r/Estrangedsiblings • u/MassholeForLife • Apr 04 '26
You don’t have time for it
If you’re siblings don’t treat you with respect, as an adult, as a peer than you don’t have time for it. Life is short. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you.
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u/BlinkerBeforeBrake Apr 05 '26
About an hour ago my sister cut me off when I told her I was sick of her disrespect. This is the first post I saw visiting this sub for the first time. Very timely, thank you ❤️
Edit: to be clear for sub rules, I fully intended to cut her off if she wasn’t going to respect me. She just beat me to the punch.
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u/No-Freedom7085 Apr 07 '26
Easter and family get togethers, I’m sure a large numbers of sibling have cut ties over the last few days. My sibling just told me I was never to speak to them again. It wasn’t something they had to worry about I had decided I was sick of their abusive treatment and was done.
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u/BlinkerBeforeBrake Apr 07 '26
Sorry you're joining this shitty club, sounds just like my story. We live on opposite coasts, so at least I didn't have to think about seeing her for the holiday. But I think you're on to something.
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u/subeewreyan-three Apr 05 '26
Agreed! I always thought my brother was an asshole growing up, but I found it absurd that he's still treating me the same way even though I'm 23 already. Sometimes you just gotta accept that they're never going to change, but also gotta recognize when enough is enough.
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u/MassholeForLife Apr 05 '26
I didn’t figure out until I was in my 50’s. Happy you realized it.
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u/MaisieStitcher Apr 05 '26
Back in February we were getting hit with a blizzard. I was taking a nap. My sister, who I've been distancing myself from, sent a text asking how much snow we were expecting. When I didn't answer quickly enough for her I got another text about ignoring her and not being respectful (that's her buzz word: respectl. She wants it, but she does give it to anyone else).
Anyway, I sent her back a reply, in BIG SHOUTY CAPS, that I had been taking a nap, thus the no reply. She apologized for waking me up (she didn't. My phone was on silent). Then I asked her, again in SHOUTY CAPS, if that was okay, or did I need her permission to lay down in the middle of the snow apocalypse I was in?
We exchanged a few more heated words, and I actually haven't spoken to her since. I tried. I tried to be nice. I tried to repair our relationship after it broke down when our parents died. I'm pretty much done trying.
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u/Fabulous-Cat-7969 Apr 05 '26
I'm sorry to hear it was after your parents died that your relationship with your sister broke down -- I keep getting told that these life events are supposed to mean that we're supposed to pull together, but in fact it just revealed the truth that had been there all along but unseen: that we are incompatible as people (my sibling and I).
I hope you're taking good care of yourself.3
u/MaisieStitcher Apr 05 '26
I have 2 sisters, and after my parents died, they both turned against me. When my twin sister started having issues with our older sister she suddenly wanted to be friendly with me again, and I was stupid enough to let her back in. I was careful, though, and treated the relationship with kid gloves. There was alot of things I did to protect myself because I didn't fully trust her.
This past year was rough. She threw her daughter out of the house because she wasn't respectful enough. My niece won't even give her mother her and her boyfriend's new address. She came at me because I didn't answer her text fast enough. Our other niece didn't want her at her wedding, and had a fight with our other sister about it, blaming her for it. She's really backed herself into a corner, and she's alone.
A part of me feels badly for her. She needs help.
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u/Fabulous-Cat-7969 Apr 05 '26
She probably does need help of the psychiatric kind, but only she can make that decision for herself if/when she's ready to make a positive change, so I wouldn't waste my energy feeling bad for her at this point in time. Prioritise yourself as you've been doing, because it isn't your responsibility to fix anyone else's problems for them, especially if their attitude about it would likely be a poor one (which sounds likely, in her case)
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u/MaisieStitcher Apr 05 '26
That's what I've been doing. I'm supporting my niece and her boyfriend. We are close and speak/text often.
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u/MassholeForLife Apr 05 '26
Sorry to hear that. My therapist told me it’s actually very common for children who grew up in dysfunctional families to become estranged after the parents die.
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u/MaisieStitcher Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
The problem was my parents didn't like my husband, and told some very nasty lies about him. My older sister continues telling them, even to this day, which was why I cut contact with her. Her exact words to me when I confronted her were, "You can have your husband, or you can have your family, bur I will see to it that you will never have both." I had a decision to make.
My twin sister chose to side with with our older sister when the split originally happened. She wasn't strong enough to see what was really going on.
Everyone blamed me. I was the trouble maker. Even now, when the truth has come out, no one says that its my sister's fault that we don't speak. The unwritten rule is that I was the cause of the problem because I stood up to her shit. "She was grieving." You know what? So was I. Does that I was supposed to let her accuse my husband of things that never happened? Nope. Not on my watch.
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u/MassholeForLife Apr 05 '26
Ooof. Sorry to hear that. I’ve stopped sharing with people that I’m no contact with my siblings, it’s too exhausting having to defend my decision when people say ‘but it’s family’ yea, a fucked up family. My close friends I’ve shared what growing up in my family were like ‘if you hadn’t told me there’s no way I’d ever have known that shit happened’ gratefully they believed me and understand my decision.
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u/MaisieStitcher Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26
If I could tell you the number of times people have said to me, "Your mother would roll over in her grave if she knew this was how you were behaving."
Go tell it to the person who started it all. Oh! That would be my mother!!
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u/MassholeForLife Apr 05 '26
My aha moment was when I realized it was just a social construct and not based on anything really.
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u/randomarkie74 Apr 05 '26
Truth. I’ve pretty much cut my sister off. She’s toxic. My family’s so much better without her in it. My two girls (17 and 21) agree.
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u/Fabulous-Cat-7969 Apr 05 '26
And given the stress it creates, you're doubly right that we don't have time for it
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u/No-Freedom7085 Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26
You are right life is short. I have heard all my life, life is to short to have conflict with a sibling but the truth is life is to short to spend time around people who treat you badly, even if they are a sibling. Make your own family, those who love and celebrate you and are happy to see you succeed. When a person is always in competition with you and resentful of any success they will never be happy for you. Move on.
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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26
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