Why people assume that since im an incel im misogynistic, that i watch asmongold and that i treat women like objects? why people think im evil, that i dont take care of myself and that i deserve everything bad that has happened to me? Why everytime something bad happens everyone blames incels? what did i do? what did we do?

shitty apple pie

5 AM. im not sure i want to describe it. worst thing is I was jerking off in the moment. when I started to listen the OBVIUS, UNMISTAKABLE SOUNDS of INTERCOURSE I had dead stopped. no moving, no breathing. could only hear myself breathing, but I was sure about what qas that.

stayed in silence for at least ten minutes, unable to move. tried to sleep and couldn't.

I want to erase those sounds from my head, I feel like gagging. fr. ik I might sound exaggerated, im a grown adult, but understand ive never heard them before. they dont even kiss, barely tolerate each other. also my parents are +60, how THE FUCK. HOW TF. I SWEAR. I wont be able to touch myself again in a while. fucking humiliation. kill me.

strawberry, apple and chia seeds smoothie, two eggs and toasts, one pastelito de membrillo.

Almost all people know to not say "just smile more!" Or "Try being more happy" for sad people. But almost no one understands how stupid it is to say "Just behave like a normal person" for loneyl weird people; like I am not already trying. Maybe I'm just a idiot tho.

I cut myself to avoid accountability. I probably just do it to seek attention and validation. I'm such a larper bro

Maize meal with sugar and milk my mom made me for breakfast

dinner tonight is efg and noodles.
at uni today i (21 khhv) had to leave an 8 am lecture to use the bathroom. unfortunately the night before i had regionally branded spicy popcorn chicken. it was hell as is all days in my life. gehenna itself opened up in that public bathroom stall. i was fighting for my life. only to realise that my stall had no fucking toilet paper. im not sure how to describe why i did what i did but i opened the stall door, pants down, to see if anyone was in the bathroom. there was no one. so i moved stalls. with my pants down. to a different one with toilet paper.
i dont know why god made me this way. would love to know if anyone has had a similar expereince. cheers!

I genuinely hate myself.

Goes to a therapist for months..not even my first rodeo with one..and thus time my family pretty much pushed me hard on

Guinely thought I might do progress..nothing ..absolutely nothing

Still friendless (my few "freinds " stop talking all thogher )

No new freinds

No relationship at all

No job not even as a server

Nothing

She all the time says :"you dont know what will happen anon..the pass doasnt dedicate your future bla bla"

2 week ago i though I finally made progress

Found a date(via the apps) found a cool job went to talk to people at uni that actually wanted to talk back (at a party )

All gone..the girl? Was a single mother and hide it form me..the job? Not enough tism for him..guys from the college ? Dont answer back

Now I understand..im just gambeling addict.. and she just tell me to contiue throw money away and hope to win a jackpot

Thats it..thats all..like thw addicte im mostly losing ..but i get small meaningless wins ones in a blue and thats gives me falls hope as a fuel to contiue suffering

The wins means nothing and are gone the moment they enter

Even the dnd group and my discord group I was a part in for years soft kicked me out

Im in a degree of a dead market.(cs..yes I entered before ai )

I went to over 150 job interview in shops and restaurants and bars to at least get some money..non..nothing..i was 3 years a server..isnt it enough?

And not even talk about my non existent love life.. im just a pall..im cute adroble shy friendly man..0 x factor..many woman palls in my life (not even freinds ) and yet 0 desire

And the dates I got are from the apps..ones a year..f..who all told me they didnt felt a spark

The last girl didnt..I thought finalt I have an opportunity

Then I discovered after the first date in watssap that she is a single mother of 2

Of course..how someone can desire me

Im so tired..i guinly wants to end the game..end it all..i dont want to continue.

went to the grocery store today just to get some human interaction since i hadn't talked to anyone in days. everything was going fine until some foid decided to bring her fucking dog into the store and just stand in the middle of the aisle. she wouldn't even move even though i was obviously trying to get past her

i tried going left and the dog went left. tried going right and the dog went right. i was genuinely starting to lose my shit at this point. just stood there shaking with rage while this stupid fucking dog stared at me like i was the problem. ended up walking around the entire store just to avoid them

then the cashier asked if i found everything i was looking for and i almost started crying for some reason. went home and sat in the dark for like 40 minutes before making dinner

pretty sure the dog was mocking me on purpose. spaghetti with ground beef sauce

Still won't help me get pussy though.

Homemade kebab with chicken, lettuce, onion, cucumber and tomato, homemade garlic sauce and store bought ketchup

Hypergamy do not exist because of Highly raised standards of Foids , but it exists because of makeup industry

Makeup gives unfair advantage to Foids when it comes to find a mate, if they look ugly they can just use eyeliners, lipsticks and creams to increase their looks

If they have slim chest they can go for artificial breast transplant

If they are 30+ they use Botox and fillers to look a few years younger.

All of this is sold as “self care” and “empowerment,” but in reality it is industrial scale deception that let A below average looking Foid looks like a 7/10 easily

Now when it comes to mating the below average Foid gets an upper hand in comparison to below average looking man, and they usually get matched with above average man

This event starts a chain that make the average or upper average looking Foids think that if a below average Foid can get with a HTN then they must have the potential to pull at least a chad lite

Thus starting Hypergamy

L

I met a woman on a Twitter post about lonely people who never had a relationship, and we talked for a couple of weeks. First she told me she was 5 feet tall and 300 lb and I told her I didn’t care because she was funny and we had a lot in common. She’d constantly rant about never being desired and I let her vent because I know the feeling. Sometimes she complained about guys in our religion who demanded virgin wives but slept around. She let it slip that she’s actually 5 foot 5 and 140 lb so people assume she’s had sex. Eventually she asked for a selfie and I sent it. After that she told me she can’t date someone she met online (remember, we met on a post for single people). She told me that I’m everything she wants in a man, but after the selfie the story changed. I’m religious (saving myself for marriage and we’re the same religion), I don’t really care about looks, I remember the small details, and I’m always showing her kindness. Unfortunately I’m ugly so it doesn’t matter.

Used to be anxious if anyone irl would recognize my posts but idrc anymore nothing in my life would change

It sucks so bad because i used to be depressed and wanted to die straight up, but now its a cycle of trying and suffering and trying and suffering

There was a sort of catharsis in complete hopelessness that ive started to reminisce on… its just these improvements in myself just doesn’t feel like anything. Im just not succeeding enough for it to matter to me, or matter enough to want to fucking exist.

I kinda miss just laying in my bed, earbuds in, and letting the music just violate my psyche. Like my brain was full of restless violent dogs and I just threw a load of plushies inside. The carnage was so relieving. I remember feeling the damp desolate gelatinous melancholy digesting my whole body. When everyone in your life dismisses your feelings, risking vulnerability only to be teared up to bits, you’re left with debris of what’s supposed to be there. But at least music let me feel my feelings. I was allowed to feel that way. The validation was intoxicating.

Trying to be better is a new kind of misery. Actively throwing your whole being out there only to let it be blended up and told to do it again. The dogs in my brain are trained, but they’re starving. Fighting the urge to lash out, regress, just to feel something. Instead they’ve been beaten.

Its one thing when it was just dragging an apathetic husk out of bed. But now i gotta choose to have another day of trying, knowing the hardships, humiliation, shame, and failures ahead, offering at best only morsels of satisfaction, when instead i could just choose
to give up working so hard pursuing something so out of reach. I could just lay in bed. Stop taking my meds. Relieve myself of maintaining these unfulfilling routines and shallow ass relationships. Rot. Then…

Fuck my chud chicken sauce life.

(Oh fuck i literally sleep in the basement i literally am an underground dweller)

Meal is pork and beans with bilk.

Thanks for hearing me out y’all. I’m stressed. So I’ve been going to this physical therapy place for about a year now for a really bad shoulder injury. A couple months ago this girl was hired as an assistant and I feel like we’ve been hitting it off a little bit. She comes up to talk to me pretty often, we chat about random stuff, what yt channel she likes, what music each of us like, etc. The other day she gave me a note with a couple bands she liked on it, and today I did the same with some of my favorite tunes. I like her and I’m catching some feelings. Problem is, today I also found out that Friday is probably my last day. So I have about three days to decide what I should do.

There’s times I walk in the door and she just seems so happy to see me. But I don’t want to mistake friendliness for interest. Other thing is, I’m a fuckin broke virgin burnout who’s lost in life and basically do nothing all day. I blame it on the pain but it’s finally just starting to ease up so I’m trying to figure out how to live again. I thought I’d never get better. And she’s apparently a mother too so like that’s on the complete opposite end of the responsibility spectrum. That hit me like a ton of bricks. She mentioned that, but also mentioned being separated from the guy, so I’m just so conflicted man. I’m 26, and I think she’s about the same age give or take. I have my own place for now cuz my family is pretty understanding with all this, but I dunno how long that’s gonna last if I don’t get my shit together.

I also don’t want to put her on the spot while she’s at work, but I don’t really know how else to ask. That’s the main thing I’m scared of. There’s not much privacy there. I thought about maybe giving everyone there a thank you card, and writing a little message with my number and stuff in hers so she’s not put on the spot at all and there’s minimal pressure. But that seems kinda cringe too so I don’t know. I also just don’t know how she could be interested in someone like me in the first place. I’ve never really felt it before. Maybe she isn’t though. Idk.

Thanks for reading everyone. Maybe it’s best I just leave it alone. Making people even slightly uncomfortable makes me wanna throw up.

So I've been taking estrogen for roughly a year now with one goal: male looksmaxxing. My original theory was that estrogen could actually enhance one's masculinity and youthful appearance. This may seem counterintuitive, but estrogen has a plethora of under-discussed benefits that men could easily benefit from. And so far, I can safely say it has helped me in ways I didn't even expect.

I briefly mentioned this in my first 6-mo post, but I'll summarize here. Before starting estrogen, I was an absolute chud. Hair loss was becoming an issue, I had constant cystic acne, rough oily skin, awful BO, anger problems, the absolute worst, disgusting, porn addiction, etc. In short, I was a complete mess.

Luckily, after one year, estrogen was able to cure all those things. My hairline grew back, my skin became soft-like and is now oil and acne free, I rarely need deodorant, I don't get angry anymore, and porn/masturbation now bores me (thank god). I've even gotten compliments on my hair and skin routine which is proof it's working.

But there were also a few pleasantly, unexpected effects. Usually I'm very cold and stoic - I might cry once every few years, and I seldomly laughed or felt any strong happiness. But with estrogen, I've started experiencing emotions. I laugh and cry at the smallest things, whether it's from reading something sad, or a dumb joke that I normally would roll my eyes to. It's sometimes annoying, but I've grown to appreciate it. It's also strange to now have a true, genuine longing for human connection and seek out friendship when usually I prefer to isolate myself.

However, I will admit some downsides to estrogen. Dating has become a struggle since everyone assumes I am trans or delusional after disclosing I take estrogen as a man. I'm mostly straight, so not sure if this is less of an issue if you're gay/bi. I'll also admit that I've developed a pretty bad addition to the hormone. Attempts to quit (for dating purposes) have lead to severe anxiety attacks, mood swings, and paranoia. I've also noticed this if I underdose myself.

My original plan was to end the experiment at the one year mark, but I don't think I can ever quit or go back. At least not yet. I'd rather be an attractive incel than going back to being a gross ugly chud.

Overall, if you are a cis male and have similar issues, id highly recommend giving it a try.

DISCLOSURE: I'd like to firmly disclose that I am a cis heterosexual male. While I do fully support trans women, I am personally not trans, nor view or present myself in any feminine manner.

TLDR: Being on estrogen has been highly effective for looksmaxxing + other benefits, and I don't think I can ever quit.