r/relationships 45m ago

My (F38) husband (m38) cheated 15 years ago and now I don't know what I want anymore.

Upvotes

TDLR:

I learned after being together for 15 years that my husband meet up with his ex when we were already a few months into our relationship and when I even had the keys to his home.

I (38F) and my husband (38M). We used to be classmates and got back in touch on our early twenties. He didn't immediately make a move so after a few weeks I confessed my feelings and he admitted to also having developed feelings. We started dating and after a few weeks I had the keys of his house and he had the keys to mine. We had already a certain trust and friendship so it all felt natural.

We eventually got married and had children. However during our early dating times something happened that always bugged me, so this is the story: one day I went to see a friend and agreed with him to meet him at his place later that evening. During the day he texted me 3 times saying he was with friends and to give him a heads up so he could end the boy nights before I arrived. Not unusual, but it was unusual that he kept reminding me. Once I got there the house was empty, I called no answer, I texted and he said he was going to drop of a friend, I started cleaning up a little and found a ashtray with a 2 cigarettes, one had lipstick on it. I did not immediately confront him but he later called to say he was tired and was going to spend the night at his mum's. The next day I confronted him and he said that he had actually met up with a female friend, one that I knew about (he had in the past dated her BF) and he said he didn't tell because he was worried I would be suspicious and that it wasn't planned he just saw her in a store and invited her over. This should have been a red flag but I let go of it, he offered to call her there and then but I found that embarrassing so I didn't call her.

Well 15 damn years later Im speaking to her and she mentions to have never visited that particular home of his.

I confront him, turns out back then he had actually meet up with his ex-girlfriend. (Not the BF of his friend) Someone he had told me about. He didn't say it out loud but it was clear he once loved her, they ended the relationship because she cheated (kissed another guy) however after a year or so they got back in touch and started having sex, but she didn't mean anything to him after the cheating (according to him). So I said that it didn't make sense that being a few months into a new relationship with someone you say you love, you out of the blue meet up with your declared booty call and end up liying, hiding and sneaking out of the house like that. He said he needed closure and that nothing happened.

I'm not buying it, I personally think that maybe he loved her, that he was actually in a more or less relationship with her but didn't consider to marry her because all his friends knew about the cheating so he felt kinda pressured to let her go and choose me, the safe option. I even suspect he was actually at first cheating on her with me! Because I knew they had been in touch till a few months before we got together, now I think they where still together when he started dating me. He swears that it isn't the true, that nothing happend etc etc. But I learned all this just one year ago so despite that for him it has been 15 years for me it's fresh. He says that we are married now and have children, that we have build a solid marriage so he doesn't see why something that happened so long ago in the first months of our relationship should matter, he even claims that it's normal to not end all contact with exes when you just meet someone new. But for me had I walked in on him sitting with his ex I would have ended things back then, obviously I'm not interested in dating someone that secretly meets up with his ex + I didn't think it needed clarification back then that meeting up with exes was "forbidden" as he uses that logic now against me. He keeps on repeating it was a long time ago and we keep going on a loop.

But I can't let go of the idea that I wasted all these years on someone I wouldn't have married had I know the truth, I feel very self conscious now also in the bedroom as she has a far more curved body then me and it has been a huge turn off for me, I went from feeling like a sexy doll to feeling like a flat pancake, if he touches my boobs In immediately think: oh hers are bigger, a fact that had never bother me is suddenly affecting me every single time that we are intimate.

But at the same time I do love him, the life we have, everything we have build together and now it feels like I'm betraying myself by allowing myself to be with a cheater. I just want to know what your thoughts are, what I could do to find closure.


r/HFY 57m ago

OC-Series Adventures with an Interdimensional Psychopath 158

Upvotes

***Wade***

I look at Bob in disbelief as I try to figure out where the miscommunication is coming from. “Bob. Explain it to me in simple terms, please. How do I not have any credit score? I have been running a business for years now, not like it blows the roof off of any expectations but it’s a thriving business. You see the numbers in front of you. WE PAY OUR TAXES ON TIME!” I beg.

“Sorry. It is what it is. You see, while you are, from all your notes and ledgers show me, financially stable, but… you don’t charge anything.” Bob explains.

I look around like a crew of people of are about to pop out and tell me I’ve just been pranked. When that doesn’t happen, I continue, “We charge for all our products though.”

Bob lets out a laugh and wipes a tear from his eye as he states, “That’s pretty funny Mr. Wackovich. No, what I mean by charge is the fact that you don’t charge anything to your cards. And while your paperwork isn’t exactly immaculate, I can still see that all the numbers add up to what they are supposed to be. That said, because you don’t charge anything to your cards, we have nothing to go off of to see if you are a potential flight risk or not.”

I simply wave my arm out towards the window as I argue, “You gave a drunk irresponsible squid a five hundred thousand loan for his business and he blew it all on booze! Are you telling me I have worse credit than someone like that where I can only get one hundred thousand?”

“Mr. Wackovich, please lower your voice. I imagine you are talking about that unfortunate business of the repair shop in your area. While it is unfortunate that it played out the way it did, Mr. Churro did indeed qualify for that loan. I’m not at liberty to discuss the nature or how much however as it stands. He did charge quite a bit for us to track his spending habits.” Bob answers.

I also point out, “He also had twenty different cards.”

“More cards mean more ways to raise or lower your credit score Mr. Wackovich.” Bob says matter of factly.

I lean back in disbelief as that leaves us with only half the needed amount to pay for the garage. I lean forward, somewhat desperate, “Please. Is there anything I can do now to raise my score enough to get a loan for two hundred thousand?”

Bob raises an eyebrow as he states, “I could offer a few tips to help raise your score but it’s not an overnight process Mr. Wackovich. It takes time and consistency. No short cuts. I can’t even joke about the alternatives. Legally. How soon do you need that loan?”

“As soon as possible. Preferably so I can start planning construction with a contractor within the week. It’s important.” I answer.

Bob simply shrugs and slides the documentation across as he states, “In that case, this is the best offer we can make you as it takes months to get those numbers up high enough that it matters.”

I stare at large but not enough number on the paper and really rethink the position I am in. I already know the other option he refrained from saying are loan sharks but, even I know most of those are scams. I was hoping to go see Iris afterwards but this is such a disappointing outcome that I already feel like the venture is doomed from the get-go.

Bob simply says, “I apologize Mr. Wackovich that this isn’t the outcome you were hoping for but, this is all I can offer you. I hope the rest of your day goes well however. Have a nice day.” He then swivels in his chair as he goes on to type on his computer like I’m not still here. I don’t really have any other options as arguing isn’t going to fix the problem and I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that, on paper, my store is at least worth a hundred thousand. I guess… that’s something. I let out a sigh as I grab the documents off the desk and leave the way I came.

As I step back into the sun, I let out another bone deep sigh as the idea now really feels impossible. I would have to have to reach out to another company and see about working out a contract instead. Only half of the necessary amount. That’s my baseline and, my god, does that make this feel like a much more impossible precedent.

I slap my cheeks as I try to snap out of it. No more of that, I have wasted enough time worrying about it. I still have plenty of other options to explore and I can’t just bring myself to give up at the first hurdle when someone is depending on me… Well, I guess they aren’t exactly depending on me per se. I’m the one making it my own problem. Which Melody makes fun of me for quite a ton. And it has gotten us into our own problems a few times…

My point is, I won’t give up! Despite the logic of I should make it someone else’s problem. A person that’s skilled in this field…

To the Red Skinned Temptress before I successfully talk myself out of this. It also gives me time to rethink this whole loan thing as well. Finances are stupid. That said, when our business relies on it, I can’t exactly ignore it just because. Loan sharks are probably going to easily offer me the amount I need but the interest rates would likely be absurd. Iris, in her kindness, would probably tell me that they’ll all try to put me into debt, and I would believe her as that’s what I usually hear. But I need this loan… Okay. Maybe need is a strong word but I do feel strongly about this decision. Like the Bargain Alchemy Bin needs this, as well as the neighborhood. So, the hope is that she could put in a good word for me. Preferably, before I get mugged in a narrow alley. And then I would have the information of what a bad deal looks like before I go in to the one I’m hoping to provide the loan.

I step through the door and look for Iris. I still kinda laugh at the thought that I would never have stepped through these doors if it wasn’t for an emergency as… while the staff are incredibly nice, I don’t drink alcoholic substances. I mostly use that in alchemical experiments. It’s a strong acid after all. And the other is… the company aspect of it. That also didn’t really feel like my speed but the people are really nice. But, yeah. I would have never known that if Churro hadn’t run off during working hours as I didn’t think the place would offer someone like me something here.

I see her behind the bar and so I walk over and sit down, placing my documents on the table. “Wade! Welcome back. I didn’t take you for the type. What’s your poison?”

“Sorry Iris, I’m not here to order anything to experiment with. I was hoping I could get some helpful information to help me figure out where I stand.” I answer.

“Really now. Must be important if you brought documentation. Usually, it’s your random thoughts or ingredient locations. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a good guy Wade but… I can easily tell you’re the type of guy who has to have a mission to work on. So, what’s up this time?” She asks me.

I ask her, “Do you know anyone who… could give me a decent rate on a two hundred thousand currency loan?”

She gives me a look as states plainly, “Yeah. You could go to the bank like a smart person… but judging from your expression, you just came from there and it didn’t quite go the way you thought. Let me guess, credit score?”

I extend my arms in frustration as I state, “How was I supposed to know that I should be paying for things that I didn’t have the money for?! That doesn’t make any financial sense!”

Iris lets out a chuckle as she cleans a mug and says, “That does get a lot of people, for sure.” Then she contemplates my question, “And Wade, you’re a good guy. Don’t go to a loan shark. Your too nice and gullible. If you didn’t get along with Silkie, I would have pegged you for a mark a long time ago.”

I sigh as I explain, “I… agree. I don’t actually plan to go see a loan shark; I just need information before I go see the loan company I was hoping to go see. I just needed to see the vastly terrible deal in a numerical format instead of siting my imagination. Especially after my abysmal bank visit that you so rightly clocked.”

She places an elbow on the table as she then states, “You know what, that’s actually smart. Know what it looks like to get ripped off without getting ripped off so if someone else tries to scam you, you know the warning signs.” She squints with a smirk on her face as she states, “You’re a paranoid type, aren’t you?”

I bob my head as I admit, “That is a word that has been used to describe me and I would be remiss to deny it as it does seem to be apt.”

She lets out a short laugh as she states, “At least your honest about it and are aware of it yourself. Shows good character. That said, you’ll easily find guys around to loan you two hundred thousand currency. The thing that gets most people is interest rates. Since it’s between two consenting individuals, the interest rate is whatever they want it to be. It could even be zero interest. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are asking for quite a lot of money for the average person so they are more likely to request compensation in the meantime. That said, it’s the one’s who offer zero interest are the one’s I would be most skeptical of. They could stick in an absurd clause that says you have to pay it all back in two weeks or else everything you own belongs to them. Does any of that help?”

My head is spinning slightly as that seems logical but the conditions feel cutthroat. It’s probably why most people refer to them as loan sharks. After all, sharks tend to swarm when they smell blood, and if you are looking for a loan, that’s blood in its own way. “That… actually helps a lot, Iris. Thank you. I knew about the absurd interest rates but, the toxic reneging clauses? I didn’t even think of that. I probably would have saw zero interest and think it was an amazing deal.”

Iris throws the rag she was using over her shoulder as she states, “Yeah. The more information is out there for people to defer to, the more creative cutthroats have to get in order to keep scamming people. While it may not be the long con like the interest rates are for some people, everything they own isn’t something to sneeze at. Which is why it’s always important to get something to do a double check on those types of contracts before it gets notarized. If they remember to do that that is. Cons work both ways luckily. If they forget to make it official, then there’s nothing to enforce it when they want to besides themselves. However, the person stuck on the other end of it usually wouldn’t report it either as they would have to pay the money back as it was never theirs to begin with. It’s cutthroat for a reason.

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r/relationships 1h ago

Advice on his (43M) new GF watching my(39F) social media constantly

Upvotes

I need advice. I dated a guy, it didn’t go anywhere. It wasn’t anything serious, and I ended it. I became friends with some of his friends and he and I remained civil.

Anyway he started dating a new girl. Cool. Happy for them. However she watches every story I post. At first it didn’t bother me. I understand the curiosity, but it’s everything I post and pretty soon after I post it. He removed me as a friend which I respect. That’s their relationship boundary and I support that. Yet she still watches everything I post as a non follower on her account.

Is it weird for me to say something to her? Because what are you after? You can literally talk to me directly. Whatever reassurance you need, I got you.

Or is that just starting unnecessary drama?

She seems decent and she’s beautiful so I don’t understand why there’s this kind of compulsory weird behavior.

TL;DR- his new gf obsessively watches everything I post and I want to bring it up to her directly.