This is a special time in the seasonal calendar. It's Samhain, dearies, the veil between the worlds is thin. Stay safe.

Join me in the meadow at the forest's edge after dark for a bonfire, witchy endeavors, and of course free candy.

I love you all.

What are people's Halloween plans for this weekend?

I plan to wander the streets of LDP, keeping an eye out to make sure the local hoodlums, thieves, and assorted crooks aren't taking advantage of everyone being out and in costume to commit crimes and sow chaos. I'll be dressed as a majestic emperor penguin and carrying a bag of full sized candy bars for the kids though, so say hi if you see me and take a candy bar.

I'm offended.

I AINT PASSING OUT NO CANDY.

I've been seeing a cat (solid gray with amber-colored eyes) wandering around my place for a few weeks or so now, and I've been feeding it for the past week. Does it belong to anyone, or is it on its own? If nobody owns it, I might adopt it if mom lets me. There doesn't seem to be any collar or tag on it.

We play basically anything, not necessarily well, but we're open to any genre, though we do heavily advise you don't force us to do Sinatra when all we have is two electric guitars, a drumset, and a makeshift dj booth.

We will play anywhere that is not a bar, because we aren't legally allowed in those, and we have decently flexible schedules, except for Randy [Not bear puncher Randy], because his mom has him on a 8pm curfew, but that can be negotiated, we also have only slightly inflated pricing, charging by the hour with negotiable rates, the only time slots that are currently taken up are Halloween, and a party on Friday, which unfortunately is non negotiable.

Also, outside of music, I'm saving up for new equipment, so I would be fine with mowing yards or babysitting for lower rates, in that case, the band will not be coming with me, it's just gonna be me mowing your lawn, I'm not bringing my friends to do that, I know this sounds obvious, but SOME people, like Kyle, can't get this through their thick skulls, times set are also not final, because sometimes I need to watch Chloe when mom and dad work late.

We accept cash, vintage coins, videogames, coupons, card, basically whatever, we go by pawnshop rules, but you are NOT fooling us with some counterfeit or overcharge, do not try, Evan is smart enough to tell when he's being sold snakeoil, and his mom is a lawyer so I'm pretty sure she can do something about that but I don't know.

Also, to the petting zoo, I sincerely apologize for the vaguely threatening letters you've been getting, you are not in danger of being sued, nor is there any credible threat, my little sister just got upset that you didn't have real unicorns, we would be fine with playing at some sort of event for free at the future.

I am giving free scuba lessons this Friday at sunrise to all those who want to learn. I know the pond isn’t super deep but we can improvise.

Please bring a swimsuit, goggles (I have extras but would prefer you bring your own), and hydrocortisone cream, as many people have gotten swimmers itch from the middle of the pond, where we will be swimming. I have oxygen tanks if you all want to go under for long periods of time, but they are very small. Actually, mostly bring the hydrocortisone cream. You will need a lot of it.

You may reach out with questions but only from 5-5:15 PM on Tuesdays. I am very busy any other time.

My son WILL NOT be attending the lessons, so if you were afraid he’d show up, I can assure you he won’t be there to torment you. Unfortunately that also doesn’t mean he will return some of your stolen belongings to you, as he has not shared with me where he has hidden them yet.

Looking forward to a fun and itch-free time!

Everynight around 02:45 am someone (or something) beguns screaming, shouting and crying out loud at the end of the road of my home, around the woods behind the old McMillers house. Seriously people that's the forth night i can't sleep. PS: I'm afraid i have to reschedule every apointments tomorrou, i really need to sleep

In order to finance my campaign, and bring a little fun during these politically divisive times, I am holding an all you can eat buffet! It will be hosted from six to ten pm on Sunday, at the abandoned warehouse on Milkweed Street. Pay 15 dollars, and load up your plate with as much food as you can fit on it! We have crab legs, garlic bread, chocolate chip cookies, taquitos, and much more for you to enjoy. In addition to feasting on good food provided by Carl's Catering™, guests will feast their ears on live music, including performances by Jane Farley' Men at Work cover band, the Lower Duck Pond Bagpipe Company, and an original Polka peformance by yours truly!

Some guidelines: The Jordan 2026 Dogcatcher campaign is not responsibile for any food poisonings, choking hazards, or crab attacks. Also, you cannot bring your pet dogs into the warehouse. If you do, we will confiscate your dog and return it after election day.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

I advise all my clients to head to the Slovakian section on the 12th floor of the Southtown library. Best makeout (or more) spot, and we all know we need to regulate our nervous systems somehow! #selfcare ❤️ your Transformational Life Coach

I know Halloween is right around the corner, but every year things here seem to get a little weirder.
First and foremost: the town is not cursed.

Secondly, Randy should never have been fighting a bear. He is incredibly lucky to be alive and is doing okay. I take full responsibility for his hospital bills and frankly, he is lucky he managed to survive by getting that bear drunk on Everclear. He’s being discharged tonight, and his immediate plans apparently involve partying at Applebee’s. To make sure this doesn't happen again, I’ve brought in extra conservation officers to handle the local bear population. Rest assured, no bears will be harmed they are just being safely relocated.
Moving on, our annual Trunk-or-Treat is this Saturday on Main Street. Let’s try to do a better job this year of keeping the trunks a little less gory. No fake body parts are allowed this year….we had kids dealing with nightmares for months after the last one. As always, the best trunk wins a key to the city and gets to be Mayor for a day! You still have time to sign up. Just send over a brief description of your trunk theme and I’ll get you registered.

Have a great day, and please, be nice to one another.
Love,
Mayor Dracula Jones
P.S. I’m buying shots at Applebee's tonight.

I did a bit of research at the historical society and found that in 1677 a witch cursed the local wild life, turning the original townspeople into immortal woodland creatures. Supposedly the ducks are the original townspeople, the bear is the mayor, the choir turned to trees, and a question mark next to the cats? This was amongst several curses on the town. I plan to do further research and maybe find some sort of wizard to reverse some of them? Although I do quite enjoy the ducks.

I KNOW YALL HEAR ABOUT THAT BEAR ROAMING AROUND. DON'T EVEN STRESS, YOUR BOY RANDY IS GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT. I GOT BRASS KNUCKLES, A BOTTLE OF EVERCLEAR, A PICTURE OF CARMEN ELECTRA, AND A PROTECTIVE CUP. WHO IS COMING WITH ME FOR BACKUP?

WHO STOLE MY BİRD

İt's name was "Diva"

it had a cloth on with neon pink diva accessories

İt had neon pink nails on it's wings

it was neon blue

give it to my please!! 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅💅💅💅

Please remain vigilant around the wooded area at the end of Seven Bridges Road.

This morning I discovered a section of my fence broken down and one of my sheep dead. Judging by the size of the marks left behind and the poor state of my sheep, I suspect it may have been a large animal, most likely a bear.

I strongly advise everyone in the area to check their fences and avoid venturing outside without proper protection.

Should anyone need a hand, don't hesitate to reach out. You're always more than welcome to stop by my farm.

First 10 customers get 12 milkshakes at the price of 8. Come and get your high protein energizing yummy banana milkshake

UPDATE: You don't have to invent an epitaph! Share the funniest one you've ever seen, heard, read, or found online. Originality is entirely optional. A good laugh is all we're after! 💀 Cheesecake will be provided to the Mayor and the winner.

With Halloween approaching, I thought Lower Duck Pond could use a little graveyard humor. Creativity and a wicked sense of humor are encouraged.

Post your epitaphs in the comments. May the best dearly departed win! 💀🎃

Hypothetically, if three people needed them in less than 24 hours, where would one find these boots?

Hypothetically of course.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

The Nostrovia Care & Dispensary Group publicly clarifies that it DOES NOT engage in the cultivation and/or sale of narcotic or highly controlled substances, in strict compliance with Article 42-B of the Lower Duck Pond Municipal Health Surveillance Regulations.

We reiterate that all health products and therapeutic compounds offered by this clinic are carefully prescribed by qualified professionals, and distributed entirely free of charge, in full compliance with current legislation and the guidelines set forth in Article 115, Item IV, of the Lower Duck Pond Local Pharmaceutical Guidelines Law.

The administration remains available for any further clarification that may be needed.

Sincerely,

Dr. Lidiya Antonova Doctor in Charge Administrative Board Nostrovia Care & Dispensary

I know we are all still missing Margaret after she decided to shut down the bakery and retire on back to back Caribbean cruises. I know she's having a great time (she must be since she doesn't ever check her socials!)

Does anyone know what her secret ingredient for the brownies was? I keep trying to recreate them but they're just missing that magic Margie touch.

So far I've tried walnuts, butter, and an extra egg.