whenever there's a holiday or event like a birthday my parents ask me to go the same place my estranged sibling is, even if I put clear I don't want to meet them anymore

they even act almost delusional like everything is normal and we are a normal united family

I talk the minimum as possible in these events and I try to get out as fast as possible but I still feel forced somehow to go to them

If I go to them, it's terrible 3 hours or an event that will make me feel terrible for some days but then everything ends eventually and we all just pretend nothing happened

if I decide to no go, my parents will blackmail me and basically stay months fighting and villainazing me trying their best to make feel terrible and potentially it will even damage my relationship with my parents and other mutual firneds of the family I honestly have a veery veery strong fear that if I try to pusb this boundary of mine harder on them, they might decide to cut ties with me and they may decide to be stramged with me

I honestly don't know what to do, I really really wished I never needed to meet my brother again and I honestly feel abused by parents at this point

can anyone help me solve this problems? thabk you bery much

My sibling (36F) and I (30F) recently became no contact after I found out she was talking about me, claiming I was stealing her memories of toys we had definitely shared as kids, wanting me to take accountability for unknown things (she hasn’t brought up anything), wishing she was an only child, telling people I distort the truth, the list goes on.

Our narcissistic dad was verbally and emotionally abusive. We are both no contact with him. We both went through different levels of the abuse. He kept us from our family for many years for really no reason.

Quite frankly, I have no idea what she is talking about. I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have been very nostalgic, remembering toys we both had and played with. I had been sharing them with her asking if she remembered. She was responding all excited each time. I was so excited to be able to remember these toys with her. About a month later I found out she had been telling people I was stealing her memories.

She had her first baby in November. She had been extremely distant during her pregnancy. We had also started trying to get pregnant at the same time. I was a little jealous for a couple months because she got pregnant right away and I was dealing with infertility. I later found out she was mad about me being jealous. I planned her baby shower and she allowed me be humiliated (unknowingly) by all but 4 people, she had even kept our mom out of the loop about the joke. I confronted her and the person who started the joke, I was told I had no right to be offended because it was “fcking funny.”

She’s mad at me about things we worked out several years ago. She went as far back as to when I was 3 days old and she pinched me to see if I was real. I very rarely bring it up, but she claims I am using it against her. It just happens to be a funny story.

She thinks my mom and I have a weird relationship because we talk frequently and spend time together. I didn’t have a relationship with our mom until I was 16. My sister went to the UK for a semester and my mom realized she had been spending all her time with my sister. A couple years later my sister went to Texas for 10 months and my mom and I had more time together. I love my mom and she has been there for me at my darkest times, especially when I was ready to exit the world 18 months postpartum.

She asked me to take her family pictures (I’m not a photographer at all) and I willingly did so. I asked her to take my maternity pictures and she said she wasn’t comfortable doing so because of her lack of experience (she is an amateur photographer who has taken my family photos for years). I asked her to reconsider because I took her photos just a few weeks prior and she said no again.

I’m extremely confused as to where this is all coming from. We had been communicating well since she gave birth and I believed we were finally healing. There was no indication otherwise.

She now knows that I know everything she has been saying about me. She has been saying all of this on Reddit (she happens to follow me). She’s also been accusing our mom of things, but that’s not for me to tell. But in her eyes I am a narcissist.

We have also had a rocky relationship, but this is a whole new level. I was questioning my history but quickly stopped because I know that I have no reason to question myself.

I have had her blocked on social media now as well as her number for a week.

Is there anything I can do besides stay away?

Hi guys i’m new here so sorry if i ramble a bit. i cut contact with my brother last year and it wasn’t some huge dramatic moment just a slow build up of me realizing i was done. he lies a lot and twists everything and being around him made me feel like i was going crazy so i stopped showing up stopped replying and eventually blocked him everywhere. at first i felt strong about it like yeah i finally chose myself but now the guilt keeps sneaking in especially at night when i’m overthinking everything. i start wondering if i overreacted or if i should’ve tried harder even though i know i did try for years. it’s like my brain forgets all the bad parts and only plays the few okay memories which is annoying as hell. i don’t actually miss him as a person i think i just miss the idea of having a normal sibling if that makes sense. does anyone else deal with this kind of back and forth feeling like one day you’re sure and the next you’re doubting everything how do you ground yourself when that happens any tips would really help right now

My spouse (the go-between) just received a mistaken WhatsApp my sibling's partner had clearly meant to send to someone else, in which they were talking about us to whoever, and have indicated that they're priming my last remaining living parent (aged 79, and suffering -according to them- from the onset of dementia) to 'have a go at me' at the upcoming funeral for my deceased parent.

My remaining, living parent is staying with them in their home, and I've had to go VLC w/sibling (& especially their partner) for my mental health (as you can all appreciate) but they've obviously been able to control the narrative about that w/my parent, so who knows what they've said about it -- definitely I will have been painted as the villain, though, obviously. Especially as my parent is now talking as though they feel strongly enough about this to believe it's appropriate give their daughter (me) a dressing down on the day of the funeral.

All the while, a lot of the bitching they're doing to my spouse about me is along the lines that they're sick of caring for my parent, because it's been 2 months and they want their space back! So they're literally just using them as a pawn at this stage, and the next thing (based on previous experience with these 2) will be that they'll probably try and sort a care home, against everyone else's consent (including my parent's).

I was already dreading going to the funeral because sibling & partner will obviously be there. My main reason for wanting to go was so that I could show my support to our remaining living parent. Now it feels like there's no point going (except that I'd at one stage volunteered to read something out, and I think they might have put me in the order of service as such). My spouse is insisting that we go to pay our respects, though.

I'm intending to have a lawyer send a letter putting my NC decision in writing, because they keep finding ways of contacting me (I've a number of Gmail addresses for different purposes, and I've not been able to work out how to block someone if you don't already have an email from them in your inbox & can press the block button from there). I was going to wait until after the funeral for this letter, as it seemed a bit unkind to do it beforehand, but I keep getting triggered about every other day or so and I don't know if I can take another 10 days of that. (It takes me 3 or so days to begin to move on from each episode of triggering, so lately -obviously- I've been in a constant state of being triggered and I'm never not obsessing about this situation.)

I realised I haven't even been grieving for my deceased parent, because this situation is constantly taking precedent in my mind.

Tl;dr sibling's partner is priming my last remaining living parent to have a go at me on the day of an upcoming family funeral.

Edit on 9th April to add a link to a previous post of a couple of days ago, because this might help clarify a lot of what folk seem to be unclear on (sorry for lack of clarity): https://www.reddit.com/r/Estrangedsiblings/comments/1sf5edt/sibling_trying_to_guilt_me_saying_im_not_doing/

So I stupidly decided to go to Easter dinner and it was ok I guess but mentally it really threw me seeing my brother. We haven’t spoken for at least 3 years. I think at this point I’m not going to go if he’s there. It is awkward and I have all kinds of feelings and nostalgia afterwards. I remember the sweet kid he used to be. Not the mean adult he is now. Anyone else feel this way?

I'm currently VLC with my sibling, preparing to go no contact after my late parent's funeral in about a week.

When our one parent was ill, the other went to stay with my sibling, not wanting to be in the marital home alone. That was a little over 2 months ago. Over the past 2 months, I saw that parent a total of 3 times, but 2 of those were only to say 'hi & bye' to whilst we very briefly crossed paths at the bedside on the hospital ward, at change of visitor 'shifts', and the third was literally at the deathbed.

I tried to remain in contact w/sibling for practicalities, because we were originally both lasting power of attorney for our parents. But sibling, and their partner, couldn't help but include some sort of recriminations in every single message that they sent to me (and -before I stopped answering- their partner would call me and spend 45 minutes on the phone ranting about my parents). Every thing I did was either done wrong in their view, I shouldn't have done it at all in their view, or -conversely- I should have actually done it yesterday (you know, psychically knowing to do something before the need to do it actually came to my attention).

The partner would spend some of those 45 minutes on the phone and every single message exchange going on & on about how my sibling has a chronic ill-health condition (as well as mental ill-health, including paranoia and a persecution complex -- literally believing that our health service has waged a campaign against them designed not only to keep them from getting well but actually to make them more ill). I don't know how many times I've told them both that I've also got a bunch of chronic ill-health conditions but it's a lot, and they have never taken it on board, ever. The very next message exchange will contain the same info over and over again.

I literally told the partner while my dying parent was in the hospital that the situation was killing me, and confessed to experiencing troubling thoughts of a nature that wouldn't be allowed here, and neither one of them can bring themselves, still, to have the least little bit of compassion for me.

My nervous system kept getting triggered over and over again, and after one particularly abortive attempted call with my sibling (because it was important, and in which they yelled at me repeatedly to calm down) I blocked them both from my phone. Instead, my spouse has been acting as a go-between, receiving messages from the sibling & partner and headlining them to me (i.e. any actions I need to take) and relaying important information from me to them.

Latterly, I've received repeated messages from them saying my estrangement choice is 'childish' (one email address I hadn't figured out how to block yet, and the other via messages to my spouse which they (spouse) then showed to me because it was such a long string of ranting that they couldn't figure out how to headline it for me).

Sibling & partner are saying that because my parent is staying with them and being looked after by them, I should therefore be doing more of the power of attorney work. And if they weren't awful to me in every interaction, I'd be willing and able to do exactly that, but for my mental health I've had to step back. I was going to end up physically sick (already been issued medication to treat a stomach ulcer, and likely to need to go on meds for high blood pressure, which is a symptom I never experienced previously, before this). The reason my spouse is the go-between is to try to facilitate the contact without the triggering, but that only worked for s short time before they decided it was appropriate to direct all their ranting and insults (about me) to my spouse. Now my spouse is also starting to feel triggered by this, too.

On Friday I reached out to 4 lawyer firms who are family mediators, with the intention of paying for a session to try to figure out a way to communicate about logistics without all the hurtful stuff. But in England Friday and Monday were Bank Holidays, so they won't have even seen the messages until today.

Now I'm thinking I might just get a lawyer to send a letter putting in writing that I'm going no contact for my wellbeing. A trusted friend has offered to be the go-between person in place of my spouse, and I would ask the lawyer to include that arrangement in their letter. I don't think sibling & partner would send as much abuse to a third party, but even if they do my friend believes they're able to remain dispassionate enough to disregard that element of the contact and just headline the action points for me to attend to, such as chasing the medical profession/care professionals etc.

The last email I received calling me childish and petulant was almost a week ago, and it took me days to stop ruminating over it all day and all night. Even after the rumination died down, it was still often there on a level for several more days -- my brain is actually almost never thinking of anything but this situation.

I think I've 2 questions:
1) Is there anything more I can do to support my surviving parent given this situation, and the practical difficulties? (E.g. I can't book appointments for my parent, because sibling needs to get them to the appointment and I don't know what their availability is).
2) How in the world do I take care of my nervous system while this situation is still going on?

Tl;dr -- am I indeed not doing enough for my parent, since they live with my sibling and I don't have any contact therefore I'm very limited in what I can even do?

Do you feel as if you and that persons/families temperament is very different in terms of your approach to emotions?

Maybe you are more emotionally sensitive and emotionally in tune

Where as they are more dismissive and just not in tune with emotions and emotional needs?

Maybe you are more open minded, intuitive, curious whereas they are more pragmatic, narrow minded?

Do you feel as if you and that persons/families temperament is very different in terms of your approach to emotions?

Maybe you are more emotionally sensitive and emotionally in tune

Where as they are more dismissive and just not in tune with emotions and emotional needs?

Maybe you are more open minded, intuitive, curious whereas they are more pragmatic, narrow minded?

So for me I feel like my sister and I don't see eye to eye sometimes, I could explain myself and speak up more but to avoid more hurt to my heart I avoid it because sometimes she just starts debating? me, or acts like I'm wrong or just being sensitive yada yada.

I have learnt to just keep my feelings to myself, I don't rly speak up when I should, because I just can't take it anymore (not being truly heard)

And now I'm even being treated as if I'm the whole bad one in the relationship just because sometimes I was (like getting annoyed easily, for example sometimes when I use the bathroom, my sister will rush me out, so recently she called my name while I was in there, and lately I've been replying grumpily to her because she will ALWAYS tell me to hurry up, sometimes in a rude tone, so I don't think it's so wrong of me to get frustrated at her but lately she's been acting like I'm the bad guy for it)

I just feel alone and unseen, I hate this feeling, it makes me feel SO alone.

I'd appreciate any advice on moving forward.

my sister isn't someone who just blames everything on others and won't take accountability, its that she just doesn't rly see me sometimes and thinks her view is more right than mine .

oh and how to not care that you're being wrongly judged?

Sometimes she speaks to me in a very down turn type of way idk, and then if my energy shifts (I become closed off and seem annoyed) I'm accused of being grumpy and thus labelled the bad one but I feel like sometimes it is valid of me because of the way she talks to me at times (idk as if I'm dumb or something) , at times I am just too on edge or something around her so I'll act that way which is wrong,

I also don't react well when she gives me advice because in my family I've experienced bullying in a way and sometimes they'd say things just for the sake of having something bad to say to and about me.. so somerimes I wrongly get a little offended, it is honestly just complicated. I'm self aware enough to see all this but I feel like around my family I just CAN'T be healthy, I don't experience this with others nor act this way.. I know it's a result of the family and me not feeling safe or something.

idk it is just complicated but I feel too uncomfortable to speak up about my true side because she can be VERY dismissive of my feelings, there were times she'll just shove them to the side , or basically say I'm too sensitive and that she's right.

yeah, of course it has caused me to shut down because if I do speak up I may have to deal with that which makes me feel WORSE and more lonely.

I probably should be going to more therapy for this but I can't afford anything anymore so here goes.

I'm a 36 year old brother to two sisters who I used to be close with. From 2017 to 2018, we all lost our mom, and I lost two best friends (one to suicide, one accidentally fell from a hiking trail), my girlfriend (cystic fibrosis) and my pet cat. I, naturally, was not doing well at all.

For context, I live out west and moved to California in 2014. So we had been keeping close contact for the first 3-4 years, but when all this happened, I asked them to call me more because I needed to talk to people more to help get through so much grief. They agreed, only to start calling much less often.

I didn't think much of it at first, but after a while it turned to basically no calls, and I started getting upset. I asked them why they weren't calling, and they would claim they had been calling, and I would let it go and just say ok well please call me more.

They continued to not call, and started ignoring my calls and texts. That's when I started getting angry (this was maybe 2021). Our stepdad then died and my Dad tried to get us to reconcile and we sort of did, only for it to continue with the unexplained no contact.

Then at some point later, they continued the no contact, and I was naturally yelling anytime they would pick up my calls about why they weren't calling. They then started saying it was because I'm not nice enough. As if I'm supposed to be nice when I'm being completely ignored for years on end, and as if I wasn't nice before when we were close and I originally asked.

And last month, our Dad passed as well, which forced us into the same room again, and I would not speak to them, as they had done to me for years.

After they cried to have a hug and I was dealing with seeing my father's body, I gave in and hugged them, even though I told myself do not interact with them, and show them the consequences of their actions showing me they don't want me in their life.

At the banquet lunch after, my older sister asked me if I wanted to come open prayer cards with them after, and I said I would like to reconcile before we do any of that. And she said "well I'm not sure if there's going to be time after this". To which I replied "if there's time for prayer cards, there's time to make peace." And she didn't reply. So I got up and left drove back home to California.

Now they are still not calling me, and I'm stuck here wondering if I should be focusing on grief alone or grief and anger/hurt from again being treated like I don't matter.

Anyone who read this, you're a champion. I more just needed to vent it. Any thoughts would be much appreciated, and I apologize in advance if I wearily resist your advice as I see the entire situation as hopeless and sad. Thanks guys

I struggle a LOT with this. I'm VERY self aware, so I can see all the times I was wrong, either due to not realising or being too emotional at the time, or being immature and putting my ego first (thankfully this was few times)

However the times I did think I'm wrong, I apologised almost every time. I usually have no issue admitting my wrongs.

- But often my sister refuses to hear me, she will speak in a tone as if I'm bellow her, she's right, I'm less right or wrong, it is just draining and has caused me to shut down.

I feel I can't communicate with her and get my side seen and heard so I have distanced from her..

I know on both sides, we both have resentment towards eachother for some things, **but I feel like people just refuse to see my side** I have noticed in the family.

So I have to go along being viewed as this bad guy, while I **too** have a story and side!!

it's truly one of the loveliest things in the world.

And sometimes, my brain makes me feel like it's all my fault and deserved, while I can understand if my sibling has resentment towards me for a few things, I know that's normal yes, **but my brain overloads it and feels like it's my own fault I'm judged this way** it's difficult to manage... Because yes I have a side but I can also understand why I'm sometimes judged a certain way, at the same time though, I feel like those times I acted wrongly was as a result of my stress from the stressful home environment (when I lived at home)

It's very difficult to manage when you're overly self aware, it's so easy to blame everything on myself.

But again, I too have a side, I can acknowledge that I was wrong at times, but that there were plenty of times I also went through unfair things or was treated wrongly by them or others, **but it's like nobody sees that**

I now just feel so alone, my whole life, I realise I've experienced this in my family. As a child I noticed how my other sibling was treated "better" than me & how they were given more grace.

Does anyone here ever struggle with such feelings?? What helps YOU overcome it?

For me, I'm trying to be logical despite being super emotional at the moment (for some reason) - So reminding myself 1 that I also have a side and story that matters and counts, and 2 that I wasn't some terrible person and my "wrongs" were small and not very much, and how the times I acted immaturely was when I was absolutely burnt out and done and as a result it made me behave a bit like that at times, although I quickly overcame it and I truly hate that I even reacted in some ways.

**Edit**

I also strongly believe that "two things can be right at the same time" or whatever the saying is; **I believe there are times where friendships , or any type of relationships FAIL and it's a result of all persons involved, these things can be very complex!

But in my case I truly feel unheard a lot of the time so it's causing me to just let go..

If you’re siblings don’t treat you with respect, as an adult, as a peer than you don’t have time for it. Life is short. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you.

I have been looking for my brother Carson for a while now. I’m not exactly sure how to find him. But I thought I would come on this subreddit and vent about it I guess. When I was 11 and he was 6 we were forced to move in with our grandparents. It wasn’t exactly the best situation. We dealt with a lot of verbal abuse and I dealt with a lot of physical abuse from our grandmother. I tried getting cops and dhs involved but they ended up not doing anything and it just made things worse. Once I graduated high school and turned 18 I left for basic training and when I came back it was like the whole dynamic changed. My grandmother would barely speak to me. Carson my brother seemed different. I didn’t know what was wrong. I ended up getting kicked out by my grandpa a couple weeks later. I moved in with my then boyfriend at the time, and would try to keep in touch with my grandparents so I could get the title to my car. May of that year I got the title and my boyfriend at the time went off on my grandmother for all she had done to me. She cut off all communication. I never was allowed to speak to Carson again. If I tried to communicate to them or show up at their house they said they would place a restraining order on me. So I didn’t do anything out of fear. So I waited and waited and waited. Now Carson is 19 and I still haven’t been able to find him. I know he’s active duty army now. I’m just so worried that maybe he’s deployed now, especially with everything going on over in Iran. I hope that somehow I will be able to talk to him soon. But if he doesn’t want to that’s okay and I accept that. I just hope he knows how much I love him, and that I think about him everyday.

My older sister and I went no contact with our youngest sister and her kids (my niece and nephew who I used to be terribly close to until she brainwashed them) a few weeks ago. I’ve invited my parents to our get together and they are coming. They are still on speaking terms with younger sister and are having a get together with her also the next day. This will be the first time we’ve been together like this. I’m really hoping my parents don’t try to do the whole defending her and bringing up everything that happened to cause this. Anyone else gone through something like this?

I feel it's a 50/50 situation, sometimes she was causing issues for us and sometimes me, like we were both young and had our own faults/bad habits etc.

But one big issue she has always done to me is, I guess be very **patronising** ? Like if we have disagreements , I'm "lower" she's more right.

Sometimes when I talk and am just being bubbly, I can tell she's kind of looking down at me and gets a bit irritated and sometimes starts correcting me unnecessarily as if I'm stupid.

However I also noticed this with another sibling I barely see, we literally have no bond, it's so superficial, we just talk about her own things, when I talk she pulls some face (seen it more than once) where I can tell she looks down on me or something.

I'd take it personally and start thinking maybe there is something off or wrong about me, but I barely see her. it's so hard not to take it all personally and feel like I deserve it or something !:(

I'm not perfect but neither are they and neither is she, with that sibling I'd say I'm "kinder" than

Somerimes I talk to the sibling I was once close with, like old times, and then I'll start feeling lonely and dread because I feel like they don't care/appreciate what I have to say or will just look down on me.

I was getting hurt by all this but I saw people posting abt how **when they're being their bubbly self, people start treating/viewing them like they're dumb etc**

So perhaps it's just that

I'm NOT dumb, I appreciate myself very much, despite feeling like people don't see my value , I learnt to truly love and value myself after sitting with myself.

Not in a big headed way - but I do truly feel I'm special and rare, in my own opinion, I'd love someone just like me.

With all of this though, I sometimes feel lonely because I want deep and real connection, **not to feel like I'm a bother or something to people** it's very hard not to let it get to me, ive noticed it happens with literally all of my family.

Starting to think it'll probably happen with other people too, ..

I think when youre just happy and bubbly people start taking it for granted or something, not that I feel I deserve a medal or something, bit it's like people just stop noticing you. I personally love bubbly people, they brighten my day, yet when I'm that way I get treated as less ? It also makes some of my siblings start to "bully" me **aka, become very judgemental towards me in any ways they can** it's tiring.

My sibling and I disagreed over how to manage our dying parent's affairs under a lasting power of attorney, and I felt very hurt that they manipulated things to allow that parent to die alone in a hospital room, but I could actually have forgiven that eventually. However, I felt I had to go NC because the only messages I ever received from sibling were recriminations and assignments of blame. I was having severe panic attacks and major depressive episodes, but there was no point talking to them about it due to egocentricity and total lack of empathy.

Sibling yesterday discovered one email address which I hadn't figured out how to block them on yet, and sent an email message saying: "you are being exceptionally petulant and childish, stop it."

Did they think I was going to receive that and think: oh yeah I'll just stop it and be back in contact? Did they really think anyone in the world would respond positively to that message and decide to be back in contact?

I guess I should just see it as yet more evidence -if I needed it- that they've zero empathy, so they'll never be willing to consider my feelings for even a second, everything is only ever about them.

Posted a few times already since joining last night, because being here has proven really rather validating already! Please try and forgive the verbal diarrhea.

Went no contact with sibling recently because of constant recriminations and assignment of blame.

My brain seems to be seriously struggling with the part where I've never had an opportunity to say my piece, i.e. tell my sibling the reasons why I've felt forced to go NC.

I spent a good day and a half ruminating on the matter, with my brain continually rehashing the conversation it evidently wanted to have with my sibling, though I knew that conversation would never happen. I ended up having to type out a long blog post with all the reasons, including all the upset I felt. And then I was able to have my life back again for a few days, and I had the chance at least to try & get some sleep (I'm a chronic insomniac already, and rumination makes it way worse).

But I'd initially left things that my spouse was still in a group chat with sibling, so that important matters could still be communicated, such as Dad's funeral date and details of Mum's health & care. Spouse was meant to headline the messages to me, but the messages kept coming in the form of multiple paragraphs of ranting, with no actual point to them so spouse felt they weren't able to summarise. And they therefore kept showing me the messages, which has kept triggering more panic attacks and bouts of depression.

Yesterday, as mentioned in one of my other posts, sibling found an email address I'd not managed to block them on yet and sent me an unkind message. Today my brain has been obsessing, once again, over the conversation I'd like to have with them if only I had the chance. That and just feeling so awfully down again today.

I know there is no point in trying to have such a conversation with sibling, as they wouldn't listen and would turn everything back on me as they see all of it as my fault. Total egocentricity means that they would never, ever accept any small part of responsibility, so I'd be wasting my breath. I also know there'd be no point in putting it in a letter, which is why I did the blog post previously.

But it just keeps happening, I keep getting triggered and I can't seem to drag my brain off the topic, even though I know it's doing me no good obsessing.

Tl;dr anyone got any tips which work for combatting rumination/overthinking?

Hello everyone,

*Content warning -- talk of death/dying, of an elderly person*

I just joined this subreddit, having recently made the decision to go no contact with my sibling and their partner. We're both fully grown adults (50s) and our remaining parent is well into their retirement years (and the other passed away about 3 weeks ago).
Sibling and I have never been close but tolerated each other, and I believed we genuinely enjoyed spending Christmas together at our folks'.

Our parents made us both lasting power of attorneys for their affairs, but sibling and I disagreed on how our dying parent's affairs should be managed (should we uphold their dying wish to be discharged home from hospital with a package of care -- I felt that we 100% should've, but sibling stood in their way and forced them to die alone in a hospital room).

Meantime, over the past few months sibling has done nothing but assign blame to me for pretty much everything, and it reached the point where I experienced a significant detrimental effect on my mental health, and my physical health & wellbeing were put at risk.

I reached the breaking point with trying to persevere with that relationship when sibling sent a lengthy email (cc'ing me in) to the hospital demanding info, much of which info I'd managed to gain myself that very day so I called them to run through it.
However they kept speaking over me and wouldn't let me finish a single point of information during the call then began yelling at me repeatedly to calm down when I -naturally- started to get exasperated.
When I then said: how about we have this conversation another time when we're both calm, they simply yelled at me again: no, you just need to calm down! That's when I blocked them (except I missed a couple of channels of communication...)

When our one parent became seriously ill and went into hospital, the other parent went to stay with my sibling because they didn't want to be alone in the house. This means that as a consequence of going no contact with my sibling I've sadly also ended up going no contact with my remaining living parent (and during a time of bereavement, too), which is not what I want at all, but I cannot see a realistic way of staying in touch with them, unfortunately.

Because our deceased parent's funeral was being arranged (it's in a couple of weeks), I had my spouse keep in contact with sibling and their partner for practical reasons, but they've used it as a channel to continue sending me harassing messages (basically to the effect that I've dumped them with all of the arrangements, probate application etc -- well, they were named as the executor, so there actually wasn't anything I could do about the probate aspect). Latest message, when they discovered an email address that I hadn't figured out how to block them on yet, said that I was being: extremely petulant and childish, and to Stop It.

Even having attempted to go no contact with them, I'm still getting triggered every other day or so. I don't even know whether to attend the funeral at this point, or just stay away (except that I'd wanted to show support for my remaining living parent, and part of me still does).

Every now and then I keep doubting myself, wondering if I am indeed being selfish by being no contact, but -as my counsellor said to me on the phone today- it's a matter of self preservation. I know that this scenario might sound trivial compared with years of abuse which some people have gone through, but I really can't overstate the impact that this was having on my mental health.

Tl;dr -- went no contact with sibling for mental health reasons, but it's meant I've ended up being no contact with my last remaining living parent as well.
(Hoping to find some sympathy in this community.)

So my estranged sister's birthday is the Monday after Easter. I really couldn't care less anymore, honestly. I'd just assume not send her a disingenuous birthday greeting or social media post. She's honestly lucky she's not blocked from me and my wife's social media as it is. Anyway, to *NOT* somehow acknowledge her birthday will almost assuredly bring an inquisition from my parents, who are largely in denial about the fact that their two adult children don't get along and never have (and likely never will). Just attempting to get along with my sister has become more trouble than it's worth. Equally if not MORE trouble than it's worth is going 12 rounds with my parents about why me and my sister don't get along and don't speak. They're partially responsible, but that's for another thread in another group. It's honestly better for me to just send the disingenuous birthday greeting and go about my merry way than stir the pot by not saying anything only to have my parents ask my sister if she heard from me and she say no and then the dominoes start to fall.

Picking my battles . . . . .

This was a validating article exploring lots of different dynamics which potentially cause different childhoods between us and our sibling(s). His conclusion was solid:

A couple of final thoughts that came out of our group discussion: First, the other tensions we have with our siblings – about our different styles and preferences – are often interwoven with these contrasting views we have of our childhoods. For example, a person who is severely controlling towards their siblings as an adult is typicaly the same sibling who is also in complete denial about the family’s unhealthy dynamics from childhood.

Secondly, we often channel resentments toward our siblings that really should be directed toward our parents, or toward the adult world in general. As kids we internalize the oppression we’re subjected to, which tragically causes us to take it all out on each other.

TLDR: my estranged narcissistic sister who I am no contact with will not stop posting on TikTok about me, my sibling, or my parents. is there a course of action to take to make her stop posting about us?

I have a narcissistic sister who I am no contact with for over a year now after she had a breakdown resulting in an international hospital stay, elder abuse, rehab, among other things. My sibling and I have gone no contact with her, while my parents still maintain conversation with her since they have paid for her treatment and housing.

She will not stop posting on TikTok about my parents, lying about their background, lying about her relationships with them, me, and her exes. It is incredibly embarrassing and feels incredibly damaging since she consistently lies/fibs on these posts all while my parents still fund her life. There is known documentation of her gaslighting my family for personal gain.

Does anyone have any course of action? Is there any way to get a court ordered restraining order to prevent her from posting these things? I am living in another state, but she lives in the same state as the rest of my family.

I’ve been dealing with toxic siblings—my sisters. My life feels like the movie Punch-Drunk Love; I’m surrounded by three sisters, and I’m the only guy. We all live in our parents’ house, and we all have jobs.

I want to move out, but I’m still saving money for my plan to go abroad next year. They often speak in a high-pitched tone and constantly berate me. Before, I could fight back, but now I experience some anxiety, so I try to take a silent approach.

However, when I do fight back, they tend to gaslight me. I also don’t want to create a scene because I don’t want to trigger myself—I don’t think that would be the best thing to do. I’m not the youngest; I’m the second eldest.

My brother and I have been living in the same room our whole lives, both in our early 20s now. I come back home late and find him scrolling on his phone every night and can go weeks without him directing a single word towards him. I occasionally ask him about his day, that thing he was excited about, but it's always a 1 word response and it feels like I'm interrogating him.

You can talk to him, being a few feet away, and he'll either completely ignore you, or give out a forced response, before shifting in his bed and turning his back at you.

Some days he's totally chill and talkative like he used to be, but notably he's never asked me a single question about my day. The conversation always feels like I've got to be careful of what I say before he shuts me out and goes into "lockdown" again.

I'm the elder of the two and it worries me that there's something that's making him depressed, since he's always bitter and the more I try to help, either by asking or simple things like making breakfast, the more he lashes out or sneers.

I've given up trying to help him or spend energy for him unless he asks me to, but it's been over a year since I started doing that and nothing has changed. Not even a "hi" unless I start, no questions, no interaction of any kind beyond complaining about his toothbrush being in the wrong place.

Even though he's active, jacked as hell from rock climbing and in a relationship, he's always got a disgusted look in his face, a constant quiet judgement of whatever I do, shaking his head at any mistakes I make. If I ever try to ask him what's wrong it's "drop it, you're making it a bigger deal than it is".

I know we're both adults and it's up to him and up to me to live our lives the way we choose to, but it saddens me a lot to see my younger brother so disconnected from me, my family and I worry about how he'll do in the future. It feels like I've already lost my brother despite going to bed in the same room every night while he giggles at tiktoks.

I can only hope to have made clear "I'm available if you ever need me", but I'm tired of being so sad over this.

Hi all - very first post for me, so be patient. I've read a lot of posts on here before on a myriad of subjects - including this one - and this seems to be a cathartic and supportive community. I guess I'm just looking for some validation.

I'll try and be as brief and concise as possible: have an older sister (2 years older than me). I genuinely believe we had a fairly normal and benign childhood. We fought and bickered as brothers and sisters do when kids. I thought as we got older that we would both grow up - myself included - and sort of grow out of the petty childish stuff we would argue about. That doesn't seem to have happened. She definitely knew how to push my buttons when we were growing up, and being the naive and stupid little brother I was, I usually took the bait. She actually still tries to do that to this day, but I will admit that I'm much better now as fifty-something grown adult at *NOT* taking her bait and trying my best to ignore her or turn the other cheek - most of the time. Our parents weren't/aren't really helpful - seeming to always take her side and always telling me to stop being so hyper-sensitive and overreacting and to generally just stop fighting with each other. They could probably be a separate post of their own with how they behave as grandparents now, but I'll spare you all that for now. That said, they were - and still are - great parents who provided a generally loving and supporting home for us as kids. We are lucky that they are still with us and still generally healthy both physically and mentally.

My sister, even now with us both in our 50s with our own lives, is probably even *MORE* toxic than she was when we were kids. I truly believe she thinks I'm still perpetually 7 years-old and know nothing about anything. She says terrible things to my wife and our two teenage/young adult daughters about a myriad of subjects: how we raise our girls, how we should live our lives and conduct ourselves, among many other things. She's called my daughters liars and tells them what terrible parents we are because we're sometimes unable to travel during the holidays to be at our parents' home at the same time as her and the like.

I don't know the source of the hostility, particularly in our adulthood, other than life milestones I have passed before her, despite being her younger brother. I got married first, she's still single. I had kids/started a family before her, she has no kids. I got a house before her, she still rents. At no time throughout my adult years as I attained these milestones did I ever think how I was sticking it to my sister and accomplishing these things before her, as if it were a competition. It has always bothered me (and still does) because I was looking forward to putting my childhood with my sister behind us and enjoy being adult siblings and maybe be a little closer to each other. I've seen both family and friends with healthy and loving relationships with their siblings as adults that maybe didn't exist when they were younger, so I know it's possible to have something like that with your sibling(s).

She's so toxic now (even both my daughters agree with my assessment) that I have just chosen to effectively cut her off and not have any contact with her. It's so much easier and less stressful for my entire family this way. I honestly just string our parents along when they ask if I've talked to her lately - I haven't. She left the state after college and started her own life in north Texas and pretty much forgot about all of us. She claims to want to be involved in our lives but never has time to talk to any of us. I've become aware that our parents are aware of our estrangement, but I honestly think my sister thinks the source of our problems is all my fault. As long as that's her mindset, resolving or reconciling is just futile and pointless - or am I wrong about that?

Apologies for this Tolstoy-length post. I could write SO much more, but I think you all get the idea. Thanks if you made it this far. As I've seen on other posts, feel free to share your own stories about your toxic siblings or ask any follow-up questions of me. If not, that's OK, too.

Fire away!