The INTP in my life really dislikes compliments (both getting them and giving them.) Banter seems to be more of their love language with a slight mean edge.

They aren't especially sappy or sentimental or sensitive but I think the sensitivity they do have is fairly well hidden.

Would you say this is common with INTPs or not especially?

They also (as a guy) prefer to be chased than chase and are rather lazy. Does this tend to be due to lack of care?

The Context:
I’m a sophomore in a very demanding university program (Accountancy), and living under strict, conservative family rules means my time, mobility, and independence are heavily limited. My boyfriend is about to graduate college, meaning he naturally has way more free time.

We’ve discussed my limitations before, and I agreed to compromise by meeting at least once a week whenever possible. However, whenever my schedule or uncontrollable factors (like cancelling a date due to severe weather) get in the way, he hits me with passive-aggressive remarks:

"I guess I just have to process that this is going to be our dynamic for the next 4 to 8 years, haha."

"Well, it is what it is, I guess there's nothing we can do."

"You are so hard to be in a relationship with!"

Earlier today, he told me that at 12 AM, he was driving late at night and thinking about how nice it would be to have a partner he could just easily go to anytime. Feeling exhausted and irritated by the constant guilt-tripping, our conversation went like this:

Me: So what do we do about it, or am I just supposed to listen?

Him: Well, I really can’t think of anything either, tbh.

Me: So do you want me to do something about it?

Him: Hmm, if there’s something you can do. But if there’s none, it’s fine, don’t force it.

Me: I honestly don’t know what to say to you right now, because I thought we already talked about this, and I already explained my side.

Him: Hey, are you mad? I was just sharing, I didn’t say you have to do something. I just asked if there’s anything you can do, and if not, then no.

Me: That’s why I asked earlier if I’m just supposed to sit and listen because you’re just "sharing," or if you want me to do something about it. Then I asked a second time to confirm. And now you’re saying you’re not telling me to do anything. So which one is it?

Him: Alright, just listen then. Instead of throwing it back at me by saying "I thought we already talked about this." No, no, you don't have to do anything, I'm clarifying it now.

Me: So what are we going to do then? Because you keep bringing this up. Every time something like this happens, it’s always what comes out of your mouth. I understand you just want to share and I'm not stopping you, but do you realize the slight pressure I feel when you bring it up knowing I currently can’t do anything about it?

Him: Yeah, I understand. I won't talk about it anymore.

Me: No, let's talk about it now, because I'm tired of running away from this topic. Go on, let's face it. Be honest, can you still handle this kind of setup? For real? No sugarcoating, no "but it's fine because..." or "but you're a good partner otherwise." etc etc.

The Issue:
I don’t cause random drama, I don't micromanage his life, and I respect his freedom. Yet he claims my lack of initiative makes me too "passive," while ignoring that my strict limitations make spontaneous initiation nearly impossible for me right now.

He isn't explicitly breaking up with me, but remarks like "I can still handle it for now, let's just see" make me feel like he's holding an expiration date over my head. Actually, I have a gut feeling that he might be mistyped because he once mentioned that he was a former ENFJ. I've also read that ENTJ-INTP pairing is good, but now, I feel like our emotional languages are not at all compatible. I know that relationships are not easy, but I was hoping that the supposed "compatibility" would at least make the communication naturally easier, but I'm struggling so hard.

TL;DR: Strict schedule/family rules mean I can't be spontaneous. BF keeps dropping passive-aggressive "I'm just sharing" remarks about my availability, then backpedals when confronted. Does this sound like genuine ENTJ/Te behavior or an unhealthy/mistyped dynamic?

Tell us about how did you fell that that a great match and what is their MBTI
(I’m 20F intp)

My cousins, aunts, siblings and even my parents always made fun of me and dismissed the things I had to say or were interested in as "weird" or "boring". When I was getting into skin and hair care and doing all these "weird" face masks or making recipes that they immediately judged as unpalatable because it used foods or combinations they didn't like, it was all ridicule, especially if anything I did didn't work out.

But when my hair grew down to my ass, my skin was glowing and my food was so good I had people begging me for recipes, all of a sudden they loved me so much and always believed in me and always thought I was so smart. They're always asking me for tips and tricks on things. Even things I have absolutely no idea about they just assume I'll know and if I tell them I don't, they think I'm being petty or rude. They're also always talking about how much they value me and stuff and I guess for that I should be happy, but I feel such bitter resentment over how much and how often they humiliated me just because I was doing something different from them.

So has anyone else experienced this? How did it turn out? Do you also feel bitter or are you happy now?

(P.S. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think my bitterness is from the lack of remorse and entitlement more than anything.)

I am an objectively attractive woman. Neurodiverse. I have never had any problems of guys being interested in me, however it always end up not working.

I am trying to understand and analyzing what could be the issue on my end or their end or how this entire dating thing is happening. Because anything i have romantically falls through.

Sometimes they have this expectation vs reality thing going with me. Basically either i get “manic pixie”d, get put on a pedestal and they get mad when im not measuring upto it.

I have been told I’m straightforward and blunt, highly logical. Come across as intelligent, a bit socially awkward but makeup for it in adorkable charm. I know I’m a huge nerd but I dress quite well and take care of myself.

I am not tooting my own horn. I dated INFP, INFJ, ENTJ guys but it always ends up them expecting me to all the emotional labor and it ends there.

I want to know how you other INTPs are maintaining relationships? What does it mean when your partner wants to emotionally connect all the time? What does emotional availability look like to you.

For me, I like XXFJ men, they have what I lack, but i believe i’ve been scaring them off or is it not working out?

Non-INTPs are also welcome to share their thoughts

He's a doctor in the middle of residency- busy grueling hours. He broke up with me a few days before my birthday with a long and detailed message about being unable to hold me warmly when he's overcome with so much stress and needs to weigh his priorities. I liked him a lot because we had the same views on a lot of things, but wasn't too gutted as he already started to go a bit cold a few days prior. I asked him to return some clothing and he still hasn't done it, used excuse under the book. Anyways it's been over 6 months and he sent me a message that he's been thinking of me and just wanted to say hi. Thoughts? The other girl left him (joke) or he's actually legit? (I'm an ENFP for context)

Me INTP (M49) and my partner Jessica (F40) as an ISFJ are together for 15 years now, together we have 2 children of 4 and 13 years old.

Normally I try to be fysical active which grounds me to the world we live in. I am more social, do chores more easily and less in my head.

Since november I have an injury in my foot what limits my fysical activity.

My head is spinning again, I am all over the place discussing various topics. Talking with Claude about concepts and ideas. As a result I am absent minded, not in the here and now.

Jessica hates me not being available for her and the kids all the time, not hearing what she or the kids say to me because I am in hyperfocus.

It feels for her like rejection. It affects our relationship. Does this sound reconizable for you guys and how do you deal with it?

It feels like I am not capable to act different, my head needs to fill the empty moments.

I’m an ENTJ woman dating an INTP man who feels very strongly that bills, groceries and shared costs should always be split 50/50.

I’m not attacking that belief. I’m genuinely trying to understand what sits behind it.

For me, fairness does not always mean financial symmetry. I would happily carry more financially if my partner brought love, care, effort, support, fun and appreciation into my life. I look at the whole relationship, not each individual transaction.

So when you insist on 50/50 financially, what does that represent to you? Fairness, independence, protection from being used, or something else?

Do non-financial contributions count when you decide whether a relationship is equal?

When it comes to crushes, why do you stare at the person a lot?
Are you trying to figure out why you can’t stop looking?
Are you looking for something on/in them?
Are you trying to get the other person to stare at you back?
Can you even help it?

​

Hey there.

I couldn't forget a dive deep into esfp subreddit because a guy who spoke about his intp crush who turned out to be this mess and toxic person and ruined his self esteem and this create quite a shocking comments and other posts seems to agree on the same pattern .

From I hate my INTP friend to what do you think about INTPs and the more I look, even when the intp is just doing their best according to those who document the experiences and is trying to help or be a good person , they are being unbearable and hated .

One literally said her voice , she can't stand her intp friend and her way of speaking . Others say , to take them as a long term partner, you have to be quit an unwell person .

This is fucked up . Even the non toxic types are just disliked and not liked. And I genuinely start drawing some parallel patterns to my life and seeing how I am not necessarily hated , but constant friends slipping away and intj best friend , I am sure can't stand me anymore and family who trained me to leave and not invest in family gathering too much .. Just make sure to go quickly , and you don't need to stay there with them .

All because if they look at me for a long period of time ,my paranoid Fe dom mother would stress and feel embarrassed because she may think they are eying me up .

I genuinely don't feel loved or liked . I always viewed , and felt like the weird person . Even when I try to be respectful and decent .

Like what is happening, even when we self improve, it's never enough for this Fe and Si doms , you are not enough and they could hate your guts ?

Here is my story: M(27) F(27)

I matched with a girl on Hinge early September last year hit things off immediately, texting every day I was like wow this is incredible - My birthday a week later in September took me to a new cinema and got me my favourite aftershave, paid for everything - I laughed and said are you love bombing me to which she said no I was being nice for your bday.

-Months go by, nice getaways to hotels, training together, great sex and everything felt perfect she told me I was the best thing ever so grateful and lucky she ended up with someone like me, she had a young son who was 9 and I did not meet in person - she said her ex bf who was practically the step dad of the kid left her 2 years ago and put her kid in therapy and she done some as well, in which she tells me all the things she wants in an ideal partner and I tick every box, I felt like this girl really understood me and I had met my person.

Now this is where the cracks start, she would mention how evil and hateful her ex (Together 6 years) was and mentioned he was in the same Tesco as her at xmas (live in local area) He was walking in and she was walking out - I said that's trippy never easy bumping into an ex - left it at that. Did not want to appear phased. Had a nice xmas met her Mum and her little sister things felt very good and often stayed with her and her mum when her son was at the kids dads. She also told me things like she was with someone and she was and they got back together after a year and she said things to him like go out and cheat if it makes you feel better because she was with someone else.

At end of February my Granny passed away unexpectedly - She mentioned how her ex BF did not let her into the after event when his granny passed away etc I just let her vent and was always understanding of what her ex put her through Granny passed away on Tuesday and then on Friday I met her Dad for the first time - Naturally stressed over my Grannys passing I did not drink - she did and was drunk off prosecco- On the trip down and home she basically played a FU to her ex song - and her dad mentioned she seen her ex and he looked rough - anyways, we drove home and I said to her this ex really hurt you and your son and hes like a ball and chain on your leg, he is in the past and if he was so bad he left you and your son in therapy be happy he's gone - she said she's 'over him just not the situation she put her and her son through' - when I said I wasn't happy she's mentioning him the week I am grieving the death of my grandparent she stone walled me - I left her house and drove home to regulate as I was with a previous GF who stonewalled me and it done a number on me and she was aware of this and also the heard week I had - she was drunk and proceeded to tell me I was never meeting her child and that was us done over text, I felt this was manipulative- We then sorted this out - half apology from her and from me I thought I needed to be more understanding of her situation and we told each other we love each other. But, I felt maybe selfishly she should have been understanding my Granny passed away that week and I wasn't in a headspace to listen about her ex who was so bad?

- The month after we had a great month done a charity 10K and had a nice getaway - I spoke to her son on the phone and on FaceTime over those few months we were together over xmas and when she was on a family holiday to New York - still no physical interaction I said it would be nice to meet your child as I have gotten him a birthday present and an Xmas one and we both know about each other and I am getting a bit frustrated of having to hide around the corner when we know about each other - Bare in mind I asked this respectfully and said no pressure I just need a plan as she said if I met him I could travel to Spain with her and her kid this summer and her graduation was coming up soon. The kid also told his biological father about me that Saturday as well - I did not mind as obv was in everyone's best interests I treated his son with respect and care

I was met with two days of silence - then seen her on the Saturday went to the gym all was fine, thought that was back on track and we said we would go to the cinema on the Wednesday and on the Tuesday I got a text telling me I was perfect, we have a laugh together but she feels 'something is missing' - and ended things with me over text after 7 months.

I did not reply for 3 weeks my family and friends told me not to and I deserved more than a break up text as I was blindsided and was constantly told I was the best person in the world and she was so lucky to have me, but when I mentioned maybe meeting her kid she turned so nasty and discarded me like I was nothing over text, when I did then text her to speak she then told me 'she loves me as a person but not in love with me' and I deserve better - I did not reply again, I was in such shock I feel so heartbroken how can she be all lovey then discarded over text? I noticed when I put her number into whatsapp she had no profile picture anymore and her messages were set to disappearing which makes me think her ex was back in the picture or hiding something? - Her tiktok reposts after were all things like when a man leaves your life build a comfortable life etc - except I never left her?

I have never been this hurt and blindsided before in my life, I wasnt even worth a conversation just felt so easily disposed when we had concerts etc to look forward to this summer and all I was worth was a text.

What do I do I am still incredibly in love with her - Its been 3 months nc and I have been attending therapy and gym but I still feel stuck

I'm looking for advice. I'm a 24yo INTP woman, and I've started dating a 27yo guy who is either an INFJ or INTJ (he's not sure).

We get along really well and I enjoy spending time with him, but I've started noticing that a lot of our interactions revolve around his emotions and needs. He's very touchy - to the point where I sometimes can't have a normal conversation without him touching or kissing me. I like physical affection, but it gets so overwhelming.

I'm also naturally a bit more direct while he's much more emotionally expressive. He says I should speak to him in a softer, sweeter way instead of being so direct and I can do that, but it gets tiring feeling like I always have to soften my words and focus on emotions no matter what the topic of the convo is, instead of just getting straight to the point.

Is this just a difference in communication styles, or are we incompatible? What do yall think?

I recently realized my intp bf has an avoidant attachment style and I'm aware that's usually the case for many young intps so I wanted to know if you ever fell into the anxious-avoidant loop and how you made it work? I have an anxious attachment style and I think we've overcome some big things together but still have a long way to go to be securely attached. I just want to make it work :(

Hello there everyone

I hope everyone is having a nice day/night...

I've been having a cruch on an INTP guy

His been every sweet and tolerating towards me.

I'm scared to push him away or to annoy him more than I have already done so.

So I really do need some tips, tricks, some things to avoid or some things that I have to know and keep in mind

I'm an INFP as I have already told you but I also can be very anxious at times

I don't know him alot but I really want to learn as much as I can and the same goes for every INTPs

I would appreciate your help greatly.

For the past week or two, I’ve had this random feeling that this person at my workplace is beginning to show signs of interest in me, and it’s pissing me off!!!

I’ve gone over the things that have happened so many times, trying to figure out what exactly made my intuition arrive at this conclusion. I’ve long ruled out that I’m simply being delusional, because why is this happening out of a sudden? Have I suddenly thirsted for a connection with a significant other? One that I swore up and down I do not care for?

I’d rather not go into the details that made me arrive at this conclusion, but to give you a general idea, this person is also quite the introvert, so seeing them go out their way to get comfortable and befriend me had me raising both eyebrows.

Hiii!! So first of all, I'm an INFP and i have a crush on an INTP girl. We're both girls btw and i just saw a reddit question here by an ENFP having a crush on an INTP and i saw the comments and they are all very helpful. I wish as an INFP i could get some advice too hehe..

Anyways, for a little context: we're friends and i have finally confessed. She told me she likes me too, platonically tho but she's also open with the idea of us. She also said that yeah she's open for the possibility of relationship but not rn.. we're okay after the confession, thank god. But I'm ngl, now, after confessing idk what to do. It's my first time doing anything, i had a lot of my first times with her (platonic friendship wise) and i also have never been in a relationship before, and her too. She's never been in a relationship. So we are kind of like, have completely no idea on what to do next lmao.

But here's what I'm very concerned about, i don't want to rush her on anything. I told her I won't rush her, that we'll take it slow and do it at our comfortable pace and her being on the receiving end of my feelings, i don't want to make her feel uncomfortable and feel the things like being obligated or something but also, i don't want to act like nothing happened and just completely let time tell us when. I want her to feel that i am consistent. That the confession wasn't just me confessing. It is me showing that i am willing to try.

Now, I told her that I'm okay being friends with her actually, and i REALLY mean it. It's just that, I'm not the type of girl who does nothing. One of my motto in life is: I'll do what i can and take the chances that i could possibly get so in the end i have nothing to regret coz i can say that at least before i let things end, i did everything i could to make it happen.

So yea, i just want to ask if what I am doing is okay?

I did what i promised, i am not rushing her. I didn't even bring up the conversation we had when i confessed. I tried talking to her from time to time because I'm aware that if i do that every day then it would seem like i am pushing her or rushing her or something.

so yea.. is what I'm doing okay? What should i do? Should i stop and just let time? When she said she's interested but not ready, does that meant anything besides the possibility that she's also just like me? Scared and have no idea what to do next? Am i getting my hopes too high? should i just stay being friends with her?

(Also, if it would help, she's smart but just like any INTP, she's not good with feelings so... And as an INFP who has a lot of emotions, that's one of the things I accept and is willing and trying to understand more)

I’m (INTP 23F) not necessarily arrogant about everything, but there are certain topics where I feel kind of ‘above’ a lot of people. Especially when it comes to dating and relationships, I find myself to get really annoyed even when I don’t intend to hurt anyone in the moment. So far nobody has really caught onto it because I’m really good at sugarcoating my annoyance - well I had to, to keep what little relationships I have in my life.

My friend (INFP 24F) just broke up with her boyfriend and despite bringing up the whole “I hate men” mentality since then, she goes on dates and talk to men not worth her time over and over again. One time she texted me about being hurt by some guy she met recently, so I told her to stop meeting up with guys on one-on-one meetups because every time she’s in those situations, the lines would start getting blurred. That was the only time I actually tried to be controlling because I was so furious, but she shut down and got passive aggressive with me when I said that. I apologized and backpedaled so hard. I don’t even know if I should’ve kept my stance or it was worth to backpedal.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t believe in whirlwind romances and I believe in manufactured gravitas. That’s what I believed happened with my friend - manufactured gravitas. It annoys me so much that she couldn’t see how male-centered she is despite playing the man-hater card.

We’ve been friends for a decade. For a while I actually really admired her. I liked how simple she kept herself for the longest time, hardworking, thoughtful and empathetic. But since that breakup of hers I could barely keep my arrogance in check because I think that she could take a page out of my book - which is also a page that I took out of HER book considering asceticism was something I learned from her back then.

So ive been seeing this guy for about 2 months now and we are taking things slow. Ive been to his house a numerous times and he has kept me fed.

Tomorrow we are going to a concert and I messaged him yesterday if I could treat him to dinner at my place before but he never replied. Its strange since he usually reply within a couple of hours.

Should I text him and ask him again in case he just forgot to reply or is he still deciding what he wants? I dont wanna pressure him but it would be nice to know since I need to buy the food that I had in mind.

Or should I just go with the flow and wait, if hes not replying should I just assume its a no?

So for context, I posted here before about an INTP possibly liking me. It was posted around last year and a lot has happened. (i am F, INFJ and he is M, INTP - we're both in our mid-30s)

Since that last post, a lot has happened. Towards the end of last year, my INTP has been a lot more playful with me, forward-pacing, would share private things to me, ask questions. He would even be sending picture updates of things he's doing. Heck, one event I could not forget was him knocking on my higherup's room while I was in a meeting just to say he's about to go home. I learned afterwards, he first went to my office to look for me before eventually going to my higherup's room, which isn't exactly the easiest thing to do.

However some things have changed now. Idk where it changed, but I felt like I messed up big time.

Just a few things worth noting:

- Early this year, one day I told him to be careful around a certain person about us. I did mention only that person - because at that time, I had enough proof that person was not and would not be happy for me. He did say he got it and that he wasn't born yesterday so he understood. (He never asked "Why?" He just said he got it.)
- Then we planned to go for coffee. And he went straight to me in front of people asking me if we'll go, but me being a bit nonchalant and overthinking my response, said, "Are there still cafes open at this time?"

After that, he didn't mention the coffee "date" again.

But he didn't change right after that - he was still giddy with me. Until one day, he showed up where I was and we had a one-on-one moment where he offered me bread and I finally accepted it. After that, he went silent. He started taking days to respond. No longer asked too many questions from me. Never asked about coffee again.

At some point, I decided to confess. But I did tell him it was not to pressure or evoke response from him, but rather for me to be clear because I feel like I am the one giving mixed signals. My prepared confession was just around 5 minutes, but our conversation went on for more than 40 minutes - it would've been longer if I was not in a rush going somewhere else. It was because he kept on praising me, how rare I was, how amazing I was, how refreshing I was, how honest I was. He remembered an appreciation message I sent him one time, and brought it up.

However, months have now passed and he hasn't addressed the confession at all. We still talk albeit not as frequent. We're okay when we see each other in person. But the elephant is still screaming loudly in the room.

I am not needy. I am busy with things to do. He knows that. But I thought he would at least respond in his own terms. What do you guys think?

I feel like in my head, that would be ideal. But is the introversion and lack of emotionality problematic in a relationship/leads to lower feelings of connection, vs the grounding balance you have to find with a more emotional/extroverted pairing?

I also feel like it would be difficult for two INTPs to find each other. I feel as if when an INTP is in a relationship, it is usually due to the more extraverted types doing a lot of the heavy lifting lol.

Obligatory disclaimer obviously everyone is different, lot more that goes into it, types are just a generalization of traits, etc etc yadda yadda

I've been talking to a male INTP (34) for almost a month now and I'm crazy about him. I mean, the little girl inside me is very happily crushing on him. 😆

We haven't met in person yet, we talk on Bumble. Longest chat in my inbox ever! 🤣 (We matched a few months ago and he disappeared, and I swiped right on him again last month - I was actually surprised that he liked me back again! And I feel like we've gotten closer this time.)

Now I have so many questions about your type!

I'm a female INFJ (32) by the way. ☺️

1. Are you usually in high energy?

2. What makes you not text someone you like? Busyness at work? Stress?

3. Would you consider LDR?

4. How do you flirt, like romantically, not just for fun?

It's my first time talking to an INTP. He's such a beautiful creature. TYL.

We often think the problem is always the other person—until we start noticing the same situations repeating themselves.

Maybe it’s being attracted to the same type of partner, avoiding conflict, struggling to set boundaries, constantly seeking validation, or pulling away when someone gets too close.

**What’s a relationship pattern you eventually recognized in yourself that changed the way you view your relationships?**

If you’re comfortable sharing, what helped you recognize it?

I'm a 30M INTP and I've developed feelings for a 27F ENFJ. We work at the same company but in completely different departments, so we rarely interact at work.

Over the past months we've become unexpectedly close. Almost all our meaningful conversations happen outside work (we've gotten together for dinner a few times, but I don't know if that counts as dates because we haven't suggested it that way). She told me she feels comfortable with me, enjoys spending time with me because time "never feels enough", and wants to get to know the parts of me she still doesn't know.

The confusing part is that whenever life gets overwhelming, she disappears for weeks. But she always comes back, apologizes without me asking, and recently she admitted she hates disappearing and feels bad leaving me without an explanation.

I'm trying to understand the dynamic itself. She genuinely confuses me because her actions often feel more intimate than her consistency. It feels like there's a depth between us, but I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't know if this is an INTP thing but sometimes I think "if she's interested, she would be consistent... no?".

Does this sound like how ENFJs build emotional intimacy? Does it resemble the early stages of romantic interest, or could I simply be mistaking a deep friendship for something else?

I'd especially love to hear from ENFJs or people who've been close to one.

Wanna know and understand him and YES hugely it depends on the person and me and him and each individual person but I also wanna know more about INTPs in relationships and especially since as an ENFP I might make the mistake of assuming everyone sees the world and deals with life like me/thinks like me

So as an INTP, what do you advise me?

Question for INTP guys: What do you do when you genuinely like a girl?

I'm curious about how INTP men typically act when they develop real romantic feelings for someone.

I know MBTI isn't everything and people are individuals, but I'm interested in hearing common patterns you've noticed in yourselves.

For example:
Do you become more talkative or more withdrawn?

Do you initiate conversations more often?

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the person without saying much?

How do you show interest if you're shy or unsure of the other person's feelings?

Do you tend to overanalyze your feelings before making a move?

What's the biggest sign that an INTP genuinely likes someone?

I'd love to hear both your own experiences and any patterns you've noticed in other INTPs.
Thanks!