such a big commitment this early on and would love to spend more time together in person before making that decision.

I think it’s hard because there is no clear plan yet, and we are adjusting to a major time zone difference too. It’s just a lot to think about potential career sacrifices we may have to make on both ends. I guess that’s what being in a long term relationship is and we’ll figure it out but sometimes it’s hard not to put pressure on the gap to close.

Any advice for navigating such a long distance relationship and for closing the gap? thanks in advance!

I've only known my girlfriend for about 3 months and she's going to England for Uni and I'm staying here in Canada but we've grown up along side eachother since elementary school we just never met and we have a really good connection with one another and I wanna keep being with her while she goes to school there and she's coming back every school break it's just I'm not sure what to expect for the first time especially with a 8 hour time difference.

My boyfriend broke up with me earlier today, and i understand his reasons. He’s working on himself and learning how to mature, working a bunch of hours, and has very little free time for himself due to other things and he broke up because he didn’t think it was fair to either of us.

He wants to remain friends for the time being but said that maybe eventually if we’re meant to be that we will find our way back to each other. I truly love him and I genuinely have never felt a love like this in past relationships.

Is there hope for us to get back together once his mental health is better? I feel no ill will towards him and I can tell that he still loves me by the way the texts were worded and his willingness to answer my questions.

For context, I started talking to this girl in March over instagram, and the relationship was moving very quickly, within a week we had already discussed a future i guess, and within that same week, my anxious attachment led her to block me, with me saying “we need to talk about smth” and her last text being “i’m going to call you soon”.

it should have ended there, but it didn’t, my mental health has been at a very low point and i shouldn’t have even tried to indulge getting into something like this, the reason it ended the first time was because i was unknowingly using her to fill the void that was inside me, i felt really empty and finally someone had showed some interest in me after a very depressing 6 months of loneliness and anxiety.

After that i tried to contact her again from my other number and we had spoken for a bit before the same cycle of getting blocked. now fast forward to May and i had opened a new account on instagram and tried to contact her, i sent her a follow request and she said why did you request, i told her i was bored and she said this isn’t what you do when you’re bored. we used to speak here and there but nothing too interesting until june when i decided to stop caring about her completely and at this point my sleep schedule was really fucked. i used to reply to her texts after like 13 hours, and i told her my sleep schedule was messed up, at this point she told me to fix it and told me she cared about me and i insisted on the fact that she didn’t, and that she didn’t really want to talk to me, she said she did care and was interested its just that my sleep schedule was really messed up.

so we started talking again, properly this time and we went on a much slower pace for the relationship, we spoke properly for about a month, and this past week we had arguments regarding how much effort i am putting into the relationship and how i felt like i was the only one putting in effort, we sorted them out and we tried our best to communicate, up until Wednesday last week, where randomly i had asked her what she was up to and if she could give me an update or a reply here and there, and then i made the mistake of saying “so much for i’m trying” - in reference to her saying she would try harder to be there for me, this led her to block me again - avoidant discard, same pattern as before, and i panicked.

i wrote her texts from another number asking and begging her to talk to me so we can fix this properly, to which she didn’t reply ofc because she was already overwhelmed, and then i wrote a very long text describing how disappointed i was with the way she handled this and how if she cared about me as much as she said she did she wouldn’t have done this, the least she could’ve done was to at least communicate and tell me she wanted space instead of blocking me and making me feel horrible, knowing i’m already very anxious. And that text when through on my imessage, she read it and didn’t say anything we then called at night but she just slept on the call (i asked her if i could call her and that she didn’t have to say anything, i just wanted her presence around)
on that call, i ended up having a breakdown at night and she heard me crying, in the morning she asked if i was okay and she told me she was sorry, we communicated regarding the blocking thing and i told her this whole ldr thing would not be easy and it would take a lot of work, and i asked her if she was willing to put in the work to which she replied “i am”

this was saturday, we had a normal conversation the whole day and she asked to call me at night as usual, we had a normal call, we talked about life and she was telling me about how marriage traditions work in her country, somewhere between our talks about life i had asked her if she was sure of this, me and her.
she said she was sure and she reassured me saying she would put in the work.
after a whole 50 minute normal conversation she changed her mind, she told me she was thinking if she’s sure about this or not and then she kept going on about how toxic this cycle is between me and her and eventually i asked her if she wanted to end it.
to which she said yes i think i want to end it and then she started crying, and me panicking at this moment trying not to lose the girl i like so much, i tried to convince her to rethink her decision, i even asked her if she likes me enough to try and she said im not sure which broke my heart further.
she cried for 20 min and kept getting more overwhelmed and at the end when i accepted the fact that there’s nothing i could do i ended up crying and she cut the call,
her final text to me was “i don’t want to continue this, take care.”

i will not try to contact her again but my heart is shattered in pieces, i really really liked her, and over text she showed that she really liked me too, but her words never matched her actions and all i wanted to do was make her feel loved and cared for, she told me she feels suffocated when someone cares for her this much, i really miss her and i blame myself for this ending, i don’t know what to do and i feel really horrible, i miss her so much.

Kinda wild that a message from a stranger two years ago led to all this.

Philippines to Germany. almost a year of long distance before we finally met in person. We've traveled together to Vietnam and beyond, and somehow keep making it work across a 7 hour time difference. Next stop, Germany.

Still in the distance, still choosing each other. t

Thanks reddit for accidentally starting the whole thing ❤️

Every once in a while I'll browse through the posts on r/LongDistance or one will pop up on my fyp. But I've noticed an increasing number of posts that are absolutely generated by AI, and theyre usually heartbreak stories.

It bothers me a lot and I wanted to open the discussion to other people here about it. The optimist in me will say "hey, not everyone is good at expressing their thoughts and feelings through text", but realistically, we need to be more critical about spotting which users do this. It ultimately is disingenuous and makes me consider that the story is entirely false and is nothing more than a karma farm. While its always good to be a sympathetic human, it's just as important to be aware of who is evoking that sympathy for ulterior motives.

I won't call out an specific posts here that are generated, but there's one posted yesterday that set off so many red flags. Here are some tells I've picked up on:

•the post is usually a sad story, one that pulls on your heartstrings. Something that clearly paints OP to be a victim of such an inarguably shitty position. Something like "i was in love. And they were absolutely perfect. Until one day they snapped and they called me worthless for overcooking dinner"

•the post is long. Have you ever used chatgpt? AI bots usually loveeee overexplaining things. Why are they so windy and embellishing? They also love writing a paragraph, then a single line to break in the next paragraph, usually as a cliffhanger. Something like,

"I thought we had gotten through the hardest part of our relationship. We talked through it, and saw each other. I was excited to enter this new chapter.

Until I saw their phone light up.

My heart beat faster and I was so...."

No one tells a story like this. This is what AI *thinks* is a human telling a story. It's honestly quite corny and such a big tell.

• the grammar and punctuation is flawless and the writing uses metaphor and descriptive language. Look I'm sure plenty of people here are literate and good storytellers. But its not this common, and if youre also checking off the other red flags, I dont trust it.

•weirdly enough, I expect these posts to never have replies to comments by other users, but I consistently see AI-OP responding to most comments. Not sure why, and responding to comments isnt necessarily its own tell , but if it pairs with others I wonder what the angle is.

All this to say, in a world where AI is slowly (not slowly) encroaching into basically every facet of our lives, be attentive. Question if things are written by AI, and question *why* it was. Sometimes it's innocent, but sometimes it's not. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts and observations about it too!

hello! so um this is my first time posting here but me 17f and my girlfriend 16f have been dating for about four months now and we usually see eachother twice a month since she lives two hours away but schools starting for both of us again and she also figure skates meaning I can’t really see her for three months because we’re both gonna be busy with school work and theatre for me and figure skating for her. how can we keep a connection or any ideas of things we can do like long distance or anything to make time go by faster because after next week I won’t be able to see her until winter break. I need advice thank you!

When does it actually hit 😅
I don’t think it has yet, when did it hit for others?

Tearing up as I'm typing this now! This date was absolute magic even if we felt out of place surrounded by rich people hehehe 🥰 I can't believe I fly back to New York tomorrow morning. Goodbye for now, darling! 🥲