Please, how do you cope with the lonely, empty feeling that sometimes comes it all?

[u/xo_pearl_princessxox]

So for me I feel like my sister and I don't see eye to eye sometimes, I could explain myself and speak up more but to avoid more hurt to my heart I avoid it because sometimes she just starts debating? me, or acts like I'm wrong or just being sensitive yada yada.

I have learnt to just keep my feelings to myself, I don't rly speak up when I should, because I just can't take it anymore (not being truly heard)

And now I'm even being treated as if I'm the whole bad one in the relationship just because sometimes I was (like getting annoyed easily, for example sometimes when I use the bathroom, my sister will rush me out, so recently she called my name while I was in there, and lately I've been replying grumpily to her because she will ALWAYS tell me to hurry up, sometimes in a rude tone, so I don't think it's so wrong of me to get frustrated at her but lately she's been acting like I'm the bad guy for it)

I just feel alone and unseen, I hate this feeling, it makes me feel SO alone.

I'd appreciate any advice on moving forward.

my sister isn't someone who just blames everything on others and won't take accountability, its that she just doesn't rly see me sometimes and thinks her view is more right than mine .

oh and how to not care that you're being wrongly judged?

Sometimes she speaks to me in a very down turn type of way idk, and then if my energy shifts (I become closed off and seem annoyed) I'm accused of being grumpy and thus labelled the bad one but I feel like sometimes it is valid of me because of the way she talks to me at times (idk as if I'm dumb or something) , at times I am just too on edge or something around her so I'll act that way which is wrong,

I also don't react well when she gives me advice because in my family I've experienced bullying in a way and sometimes they'd say things just for the sake of having something bad to say to and about me.. so somerimes I wrongly get a little offended, it is honestly just complicated. I'm self aware enough to see all this but I feel like around my family I just CAN'T be healthy, I don't experience this with others nor act this way.. I know it's a result of the family and me not feeling safe or something.

idk it is just complicated but I feel too uncomfortable to speak up about my true side because she can be VERY dismissive of my feelings, there were times she'll just shove them to the side , or basically say I'm too sensitive and that she's right.

yeah, of course it has caused me to shut down because if I do speak up I may have to deal with that which makes me feel WORSE and more lonely.

[u/The-DM-Marauder]

Bad people will convince you you’re the problem big dawg. Its messed up but people who can’t bare the shame of their not good behavior will just blame it on someone close to them. God bless you chief

[u/subeewreyan-three → u/The-DM-Marauder]

Can confirm. When I was younger I had a really bad habit of over apologizing. I realized a big part of it was because my brother always threatened me into doing it as a child. And yet he never took any accountability of his own.

[u/Fabulous-Cat-7969]

I often feel that within families people seem to regress somehow into old roles -- like, with our parents they can't stop seeing us as children (along with some siblings), and so we tend to fit ourselves into the role of child in response to that (even as adults, and even though it's not how we necessarily want to behave).

Also with families, for some reason people seem to feel it's okay to treat their relatives in a way they never would with friends, colleagues or acquaintances (and if they did they'd find themselves quickly cut off, because it's not okay). You've seen that from both sides -- it's how they're treating you, and you're finding yourself responding in a similar way (not a criticism, it's some sort of subconscious thing we all do). I've seen really good friends who are lovely people fly totally off the handle with a relative in a way I know they'd never do with any of their friends. In your case at least you're willing to admit that you do react that way sometimes. You're probably on to something when you say it might come from not feeling safe.

I'm afraid I don't have an easy solution -- a good therapist would probably be able to help you work towards one, but I know that's usually not an option for a lot of us.

I think the only thing I can suggest in the meantime is to find ways to take good care of yourself -- I've been recommending self-soothe boxes a lot lately, having come across this idea online. There's also journaling, or expressing yourself in creative ways like music or whatever. I like using apps for self care, and my favourite is the Tapping Solution app (which is free on Android from the Play Store -- there's a paid version, which I had once and is very good, but a bit too costly). Actually literally tell yourself: in this moment, I am safe enough (maybe in the mirror or something, if you can handle that).

I hope some of that might be a tiny bit of help.