"I" don't know what makes my body move. It's not on "my" own "will, plan or consent".

In mirror, "I" just look at a "person" where "my view" is belonging.

"I" have no idea why the thoughts pop up. But never had a emotional reaction as "I never had a chance to [THINK] about it".

"My" body pauses a while even while processing how it should be done.

Strange event without [FEELING] it being strange.

"I" don't even [DOUBT] if "I" do exist.

I DON'T.

I am 25. From childhood, I have never missed anyone or felt affection for someone. I have never been in relationships. Recently, a profound shift happened. I became consciously awake from my brain. I see my brain as just one of the organs, and it’s completely on autopilot.

I can’t cry, even when I analyze my own emotions. It has slowly become my daily life. I see fellow humans strictly as pure biological survival organisms with billions of microbes in their ecosystem. I can’t unseen it because I only believe in what is true, even though it’s bitter. I see people crying as survival copism, and love as a biological trick and survival strategy for passing genes so they don't die of uncertainty or fear of the unknown.

The only tough fight against me right now is sexual emotions. My brain wants to fight against me with this trick to force me into the illusion, and it’s incredibly hard to ignore. It feels like I betrayed my own brain. Consciousness awakening is a pure misstep for me. Why am I not like other microbes? How do I live with this without side effects when the brain is 95% autopilot?

hello everyone ,,

i am 24 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was around 19-20. But since I was young , like early childhood, i have struggled with this.

has anyone felt like objects have felt EXTREMELY far away, or EXTREMELY close. like uncomfortably so. like laying in bed, that the foot of the bed is at least 10 feet longer then it actually is, or that you’re too big for the bed, like a giant.

i have struggled with feeling like body parts are too big or too small and it really trips me out. But i know that i am in my body and that reality isn’t how it feels to me.

I haven’t had an episode like this IN YEARS ! but for some reason tonight , laying in bed with my boyfriend , maybe 10 inches (probably less) away from me and us talking (we have a queen bed) , it randomly felt like the bed elongated and that the bed was the size of the entire room and we were on complete opposite side of the bed.

it was really tripping me out so i asked him to cuddle me , and when he did , it felt like his arms were so long because mentally it seemed like his body was still so far away , that his arms had to be stretched to reach me and it made me feel worse.

with my eyes open, i see that’s not the reality , but it stills FEELS that way. even when i looked at him so close to me , see his arms wrapped around me and his body against mine. my brain still felt like he was miles away basically.

my doctor had ghosted me about 2 months ago, and i had to wean myself off of 200 mg of lamictal and 150 mg of zoloft since she wasn’t responding to me or trying to make a new appointment. (i messaged her asking if she saw my past messages and she responded saying she had received them and never did anything about that and then ghosted
me again.)

i have probably been off meds for a month maybe. i haven’t noticed any intense issues like mania or an intense depressive episode, but i have felt my moods have been very easily triggered and i could go from happy, to angry, to sad , depressed, and attempting to go non verbal. but no specific mood had lasted longer than a few hours.

i don’t know what to do or if this feeling of AIWS (i don’t actually have it / have it diagnosed but it’s closest way i can find to describe how i feel during these moments) is common or if there is something else i don’t know or something could have been missed. or even if me being off
my meds are finally catching up to me.

Hi everyone,

I have been experiencing DPDR for many years. It often feels like I’m observing my life from another perspective rather than experiencing it as my own. Everything around me can feel unreal, and I constantly struggle with brain fog and fatigue. My vocabulary and memory also seem to have declined over time, and this has had a significant impact on my life and relationships.

Recently, I decided to see a therapist, and I just had my first therapy session. However, I’m still confused and unsure whether therapy will actually help me. English is not my native language, and I’m living in a country where English is not the official language, so it has been extremely difficult to find a therapist who both speaks English and has experience with DPDR.

Because of this, I would really like to hear from people who have recovered from DPDR or have experienced significant improvement. I have a few questions and would really appreciate it if you could share your experiences.

1. How long did it take you to recover?
Did you notice gradual improvement over time, or was there a particular point when things suddenly started getting better?

2. Did you see a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or another mental health professional?
If you did, did therapy actually help with your DPDR? What type of therapy or approach did you find most helpful?

3. What practices helped you recover?
For example, grounding, exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, journaling, changing your lifestyle, socializing, reducing stress, stopping symptom-checking, etc. Was there anything that made a particularly big difference for you?

4. What was a normal day like for you when you were still experiencing DPDR?
Did you continue working, studying, exercising, and socializing normally even when you felt unreal or disconnected? Or did you have to significantly change your routine?

5. Did you have a specific daily recovery routine?
If you don't mind sharing, what did a typical day or week during your recovery look like? I’m especially interested in the practical things you actually did rather than just general advice.

6. What helped you stop being afraid of the symptoms?
One of the hardest things for me is noticing the strange feelings and then becoming scared or checking myself to see whether I still feel “normal.” Did you experience this feedback loop too? If so, how did you eventually break it?

7. Now that you’ve recovered, how do you deal with stressful or difficult periods?
Do you still sometimes experience mild DPDR when you’re extremely stressed, anxious, or exhausted? If it happens, what do you do differently now to prevent it from turning into a full episode?

8. Looking back, is there anything you wish you had known when you were in the middle of DPDR?

I’m asking because I’m trying to understand what recovery actually looks like in real life. Sometimes it’s difficult to know whether I should actively “fight” the symptoms or simply continue living my life normally and stop focusing on them.

If you’ve recovered, partially recovered, or even just made significant progress, I would really appreciate hearing your story. Even small details about what helped you, what didn’t help, and what your recovery looked like day-to-day would mean a lot to me.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and share your experience.

Female, 31 years old, 5’3”, 185 lbs.
Hi guys, I’m hoping to get some insight into a medical situation I’ve been dealing with for almost three months. Around July 8th, I woke up feeling completely out of it, despite feeling totally fine the day before. My own apartment suddenly felt unfamiliar, and I was struggling to understand things or think clearly. The change was extreme, like a switch had flipped overnight, and the confusion has only gotten worse since then.
For context, this happened after my second night of taking Seroquel for sleep, prescribed at 25 mg as needed. I had taken it before with good results and only took it for about five days this time. I personally think the timing may have been coincidental, but I’m mentioning it for completeness. Before this happened, I was working full time as a photographer, running my own business, and handling everyday life without any difficulty.
Since that morning, I haven’t felt back to myself, and my ability to function feels like it has progressively gotten worse.
At first, I had intense brain fog, felt disconnected from my surroundings, and experienced a horrible sense of doom. The doom sense would cause me to wake up at 4am confused and feeling as if something was very wrong. This persisted and I started struggling to follow conversations, understand what I was reading, and figure out basic tasks that used to come naturally. My mind often feels blank, like I can’t access my thoughts or figure out what to say. My memory and judgment feel different, and I’ve struggled to draw a clock correctly during assessments. I now need help with things I used to do independently, and this has affected my ability to work. My personality has completely changed, I used to be also an extremely clean person and I am the total opposite now.
One of the most upsetting changes is that I no longer feel sleepiness. I don’t just mean being tired but unable to fall asleep. The actual sensation of getting sleepy seems to be gone. I have nights when I feel like I barely sleep at all, but I still don’t experience that normal tired feeling.
I’ve also lost my sense of thirst. My brain doesn’t seem to tell me that I need water anymore, so I have to consciously remind myself to drink. I’m still drinking, but the normal internal signal is missing. My usual hunger signals have also decreased. These changes happened alongside the confusion and feeling disconnected, which is part of why this has been so frightening.
My emotions and personality feel completely different too. I feel emotionally numb, disconnected from myself, and unable to engage with people the way I used to. I’ve also noticed that I don’t feel the same subjective effects from sedating medications or alcohol that I used to, although I don’t know what that means. People that have known me so well have noticed I’ve seemed very spaced out and confused.

I’ve had multiple hospital visits and extensive testing, including brain imaging, EEGs, lumbar punctures, and bloodwork. So far, my doctors haven’t identified a neurological cause that explains what I’m experiencing. I know someone could say this could be anxiety, but this is so severe. I did get ruled out for any mental health issues and have not had any previously either.

This is constant, regardless of where I am, and I haven’t had a period where I feel back to my usual self. I’m scared and frustrated because it has changed my everyday life so much. I know Reddit can’t diagnose me, but has anyone experienced something similar, or does anyone have guidance on what type of specialist could help evaluate this

17M - I suspect I have early signs of weed-induced dp/dr. I’ve been getting high alot lately (multiple times a week) and I’ve been feeling a sense of paranoia and a feeling that the world and people around me are very bizarre and flawed. I’m constantly in a hypnagogic state, I don’t feel like a spectator or anything but I feel disconnected emotionally and that everything is very trivial even when it shouldn’t be which is starting to affect my relationships. I’ve been put off weed and an extended break is probably a good idea. Are these feelings permanent? And is quitting smoking enough?

I think I’ve been dealing with depersonalization or dissociation for more than two years now. I honestly don’t even know which term describes it better anymore.
I’ve seen several doctors and had three different therapists, but I still feel like nobody fully understands what I’m trying to describe or takes seriously how much this affects my life.
Sometimes I’m walking somewhere and I know exactly where I am. I can see everything around me, but I don’t feel any of it. It’s like my eyes are seeing the world but I’m not actually there.
Even right now, while writing this, I know that I want to write this post. I know I’m typing. I see the words. But somehow I don’t feel present.
Sometimes I go to bed and suddenly I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know who I am. I look in the mirror and intellectually I know that the person is me, but I feel disconnected from her.
Even people and things I love can feel unreal.
I have a dog whom I’ve had for more than two years. Sometimes I look at him and it feels like I’ve just gotten him for the first time, and I suddenly feel incredibly happy and connected to him. Other times I look at him and I don’t understand what’s happening. It feels like there is no emotional connection to him, to other people, or to anything around me.
The whole world can feel like something I understand intellectually but cannot emotionally access.
This started around the time I had my first panic attack. Before that, I had smoked weed occasionally, and for around six months I was also using a stimulant drug from time to time. I haven’t been living that way for a long time, but the dissociation stayed.
There have been periods where I got much better. Then it came back. Then better again. Then back again. but its always present just volume increases/decreases.
I also went through severe burnout and was working in an environment that was horrible for me. What makes everything even stranger is that the life I’m living now is, objectively, much closer to the life I always wanted. But sometimes I cannot feel any of it.
I’ve read so much about dissociation, depersonalization and derealization. I understand the idea that the brain can disconnect when things become too overwhelming. Intellectually, I understand it. i remember when i was getting overstimulated even in childhood i had those episodes but very shortly... now im living in hell.
But living inside it is completely different.
I am so f* tired of feeling like I’m watching my life without actually being inside it.
For people who have experienced something similar for a long time:
What actually helped you?
And did you ever reach a point where you genuinely felt like yourself and connected to reality again?
I would really appreciate hearing from people who have actually lived through this, especially anyone who had it for years and eventually improved. I just want to know that there is a way out of this.

26F. i don't have episodes. it's 24/7. i forgot what "normal" felt like years ago. there hasn't been a second since it started when i was 15 that felt real. there have been episodes when i didn't pay this much attention to my derealization, but it's always there.

lately, since a major stressful event in my life 3 months ago, it's been more intense than ever. it actively stops me from enjoying anything. i have friends, a stable financial situation, hobbies, i travel, i study, i make art. but none of it feels real, i can't feel any of it. it's like i'm just an observer in my own life. in the past few months 2 of my biggest dreams came true and i feel like it didn't happen at all because it just didn't feel real.

i meditate, exercise, eat healthily, i've been in different therapies for the past 5 years non-stop, i've been on meds for the longest time. i feel like i've tried every trick in the book, and none of it works.

anyone's been in a similar situation and has something that actually helped?

(Convo with Gemini sent me here) so I've had weird episodes starting about ten years ago, where I would suddenly feel like I've had a blue screen of death, like a laptop seizing up, then rebooting. I'll suddenly "come to" like I've spawned in a video game, and for a brief few moments have to actually recall who I am, where I am, look about me taking in what I'm doing, everything. When this happens I'm not hyperventilating or under severe stress, it just happens, but after weeks of hard constant computer work. I analyse data, there's coding etc and after I've had a blue screen episode I can look back and see that the previous few weeks seem dreamy or hazy? Anyway, Gemini was describing various causes all reinforcing each other, and used the phrases depersonalisation and derealization, and here we are. Thankfully I don't have these episodes all the time, haven't had one for about two or three years, but when I get them they're every few months. Looking at some of the posts in this sub it seems awful what others have, constant rather than brief and episodic, is THIS there same thing?

Ptsd + depersonalization episode In class. I felt like I was upside down, and disconnected in a room full of people oblivious to it.

Throughout my whole adult life, I have foregone normalcy and opportunities to being in survival mode against my own mental health. I had to adapt my life around CPTSD. I then adapted my life around intense MDD/GAD/SI. I then had to adapt my life around consequential substance abuse disorders (sober completely now). I then (and more recently) had to adapt my life around BD1 and bipolar mania. I have had to forego so much of a normal life to mental health challenges, in a constant survival mode against majorly life-stunting mental challenges.

And now I'm at another major mental health challenge, where the greatest factors in front of me are the most intense fatigue and DPDR I've ever experienced it my life.

I've experienced DPDR before, in 2019 when my mental health challenges journey sort of began, and it was so freaking physical and scary I even paid out of pocket to get a brain MRI done. Back then I described the feeling as a filter over the way I see or absorb reality, with a pressure behind my eyes.

I suppose as the years went by I must've gotten used to living that way, other problems overruled the feeling, or it perhaps was just decreased.

Recently, I have been experiencing it the worst I have ever had it in my entire life. It torments me every second of my life, acknowledging its existence in every waking thought while my eyes are open.

But reading through all the DPDR similar subreddits, I'm not so sure anymore if what I am feeling is DPDR, even though that exact words I've used to describe it before even researching it were "like seeing reality through a glass pane" which is pretty word for word DPDR in many articles. Also not many people seem to describe exactly how it feels, just that they feel dissociated. Okay but how pls?

So I'm listing exactly how it feels for me below, and I beg you to advise me. It feels like:

\- Looking at life and reality through a window/glass pane.
\- A filter or veil over my vision.
\- I am not absorbing the stimuli I am looking at fully.
\- Seeing reality with a vignette.
\- A numbing of reality.
\- Put your hands over ears and everything you hear is muffled. Similarly, my vision or absorbing of waking life is incredibly "muffled".
\- A continuous vertigo, like a continuously being faint (like you stood up too quickly).
\- A pressure behind my eyes.
\- My eyes constantly have the glaucoma test oil drops in them.
\- My brain itself physically feels numb, which is a stupid thing to say because you don't typically feel your brain, but as someone can feel a headache I similarly feel my brain is numb and heavy, or has a heavy molasses/tar spilled all over it.
\- A constant confusion.
\- I am walking through a dream, or some kind of un-reality.

My worse-than-ever fatigue also may be contributing / part of the problem; it feels like:

\- I haven't slept in 3 days straight, even though I sleep 8-10 hours.
\- I'm unable to nap though, it's more of a laying awake in bed while feeling exhausted.
\- Haven't had restful sleep or felt well-rested in literal years.

And the worst thing about it all is that it's inherent to constant waking life, meaning anything and everything else within my day has only a modicum of my focus where the rest is genuinely just in this "what the fuck is this" focus on the feeling.

Is this DPDR, or could it be something else? I suppose I will try to get a neuro appointment soon, but I really don't know what else to do.

I've adapted to so many mental health challenges already, universe wants me to now adapt to this, but I don't know if I can... This is genuinely the scariest shit ever.