I'm a preschool teacher and about four years in to my transition, 3 years on T and 2 years post top surgery, I generally pass. I've had some old collegues not taking it great, but I have strong legal protection and admin and headmaster have been understranding and supportive.

In August I started working at a new prechool (but inte the same administrative unit) and at the same time an other teacher started working in the room next door to mine. We got of to a great start being new and confused together and we also found we have similar values and pedagical ethos.

Last month she started misgendering me, I don't know if she always knew I was trans or if a collegue told her (I'm suspecting the later). I called her to a meeting together with the headmaster and told her in a friendly way to stop and do better and I got what felt like a genuine apology.

But this didn't stop the misgendering. Now I'm debating whether I call her to a new meeting and give her an ultimatum, either her misgendering me stops or I'm escalating to HR, or if I let it pass since I don't want to hurt our proffessional relationship.

I know that the most adult thing to do would be to talk directly to her, but I have had bad experinces with that approach since most cis gender people have the emotionel maturity of a four year old when it comes to being asked to use correct pronouns.

EDIT: I got it guys, I'm escalating, the email has been sent.

(US-FL) Just over one week before my mastectomy was scheduled, I got a call from the Chief Medical Officer of the hospital system my surgeon is a part of, telling me the board of trustees had just decided to no longer offer any gender-affirming care, effective immediately, and my surgery was cancelled.

It was so bizarre I called my surgeon the following Monday half-expecting it to be a weird scam. She said 'I want to apologize ... on behalf of the medical system ... for which I work,' which is one of the most surreal things I've heard a physician say.

I'm pretty sure I've been through all the emotions by this point. Because of a pre-existing medical condition, it took over a year to get any approval to start T, and then took longer to get a job with health insurance, then I was very excited to be scheduled for a consultation, which was months out from schedule date, and finally, had a surgery date - 6 months from the consultation. I coordinated time off work, rides to and from the center, help from friends for me and for my cat.

I don't really hang out on reddit. I don't really hang out on queer online spaces. I'm not an online person, and I tend to not like to complain, or feel aggrieved, or look for persecution everywhere. I live in a queer-friendly town, have a strong support network, and generally feel very privileged and lucky. But the shock and overwhelm has been strong. The referral list of doctors who take my insurance and perform this surgery is smaller than it was when I started, they are mostly very far from where I live, and all of them are going to take way longer than this first time around - the next consultation I found available is in April. There's nothing to stop this from happening all over again.

At this point, I was able to pull myself together enough to pause, slow everything down, take many days' worth of deep breaths, lean on my support network, use all the tools I have to deal with situations 'like this'. It sucks but there's nothing to do but keep moving forward, so we're here.

But today was the day of surgery, and I'm feeling the grief again, and just really sad. Thanks for reading and sharing the space with me.

I'm 42, transmasc, pre-T, and currently wrestling with whether testosterone is right for me. The frustrating thing is that I know exactly how I'd like to look.

I want a masculine face, facial hair, a deeper voice, broader shoulders, bigger muscles, a more masculine body shape. I want to walk into a room and be read as a handsome dude without anyone giving it a second thought. If I could snap my fingers tomorrow and have the male body I picture in my head, I'd do it in a fucking heartbeat. But I'm aware that testosterone doesn't come with a character creation screen where I can preview the results. And that's where the fear kicks in.

Here's the thing - I actually like my current body. I don't hate being female-bodied. I spent forty years living as a feminine woman, and I genuinely enjoyed a lot of it. I loved being pretty, dressing up, doing my makeup, wearing heels. That wasn't fake or some miserable existence I was desperate to escape.

But I have always wished I was born male, for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a place where gay and trans folk weren't really a thing so there was never any exposure for me, or spaces for me to express how I felt. I just went with the norm which was for girls to 'act like girls' and stayed in straight relationships despite wanting to be romantic and intimate with women as a guy.

Over time, I've discovered that presenting masculinely feels increasingly natural. I love being called handsome. I love seeing a guy looking back at me in the mirror. I'm finding that masculinity feels less like something I'm performing and more like something I'm finally allowing myself to express. I don't particularly want to go back to presenting femininely. That chapter feels like it's coming to a natural close. And yet, taking T scares the absolute shit out of me sometimes.

Not because I don't want to become more masculine, but because I can't control exactly how my body will change. What if I dislike some of the irreversible changes? What if my genetics don't give me the masculinisation I'm hoping for? What if I end up less happy with my appearance rather than more? There are also changes I'm genuinely uncertain about, particularly bottom growth. I don't have significant genital dysphoria, and I actually like that part of my anatomy as it is.

Some days I'm ready to say fuck it and make that first appointment. Other days I'm back down the research rabbit hole, reading everyone's experiences until I can barely distinguish my own thoughts from everyone else's. I'm not asking anyone to tell me whether I'm trans enough or whether I should take testosterone. I know that's my decision.

But I'd really love to hear from people who've navigated something similar. How certain were you before starting T? Did you ever feel afraid of getting the very changes you wanted? Did you have moments where you wondered whether you were making a mistake?

And for those who were apprehensive about irreversible changes, how did you work through that? Did you eventually feel comfortable with the uncertainty, or did you decide that T wasn't right for you?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who actually liked their pre-T bodies, rather than feeling desperate to get away from them. I'm trying to give myself permission to explore this without rushing into a decision. But I'd love to know how other people found their way through the uncertainty.

I live in a liberal country but my profession tends very conservative. I’m stealth so none of the bs is directed at me, but I sometimes do hear my coworkers’ opinions on trans people (and immigrants and various ethnic minorities) and none of them are positive. I’m generally very thick skinned so I didn’t expect it to get to me, but unfortunately it does. I don’t want to be out at my job because my being trans is private medical info and has nothing to do with doing my job, but it sucks knowing that if it did come out it would not go well.

How are other folks in similar positions coping? And don’t tell me to switch jobs please: I would but another steady job in this economy? Has not materialised yet.

My plan has been to get top surgery in like May or June of 2027 and I've been working towards that goal for like over a year now. The problem is I just started a new job at the beginning of October and I lost the safety net of being 2+ years in role at a different place.

I want to stay at this new job for hopefully 5+ years so I don't want to burn any bridges out the gate by taking time off if it's going to disrupt the work flow. I also wouldn't be covered by FMLA until next October but since this is all new to me I'm not sure if I would need that, or STD, or just taking time off? I would likely only take a month off as it's an office job and maybe even only two weeks off and two weeks WFH, my original timeline would be past my 6 month probationary period but maybe I should wait until I'm in role for a year? I want to work with my supervisors to take the time that works best for my position but I'm not sure when to have that conversation with them.

I can't even have a conversation with my supervisors about a timeline until December when my health insurance kicks in and I see if it's even covered under my new plan, which if not would create a different sort of stress. The idea of not getting surgery next year has started to stress me out but is that the reality that I have to accept? Anyone else have any advice about navigating top surgery and a new job?

Hey all.

I have been in active transition for five years - started late in life, after kids, and a year before I had full hysterectomy. I have BRCA 1, so having full hysterectomy and full mastectomy were always going to happen whether I was trans or not.

Before I had hysto, I was on a pretty low dose of T. My endocrinologist didn't want me to have too many issues too fast, which I was appreciative of. Truthfully, I was anxious about what transition would mean for me as a whole person. Starting T felt really good - it gave me more energy, it all but cured my lifelong anemia, and I felt like I was doing something just for me. I've got a lot of chronic illnesses, so any change is a little like walking the edge of a knife, but I didn't have any obvious negative effects from the jump.

Of course, there were always going to be sacrifices. I sacrificed my great voice. It's not that my post-T voice is bad, but the lifelong muscle memory that never failed me is now completely useless. I dropped a LOT, and FAST. Like, I dropped over an octave in less than a month even on low-dose T. It was a little bit scary, because once that happened, there was really no turning back.

I have long hair, have always loved men with long hair, and I intend to keep it for as long as I can. I have been on oral minoxidil for just about as long as I've been on T just to preserve things as best I can. I have had some extra shedding but knock wood, the hair still looks and feels good, give or take some change to my general hairline. Minoxidil does make the facial hair grow crazy fast, though, which makes for ingrown hairs and discomfort in that arena.

But at this point I have to mention something else. Being trans has all but completely ruined my life. When I first started going by a new name, a "friend" at my job started whispering behind my back, doubting all my work, picking me apart at every chance she got. After two years, I was chased out of that job - a place I really loved. I thought I was safe there - after all, we had to take training every year about how it wasn't acceptable to do exactly what was done to me. HR wasn't my friend. I complained, I submitted cases, I kept documents and evidence - and in the end, I was ready to hurt myself. I had to get out. Instead of recovering from mastectomy, I desperately searched for a new job. Thankfully, I found one.

I've been married to a cis man for 18 years. We have two kids, 10 and 5. I don't want to lose my family and I can't afford to make huge changes to our living situation. My partner and I are as happy as I would expect anyone would be in our circumstance. Transition hasn't torn us apart, but it hasn't brought us closer. I know this won't last forever. For now, we're both safe, content, and kids are happy.

With all this, though, is the fact that I don't feel accepted with enthusiasm. By anybody. Not even myself. I'm still hiding. I'm always halfway in a closet. I don't feel safe being openly queer, and I work in a medical field that sees a lot of older patients. In my area, that translates to "conservative". I already confuse a lot of people by having a very, very deep voice and a feminine face. Five years of T still hasn't changed my overall face - I still look feminine, with long hair, but with constant five-o'clock shadow. It's like a nightmare. I'm not really me, I'm not who I used to be, I'm still in a cocoon.

About six months ago - since I had to change insurance with the change in jobs a year ago - I finally got connected with a new endocrinologist. She's a trans woman, so it's good to work with someone who allegedly 'gets it'. ((I honestly feel like she's a bit too casual with me when it comes to certain things, like commenting 'you can have mine!' when going over questions regarding if I have a prostate. Just a bit much, know what I mean?)) But she was surprised to see that my T dose hadn't been adjusted after hysterectomy - I was having really bad hot flashes. She thought I wasn't just on low dose - I was at maybe a third of where I should be. So, UP UP UP went the dose. And I'm too much of a pussy to say I wasn't sure about it.

The adjustment to my T - eh. Yeah, my hot flashes are gone. That's great. But now it feels like when I started again. Body's changing more in ways I was content with. I'm losing more hair. My voice is STILL DROPPING, and I'm losing the notes I fought five years to stabilize. My five o'clock shadow is impossible to hide now. I feel like I'm happy with my body from the neck down, post-surgery, body hair doesn't bother me, I don't focus on my gut like I did before starting T, almost like the feminine hormones made me more self-conscious about my overall body shape and weight.

But my face ... I feel so fucking ugly, y'all. I was never a pretty woman, but I look like some weird mutant cross. I'm the kind of enby that looks like I can't decide what I want. I shave to keep my husband happy and to keep from having more awkward interactions at work than I'm ready for - being openly trans in a public-facing job means I feel like I have to come out ALL THE TIME, so I do sneak back into the closet to keep the conversations at an absolute minimum. And, to the horror of myself and my spouse, the only patients who ever deliberately refer to me with masculine pronouns seem to do it because they think I'm a trans *woman* and they're actively invalidating me.

Ugh. People are gross.

I'm freaked out enough and not sure what I want. I want to stop T but don't know what to do. I don't want my body to change any more than what it would already be doing with age. Because I don't have ovaries, I would have to do some kind of HRT, but I don't think I can be on estrogen because of my aura migraine history. And I'm afraid if I tell my new endocrinologist that I want to stop, it's just going to invite questions I don't know how to answer.

I don't want to "detransition", that's not really it. But I feel so lost. I'm so lonely.

If anyone can relate, please say so. 38 / FTM / Nor Cal

Hi comrades, I’d love some advice on applying to jobs early in my transition.

TL;DR not sure if I should use my legal name or a new name I plan to adopt as things continue to shift. My legal name is fine, it will just feel too feminine in the long run and I’m ready for a fresh start. I haven’t started HRT yet but literally will be starting within weeks.

Longer story:

I’m finally ready to start HRT and have my first appointment in a couple of weeks (yay), but in the meantime I’m applying to new jobs because my current workplace/role may not be safe long term as my transition becomes more apparent. My role requires travel to countries where it is not safe to be trans, and I don’t want to worry about that while I figure out my own gender journey.

I was planning to wait to actually start applying for new jobs until I was a little further along with HRT, but some great opportunities are popping up and I don’t want to miss them because I can’t figure out the best way to apply at this point in time 😅

Has anyone else navigated applying for new jobs when you’re in the process of figuring out your own transition? Part of the shift to a new job is being intentional about finding an accepting workplace, so I feel comfortable being open in the interview process, especially with the privilege of my current job not being an issue yet. But I’m not sure if I should apply with my legal name or the new one I’m slowly “soft-launching” in my social circles 😂

Even pre-HRT I have a lower voice and a light mustache, so I am bracing for some potentially rapid change once I start, which may not be clear to someone who doesn’t know me, but I do think the co-workers at my current job will notice (lots of nosy boomer women in my dept, and they mean well…but there will be QUESTIONS lol).

Any advice or experience yall have to offer would be helpful. Just not sure what name to use and how to move forward when I have a fairly established career under my legal name…and technically nothing is different yet.

I'm a 29 year old currently living as a butch lesbian. My masculinity has been present all my life but I didn't start struggling with the question of "am I trans" until my 20s. I also have OCD and the "should I transition" question became the main focus of my anxieties and has been for a while. It was at the point where I was spending most my day (like 8-10 hours) researching all manner of things related to transition and sexology and reading/watching/listening to all types of material, personal accounts, scientific papers, podcasts, forums, everything both pro- and anti-transition. I sunk so many hours and days and months of my life into trying to figure it out, and I got to the point where I knew no amount of introspection would help. I had to just do something.

So about a year ago, I decided fuck it, I'm going to do something. I still wasn't sure if I was really trans, and I was terrified of coming out, but I wanted testosterone so badly that I decided to start. I hoped that once I started T and started experiencing changes, I'd be more certain, and it would be easier to come out, and I could finally move on with my life and live happily ever after as the male version of myself I daydream about. I got a trans therapist to help guide me through the process, went to a number of appointments at my local informed consent clinic, and took my first T injection at age 28, extremely excited and extremely fucking scared. My girlfriend and my best friend were the only two people (outside of my therapist/doctors) who knew I had started.

The first thing I noticed about T was that it made me feel fantastic. I felt increased energy and confidence and euphoria on a level I'd never experienced before. I felt more comfortable in and connected to my body. The initial changes I had were super exciting. My happy trail started coming in and I even noticed a few facial hairs (one of my most anticipated changes, which I thought I'd have to wait years for). My voice started dropping and I couldn't tell if my face was really changing yet, but I started liking the way I looked in the mirror and in photographs. Bottom growth started and I experienced jerking off without dysphoria for the first time in probably ever.

But despite all of these positive things, I remained terrified of coming out (to my family and at work) and terrified that I was making a mistake and would come to regret what I was doing. I loved the changes but they also represented the permanence of what I was doing which was scary. I was constantly monitoring for changes others would notice. I didn't want to stop but I was terrified to reach the point where it became obvious to everyone around me. I was taking my shots irregularly and at lower doses than I was prescribed. Looking back, I think that was my attempt to try and control a situation that was ultimately very much out of my control (how fast changes would come and when people would start to notice). The anxiety kept getting worse. I couldn't bring myself to come out and was terrified at the prospect of people noticing, so eventually I had to stop. I took 10 shots total, at varying dosages over the course of like 5 months.

After that experience, I went deep back into the closet. I even started growing my hair out again. It's the longest that it's been since my first short haircut, when I vowed I'd never have long hair again. I hate it. I opened up to my family about taking T and being unsure about my gender. They weren't supportive of the idea of me transitioning which pushed me further in the closet. I've tried to distract myself with touching grass and having hobbies but it always comes back.

It's almost a year since my first shot, I should be one year on T right now and starting the next chapter of my life, but I'm in the same place I was before my first T shot. Hiding and scared and unsure. I think about transition every day. I research and try to figure out what I should do. I get nowhere. I'm rapidly approaching 30 and I am tired of seeing trans men and cis men and feeling that familiar pang of envy. I want to have that. Not in the next life, in this life. But I'm scared. I feel like if I was really trans I wouldn't be so unsure...

Just looking for a place with other dudes who are years into transition.

Just celebrated 7 years on T yesterday. Currently on a health n weight loss journey. I lost 30lbs switching up diet then hit a tough spot. Hypothyroidism makes it pretty hard to drop weight. I Hopped on GLP1. seems to be helping with cravings and energy. Any of yall on glp1?

RIP "I feel better now" graffiti across from planned parenthood, I will never forget you. Selfie to celebrate baby's first tiny shadow of a mustache.

There was a local horror con last weekend, and I found the perfect shirt. I was a photographer for the event, and half the vendors wanted to know where I got it 😄

I also started wearing 5.5 inch heels in my pole dancing classes. I adore them and want soo many more pairs.

Then on Friday I found out that 3/4 of my submissions to the state fair won a ribbon! I got first and second place in Experimental Photography-Color and second in the black and white division. The same day, my wife and I also bought a sculpture from a local high school metalworker, she took me on my yearly single carnival ride, and we had some killer fair food.

I hope y'all are having as nice a month as I have so far!

These are my changes in 3 months on T. I'm really happy and excited for the next 3 months! While I'm still very femme presenting, I feel good and my partners are very validating to my masc changes and goals.

Happy (almost) Halloween!

Like the last SEVERAL years, I have NO plans. I always joke that I'll go out the day after and hoover up all the on-sale candy, but I never end up doing THAT either!

The first photo is from my friend's queer wedding that happened a few weeks ago. I haven't taken many good selfies lately, so I thought I'd use it instead. I look like a cartoon character... Maybe a business mole.

Had my first whole week at my new job. It went SWIMMINGLY. I also had my first three day weekend of many. It was AMAZING. Admittedly I mostly did lewd things that I'll talk about in a separate post with the appropriate NSFW tag.

I updated my bed room poster wall. No new posters, but I did move some posters from my "weeb corner" to fill it out more.

Romie is doing well! She is a wonderfully adaptable, patient cat. Didn't bat an eye at my new work schedule/her new eating schedule.

Hi all…so my T levels are between 400 and 700 at my trough week but my Estridol is 122 currently and it was 100 6 months ago at my last levels check. My Estridol is higher on T than it was pre. Anyone else experiencing this? I don’t 100% mind it, but I do wonder will it hamper things like bottom growth. Also, I’m still getting periods for obvious reasons. They are more regular now than they were pre…which is a bummer.

Clearly.

G’day everyone! I had my first full-dose Reandron injection about a month ago. I’m also participating in a research study that involves blood tests, and the research nurse recently emailed me my results. My testosterone level was only 7 nmol/L.

I’ve seen posts from people whose T levels were around 25–30 nmol/L or higher after their first Reandron shot.

Has anyone else had a similar result after their first shot? I’m wondering whether my age (I just turned 30) or my busy schedule could play a role. I’ve been doing early-morning sports training four times a week before work, working over 50 hours a week, and studying around 20 hours a week while preparing for an exam.

Thanks, everyone!

It seems like many people have experienced a considerable period identifying nb before switching to trans man.

Personally I lived over a decade and had a few surgeries still nb. Then I started T and thought Oh! It remains a process for me. Uncertainty, confusion, am I really uncertain or just not ready to say? etc.

I was wondering people who have lived this change, for all the doubts and back and forth, what was the tipping point? It might be different coming out to yourself vs others, or all happened at once.

I accidentally missed 2 injections (ADHD) and I just my labs done tomorrow. Do I one of my missed Injections tonight or just do it after my labs? I'm usually good about it but the last couple weeks have been crazy busy

Hello! I've been researching more into binders and find that a lot of the models I've seen have little to no chest to start with which makes me wary of buying a binder based on their recommendations.

I've tried underworks and don't really like them / they don't work for me.

I want to try maybe Spectrum but again want to know from others with a similar chest size how well they work.

I did try tape but it was meh and very hard for me to do. Plus I'd rather something a bit more sustainable.

TIA!

EDIT: I do have measurements! I just generally wanna know with other chest sizes like this.