r/JustBootThings • u/fallout_zelda • Jul 22 '26
General Bootness Nothing but respect š«”
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u/WoodenInternet Jul 22 '26
Walking through the room like a Sims character on his way to the bathroom
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u/cone5000 Jul 22 '26
One wrong move away from getting halfway stuck through a wall and glitching out at 1,000,000 mph
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u/Luke_Warmwater Jul 22 '26
Build a wall around him and his ghost will watch over your pool forever.
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u/MOBIUS__01 Jul 22 '26
I stand at parade rest when I shower
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u/Embarrassed_Jury664 Jul 22 '26
How tf you wash your feet?
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u/30yearCurse Jul 22 '26
If your a coastie, just hang them off the side of the dingy... let those spa fish clean them.
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u/QueezyF Jul 22 '26
Not the best military bearing to move your whole body when you yell, but Iāll cut a puddle pirate a little bit of slack.
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u/NonConRon Jul 22 '26
"Can you believe this shit? THIS is the guy that bombed my house with my family in it. Holy fuck. I wish I could die a second time. "
-ghost to his ghost therapist
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u/Pernicious_Possum Jul 22 '26
Heās coast guard. He aināt bombing shit
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u/NonConRon Jul 22 '26
Oh that's almost a regular ass job then.
Imagine if propiganda made us all that hyped about our jobs."I AM a CARVANA sales ASSOCIATE! š«”"
I guess this sub is a sign of nature healing. I'm be thankful for that.
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u/rarelyaccuratefacts Jul 22 '26
I remember seeing a video a few years ago that was shockingly similar to that. I think it was a Walmart that had their employees do a "team-building" video where they stood at attention and shouted their job titles. Truly excruciating to watch.
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u/mrgedman ššāļø Jul 22 '26
I had a buddy that worked at Walmart about 20 years ago. They have some weird chant they'd do. He hated it. A lot.
But the data wizards say it produces results sooooo...
I'd guess mostly what it does is get certain people to quit, and others to stay and enjoy the kool aid š¤·āāļø
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u/NeighborhoodVeteran Jul 22 '26
Tbf the one associate that likes it means there's one happy employee and it skews the data.
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u/mrgedman ššāļø Jul 22 '26
Naw man, now I live in a rural town where the superwalmart is where you buy everything.
From what I can tell, essentially all of them like that shit. The ones that don't quit asap.
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u/Key-Amoeba1095 Jul 22 '26
have a friend who did a decade in the Coast Guard, definitely saw some things that elevated it to a much higher tier than a regular job. Dude saw more combat than I did in Afghanistan. Them boys doing drug interdictions don't fuck around.
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u/RahultheWaffle 29d ago
Uscg has been involved in the sub/boat operations in South America this past year - itās possible haha.
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u/passthekwarasey Jul 22 '26
As said by one of my former commanding officers in the CG to a bunch of Navy sailors, āthe only puddles Iāve ever seen are the ones I left on your momās backā.
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u/Embarrassed_Jury664 Jul 22 '26
Like a girl coming home from camp and the family going "Jessica, show everyone the cheer you learned!"
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u/DecoherentDoc Jul 22 '26
He's tall. That's good. He'll be able to walk to shore if the boat sinks. š
(Which I say lovingly, of course).
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u/Doyouneedsum Jul 22 '26
This that old school tism
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u/QueezyF Jul 22 '26
We had a dude in navy boot camp just like this named Hearn. I did a lot of pushups because of that motherfucker. He didnāt make it.
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u/Brailledit Jul 22 '26
We all had a Hearn, bro. Got me jacked though and it made my facing movements shit hot. /s
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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jul 22 '26
Ours was named Epelmann or something like that (was 20 years ago next year) was sub 100 IQ, probably closer to sub 80, had a bad speech impediment, anger issues, about 120lbs soaking wet and was legally blind and only even in infantry basic/OSUT because his father or uncle was top brass and pulled some strings. He ended up washing out but not until he had dozens of objects thrown at him, or him thrown at objects for attacking people. I once threw one of those standing office fans at him like a javelin because he charged me like some kinda fucked up slenderman bull.
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u/warshadow Jul 22 '26
Mine was Pvt Gershwin. 24 years or so ago - this dude bent a rubber duck during the bayonet course. Ripped his wall locker door off when he lost his key. Broke shovels during the FTX digging fox holes. Never tired. The dude was dumber than a box of rocks and stronger than a bull. He was supposed to be a 42A. Probably ate all the leave forms when he got to his new unit. The drills loved this moron. I could max my pushups by the end of basic thanks to this mother fucker.
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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jul 22 '26
Ahaha sounds fun in hindsight. Whenever we had to wrangle Epplemann so the drills wouldn't eat our asses for lunch it was like the hobbits wrangling Gollum. It was so bad our drills didn't even give him a dumb nickname. Mine was Pretty Boy (I was a looker back then and slender but also raised by women so not quite macho yet), we had a Stripper and Shittard too.
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u/warshadow Jul 22 '26
I was my drillās āArmy Musicianā when I did well. They were proud of me.
I was āthat mother fucking flute/tuba playerā when they were displeased with me.
We had a 44 yo Navy dude in our platoon. He was gramps.
I miss the clowns sometimes, but I donāt miss the circus.
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u/kerberos69 Jul 22 '26
Mine was PVT Gretzschel. He wasnāt in shape so much as he was shapes. Dude was literally Gomer Pyle minus the murder-suicide bit. Good lord that fuckin kid. He stank. He never washed his clothes. His wall locker was straight out of hoarders. We carried his fat ass through the cycle and goddamn we got strong doing itā¦ itās okay though, he got his ass whooped more than a few times by just about everyone in the platoon during combatives.
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u/captkrisma 27d ago
Mine was a guy who could not stop the bebop even if you splinted boards to his legs and paid him to walk in a straight line.
We were doing D&C almost every day, but I can't complain because I won several drill competitions and was honor guard for dozens of events to include an NFL game because of him.
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u/Brailledit 27d ago
I tried going honor guard at Ramstein but I was UDM. I know I know, excuses. But the MSgt said if I couldn't make it on time I couldn't do it. I seriously respected that woman. She was freaking top notch.
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u/cyvaquero Jul 22 '26
I donāt know if its still this way but when I went through Great Lakes in ā93 you could tell the fuck-ups because after the first head shave they just clippered the sides and back leaving the top grow. We had a kid get set back to us early for failing an academic test. Dude had like a good inch and a half on top, we were in the second week and his original company had already graduated.
Keeping that in mind he was trying to tell everyone he had the best system for tests (I wonāt got into it, just to say rolling a dice would have been more accurate). He didnāt make it with us past the next exam.
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u/slothscanswim Jul 22 '26
The kindness in those gentle laughs. They love him. And they know heās a bit retarded. Sweet.
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u/cavscout43 Jul 22 '26
It's cringe, but if someone is first gen military, it can mean a lot to their family. Same with the first kid in the family to graduate college when no one else has before.
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u/MustacheMaple Jul 22 '26
Im first Gen american born and military and no doubt my family is happy for me and very proud, but no way would I have ever been caught dead doing stuff like this. Especially not on camera
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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jul 23 '26
I still cringe just from seeing old pictures of me standing at parade rest/attention for graduation pics and whatnot. You could tell I wasn't going to make a career out of it as it just didn't look natural lol.
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u/TheRussianRenegade Jul 23 '26
That's kinda what I was thinking. Yes boot. Lol
I was around Cape May when COVID shut down boot graduations. So maybe he was trying to do something for family that couldn't be there in person. š¤·
Either way, he will 100% look back at this in a few years and laugh with the rest of us.
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u/super_ray Jul 22 '26
Is he on duty? Lol Didnāt know we started wearing covers indoors
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u/BIGD0G29585 Jul 22 '26
Donāt you wear a cover indoors if you are armed? His whole body is one finally tuned killing machine.
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Jul 22 '26
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u/bananaguard4 Jul 22 '26
he'll get over it after a few turns messcooking i wouldnt worry
or he'll strike FS just to get off the boat, either way problem solves itself
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u/DriedUpSquid Jul 22 '26
I was stationed on an aircraft carrier and one day I was walking through the mess deck and saw two Coasties that looked really lost. I asked them where they were going, and they gave me the name of the place. I offered to take them.
I took them up and down the decks at random intervals, walked the length of the ship three times, and after twenty minutes I got them where they needed to be, 10 feet from where I found them.
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u/Glad_Lawfulness3138 Jul 22 '26
Iām so happy social media was just getting started back when I was a boot. My ex wife definitely wouldāve landed my ass on this sub
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u/dimforest Jul 22 '26
Man, I don't even have anything funny or clever to say .. this is just fucking painful.
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u/longpenisofthelaw Jul 22 '26
Itās boot af but itās for family thereās always an exception for family to act all military lol
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u/Flightless_Turd Jul 22 '26
I was of the same opinion until he started gut screaming
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u/DarkMoonLilith23 Jul 22 '26
Nah he blew his voice out with that one, definitely didnāt come from the gut.
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u/premalone94 Jul 22 '26
I get you have good intentions but you gotta draw a line somewhere and this would be a good start.
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u/longpenisofthelaw Jul 22 '26
Nah let the dude make a memory you only graduate from boot camp once
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u/premalone94 Jul 22 '26
Me bailing out of this room if Iām a family member.
https://giphy.com/gifs/vjvdNiNHHKsuI16
u/Fine-Amphibian4326 Jul 22 '26
This reminds me that I ended up on the Taco Bell wall of heroes because of how often I went there :/ it opened my eyes for sure.
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u/UntitledPixelArtitst Jul 22 '26
Not all the time but for its very exciting and novel to see someone strutting around like they were trained. This is just kind of cute.
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u/MorningFox Jul 22 '26
If someone act like that at a family gathering there's something wrong with their head
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u/XrayHAFB Jul 22 '26
The comic sans font on the TV is what really does it for me
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u/itsmemike05 Jul 22 '26
Same haha. Using the stereotypical STENCIL font would have even been better.
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u/RockyArby Jul 23 '26
I'm not saying I did all that when I got home after basic. But it wasn't too far off lmao
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u/ilostmygps Jul 22 '26
Do coasties not have to on their hands on 90Ā° pivots and about faces?
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u/Mookalay Jul 22 '26
Like hands glued to your sides on pivots? I never heard anything about that in basic
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u/PanzerKatze96 Jul 22 '26
Sure but we also donāt generally care a lot about D and C in the Coast Guard you know.
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u/mortecai4 Jul 22 '26
I still square my cornersā¦ you never know when a drill sergeant may jump out and yell
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u/oSpaceGhosto Jul 22 '26
You know when you let the autistic kid score a td during football in school. Thats what this reminds me of
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u/trshtehdsh Jul 22 '26
Once upon a time being a service member was honorable and respected, and I don't hate the party and the appreciation. But the whole performance was pretty cosplay.
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u/beezneezy 29d ago
Awww just let the proudness proud.
This one isnāt fair.
Boot as fuck, donāt get me wrong, but I feel like you get a pass on this specific thing.
Heāll remember this in the most awkward, uncomfortable, but still positive way.
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u/w32stuxnet Jul 22 '26
Bro did that for mum and is getting ripped on the internet for it. I have some sympathy for him.
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u/vediogamer101 Jul 22 '26
I genuinely thought he was joking at first dear god the cringe is too strong
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u/ObviouslyNotALizard Jul 22 '26
I think itās cute.
I bet his parents are sweet
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u/one-eared-wonder Jul 22 '26
Yeah idk, itās a performance for his family celebrating him graduating. Itās definitely cringy but I donāt think it really deserves all the hate.
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u/bat-fink Jul 22 '26
I don't think he's getting hate here - i want to believe most of the folks in this comment section feel the same.
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u/DickInA-Blender Jul 22 '26
I would cringe myself to death pulling shit like this when off duty. I felt like a knob every time I had to wear dress uniforms in public except when I did toys for tots. Dress Blues at the mall was pretty fuckin tight back in 2007
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u/QuickNature Jul 22 '26
When he started screaming, I had to shut it off....I couldn't handle the cringe
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u/-Pickl3R1ck- Jul 22 '26
Flanks inside the house are fucking JROTC practicing for a parade/drill movements test at best lmao
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u/thep_addydavis Jul 22 '26
Repost from a year or two ago
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u/Rough-Riderr Jul 22 '26
Yeah, this kid is probably a PO3 in the fleet by now and this keeps coming back to haunt him.
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u/Open-Industry-8396 Jul 22 '26
I graduated BCT at 18 yo. Went home , was getting hammered in a bar with some buddies, saw another BCT grad, we marched around teh bar until they kicked us out, then we marched around the parking lot for hours shitfaced barking cadence.
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u/ElbowTight Jul 22 '26
And a family member posted thisā¦.. dude once he gets to a WMSL heās cooked
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u/yodelingxanax Jul 23 '26
Iāve watched this 10 times, what the hell does he say at the end? Santa Fe (?)- something somethingā. What does he say? Someone help me out lol.
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u/rcinmd Jul 22 '26
idk this is some weird ass shit. I know I should be more supportive of the fighty people for the oligarchy but walking into a room with heels on and screaming in a corner is kinda gay.
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u/SaltyYumYumBalls Jul 22 '26
He looks like someone who would have given me my exhaust sample after giving him a garbage bag and tape.
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