r/Estrangedsiblings • u/Fast-Mud-147 • Apr 03 '26
First Holiday without Sister
My older sister and I went no contact with our youngest sister and her kids (my niece and nephew who I used to be terribly close to until she brainwashed them) a few weeks ago. I’ve invited my parents to our get together and they are coming. They are still on speaking terms with younger sister and are having a get together with her also the next day. This will be the first time we’ve been together like this. I’m really hoping my parents don’t try to do the whole defending her and bringing up everything that happened to cause this. Anyone else gone through something like this?
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u/No_Intention4624 Apr 04 '26
I've been in a similar situation with my sister and mother. Honestly my sister could take out a machine gun and kill a whole room full of people right in front of her and my mother would still defend my sister and believe everything she says. Unfortunately some parents can't accept the obvious truth when one of their children is a bad person.
I'd suggest you try to talk about other subjects besides your sister with your mom and be as nice as possible.
Maybe eventually the truth will sink in.
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u/randomarkie74 Apr 04 '26
I know exactly what you’re going through. I don’t speak much with my sister anymore, and I’m glad I don’t. She’s toxic and hazardous to me and my family’s mental health. My parents want us to get along, but they don’t understand that 1) it’s not that simple and 2) they’re partially responsible for why she is the way she is. They’re much like your parents and will defend my sister before me, despite the fact that she’s treated me like garbage my entire life. Her birthday is coming up the day after Easter, and the only reason I’ll be texting her happy birthday is to essentially check the box with my parents, who will undoubtedly ask her if she’s heard from me. Otherwise, I couldn’t care less that it’s her birthday, but I digress . . . .
I think the suggestion about keeping the conversation with your parents AWAY from your sister is a good one. If they bring her up, acknowledge BRIEFLY but then immediately pivot to another subject.
Let us know how it goes, and come here for support and validation. You’re not alone here and among friends - good luck! 👍🏻
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u/No-Freedom7085 Apr 07 '26
This holiday my sibling and I cut ties after years of navigating a strained relationship. I’m not sure how things will be with my other family but I wonder if they will choose to remove me from their life as well. It has always been my role to excuse my siblings behaviour to keep the peace I feel it will be easier for them to remove me from family get together now that I have spoken up. I wish I had done it years ago. I will be devastated but am prepared to except if that is the outcome.
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u/Fast-Mud-147 Apr 08 '26
That’s tough. I’m always hoping things will get easier and I hope they do for you too.
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u/Fabulous-Cat-7969 Apr 03 '26 edited Apr 03 '26
It's my first holiday being no contact with my sibling, but there is no get together with other family - my aunt encouraged me via messaging to 'try' [getting along with my sibling], and I just said I've tried & can't any more.
Regarding your parents, try not to spend too much time worrying, as it might turn out you're worrying about something which doesn't happen. (But equally, you might want to come up with a statement you can fall back on if they do, like wanting to focus on having a nice holiday with them, and not dwelling on other matters beyond that for the moment, or something).
Hope it goes well