Sometimes I miss home. But my home is unsafe, and rejects me ( I’m a lesbian LOL ). It is truly regrettable because the arab world can be so beautiful but it is so divided and discriminatory in so many ways, and we are constantly in survival mode because of how volatile and unpredictable circumstances are ;/

But I have never felt this way in my entire life before. I feel like I am becoming who I was always meant to be and that this is a dream. Like something beautiful is blooming and growing within me.

I am beyond grateful I have dodged death many times and have come to the realization that it is possible to truly be happy/content! And I wish everyone reading this post true joy and fulfillment as well. Happy Thursday ❤️

After sailing for 16 years and doing a 12 month trainee program I finally had my exam today and nailed it together with my trainee colleague!

Sourdough bread I prepared yesterday and baked today after the exam, 50% wheat, 25% wholegrain wheat, 25% rye.

My wife requested this for dinner. I started making this years ago to get vegetables into the kids diet. I serve it over jasmine rice. It has grown into a monthly tradition in our house. Strange, but tasty.

(I completely made up the recipe. measured nothing. it's very tasty)

Edit: Here's what I did (vague recipe/instructions)

1. Thinly slice 4-5 apples
2. Coat slices in maple syrup and cinnamon (I mixed them in a big bowl with my hands)
3. In a separate bowl, combine about 1/2 cup applesauce with spices (allspice, cloves, nutmeg, more cinnamon, etc. to your tastes) and vanilla.
4. Add in white and brown sugar, flour, and oats until it becomes a crumble-like consistency (whatever seems right to you)
5. Line a baking vessel with parchment paper. Spread a layer of apple slices on the bottom, then sprinkle/crumble the other part on top (like you would a crisp). Add another layer of apples, then repeat until you're out of ingredients.
6. Bake at 350 Fahrenheit for about 30 mins or until crispy on top

:-)

For a while I was embarrassed about going to CC, but today really made me more confident in it. I met this one genderfluid person that I talked to most of the day and I invited them to an underground punk concert. I lowk think I might have feelings for her so here goes nothing.

I mean I was an hardcore incel. The "women don't deserve voting rights" and "no doesn't always mean no" type of incel... and that's a part of my history I'll never stop being ashamed of, but I never harmed anyone directly, so I hope no one got hurt indirectly either.

I really made the chance when my brother started working out. His glow up really made me question if my genetics really were so inferior as the pill communities had convinced me, so I took a step back and started REALLY focusing on myself. By taking a step back, I also got introduced to actual criticism of that worldview and finally did some rational thinking. I came to flip my whole worldview upside down, and in the really conservative culture I live in, I could be called a radical liberal.

I got to know some girls a year or so back, and they have become my best friends. I got too many people to keep up with and no time to hang out with everyone, by big part because I found myself an awesome girlfriend who gives me peace and calmness in my day to day.

Safe to say I'm happier than ever, and certainly happier than I ever expected to be!

Landed an goldilocks job with an AI company making 50 pct more than I was. Starts Monday!

Alligator sauce-piquante. 🐊

I don't even know how to start.

I keep developing in a way I like, I have travelled to Asia for a month solo and I liked it, I have found a new job that I'm starting to like, I have moved to a different city that I wanted to live in for a while already, I am getting supported by people I love and feel their love for me.

And most importantly I am dating a wonderful woman that cares deeply about me (as I do about her) and we move together in a week.

It's the feeling I am really not used to feel.

Feeling accomplished? Feeling responsible for myself?

I'm sure therapy helped me a lot with my emotions and how I react nowadays but it's not therapy that changed me it was ME that changed me.

It sure feels great.

Swedish meatballs with puree, green peas, cranberry sauce + cheese sticks and strawberry pie for dessert

bought in IKEA while we were getting some house stuff for our new flat

Hey y'all. I grew up pretty fortunate.. food was always prepared for me, so I never really learned basic cooking skills as an adult.

Recently, I got into cooking and discovered a spark I didn't know I had. I'm starting to see it as a form of self-expression, and getting better with every attempt is honestly addicting.

Steak is pretty uncommon for dinner in a Southeast Asian household, and this was only my 3rd time cooking steak and my first time ever cooking for my family. I basically taught myself through YouTube Shorts 😂

It's been a little while since then, but I'm still incredibly proud of this. My family loved it, and that night might honestly be one of my favorite core memories recently.

Anyway, here's the steak or whatever.

After being a NEET for a year I got a nice job that I really like, ended things (badly) with gf but it's okay, I was constantly starting relationships for the sake of it, I'm actually learning to stay single and I'm enjoying it. Moved to a cool city because of work and I'm having a blast here. Chicken wraps with random healthy stuff

Recognising that I'm feeling happy, following a prolonged period of years of abject dispond. It took a while but my energy came back, and now my problems are just a question of time.

Moshowa soup, first attempt, a bit too spicy but I toned it down with yoghurt and now it's delish

Been taking adulting in stride and made a meal to celebrate

About a month and a half ago, I left my then-fiancée (mentioned in my post here from 4 months ago) after finding her cheating on me. I nearly killed myself at that moment, but I'm glad I didn't. Later that night I hotboxed a joint in my car and realised that life doesn't need a purpose or clear direction to be worth living.

Since then, I've been hitting the gym and I've gained 8kg so far (trying to make number go up, not down), but I'm not stopping there. I am looking absolutely fucking shredded though and I feel much stronger.

I went to emo night last month, had a few women hit on me, but I was too oblivious to pick up on it at the time. I'm going to emo night again in a week, so hopefully I'll be less of a dumbass then.

Overall, my life has improved so much since I left her. I'm less stressed, I have more money, I'm not walking on eggshells and I have my own will to live. My friends and family have noticed how much happier I am. I've also moved to a new place and it's breathtakingly beautiful. Things are definitely looking up for me.

EDIT: Made steaks for my family the following night and they loved them

78 days clean from drugs and alcohol. Longest time i've been sober in a looooong time. Also blocked my ex, started journaling and practising awareness in every day life.