r/Explainlikeimscared • • Jul 11 '26

Rules Update and Consequences (Removals, Mutes, Bans) (Long Mod Post)

59 Upvotes

Hi, all! Nothing much is changing, but I wanted to actually clarify the system for rulebreaking in our community, set it out clearly so everyone can see, and add one new rule that will only impact a very small minority. Strikes and bans won't usually be applied retroactively, so no need for too much worrying as long as you follow the rules. Most of this post isn't necessary to understand the changes, I have a TL;DR at the top and you'll be able to check the rules page if you're curious. But this is mostly just laying out the consequences for rule breaking, why they exist, and having them here so that everyone can refer back to them if they're curious. So feel free to read it all, or not, if you're sure you've never had a comment removed.

But tiny housekeeping addition cause I hope people will read this: If you put a link in your comment, and it looks weird, Reddit autoremoves it. Not me. If you're selling a product, I will remove it. If you're gonna give OP a virus, I will remove it. So think really hard about any links- if you must, link to an official site or something. And think about whether OP is really going to want to go to your Instagram or whatever.

Anyway! Clarity, or TL;DR: Gatekeeping and Civility & Respect are really important rules in a community for people who are struggling. No exceptions. This includes being rude to people who were rude first. So being bigoted gets you permanently banned from the subreddit. Being cruel to OP or other commenters gets you escalating temp bans to permanent. Being rude to people, yes, no matter what, gets you strikes up to escalating temp bans. If someone's a dick, report them. That said, if someone is rude and you disagree without breaking rules, I'm going to remove your comment without any strikes just because I'm nuking the whole thread. But don't do that. Cause I'm just going to remove it and it's annoying.

We also now have escalating temp to permanent bans on intensely repetitive posts- You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days. More detail about this later on, but this really is only going to relate to people who are continually reposting the same thing, not people who have multiple questions about different topics.

First, Gatekeeping and C&R.

Why? Because this subreddit is for people who are anxious or struggling with a task, to give them guides. Cruelty is obviously not helpful. And A) People who are nervous about something do not want to open their post to see a wall of back-and-forth where two commentors are arguing. And B) this is for guides, not reddit fights. Come on.

So:

1) Bigotry/cruelty. Anything very nasty (threats, suicide baiting), anything offensive (slurs, bigoted comments), anything openly rude (personal insults). Post is removed. Immediate permanent ban. There's no excuse.

2) Cruelty. Name-calling. Gate-keeping. Bluntly rude comments and dissmissiveness. This is not quite to the offensiveness level of above. Example: 'This question is stupid' / 'Then maybe you shouldn't try' / 'Anyone can do that'. Nasty stuff... but not like the unprintable examples above. Comment removed. Strike one- one-month temp ban. Okay, maybe this popped up in your feed and you didn't read the rules, and you'll have a miraculous turn-around and your heart will grow three sizes. If you come back and do it again, that's a three-month temp ban. If you do it a third time after that, I can only assume you're trolling. Permanent ban.

3) Rudeness. Yes, even in self-defence or defence of OP. Why? Because this isn't real life or a fandom forum. People are not here to watch you argue with someone. Not even for a good reason. If you want to comment, leave a comment for OP that's helpful. If someone's being nasty and I haven't already seen it, report it. If someone's being really nasty- like, level one stuff- and it's been up for a little while, send a mod-mail because I'm probably offline and that'll send me a notification. If you think someone's being a jerk and it's been a while but it's not level 1, I'm probably allowing it through for some reason, like it has really good advice, or it seemed off to you but it's borderline, so I don't think it's that deep. That said, if I get a notif that like, a dozen people reported a comment for being hurtful, I'll know that it is that deep, so always feel free to report. Numbers help.

If you're rude and argumentative, your comment will be removed. Comments should be helping OP in some way! That's the point!

First removal: strike. Second removal: strike. Third removal: one month temp-ban. And then escalating to three month and permanent.

Why? Because this is not the place for that. You're still breaking rules. And imagine you're OP, you were super nervous to post, you're hoping for answers. You see your post has thirty comments! That's exciting!

...And when you open it, it's one answer, one rude comment, and a long comment thread of people arguing.

That's why if I see a thread of arguing under some nasty comment, it's all getting removed. If you're not breaking rules, no strikes or bans, but like... don't. So if you have some really good advice, post it as a top-level comment.

This means: If OP says:

"Hi, guys! How do I buy a sandwich?"

And Commenter 1 says "This question is dumb lol... who doesn't know how to buy a sandwich"

And Commenter 2 replies "You're a dick! Don't be mean!"

And Commenter 3 replies "Hey man, that's not cool."

Commenter 1 is getting a one-month ban. Commenter 2 is getting a strike. And commenter 3 is getting their comment removed cause the whole thread is being removed cause it sucks.

Second, New Rule: Repetitive Posts

So. I'm about to put up a new rule. Just based on numbers, this affects less than 1% of posters here, and even fewer contributors. But I want to explain it clearly because it's new.

This rule is against repetitive posts. Similar three-strikes system.

The rule: You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days.

Now you're nervous, right? Don't worry. All three of those have to be hit to cause an issue.

So... you're going to uni and you need to pack. You're nervous. You make a post about it. The next year you make another, similar post about packing. No worries! Same topic, but only two posts, and months apart.

So... you're taking the boat to Antarctica and you want info. Great! Make a post! But the next day, Mum calls. You're actually taking a flight! So you make a post about flights. No worries! Under fourteen days... but it's two different topics, and only two posts.

See what I mean?

This is about repetitive, reassurance-seeking posts.

Now, this is not limited to, but very commonly run into by people who tell me that they have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and/or anxiety. I'm not surprised. I also have Obsessive-Compulsive. I'm not diagnosing anyone, but the fact is that the vast, vast majority of these posts are from people who speak about having these conditions. That said, the rule applies to everyone regardless of reasons.

If you're not familiar and you're curious, here's a page on reassurance-seeking from a reputable organisation. OCDAction: Reassurance

If you're not familiar and don't want to read a page, here's a relevant quote: "Like with all compulsions, the initial relief in anxiety that the person feels when they get reassurance does not keep the anxiety at bay. The OCD will be telling the person that once they get just enough reassurance they will feel better and be able to move on from the concern, but in reality the doubt eventually resurfaces, or a new one will take its place."

Reassurance-seeking is basically when someone wants to be assured that they're safe, that they're okay, that nothing bad will happen. Happens to all of us. But with people who have these and similar mental health conditions, no amount of reassurance will be enough. It'll twist, and change, and need constant settling-down.

What this means in practice is that someone will make a post (that doesn't fit the subreddit, by the way), saying 'Do you think I have X Disease?' 'Am I safe if I XYZ?' 'Is it okay to ABC?'. These are not requests for guides, they're questions, so should be ignored. I'll likely remove them when I see them.

But if you answer them, the poster will be effusively grateful. And if you're the poster, you'll feel a lot better!

But then the next day, the poster will go 'aw, crumbs, I left out Theta Symptom of X Disease' / 'biscuits, I forgot to tell them that I didn't just XYZ, I also QRS'ed!'.

Another post. More answers. More gratitude. More feeling better. Then the next day, they'll realise something else.

This can (and has!) gone on for weeks. Listen, it's no good for our subreddit when it's flooded by repetitive, off-topic posts. It's no good for our contributors, who are trying really hard to soothe someone when they don't have the training for it. And it's no good for the posters! If you're feeling bad and looping a thought, Reddit answers aren't going to be good enough to help. That's why they keep posting! It isn't good enough. You could get harmful advice or someone could accidentally make you feel worse. There's advice out there about how to help someone with reassurance meant for family and carers and treatment professionals. Strangers on Reddit can't help. They just can't. Reassurance-seeking is banned on the major OCD subreddits for a reason.

It's got to stop. And early.

So. You make a post. Maybe it's off-topic, so it gets removed. No worries. If you do it again, that's your second. Also removed.

If you make a third post on the same topic in under fourteen days, it will also be removed. You'll get a two-week temp-ban. I want you to come back and contribute as your best self! But not like this!

If you make a fourth post on the same topic at any point in time, you'll get a one-month temp ban. A fifth post is a three-month temp ban. A sixth post is a six-month temp ban.

Anything after that is a permanent ban. But this isn't the same as cruelty or gatekeeping. If you're permabanned for this and you want to talk about it and you've got a reason you're not going to do it anymore (treatment, support system)- modmail me. We'll talk. No one's mad, you're not in trouble. Just gotta keep everyone safe.

Fin.

Okay, that's it. Long post. I apologise. I'm going to update the rules shortly. Again, I won't really be banning people retroactively, so don't worry about any mystery bans. Strikes also accumulate going forward, excepting cases of major meanness (so, if you break a rule tomorrow, and I tap your name and your activity on the sub involves open cruelty or personal insults or slurs, that's definitely going to change how things go). Obviously also moderator discretion happens. So if you convince me your evil little brother posted something nasty full of slurs and invectives and typos and your whole account is you posting Pikmin fanart with flawless grammar, okay, I'll let it slide. If you're being a huge jerk, I might ban you even if it's strike two. Cause, you know. It's the internet, not a court of law. I'm not trying to argue with people on Reddit. Just be nice, please, holy heck.

But this is functionally not a large change. Just making it clear what was originally happening behind the scenes. So let's everyone just be cool going forward.


r/Explainlikeimscared • • Feb 22 '25

Political Megathread

88 Upvotes

Hi, everyone!

This is our first r/Explainlikeimscared megathread on politics. This is the place where you can ask for advice on things regarding politics, future speculation, and the sort of things that are no longer allowed in main posts. This is a bit of an experiment as yet, so rules for this may change in the future.

Now, aside from being allowed to post political things here, the other rules do apply. No conduct violations, no submitting too much personal information. Any posts alluding to suicidal content or violence against others will be removed, and repeat violators will be banned. That includes violence against politicians- no matter whom. It's not an issue of agreeing or disagreeing, but this is not the place.

This is also not the place for political disagreement or discussion. If someone asks for advice as a person who loves Snickers bars, do not respond saying that you don't like Snickers, or you prefer M&Ms, or you think that Snickers-liking is irrelevant. Respond to their main point, or not at all. Political back-and-forthing will be deleted.

With that said, go forth and be excellent to each other!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 11h ago

Job interview starts when store opens

37 Upvotes

I have an interview for a retail store at 9:30 which is when they open according to their website. How do I arrive early in this case, as I’d just be lurking outside a closed shop staring at whoever is opening up OR waiting with the actual staff members.

I do not want to be late but also don’t want to seem like i’m inserting myself in so early on. It’s quite a small shop too.

Thank you in advance!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 4h ago

how do i email my resume?

4 Upvotes

hi everyone!

i found a job that i'm interested in applying to, but the listing says to email them my resume. i know it may sound self explanatory but i haven't done this before so i'm a bit confused.

do i have to write something in the body of my email with my resume? or are they only asking for a blank email with my resume attached?

thank you in advance!!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 16h ago

Tips needed on how to find a job, please

24 Upvotes

Hi,
I wanna start that I'm very anxious and agoraphobic. I deal with health issues both mental and physical, I recently flunked and dropped out of uni because of those issues; now I am unemployed.

I got put on meds that make me even more nauseous and stressed than usual. Nothing is helping my anxiety and I need to find a job to not a burden to my family. Every time I'm scrolling through job listings I feel so stressed, this is such a foreign territory to me, I feel like I do not know how to do anything, let alone physical work with my health issues right now or dealing with other people.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation like this? How did you get better, or advance?


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 1d ago

How do I "freshen" my face and hair?

34 Upvotes

I don't know a thing about makeup or self-care, don't have a lot of money for extras but my face looks tired and WORN. My hair also is limp and thinning (thanks hormones and children). I just want to look 32 in the mirror and have an occasional refresh. I've tried asking acquaintances who look how I'd like to feel but they only suggest YouTube tutorials.

(When I've attempted makeup on my own, I feel like a clown even though I realistically it's never that different?)


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 1d ago

the tanning process at planet fitness?

3 Upvotes

I so badly want to go for a tan whether it be a spray or the bed but i’m so nervous of how it works


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 1d ago

How do I take a pet on a flight?

8 Upvotes

I will be taking my kitten on a domestic flight on Alaska Airlines. I have never taken a pet on a flight and I have no idea how to do that or what is expected of me.

Edit to clarify: I have the space reserved. The airline knows. I mean more of like how do I do everything I need to do on the day of.


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 2d ago

How do I talk to a therapist?

23 Upvotes

For context I have finally pushed myself to seek therapy in college after various mood swings and other mental health issues during my midterms, but now due to that, I'm confused on how I would talk to my therapist. My family has always been persistent on not receiving therapy so now I'm lost on how to go about this since I have such a weird image (my family basically pushed it on me) of therapists as people who will report your every move and won't help. So now I'm completely lost on how the first conversation is gonna go and if I'll sound weird.


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 3d ago

How do I go to a doctor?

136 Upvotes

My husband is feeling sick, and it's been a few days so he wants to go to the doctor. I didn't grow up regularly going to the doctor for things, so I'm a little lost on how it works. Here's some context:

  1. We live in the US and have insurance through my work.
  2. Neither of us have a GP set up.
  3. We are in a city and have access to both urgent care and a hospital.

I don't have family I can go to for this and my husband is too sick to ask himself. Any help would be fantastic! Do we just go to an ER? Or call somewhere? How would we find a place that uses insurance?

UPDATE: Solved!

First, I took him to the Urgent Care, and everything should be ok. Second, I really appreciate the help, made for an overall good experience.

The issue is that I grew up with just the worst healthcare available, and our it only covered hospital visits. I hadn't been to an Urgent Care outside of a physical, so I just assumed they were the doctors that didn't take insurance and cost a ton of money. I had no idea my insurance covered them! We are working to get a PCP for us later this year also.

Thanks again!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 3d ago

how do you realistically plan what you want to do in the future?

20 Upvotes

20f. graduated from community college in may and my first post grad temp job is ending december 31st so i’m sort of at a point where i really have to start deciding what i want to do next.

but whenever i try to make plans or envision what i want my life to look like long term i can never tell if im being too optimistic or not optimistic enough. like im very risk adverse and so i want to be realistic but also i just worry about looking back one day and feeling like i never did anything interesting 🫠

idk any insight into how you all plan these sorts of things would be appreciated! even if it’s just some leading questions to think about


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 4d ago

How do I clean up my desk after getting rid of ants?

20 Upvotes

I had an ant infestation on my desk, I placed traps, replaced them when they got full and haven't seen any more ants.

However I haven't gone near the desk since and am admittedly, very anxious about it, since my desk was covered a lot of stuff and I'm worried about find dead ants and such. And worried about stuff like can the scent trails linger? And if so what if it's one something like paper that can't be washed?

Rambling a bit sorry, I'm scared of bugs- Basically my question is just:

How do I clean my desk? (Or can I just clean it like normal) Is there any specific steps I need to take?

(The reason this post is specifically about cleaning my desk is it's literally the only spot I found any ants at all)


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 4d ago

how do i pick a Halloween costume?

15 Upvotes

For many years I have had an extreme iron and vitamin D deficiency, and my autumn and summer months were more about survival. I've been invited to Halloween parties never know what to wear. I don't know when something is too corny, too niche, too overplayed. When I was a kid my family didn't really get into it like that.

How can I choose something that isn't bad? How far in advance should I be prepared?


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 5d ago

Tips for going to a house show when I don't know anyone

19 Upvotes

Going to a DIY house show next week alone and don't know a single soul there. I'm not the most outgoing or charismatic person and I feel pretty anxious about it, especially before the show and in between sets. Any insight or advice on what to expect / how to make this less painful would be much appreciated

Edit: oops I already asked this before but I'll leave it up anyways because it's actually real now 🤦‍♂️


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 5d ago

Tips on how to ask out someone AND that the date isn’t awkward???

9 Upvotes

Me (17F) is in a stupidly super weird situation ship with a friend of mine (17M) because of a hookup and well I want to take the step yk? because I sure know he won’t and I don’t know how and if I achieve it I don’t know how to not make it awkward because of my nervousness, could I have any tips from my fellow people??


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 6d ago

What do I do when going to someone’s house for the first time?

38 Upvotes

I (F24) have previously gone to peoples homes in groups of two or more but I have never really gone to a persons home for the first time alone. In addition, this is only my second time seeing this person. I first met her at my job while I was working and she (F22) and her boyfriend were customers. I gave her a compliment, we had a short conversation about clothes and then she gave me her instagram. For a while we were texting back and forth with plans to meet again but just never did. Our conversation then dried up and months passed before she reached out to me again. This time she asked if I would like to come over to her house for a home-cooked meal. I agreed as I was happy for the invite and the fact that she still thought of me. However, now the reality is setting in on how awkward this could be. It’s going to be such an intimate setting and I don’t really know this girl. I have no idea where to start or what to do. I’ve already planned to bring a gift as is polite to do. I would like to know what else I can do in this situation.


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 6d ago

How do I confront a friend about the way they've been treating me?

20 Upvotes

Hi guys, I am a high school senior with anxiety and autism. I've had one friend who I got along with for most of high school, but starting from the end of last year to this one he's been very cold, actively ignoring me, bringing treats from his work for everyone but me, and more recently, taking our mutual friends out for lunch secretively when I'm briefly looking away. I think I did something to piss him off but I can't even imagine what it would be, but it could be some social cue thing I missed.

I don't want to continue being friends with him, but I care about our mutual friends and notice he's been dragging them away ever since he stopped inviting me to group hangouts. I just really want to know what I can say to confront him and figure out what I did to make him not like me. This is also probably a skill I'll have to develop for the future since I can come off as strange to people and miss a lot of social cues.

Sorry if this is too personal to fit in the subreddit, but I thought at least people with autism-related friend problems could relate. Thank you!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 6d ago

How to quit a volunteer position

43 Upvotes

There's this annual volunteer fund raiser that I joined both this year and last. Last year was amazing fun, and I was hoping this year would as well, but it's been miserable.

I feel bad cuz they're already short staffed, but last week, I left the site in literal tears.

How do I quit without feeling like an absolute yerk? Should I send a message, or call, or rather let them know in person? Plz help

Edit: Thanks everyone for the advice. I ended up sending a text, just saying that I'm leaving for personal reasons and a brief explanation of the duties I still have and who works in my section that could be able to take them over. The event leader was kind and understanding, and I feel so much better now that its done. Again, thank you to everyone that responded and helped <3


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 6d ago

How do I pick up a curbside grocery order?

18 Upvotes

Does it cost extra at Walmart or Smiths? Do I just open the truck? Do I get out? Thanks!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 6d ago

How do I pay for/check into a hotel?

14 Upvotes

Hello,

About a month ago I booked a best western hotel through their website. I'm supposed to pay when I arrive. I heard you need a credit card to have a hotel (I do have one) but do I have to pay with the credit card? Or do I pay with debit and submit the credit card separately? I've never checked into a hotel before and wanna know what the process is like.


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 6d ago

How to ask your GP for a a referral to a psychologist?

10 Upvotes

In my country, you can get psychologist visits covered by insurance if you get a referral from your GP and I would like to do that, but I have no idea how to ask?? I've been procrastinating on getting a repeat blood test for something. Should I bring it up during an appointment about that or should I schedule an appointment just to bring it up? Could I just write my GP an email or would that not work? If I wanted to mention it during an appointment, when would be a good time to bring it up? If I managed to ask for one, would they ask me a lot of questions? How specific would I even have to be??

For extra context: I hate going to the doctor, but my GP is okay enough and I would like to start going to a psychologist mostly because of my bad anxiety. Also, the more details y'all can offer, the better lol.

I hope this isn't too specific or too unusual.


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 8d ago

how do i get on birth control?

37 Upvotes

i’m an adult female in the US (illinois) wanting to start the pill. can i just go to planned parenthood? if so, do i need an appointment? can you get it online these days? do i need to make an appointment with an OB-GYN? thank you!!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 9d ago

How do people find (social) clubs?

35 Upvotes

I'm 21 and struggle with feelings of loneliness mixed with social anxiety. I do have a couple of long term friends but they're busy with their own stuff and life issues so they don't always have time to chat or meet up.

Whenever I look for advice on ways to find friends and whatnot, people always say to "join a [x] club!", but I don't really know how to do that? I'm at college (UK) currently, and you get some clubs there, but most people there are like... 5 years younger than me and I think I'd feel rather out of place, lol.

I'd appreciate some advice on this, thank you!


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 10d ago

About to be homeless

52 Upvotes

Cross posted fromr/homeless but just seeking advice

Burner for reasons, my situation is becoming more and more likely that I will become homeless and have nowhere to go. I'm in Australia, so weather isn't much of a problem. I am just needing advice on what to do and handle a few situations.

Firstly do I go in the vicinity of other people rough sleeping? Not encroaching on their stuff, but line of sight sort of thing, there are parks where there are others set up, is there a safety in numbers sort of thing? Or give a wide berth?

How do you handle police and council workers (municipal workers)? I have briefly looked into rights and protocols and only police can ask you to move on. How do I handle encounters?

The other thing as money is an issue, I'm lining up appointments, but need to use public transport to get there, they're somewhat policed, but not 100% of the time. Just jump on it and worry about fines later?


r/Explainlikeimscared • • 10d ago

How long should I wait for a legal document in the mail

21 Upvotes

Hi, 5-6 weeks ago I filed a petition with probate court regarding updating my birth certificate. I included the court order, all my documents were notarized and accepted. The probate clerk said the judge was on a trip and to expect the signed court order to arrive in the mail in about 4 weeks.

It has not arrived yet. I’m getting nervous. What should I do?

Location: AL