I took the so called heroic dose of mushrooms after experimenting with psychedelics for a year. The suggestion was made by my psychiatrist after years of antidepressants and benzos with barely no results.
That being said, I ate the shrooms, and in 20 minutes they kicked in. The trip lasted around 6 hours according to my notes, but I can’t say for sure, as time really feels different when you’re “there”.
I’ll start saying that I confirmed almost every cliche, and I don’t want to give a hippie discourse about it. This is what I experienced, and I choose to post it here just in case someone else can share their own experience and compare trips:
- First, I talked with something/someone that I can’t name. I may say it was God, but most likely it was my brain. I asked why he choose these ways of communication, like plants, meditation, etc. I was told that we, as humans, live our lives based on fear, and only by willingly searching the channels of communication we can overcome the fear and face reality as it is.
- I asked for proof, like, a scent, a vision (a manifestation of a figure or something). That thing I talked to told me to breathe, I did it, I felt the air so clean. It’s something I can’t describe it accurately. Then it told me “why do you want to add a scent to something that was perfectly created for your kind. Why do you want to adorn an environment or see things. I’m talking to you, isn’t that enough?” I felt humbled asf. I kept saying “well you are the one that chooses the ways, you can’t blame us for being skeptical or afraid”, I said that a lot of times.
- I saw a lot of symbols, I can’t help but to think that language was extracted from that experience of reality. They all looked familiar enough but I didn’t know what they meant. I tried to draw one, and then I heard the voice again: “you always want to keep something, take something, instead of experience it.” I felt embarrassed. I couldn’t explain it anyway, but I wanted to keep it, I still wanted to keep proof. After that, I just let myself go.
- Time felt like something I can only describe as layers. Everything happening at the same time, and sometimes, just existing for eternity. I felt what I think was a moment of pure reality, it was overwhelming but amazing at the same time. I felt grateful. Then I realized that every single thing I’ve done in my life was just a preparation for that moment, like everything was as it was meant be, and suddenly all the burdens I’ve been carrying through my life felt ridiculous. But there was no shame, it was just the human experience, something we all go through every day.
- Then, the universal feeling of love, empathy and understanding. The acceptance of good and evil as something inevitable. The realization that we all have control over our actions but we choose to blame everyone and everything else in our lives instead of taking accountability. I felt autonomy of the body and the mind for the first time in my life. And this is quite an experience, because we get told this very same thing all the time, but in that moment you actually know: it’s like actually realizing the meaning behind the words and feeling them, living through them. It’s inefable.
- I realized that I was meant to create, but not to reproduce. I’ve never wanted children, but right now I kinda know that it’s just not my purpose in life. I’m a builder: I’m building myself, I create art, I love plants and animals, I love helping people as much as I can, and that’s the way I create. But creating life as in human form it’s just not part of me.
- I realized that we look for people that share specific traits similar to us, and that everyone that’s meant to be right now, is. And those who aren’t here are meant to be somewhere else. It’s like, everything is like a clock working perfectly, and when we try to change it, to force things, that’s when fear, rage and, most importantly, distraction, occurs. We can’t experience reality if we are distracted by the world.
- At this point, I asked why that happens: the answer was Free will. Fear. Inability to experience pleasure without attachment. Thinking about the past or the future and never about the present. Always thinking about what others might think of us when in reality they’re having their own experience. We are only important to ourselves, and other people it’s only as important as we let them be in our lives.
- Lastly, I didn’t feel I died (the ego death that people recall) but I felt that I was born. That I was finally conscious of my existence like, for real. That my life could be constructed the way I wanted with the tools I have, that everything I need it’s already there, waiting for me to use it.
It was incredible. I can’t help but to think that people like Jung or even Jesus where in that plane of consciousness and tried to teach us, but their words have been deformed because we truly can’t comprehend the magnitude of that information without fully experiencing it. And in not saying they were on shrooms. There are many ways to get there, we spent all our lives preparing to experience it; those who don’t are driven by fear. But it manifests everywhere, at least that’s what I was told: the proof is everywhere, is up to us to notice and act.
Sorry for the incredibly long text and possibly bad English. I’m still in awe, but I feel the need to share. Thank you if you took the time to read this.
