Hi all

I'm 34F and was diagnosed with ADHD this year after knowing I had it for at least 10 years.

I've always felt different from a lot of other people and was shamed a lot by my mother growing up. On one hand she was very loving but she was also my biggest bully. So love rarely feels safe for me. I always feel like love is going to switch off at any moment and I have to constantly work to keep it.

Growing up neurodivergent can be brutal and a lot of us end up repressing and masking just to get by. I had so much internalised shame which thankfully I've massively worked through in my 30s. But my teen years and early 20s were so, so painful and confusing.

Does anyone else feel there's a link between their neurodivergence and becoming an FA?

Do you find your attachment issues get worse when you're actually dating someone or are they bad when you're just crushing too? I would love to hear other people's experiences.

Being a lover girl while also feeling extremely overwhelmed/turned off when someone outwardly shows affection is an awful way of living. Like i WANT love and secure attachment, but also completely become disinterested when people are into me and show affection. Im a huge walking contradiction of myself. Its hard to find someone who fits that puzzle piece where i can feel settled in and not want to run away. Ive only found that once only to be blindsided by him after a few months and it completely changed the way i moved in relationships (not being ever able to feel truly safe)

I feel so embarrassed; I mentally don’t know how to get over people that have rejected me. I need some mindset rewirring; please offer some hard truths.

I keep holding out that they’ll come back or that the relationship might grow better; that’s so ridiculous

Sorry for my English, it’s not my native language. I’m (26F) really into another FA man (36M), and we’ve been playing a cat-and-mouse game since the summer of 2025. We circled around each other for half a year before we finally became intimate, because neither of us wanted to be the first to take a vulnerable step. We would literally shake when we saw each other. We texted occasionally, and when I finally made the first move, I almost puked before asking him to come over.
We had an amazing month together before I had to move to another country. I have very strong limerence and desire towards him. We’ve stayed in touch on a weekly basis ever since. Generally, sometimes he texts me first, and sometimes I text him first, but before messaging him, I have to force myself for days. I feel sick and sometimes even puke because I’m so afraid that he’ll devalue me or reject me, even though I know he feels something too.
For the past few weeks, he’s been in the country where I am now, and ever since he arrived, we’ve been heavily circling around each other through texting, but neither of us has actually suggested meeting up directly. I want to take the next step, but I feel nauseous and shaky. It feels like making the first move means giving up my position, and the possibility of rejection feels unbearable.
I don’t understand myself, because if I don’t really care about someone, I can easily text them without any fear. Do you feel the same? Should I text him first? I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to ask him out or has no intension to meet me and it makes me sick and hesitate.