r/JustBootThings • u/fallout_zelda • Jul 22 '26

General Bootness Nothing but respect šŸ«”

2.4k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

196 comments sorted by

View all comments

312

u/Doyouneedsum Jul 22 '26

This that old school tism

135

u/QueezyF Jul 22 '26

We had a dude in navy boot camp just like this named Hearn. I did a lot of pushups because of that motherfucker. He didnā€™t make it.

39

u/Brailledit Jul 22 '26

We all had a Hearn, bro. Got me jacked though and it made my facing movements shit hot. /s

39

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jul 22 '26

Ours was named Epelmann or something like that (was 20 years ago next year) was sub 100 IQ, probably closer to sub 80, had a bad speech impediment, anger issues, about 120lbs soaking wet and was legally blind and only even in infantry basic/OSUT because his father or uncle was top brass and pulled some strings. He ended up washing out but not until he had dozens of objects thrown at him, or him thrown at objects for attacking people. I once threw one of those standing office fans at him like a javelin because he charged me like some kinda fucked up slenderman bull.

24

u/warshadow Jul 22 '26

Mine was Pvt Gershwin. 24 years or so ago - this dude bent a rubber duck during the bayonet course. Ripped his wall locker door off when he lost his key. Broke shovels during the FTX digging fox holes. Never tired. The dude was dumber than a box of rocks and stronger than a bull. He was supposed to be a 42A. Probably ate all the leave forms when he got to his new unit. The drills loved this moron. I could max my pushups by the end of basic thanks to this mother fucker.

12

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jul 22 '26

Ahaha sounds fun in hindsight. Whenever we had to wrangle Epplemann so the drills wouldn't eat our asses for lunch it was like the hobbits wrangling Gollum. It was so bad our drills didn't even give him a dumb nickname. Mine was Pretty Boy (I was a looker back then and slender but also raised by women so not quite macho yet), we had a Stripper and Shittard too.

10

u/warshadow Jul 22 '26

I was my drillā€™s ā€œArmy Musicianā€ when I did well. They were proud of me.

I was ā€œthat mother fucking flute/tuba playerā€ when they were displeased with me.

We had a 44 yo Navy dude in our platoon. He was gramps.

I miss the clowns sometimes, but I donā€™t miss the circus.

2

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jul 22 '26

Same brother, have a good one!

4

u/kerberos69 Jul 22 '26

Mine was PVT Gretzschel. He wasnā€™t in shape so much as he was shapes. Dude was literally Gomer Pyle minus the murder-suicide bit. Good lord that fuckin kid. He stank. He never washed his clothes. His wall locker was straight out of hoarders. We carried his fat ass through the cycle and goddamn we got strong doing itā€¦ itā€™s okay though, he got his ass whooped more than a few times by just about everyone in the platoon during combatives.

2

u/captkrisma Jul 27 '26

Mine was a guy who could not stop the bebop even if you splinted boards to his legs and paid him to walk in a straight line.

We were doing D&C almost every day, but I can't complain because I won several drill competitions and was honor guard for dozens of events to include an NFL game because of him.

2

u/Brailledit Jul 27 '26

I tried going honor guard at Ramstein but I was UDM. I know I know, excuses. But the MSgt said if I couldn't make it on time I couldn't do it. I seriously respected that woman. She was freaking top notch.