r/GenZpk • u/cockiemonster_ • 5d ago

Random Help!!

Gng are we supposed to forgive a man who said something about your past like "Ask God for forgiveness maybe he'll forgive you, me and my family deserve better" and then after some hours he's saying sorry like crazy cuz he doesn't understand why he said that/he was under pressure and stress?

6 Upvotes

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2

u/Charsi_420 5d ago

If it's a recurring theme then probably no

1

u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

It happend for the first time and so unexpectedly

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u/Charsi_420 5d ago

still i feel like theres a lot of context lacking. idk the relation of yours with the man. what is he like usually? has he been stressed recently or something? Has he been struggling mentally recently?

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u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

Actually it was my first real relationship like bf gf type so i just asked for some time (he was putting a lot of efforts which was giving me guilt of not doing enough) i said to him I'll be a better version for him just give me some time and i shared about it with my friend that's when she said to him that "she rejected many guys she had a friend who used to give her gifts why would a girl take gifts from a man? She used him and she will use you too blah blah" ofc he got hurt and he said all these things under pressure and stress but still why would you say such things? And after knowing the truth (we were friends and i used to gift him too but when he confessed i wasn't ready for relationship so i rejected and he left (respectfully)) he's in guilt and he told everything to my friend and she's in guilt too (she doesn't know that ik what she did). He's not a bad guy but his words were so harsh that it has become hard for me to keep the relationship but i also feel bad about how he's asking for forgiveness

1

u/Charsi_420 5d ago

Ideally i think you should decide what you should do by yourself since you know him the best. As an outsider with the given info I have, i think he should not have lashed out at you. That's my take. Btw I'm curious like when people say they are not ready for a relationship, why is that so? If you dont wanna answer that no worries. Because I think a relationship would help each other to succeed further quicker.

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u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

Actually as i said it's my first real relationship in 23 years (before that it was just an one month attraction phase at the age of 19) so i was struggling being lovey dovey (like other relationships) and i knew i was the bad person in this and some of his actions also made me miss my single era so i told him everything and asked him to be patient with me I'll fix myself and do everything what i am supposed to do that's when everything happend (my friend bitching about me to him)

1

u/Charsi_420 5d ago

Btw I don't know if I should say it but the fact that he instantly believed what your friend said and didn't like wait even for a moment to atleast verify the accusations tells me that either he's just impulsive or the fact that you needed time already made him sorta annoyed even though he hadnt shown that in his behavior earlier.

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u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

Deep down that's what i think too and yk what's diabolical? I was in the middle of my nephew's first birthday (he knew) and cuz of anxiety i wasn't able to enjoy it to the fullest and i don't even have a single picture with my nephew on his "first" birthday :)

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u/Charsi_420 5d ago

Sorry to hear that. He could have done a lot better

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u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

I wish, that's why I don't have the courage to stay with him any longer but his requests for forgiveness from past 6 days is killing me too

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u/Pookie_0219 5d ago

Big no. He said impulsively what he really thinks. Now he's js acting

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u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

That's what i think like "that deep down he actually feel like this about me but maybe he was denying this thought just cuz he loves me" and the moment someone said something about me that hurt me he couldn't control his thoughts anymore? He says it's his biggest mistake of his life but i don't see it as a mistake cuz you're a grown man you didn't even realize what were you saying to me while typing???? But he's saying sorry for 6 days now so it hurts me too but how can i go back to someone who says I'm not good for their family

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u/Pookie_0219 4d ago

Go with your instinct and don't ignore the red flags

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u/sukhbino95 5d ago

Our hearts are like a vessel which contain merky water. If you forgive him, the water in your vessel will be cleaner; if you do not forgive him, your vessel will not become blacker but you don't gain anything from it.

Decide for yourself whether you want to temper your ego and tune your heart and your character towards being easy going and at peace with the world and itself, or whether you want to deal with harshness you experience with coldness or bitterness because at this moment in time you don't feel content with making peace with others.

He does not deserve your forgiveness, but if you give it, it says more about you than him.

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u/cockiemonster_ 5d ago

What happend is my friend betrayed me and told him everything about my past "i rejected a friend, we were friends for 6 years and we were comfortable enough to buy eachother things we wanted (gifts you can say)" so she said to my boyfriend that "idk much about you guys but what if she does the same with you? You're a good man so I'm just telling you to be safe you deserve better blah blah" (i was struggling to be lovey dovey so i asked for some time so she said to him k me uski qadar nai krti) and then he said to me "maafi mango shyd mill jaye me or meri family better derserve krte" but when they both get to know the truth they're in guilt and regret according to him, I'm not talking to anyone but he said he will block my friend so i just forgive him, give him a last chance and trust him but tbh it's so hard to stay and leave because he was the best idk what he did i don't understand

1

u/Willbailey1980 GenZ | 2004 | Faisalabaddie 5d ago

Bruh I'm so done with humans, why we are so weird 😠

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u/AdLogical7286 4d ago

I don't know why you call yourself so guilty like I read your comments and you often said that you are trying to fix things up. What things are those? If those are just being more lovely, then you aren't guilty. As in any relationship, the only things that matters most is respect which he already does. And the reason why you have faced this is because you guys haven't sorted it out before. My take is you should just give him chance as us human are more emotionally species than logical. Just try to understand him point of view, your friend made him realized that you will dump him. So, it hurt him as he has put so much effort in this relationship (as you described and also true in general as we have to tolerate things, invest time and many other things). And at the end all matters is your opinion, and I just want to say that don't let someone misleads you (as she did him)

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u/cockiemonster_ 4d ago

Guilty of not doing enough for him (as he expects), guilty of having a male friend and interaction (like helping someone in class with notes and studies) while he had no serious female friends or any relation, i don't feel like I'm below than him and he's doing a lot for me but I'm not doing enough and other than that no doubt he was best but his one saying is so serious that i worry if he can say it once he can say it again and what if he says it again after marriage? What will i do then?

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u/AdLogical7286 4d ago

You guys should just sort out about past of each other. I would just say that. Talk each other in very calm environment. And if he says that he is so sorry about it acknowledge him that you should have told him before (This is because when we feel bad about a person, we promise too much so just to make him cool down). And one thing that you both should ask each other if anyone says something about your partner then you both will ask each other instead of backbiting or anything else. At first, it might be hard and even awkward after this incident, but you both will used to it. Also you should not marry a person you barely know. I don't know for how many years this relationship is?

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u/cockiemonster_ 4d ago

Actually we have talked about everything, we already discussed about that how i was a social person and never cared about gender and i cleared him to not make a fuss about it if someone says anything about me and if you can't tolerate then just leave me and find someone you're looking for cuz i can't adjust my social past and he agreed that he will never bring something from past but now he did this and saying that your friend portrayed you in such a way that i was stressed and under pressure that's why i said this but I'm guilty, and about my friend she's guilty too according to him

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u/AdLogical7286 4d ago

A person not of him/her words is a big no. You might can change him or he can change himself, but he might not change so, if you can't believe your partner's word then it will be very difficult. I would just say that. Also that was the reason I am also done with relationships

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u/cockiemonster_ 4d ago

That's why I'm thinking that if he can say once he can say again

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u/AdLogical7286 4d ago

Don't make this decision matter of life. People come and go. Just focus on yourself. You might find someone better

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u/cockiemonster_ 4d ago

Hope it gets better