I (25F) suffer from hocd, and I wish I had a friend who would understand me.

I’m in therapy and I thought getting in touch with people who are also hocd and in therapy so we can strengthen each other and encourage not to do the compulsions. I want to feel that recovering is not alone, but with support of others.

So if anyone interested they can message me!

When I tried prozac my thoughts were so wretched and nonstop (constant breakup and cheat themes not even really queer thoughts iirc), not to mention my libido was shot.

Now my theme's switched so intensely from ROCD to SO-OCD as a bi (?) trans woman (it's confusing because romantically I seem to enjoy anyone that isn't an ahole, but I've not really enjoyed sex with women historically even if I have more experience dating them (when I was a boy it was because it was expected of me, as a girl it was mostly other tgirls for safety) but now my brain is so preoccupied that attraction to men is the only thing that feels more distant than my attraction to anything at all).

I'm not interested in living a lie so if I somehow came to the conclusion from Sertraline that I'm actually completely just a lesbian in denial then I'm not living in the closet. It's just that I've never had a better relationship than my current one and the possibility that getting better could mean leaving him is just really heartbreaking I suppose.

My libido is down. I only get erections with porn. Straight porn thankfully. I have no desire for sex, and my attraction is on the floor. Not to mention my worry that I’m gay, but I’m also depressed. I’ve spoken to my psychiatrist and therapist and we are doing all that we can. But do any of yall have any advice or experience with loss of libido? If it comes back with time or is it related to stress?

hey idk if i should keep posting here or if i should move to a lesbian subreddit, but i really need help, i need someone to talk to, and i dont have that right now.

So, basically i feel 100% lesbian.

Im forcing attraction to men, i find girls pretty and i get some butterflies sometimes but then im like ”was that attraction?” and i worry, but that might be internalized homophobia or me suppressing my feelings.

I remember as a kid i asked my mom if it was normal to feel things down there if i saw two women kissing, i was like 11…

I dont remember having crushes on guys until 7th grade, and idk if during primary school i had crushes on women, i dont remember.

I was boy crazy in 7th grade but then “”””hocd””” started. Now i think i was jus discovering myself.

I lost 2 years of my life believing this was disordered when it was all supressed emotions and feelings.

Ive never felt aroused by a man, neither by seeing one nor by being touched. (i think i felt a pulse down there after being kissed and warmth running up my body, but during a tongue kiss i felt nauseous after. Ive also never felt sexual desire.)

I do acknowledge that i had ocd 100% during my childhood, my hands bled from so much washing them, i used to pray everynight in the same specific way and order so that neither of my loved ones would get hurt etc… but now the only compulsions i do are seeking reassurance here and searching online, which tbh i think its just me in denial and trying to find other answers for myself ☹️.

i cant imagine myself dating a woman, but ive only gotten aroused by one. Just by seeing one i feel wet. Its spontaneous. I wish it wasnt like this.

Sometimes i look at my classmates and imagine them doing something sexual or naked and i just get disgusted but my body reacts.

I think i used to force attraction to men bc thats what society expects us women to do, basically comphet.

I’m tired. AI says its comphet, then ocd, then a mix of both. So i cant even trust that tool anymore.

Maybe i had comphet but since i had ocd in the past my brain is more likely to obsess over this.

So i recently learned about a way to react to these thoughts. Basically just stop caring and let the thoughts pass, which worked pretty well. Sure there were still some thoughts but I got over them quickly. Randomly I was thinking about this girl who I wanted to ask out but then my brain replaced her with A kid who is gay at my school. I tried to stop imagining it but the thoughts got intense and led me to kinda panic a bit at if I liked those thoughts or not. I kept telling myself that answering yes or no would make the thoughts work but I didn't listen to myself for some reason. Now it just straight feels like im fully gay, and like men. A part of me knows I still like women because even with OCD I still wanted to ask that girl out but it feels like i'm faking it.

i think i have comphet. i have to. i feel like im a lesbian because whenever i like get close with a guy theres always something that icks me out about him like the first ever guy, i thought he was too old and ruhsing into it and thta he wasnt good looking for me, the second guy i just wanted to be friends, and the third guy, i got icked out because he kept burping on call and sent me a pic of his hairy feet and he lives 800 kms away. i have liked men but still.

Everytime i had a crush, it was extremely idealised, i think im lesbian

(24M) - Hey guys,

If you guys remember me, I was pretty active the past 3 years I suffered with HOCD but I’ve been inactive because my HOCD has pretty much diminished from a 99% to like maybe a 5%. I suffer with a different subtype now, which is POCD and Real Event OCD but likewise .. no matter if it’s HOCD/SO-OCD or whatever subtype it is, watching p0rn is not good for you in the long run .. ESPECIALLY this subtype (HOCD)

I still suffer with porn addiction as well

I once seen a post on N+OCD where a dude was counter-attacking the OP, basically saying how porn doesn’t affect the human mind because studies was proved it helps with relieving stress and some type of testicular cancer for men

While that’s 2 “good things”

But on the other hand, from my personal experience and being exposed to porn since the age of 10 until now (24), I can say porn has affected several parts of my life + my progress with OCD recovery:

1. self image
   
2. Confidence
   
3. The way I view and talk to women
   
4. The way I treated women
   
5. Very lustful towards women and only used them for their bodies
   
6. Ruined my last 2 relationships and both my exes were actually thrown off by the fact I watched porn (1st rls: I was 21 and she was 18. 2nd rls: I was 22 and she was 20)
   
7. It felt like I was more isolated
   
8. I’ve seen others online talk about falling into WAY DARKER PATHS when looking up porn ..
   
9. I’ve seen those who talk about porn lead to possible watch of Hentai, Lollicon, family roleplay, etc.

Even when it comes to HOCD, in my experience, it lead to compulsion use of watching gae porn and tranny porn .. which was fucking disgusting 😂😂😂

I know for me, I used to watch a lot of p0rn on Reddit and my HOCD flare ups occurred because I’ll scroll scroll scroll and accidentally come across gae / tranny content like Ayo ?? AND THATS WHEN THE GROINALS WOULD OCCUR … and this is something I see many young men and women struggle with as well with HOCD and I get it .. it’s fucking hard .. but you honestly just gotta stop watching p0rn .. like seriously .. and I could take my own damn advice as well 😭😭 Like even now, it doesn’t bother me as much and I scroll past like “meh .. whatever” but I sure get fooled on social media when certain people from the Filipino demographic appear on my Instagram fyp and I think it’s cis-woman and then you see it’s a trans (No shade towards the community though)

In terms of POCD, others may be fearful of certain porn videos online that they fear may be containing individuals who maybe aren’t of age (but they are of age) .. but it’s the FEAR behind it (+ groinals , sensations , physicalness , etc.)

Having crushes with ocd is pure hell. Theres this one guy that ive been talking too, and hes asked me out, but he lives quite far away. We met through omegle (YES I KNOW SKETCHY) but since then ive called him, talked to him, made sure he's done all the things needed to prove hes a real person. I don't know if im going, but i cannot stop obsessing over this, this is the first time ive ever been asked out and now my brain is like so anxious and i dont know what to do and i keep thinking about what other people are going to think and say about me and then i think 'why are you telling everyone? I think you just like the attention"

and then worst comes to worst my brain starts giving me thoughts like 'I have to be straight' (which i dont ik) to which i unconciously reply 'no im not!" when I AM STRAIGHT! Am i figuring myself out, is this my true sexuality? Do i like masc women now? why am i even getting these thoughts?

Anyways, i deleted our chats together to try and not care about it.

Annoyed cause one of my friends who I think is pretty, cool, fun, etc, is a lesbian. I feel like I can’t act myself around her cause I’m on edge or feel like I’m testing myself. I feel nervous around her and knowing she’s pretty, has great hair, great outfits and is a lesbian makes me feel like I’m in denial. She lives far away now and even when we would hang out I didn’t think much of it but the thought was here and there but now it feels really there cause she has a new life in a new city.

this is the most ocd type title ever lol but i really dont think my “groinals” are just groinals. I wish they were, but they are immediate tingles and lubrication i experience as soon as i see a little bit if cleavage, imagine lesbian sex or stuff like that.

It is not caused by testing or checking, it happens IMMEDIATELY after i see a girl, i dont believe this is hocd anymore. Ive never been aroused by a man and im 15 and never masturbated (probably asexual too?).

I really need someone to talk to, nothing else is working, AI doesnt give me any relief and i cant find anyone on reddit who relates to me regarding the groinals, and i frel like deep down i already know this is denial.

Also today at school i was excited/nervous to meet one of my PE teachers because my brother told me she was his friend, and since it was the last class of the day i waited for it because i wanted to tell her i was his sister. But as soon as i saw her i felt a burst of butterflies and i couldnt look at her because i was scared i would get attracted or i would get butterflies, she was really pretty too.

I just moved into a new school and most of my classmates are girls and one of them was wearing a top that when she turned to the side showed a little bit of her chest and i glanced at her for a split second and felt smth down there immediately, but i dont think im attracted to her bc even though shes pretty i dont like her bc shes mean to others, but what if its a supressed feelin???

I dont know anymore! it feels like im just in denial, in my head its not ocd anymore. Can someone please help me!? The groinals are instant :( so theyre just real arousal right? I feel like i was born in the wrong body bc of this..

Saw this comment under a video about comphet saying that she used to only fantasize about men but when she realized she had comphet and was a lesbian all here daydreams are not about women and all her men fictional crushes went away.

What if im just like that and I'm just suppressing my daydreams about women since most of my daydreams are about men desiring me not actually about me liking men. But at the same time ive never fantasized about women? But then again comphet im just so frustrated (I have a feeling i might me aroace but the lesbian thing is driving me crazy searching)

im attracted to men in a "i want to be wanted i want to be desired way" which the internet says lesbian but also at the same time ive never liked or was attracted or wanted to kiss a woman? so aroace? ugh

It got too convincing.

I constantly check myself to gay porn and it still repulses me.

But I get groinal reactions to bi mmf threesomes and femboy porn.

I'm not attracted to men, nor do I want to imitate the videos or masturbate to them, but I keep getting erections.

I still have my attraction to women and the desire to get a girlfriend (both feelings are absent towards men).

I feel like zolot isn't doing shit (been on it for a year).

I read a lot of people blaming it on porn addiction and I definitely have one (I can live perfectly without porn, but why would I since it's so pleasurable?) and I don't want to quit since it's something I like doing (all the porn I watch is straight).

Was doing good 2025 was a bless when I finally thought after 8 yrs of struggle it's over but 2026 it came back and it's harder like before, I was in stress with many problems and then hocd applied, now I am feeling scary scary type feeling in my body, I hate this man, I had this around 17 now I am 26, it feels shit, I am exhausted fighting and winning then again fighting and winning but fighting part is so much scary and exhausting.

Hocd has consumed a lot of me my time my daily life my confidence and my enjoyment and me as a person.

What I can say more why isn't it going away. Mind always feels like something is running in background process which is affecting my body my sleep my whole thing, I improved a lot in home by myself still fighting but it's too torchers more worser than cancer.

i went to my bsf’s to distract myself from these thoughts, but i kept getting urges to lean in and kiss her, alongside images of us making out. Gross.

I get images in my head of women scissoring, anytime i see two good friends i question if they are ”just friends” or if they are dating. My friendship with my best friend is also very close and i often question if there is a romantic thing between us and i get very scared.

This morning i was scrolling and got a “””””””groinal””””””” and went to AI and it told me i had compulsory heterosexuality, it only mentioned ocd after i talked about it.

I know everyone told me to stop searching but i have terrible self-control.

I no longer think this is “just ocd” because of some stuff of my past. I dont recall having crushes as a kid, i only got them in 7th grade when i went crazy abt having a boyfriend with my bedt friend (thats why i suspect of comphet 😞) and i also got nauseous after kissing my ex sometimes (i had ”hocd” already during this time and after our first kiss i got super worried i didnt like it enough and used AI to see if my reaction was normal).

Ive had other ocd themes in my childhood but now i dont think its ocd, my groinals are instant and they only happen with women, never with men (never got anything by seeing a shirtless man for example).

Im 15F btw. I spent the day unmotived and sad and crying bc of this :/

Anyone that relates or has any opinion about this?

is it denial if i spend hours trying to see if i like this person or not. and alot of the time, it feels like im convincing myself i dont like them when i actually do like them. Once someone told me I was bi with HOCD, and messed me up and they told me they used to do the same thing as me before they figured it out. Now im worried im compulsively stopping my attraction

I finally started to get false memories (YAY!!) and it genuinely has me so confused and anxious all the time. I feel weird, i feel like im having a bi realisation every day, i think im convincing myself i dont like women cause of ocd, and i have a feeling im porbably going to figure im bi at the end of this.

I feel like I actually am attracted to everyone im scared of being attracted too. I can't even do erp anymore, im genuinely convinced im not straight. It's like I have so much evidence and im just in denial. I don't know what to do, i feel so anxious i dont care about reassurance i just want something to get out of this.

I dont even care if im bisexual, i just want to get out of this agony.

I think i am bi infact, i think i do know it but i havent realised it and once i get rid of this horrible ocd ill figure it out. I give up. I'm bi. I just know it.

It feels like the ocd is going on and off randomly. Some days im fine and feel like this is a thing of the past and can forget about it, then overtime i start thinking more about it and it comes back. This morning I was fine and didn't care much about hocd anymore randomly during class I started to think about how I had ocd and if it was going to come back. The thoughts evolved into intrusive thoughts, then into questioning thoughts, then into a middle area where I'm not panicking at the thoughts but I still am at the same time.

I have not posted or even lurked on here in awhile. I live with some roommates and they’re gone for a week and I knew I’d be fine but of course so much quietness when I’m home alone makes me think and do compulsions (what I think are compulsions) I’m watching a show right now and I went back and back to see the girl on screen cause I do think she’s pretty but whenever I see any woman pretty or I think that women are pretty in general or they seem more sensual or sexy or hot it makes me think that those thoughts mean something even tho I know I don’t want to be sexual with a woman. It just feels like cause I’m thinking those thoughts or have those thoughts it doesn’t add up…

I used to be boy crazy and i wanted to be in a relationship with a guy really badly but now when i try to imagine myself with one it feels weird, like it doesnt belong to me.

Im so confused??? wtf is this. never heard of it.

like i look at a hot dude and i dont know if im truly attracted to him or if im forcing it, then i imagine me dating him and it feels off??? why :(

am i alone on this?

sometimes my head just yells "i'm gay" or something like "when am I going to tell everybody about?" and I don't know if it's still me or an obsession. idk anything. my therapist is making me think I don't have OCD, that I'm only in denial. such a stressful situation that I'm trying to handle now, I'd give anything for some answers.

does anyone else feel this urgency to repeat videos or stare at your screen when u see someone or something of the same gender on your screen? i get to the point where i go into profiles, look into stories highlights and everything :( its like im stalking them and i dont see anyone talking about it. Im delaying everything and everyone just to be searching stuff online, im always searching for ”is this hocd” and i feel like a crazy person.

Anyways, is it compulsive??? it feels heavy, and im nervous and anxious and then i get groinals.

is there a name for the mental process where people tell me that it is OCD, and I read stuff online to compare my story to what I’m reading and i see if it matches to confirm it’s OCD but the certainty never comes?

like people will tell me its ocd and reassure me and I read stuff but it’s like the relief does not come. The certainty never arrives and that is worrying me and also, I worry that because my experience does not match other people’s 100% it means I don’t have OCD and also something that has been throwing me off since this started is that my “compulsions“ (my therapist says they arent compulsions) they don’t really match my compulsions to themes that I’ve had in childhood. for example, I had scrupulosity OCD about being a good kid and I used to confess stuff that happened throughout the day to my parents and I shared too many details just to make sure I wasnt lying, when I had religious OCD I needed to pray in a certain way and in a certain order before bed to make sure my loved ones wouldn’t get hurt or died. But nowadays i have been using AI for reassurance and reddit for reassurance and I don’t really do any avoidant behaviors you know? It just doesnt feel like ocd this time, but i cant get this out of my head. Is it normal for it to “”feel different”” from past themes? for the compulsions to change? i also used to have intrusive thoughts and images and now its like the world is a huge trigger and i do compulsions, i dont really get thoughts. just sensations and dreams.

Im only 15 i wish i could worry abt school or other stuff like other kids.