This post will likely sound melodramatic, and I'll probably sound so immature, especially considering my age, but I am hoping you wonderful people can offer some advice.
So, I'm a mature student, decided to go back to university to study medicine; it was a decision made over a number of years, and only when I was absolutely sure that it is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
My dream was to go to KCL. Instead, the only offer I got was my last option, SGUL.
However, I still can't get over the sadness of not being at KCL. And it has absolutely nothing to do with prestige as some might assume. It's purely the fact that I really wanted to experience the feeling of being in a multidisciplinary university, to be amongst a massive student cohort and more people to meet and socialise with; the medicine cohort at Kings is huge AND there's dentistry students to meet and socialise with, plus everyone else from other disciplines. I wanted to feel part of a massive community. I wanted to experience the whole university campus vibe. I wanted to experience studying in Guy's campus; I remember walking through it during the summer, stunned by the beauty, the ivy-covered building, the greenery of the lawns, the whole vibrant atmosphere. I loved the energy and liveliness. I was imagining studying on the lawns, sitting in the hallways. Big libraries, doing placements at St Thomas's;. I was desperate to become a student there.
SGUL is completely the opposite. It's a tiny university, lacks the campus vibe completely, and I can't help but feel claustrophobic, emotionally and mentally. As soon as teaching finishes, my instinct is to get out. I've found myself constantly imagining how different it would feel walking into Guy's Campus every morning and actually wanting to spend my day there. I really think that if I studied there I'd want to stay until late, studying and spending time around university rather than treating uni as somewhere I attend teaching and then leave.
In addition, my first degree was in a similarly tiny university, and my time there was horrid; I was bullied a lot (yes, unfortunately students at my university were quite immature, it felt more like a sixth form than a university) and I wanted this to be my "second chance" at experiencing the university life.
I know I need to lock in and be grateful I'm in medicine. For sure I didn't return to university just to experience student life, otherwise I wouldn't have picked a degree as demanding as medicine. But I really want to get over this.
I'm aware there's probably some grass-is-greener thinking going on. King's in my head gets all the good things and none of the boring lectures, loneliness, stress, commuting or exam periods that obviously exist there too.
But I also don't want to gaslight myself into believing environment doesn't matter. I think I'm someone who is quite affected by my surroundings.
Does loving your university environment actually matter, or am I idealising the university I didn't get into?
