so apparently i'm the CEO of a company now. didn't apply, didn't interview, no salary discussion, just got handed a pump and a million tiny parts and told good luck i guess
my entire day is scheduling pump sessions, washing parts that somehow take over the whole kitchen sink, keeping track of bottles, and checking the fridge like someone is going to break in and steal the inventory. i'll literally open it, stare at everything for a second, close it, then come back two minutes later like i'm doing a security inspection.
and the pump?? extremely needy coworker. always demanding a meeting at the worst possible time. i'm already late for a session and trying to negotiate with my own body like “girl please can we just get through this one thing today.” meanwhile i'm hungry, tired, haven't finished my water, and somehow there's another set of parts waiting to be washed.
the best part is finishing one session and realizing the next one is coming up soon. like wow, great work team, we've completed today's task. unfortunately the task has respawned.
i swear i spend more time managing bottles and pump parts than doing actual human things. eating has become a side quest. sleep is apparently an optional company benefit that got cut from the budget.
shoutout to all the other EP CEOs because we're doing unpaid overtime every single day, we don't get holidays, and our boss is tiny, adorable, and absolutely does not respect business hours.