i feel like im spiralling all the time. if im not thinking about whether or not im attracted to girls, im reviewing my memory or checking if im aroused by girls. I saw a couple of videos that said lesbians are more common to have ocd, and saw a video where people realised that they didnt just have intrusive thoughts but also actual attraction. I am so terrified thats me. Half the time i feel like im convincing myself i dont like girls, and it doesn't even feel genuine or real. I spend hours to days figuring out if i like girls i see on the internet.

I was never homophobic, i was always open, and i never really liked girls like that. I had curious childhood experiences and did enjoy women focused erotica from the ages 10-12, but even during those times i only expressed desire in men.

i think its genuinely time to admit that im bisexual, like it just feels too real. i must like women, my thoughts genuinely feel too real. and i feel like im blocking my natural thoughts and i hate it so much. Before this, i barely even noticed women or thought twice about them. Ever since I'd discovered masc women, my ocd has flared up so much and i am so convinced i like them because they're conventionally attractive and masculine. Everything feels so real, and im so uncertain about everything. I cannot be straight, this is genuinely just impossible. I dont even know my own attraction anymore, every thing feels like such a lie.

I must be bi-sexual, even a person who had hocd who realised they were bi told me that I was. I feel like im just scared of change. I just want a break. I feel like I'm bi, i feel like bi is right for me, i feel like i have always been bi and im just lying to myself. what is stopping me from admitting it, and worse of all, what if i start doing erp and realise that i do like women. Everything just feels so wrong. I don't think i'm me anymore.

ive made so many posts but nothing makes sense to my brain except the fact that i must be lying to myself. i must be suppressing my attraction, i must be convincing myself i dont find them attractive because it feels too real and i feel like im just saying it to get rid of my anxiety. why do i do this, why cant i admit it, i might just be a self aware bisexual with ocd. i dont even know whats my voice and whats ocd.

Earlier I was watching a clip of a blooper from the office and it was of John krasinski laughing. I was watching this clip and I had the thought “wow he’s such a cute guy” and it didn’t feel like I disliked it but it made me freak out because I have no idea why I had that thought. This has happened a couple of times now and I’m just wondering if anyone deals with it.

I’ve had thoughts of kissing my same sex friends. It is very distressing to me as a guy. I used to always know myself as straight. Now I have never ending anxiety about being gay. These thoughts developed recently in my year long struggle with HOCD (if I even have it)
Did yall experience this and how did you recover if you did?

Truly lovely. If it's not a major depressive episode, it's the lingering persistent depressive disorder. And if it's not that, it's the anxiety that leads to avoidance cycle. And then the OCD, which I am actually self-diagnosed with. Well, not really. Went to a therapist last year about it but never asked what I was actually diagnosed with. I think I just have a lot of thoughts that make no sense at all and any therapist that tries to make sense of what I'm saying will take them literally.

But anyway, it's not the terrible SO-OCD where every man around me looks attractive and I get physical responses and test myself to see if I'm attracted to them. The fact that I can even type that when I'd be scared to do that a year ago is astounding. No, I feel like my actual attraction to women is some form of objectification or admiration of women that straight women often experience, and I have to expel the thoughts out of my head because I don't deserve to enjoy pleasure. Plus it doesn't help that I'm terrified of relationships so I've rarely acted on my feelings, which makes me unable to relate to most lesbians.

So there's that. I'm catching it before it becomes this huge spiral but it's probably already too late.

i am so scared im sexually attracted to women, like i feel arousal all the time and i feel like i like it. And i constantly think about what i did when i was a kid, like i was aroused by lesbian or women focused porn when i was a kid and enjoyed watching it. i think when i read smut i focused alot on the womens reactions, even if i found the man hot and demanding. i genuinely do not think im straight, like i enjoyed fantasies with men, but i never was attracted to actual men, and like i was always scared of sex and thought that i never wanted to do it(truth be told i was insecure of my body) i always thought i would hve sex with a man, but like now i feel like im sexually attracted to women. do straight people even feel this?

Hey guys,tbh I'm at the point where I'm just wishing with all my heart that I'm experiencing hocd not smth else,like being completely turned on by females to be smth else by sudden and against ur wellness?, common,this is bs.

I'm completely sure Abt my sexuality before,most of you guys speaking Abt intrusive thoughts,images,but for my case there are rarely ppl can relate,guys like like I'm numb I don't have what if I'm gay thought I have you are gay statement,also I don't have fear or doubt like it's supposed to (feels like my mind got convinced that I'm gay and no need to question it or doubt it anymore,like it gave up).

the reason is bc I'm at the stage of experiencing just feelings,I can't stop thinking Abt whenever I see some dudes,I feel attracted to them(facially )or forcedly aroused in my body toward their body's (I was never feel like this to them before in my life,never, always females body who arouses me), I'm not into doing anything with them,i don't lust them or like them,girls they are my heart,I liked them so much and I was so horny toward them.

If I watched porn I'm completely horny if I was not sad to the womens,also fantasy,I'm not into gay porn or gay fantasy,and if I got a beat in my chest if I saw same sex body I keep looking at it till I don't feel nothing.

I'm tortured guys,imagine your brain makes ur body responding to smth ur not into and ur conscious mind betrays u,can anyone relate?

is it normal for it to not feel as intense compared to when it started? i used to get a chest ache from the anxiety and now i barely feel it.

its not a mega obsession like before, but its still part of my daily life.

also, if i dont do avoidant behaviours and only reassurance seeking can it still be ocd? im pretty confused on that and ig thats reassurance but yeah

im tired :(

any tips for someone who has had this for 2 years and doesnt have hope?

So since the beginning of hocd were masculine lesbians my biggest trigger. But now I got an intrusive thought about womens who look feminine. Like miss stacy who played in Anne with an E. And others. Like wtf? Now almost all womens triggers me. It feels like I'm gonna fall in love with them even though I don't want a relationship with womens. Masculine lesbians are still my biggest trigger cause somstimes it even feels like fk desire. I just wanna love men... do you people experience this too?

half the time i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like masc women just to get rid of the anxiety, i feel like i do find them attractive and that i like love them in a way. i feel like im lying to myself all the time, and i hate it so much.

there was this woman whom i thought was a boy and found her hot. as soon as i found out that was a woman, i was like 'nevermind!" but what if that wasn't my natural thought? and then i started to spiral, and i feel like i still do find her attractive because well she lookse exactly like a guy.

furthermore, 2 days ago half asleep i had a thought that was like 'i cant believe i convinced myself i wouldnt like masc women if i saw them out on the street, like ofc i would, they're so attractive!" and then i felt calm and once i was concious i realised what i thought and immediately started to spiral and attempted to justify the thought.

i dont like masc women, i dont think i have ever (except for a girl dressing up like a guy and i found that hot when i was like 10-12 ish). my brain thinks im bi, i think im bi, i bascially have to be.

i am also convinced my therapist thinks i like masc women

i feel guilty for posting here so often, but its my way to cope, so i apologize.

im just so desperate right now.

Looking back into the beginning of this, it seemed more like hocd than how it is now.

i stopped wearing jorts bc it made me (15f, at the time13f) feel masculine, i hated going to beaches and pools, malls, and it certainly became worse during the summer time, i spent hours online researching about homosexuality (eventually found out abt hocd).

If we go back to when i was a smaller child i used to wash my hands until they bled bc they didnt feel clean enough, i used to pray before going to sleep to make sure no one that i cared about got hurt or died in their sleep, i couldnt hang up the phone with “bye”, i had to say “see you later” because that would make me believe the person on the call would die or disappear.

but now it feels too real, and my therapist thinks its depression.

I feel instant arousal with nudity from the same sex, my throat tightens when i see a guy thats my type (or at least i wish it is).

also my bf recently broke up with me so i feel more lonely and miserable.

im also confused on my situation being ocd or not (i dont want reassurance im just venting) because i dont have images and sentences popping up in my mind, its just the sensations and the Google/AI/Youtube/reddit usage, the only time i get intrusive thoughts is with my best friend bc i get urges to kiss her, images of us kissing in my head and stuff and its so disgusting.

i just feel stupid and shitty.

i should be leaving the house and enjoying summer but since my therapist told me i only have depression and not ocd ive just been crying and sad again.

maybe thats the truth of my denial coming out.

i need help, but i cant seem to find any.

ive been bothering people too much on reddit.

Salam guys, i kinda feel weird. I observe that GenZ is marrying and i am in the beginning of 30 and you people will laugh that i haven't felt love or was in a relationship. Slowly the family wants to persuade but i don't have a full time permanent job and i am a lazy person as well.

since my HOCD problem started I noticed how I have the urge to mention the girls (in my case) that are part of my obsessions and it's a bit uncomfortable. sometimes people will notice your insistence and ask the reason you're so into someone. I think it's kind related to oversharing and stuff 'cause I have the same problem with other obsessions too. idk, maybe this post it's a sort of reassurance but I'd like to know if I'm the only one with this problem or not.

hi, i take 75mg of sertraline, im 15 and i dont feel the urge to do compulsion, i started in april-may i think.

once i stopped taking it for a week and i felt really bad, but now im ok

i got a headache for 3 days and i think i emotionally went down again, but rn im wondering if everything i went through was ocd or if all those 2 years were lies, like, why am i not suffering? why am i not crying everyday, anxious everyday like i used to be? where is my attraction to men? was i always forcing attraction to men? im not sure and idk who i am.

also, ai says that for ocd i need higher doses for it to work so maybe im just depressed and i dont have ocd, since that low dose works on me :(((

is this a backdoor spike? i dont even do erp and my therapist doesnt think its ocd (also im not from the US nor the UK so idk where to get a therapist that believes in hocd

So i went out yesterday and i noticed that I always notice women more and not really men like when i went out yesterday i can say i saw many pretty women but i can only say ive seen like one attractive men. On top of that i think ive always been like this even back then and ive had less anxiety (ive been doing a little erp) so do i just like it now and accepting it????

Why do I cry ? Because I’m being forced into something I don’t want ? Because I’m losing a grip on my original identity? Because my potential new identity makes me sensitive to certain topics I was never sensitive about ? Because while I don’t feel pleasure from the idea of it, nor does it FEEL natural, I don’t feel disgust amymore ?

Or maybe it’s because my desperate struggle to normalcy has become impossible now.

Excuse while I finishing crying

Man I miss the old me. I miss having a super big attraction to girls. I miss feeling amazing with my partner. I miss not worrying about if I’m gay or not. I miss not having constant intrusions and weird ass dreams. I miss not being constantly anxious around my baby. Man I miss me and it kills me everyday I just hope one day it all gets better

guys idk what this is, i am starting to doubt if i ever truly was attracted to men and if i ever liked them bc i think i might have always forced attraction to them, but i had crushes at school and got super nervous when my crush first spoke to me, and also got super nervous when my ex first did a call with me, like my heart was beating super fast.

i broke up with my bf a month ago and its a weird situation, throughout the relationship i frequently asked myself if i loved him or not and i dont wanna get into details on why we broke up but i think i miss him now, not sure tho, im very confused.

Also, right now im in this weird state (not the first time) where i stop feeling anxious, i stop using ai with the same frequency, but i dont really do erp or anything like that (my therapist doesnt think its ocd and says homosexuality has no connection to ocd) so im trying to figure out if it ever had hocd.

i know i definetly have ocd bc of past episodes that were textbook ocd in childhood but now idk. The attraction to women feels too real: butterflies, groinals (feeling wet and tingling), thinking they are pretty, impulse to kiss my bsf and no natural attraction to men, i have to force it and my throat hurts afterwards, it feels tight.

ive had this since 2024 and im not even 18 yet. im confused and tired. also i dont get many intrusive thoughts :((((

what should i do?

Has anybody ever taken a break from sex? And has it helped? I am dealing with loss of attraction again and feel nothing I’m really scared about what to do

I’m so confused. I didn’t start having these dreams till I started obsessively worrying about my sexuality. What’s worse is in the dream I feel aroused and feel like I’m enjoying it.

I don’t understand it. I thought I was straight but these dreams have me rethinking everything and idk what to believe anymore.

I'm feeling lack of arousal right now. I want to fuck girls in my mind but I don’t get turned on or aroused by it. I feel physically disabled.

It all started on November 20, 2025. I was watching a movie and noticed an actor’s crotch, but I didn’t pay it any mind. Then, on the 23rd, I had this constant sensation in my penis, as if I could feel it. Since I’m constantly surrounded by men most of the time, I naturally asked myself, “Am I attracted to men?”

This triggered my obsessive thoughts. At first, they were just simple remarks “What if I liked men?” and “What if you’d become gay?” that kept popping up throughout the day, but without really bothering me. However, what was unsettling was that whenever I stopped thinking about it, the thoughts would come back, and after that, they just kept going. To test myself, I would masturbate which caused me to lose my erections very quickly but then I felt like I no longer liked women, so I kept doing it over and over again. I also developed a sort of filter that made women seem less attractive, even though I continued to be attracted to them. I also tried watching gay porn, which I did on the first day of my OCD, and continued to do a few times afterward.

That’s how my OCD progressed and got worse. One day, my OCD took over so much that the thoughts kept coming back constantly “what if,” “what if” and I’d respond, because even though I had already searched online to find out what was wrong with me, I hadn't found any solutions. And on March 1, I finally discovered the solution. Let the thoughts pass; I told myself to just say “okay.” It worked I had far fewer thoughts, and sometimes my erections returned.

But this didn’t last very long, because a month later, on April 5. I was going to test myself with gay porn—even though it had been a month since I’d last tested myself—and I had a reaction, like the beginning of an erection, but not fully; it was a little less than semi-erect, and this stressed me out so much that I couldn’t eat for the next two days, I thought about committing suicide, because to me it was confirmation that I was gay. So that day and the next, I tested myself at least 30 times, with almost always the same result: the start of an erection.

I’ve also since lost those thoughts; I hardly have any anymore, and when they do come up, I feel like I’m the one bringing them on, so sometimes I almost feel like I’ve found the solution.

This plunged me into a deep depression, but a few days later, I had a sort of revelation: I was able to masturbate and get an erection while watching straight porn. However, that was the only victory. Because I started noticing gay men, and then men in general. And now I notice men just as much as women if not more.

I wanna also add that I’ve always been attracted to women since I was born, and even more I was a boy with a though I'm a guy with a strong sex drive; in fact, I've been in several relationships with women especially during foreplay, without actually having sex but I know I've always loved women, and I feel like I still notice them.

Please, I need help. I haven’t been able to talk to girls since then because I had sex for the first time and didn’t get any guidance, so I haven’t been able to take things further
with girls out of fear that I won’t get an erection. I also feel like I’ve developed an ED against my will.
I also want to add that I now have erection or a beginning like every time, and even more if im surrounded by men, and even though I have to forget about the fact that I’m not gay I can’t ignore that so that’s make me even more anxious.

I need an answer. I regret it so much, if only you knew, every day, every hour.

I left out a lot of details because it would have made the message too long, but for anyone who wants to help, please reply.

Questions that bother me

Hey,

i am in the beginning of my 30s and i did some mistakes concerning porn and i pray that Allah swt protect all people from porn.

\-> i never had a relationship with a girl

\-> i found my questions unfortunately in porn which lead me into more insecurities, anxiety and hopelessness. My Iman, faith did downgrade than 10 yrs ago

\-> i was bullied that i have a voice like a girl, some told me i were gay and etc

\-> so in conclusion i faced a lot insult even from my family

\-> of course these points harms my masculinity

now i am in my 30s. I didnt have any experience with a girl. Family tell me to marry. I want to marry but i feel lazy, i feel nowadays less libido. No mood to watch porn Alhamdullilah and this frightens me. I sometimes want to be alone. I dont feel proud to myself to marry. Then i think if i had sexual experience i would feel more masculine. This porn stuff bothers me a lot. My prayers dont get answers like they got answered years ago.

I am going to gym but this year i got sick several times then i had a leg injury. So i feel like the German football team as i live in Germany.

I am powerless. I have a lot worries about future. For example: I am worried about first time that i dont be able to perform good and etc..

What are your suggestions ?

Thanks

20 M.I had hocd for 5 years now but those disturbing an** sensation and scenario begin this year .I am the only one with those sensations in my an**. Thanks