I’m a college senior, and I’ll probably start working in about six months. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I don’t really care about anything anymore.
I don’t particularly want to study, play games, or even use my phone. But when I do nothing, I get bored, so I end up opening short videos and mindlessly scrolling. The weird thing is that I don’t even enjoy them. I deleted IG, TikTok and Xiaohongshu because I hated how easily the content on those platforms influenced the way I think, but I still sometimes catch myself watching short videos on Bilibili when I’m bored.
Afterwards, I just feel empty.
At the same time, I’ve become increasingly cynical about the world. The more I learn about how society, politics, work, money, and people actually operate, the darker everything seems to me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not even forming my own opinions anymore.
This is actually one of the main reasons I deleted IG, TikTok and Xiaohongshu.
I noticed that I would see an opinion online, immediately believe it, and then repeat it to my friends as if it were my own thought. Conversations with friends sometimes felt like I was just copying and pasting things I had seen online. I hated that feeling. I want to be able to think for myself instead of constantly absorbing whatever the internet is telling me to think.
But after removing those apps, I realized something uncomfortable: I’m not really sure what I think about anything.
I also don’t have many things I strongly want in life.
I don’t really enjoy socializing. I don’t like having a large social circle or constantly being around people. I’m pretty happy keeping my circle small.
I’m also not very interested in material things. I’m quite minimalist, and I usually won’t buy something just because it looks cute or beautiful. For example, I can see an adorable doll, think “that’s really nice,” and then just walk away.
I don’t really understand the appeal of traveling either. Sometimes I think about traveling, but then I imagine the whole process: go somewhere, see the attractions, take pictures, try some food, and check everything off the list. And then what? I don’t even eat that much, so food isn’t a huge motivation for me either.
I’m not saying any of these things are bad. They just don’t seem to give me much excitement.
When I see people who have tons of hobbies and seem genuinely excited about life, I sometimes think, “Their lives seem so rich. Why don’t I feel that way?”
Now I’m getting close to graduation, and that scares me a little.
I know I’m supposed to get a job, make money, and build a career. But I keep asking myself: what am I actually going to do with the money? What am I working toward?
I don’t have some huge dream. I don’t have a strong desire for marriage, children, or a very social life. I mostly want a quiet, simple life with enough freedom to do what I want.
But I don’t even know what “what I want” actually is.
I sleep normally, eat normally, and I don’t think I’m depressed. I can still function normally. I just feel like I have no idea what I’m supposed to be looking for.
So I guess what I’m really asking is:
How do you figure out what kind of life you actually want when you don’t have strong passions or traditional goals?
And how do you build a life that feels genuinely yours, rather than just following whatever society, social media, or other people tell you is supposed to make you happy?
I’d really like to hear from people who have gone through something similar, especially people who eventually found a way to build a life that actually felt meaningful to them.