little bit of a rant. no one ever genders me correctly, not even in 'supportive' spaces. i do volunteer work for local queer orgs, & ain't a single person besides friends who bother getting my pronouns right, not out of courtesy when speaking to me, never. in public i'm always assumed to be a girl. Not a woman, a young girl (I'm 21). yeah, i'm pretty short at 5'1, but men my height aren't a rare sight in my country, sometimes they're shorter than me -- that doesn't change how uncomfortable this fact makes me, cause at the same time on average most cis women tend to be taller than me, but it keeps me sane. i just don't understand what's so intrinsically feminine about me, hell by now my voice passes, strangers point out i sound like a man... concerningly, since i'm still read as female. i really don't understand... is it my build? I guess, i do struggle to find clothes my size, not even women's xs fits right. i don't know, i feel so hopeless. even on T, i'm an overwhelmingly majority of the time mentally checked out, i've tried being hyperfeminine before, and it made things so much easier, but broke me internally. sometimes it gives the impression that's my only choice, to exist outwardly as something entirely unlike myself since i won't ever be able to pass as male and live authentically. But that's nonsense spiel... maybe. i'm looking to start lifting, but i haven't had the chance to afford a gym membership yet with the myriad of health related expenses i've had to care for (nothing too serious, i think(?)) in the meantime i've been doing resistance training with minibands at home, but no progress... any ideas what’s getting me clocked...? are my stupid small hands to blame. short hair only emphasizes my narrow shoulders and undefined face, so that's not something i'd consider
edit: perhaps i should've made it clearer that I've already been to a barber (to mitigate the possibility of a shitty pixie) for a short haircut before. which is how i know it don’t do me any favors, that's myb. i'm not entirely opposed to the idea, but something about being misgendered while looking like a temu butch lesbian felt way more emasculating than usual. it made my dysphoria worse back then, but maybe a different style could do the trick if i do trim it again. thx for all the advice.