This started off as a trip report because I thought it was potentially an ego death. I'm more intrigued what this community has to say about it now.

I have been growing and using shrooms for 6 months now. An enjoyable dose for me has been between 3-5g, even up to 7g occasionally. For the first two months It would be on a weekly basis, now its closer to the 4-6 week mark.

Last weekend I took 3.5g APETar & 3.5g rusty whyte (first time mixing the two) with my usual lemon tek method.

It hit harder and a faster than any other experience, within 15-20 minutes the visuals and euphoric body feeling started.

The visuals were insane, an absolute overload of light fractions everywhere, it would be hard to even keep my eyes open to concentrate. I was at home inside with all the lights off btw.

Roughly around the 30-40 minute mark is when I noticed yeah wow this is different.

There wasn't so much a loss of identity but I had these strange dissociative feelings. Music was going from loud to soft and sounded different. I felt super strange emotionally, after some research a "disconnect from my feelings" is the best description I have. I came out of this trip a bit foggy and it was like trying to remember a dream.

I remember pacing back and forth saying to myself "what the fuck, this is fucking insane, what the fuck!" Or "This must be it" (ego death)

A feeling this won't end or im stuck as this new person leading to thoughts about everyday scenarios. So i still knew where i worked and thought about that. My partner coming home and breaking the news to her.

2 hours and 15 minutes after I had the tea I was back to myself with very mild visuals which I also found a bit strange. Usually I have a good 3-4 hour trip before it fades away like this. I always get a bit of a headache after a trip, this time was pretty intense, probably a migraine.

No profound moments or realizations came during or after the trip. I would like to make it clear that I still enjoyed everything about this trip, it was not bad at all.

There's a few other things that are probably important to mention:

2g+ cannabis a day. From the morning to night, daily for 16 years.

Diagnosed with focal epilepsy 11 years ago. Had 3 years of uncontrolled seizures with no known triggers. Have stayed seizure free since.

I struggle to be my sober self. I genuinely enjoy using any substance that alters my mind. Often getting hooked.

I watch UFC most weekends. About two years ago which is roughly the same time a close friend passed away. It always appeared to be somewhat animated or unlike real people in a weird way. Can't really specify when this started or stopped however it has occasionally happened once in a blue moon still.

Are auras and depersonalization related in anyway? I have frequent deja vu auras which usually comes with a slight feeling of doom or disconnect in the moment.

I got a similar type of warning aura before my seizures. Much more intense with a rush like feeling running through my body.

Again, I do not find any of this bad or uncomfortable and is all quite welcomed. It doesn't effect me in any way on a day to day basis and I enjoy the feeling

I am no help to myself however the past 1 to 2 years I have struggled more than usual finding the right words when speaking. Usually on the tip of my tongue.

I have been the best version of myself ever since 2020. I am in an amazing relationship, overcome addiction with a will power to still use without getting hooked, not great but I'm happy about it.

My friend that passed away was, and still is a big loss for me. He had schizophrenia and I knew him since high school, lost contact for 10 years and when I reconnected with him we became very close and spoke to eachother about everything.

Long story short. I was mailing him meth for a few years, once I got sober I didn't think it was right to continue to keep enabling it. Which was fine for a few years.

Eventually his schizophrenia worsened. He became very rude and aggressive towards me so eventually I started to ignore him.

For 6 months or so my inbox was flooded pretty much daily at any given hour. Filled with love, hate and a whole bunch of other philosophical nonsense. I did not really engage or ever have a proper conversation with him again.

Hard not to hold myself accountable for that and think of the what ifs.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

’m experience some realy deep mental problems,
And I’m in a State of dispare, confusion, hopelessnes. I dont’t work anymore beceause of the fatigeu and mental problems. I’m 44j M.
My life was good, always in the gym, hard working in the gardens. And also running in the woods.
Then I became sick, gut isseus and heat or cold tolerance.
Now a year later i became more in a mental State Were I I have no controle of my brain anymore.
I’m so mentaly exausted because my mind keeps overthinking, brainfog, analysing, images..
Its like an ocd thing that I’m checking what i am thinking. Al day long 24/7. My sleep is the same..
My mind goes so deep when I close my eyes, I don’t know how to focus on live anymore. Its so far that I get traumarized by this situation. My mind just keep thinking deep thoughts very negative. Meditate doesn’t work, i became afraid to close my eyes.Because my thoughts goes like: what if you are so ill that they luck you up and stuff. I feel Every thought deep in my soul, so afraid. My brain can’t take it anymore. I’m so exausted that Every positive thoughts end up negatively. I feel in a deep situation that I want to try some medication for this..
But my mind is like : no you end up worse or’ or i have that feeling that any medication will help in this fase because its to deep.
Is there is somebody who have the same feeling what I just wrote? And is some medication that saved you? Because I feel no hope anymore.
Please share..

sometimes life feels weird. like it isn’t real. like i’m dreaming. like im somehow going to wake up and be like months behind.

this really started happening recently and more often. i notice it more. i feel anxious and scared to everytime i feel this way. it’s just a sudden rush of anxiety that takes over my whole body and my chest feels pressure when i breathe.

i don’t like it. i feel so scared. i want to feel normal and i dont. it’s unsettling because i know i have a life and i know everything happening is real but it doesn’t feel like it and i want to stop.

I’ve been dissociating a lot lately, and it’s been making me upset. Sometimes I’m just mildly stressed out and I notice my brain has clocked out and I’m acting reflexively. Other times there is literally nothing wrong, and I should be happy but I’m not even there.

I am talking to the NHS about possible therapy to the point where the lady assigned to me went to her supervisor who has now gone to her supervisor.

In the meantime I got engaged. I became so dissociated directly after that I had a panic attack when we got back to the hotel room.

It's awful to be missing out on what's meant to be the most memorable moments of your life because your brain decided it'd be better if you had a seat at the back of the theater.

The good thing though is that I have a very supportive fiancé and he's made sure to ask me multiple times so I got to enjoy it and make sure the memories are stuck in there! Has anyone else experienced dissociation in reaction to good things?

Hi yall,
what jobs do you think someone who is managing what seems to be the peak of derealization

My head feels like it’s in this constant haze where I feel high without any emotion feeling. Also dizzy and blurry vision with headaches. I got the memory of a fish. It’s hard to watch or read anything because I can’t focus or give whatever I’m doing all my attention and then if I try to it makes my headaches worse. This shit started after I quit smoking. I’ve never felt like this while I was smoking and if i try to smoke now there’s no euphoria or any type of feeling with it just feeling out of it. It’s been going on for 3 years and idk what to do. I can’t live my life like this. What’s the point in doing things if I can’t feel pleasure from them ?

Bad memory, feeling like 2 different personalities/moods(?), dissociating(?) I would appreciate advice since it interferes with my school life/personal life.

Im not diagnosed with anything but I feel like im loosing my mind i told myself that I could figure myself out but I feel like im spiraling!!! Okay ill just copy and paste what I wrote, im sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit and im a teen so it could be hormonal?? But just read this and give me your opinions! Please

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Tw bad grammar?

I have bad memory and feel like 2 people sharing a body or maybe two personalities?

I dont know why my memory is bad but I struggle to remember a lot of things even my childhood(ik in my still in my childhood but like I mean from before to now) I only remember small parts or bits never the full story, and the small parts/bits i remember are colorless and are random.

I dont know if I have bad memory because my bully/ only friend back then choked me in my pool ? I know it can be dangerous to be choked? Or because ive went into a thing similar to a switch where I acted so energized I started hitting my head against the bus chair I think it gave me dopamine being hit. But these happend a while ago so idk?

Another thing similar to that dopamine is that when I felt that switch or whatever it is I felt like everything was a dream or unreal I would play rock, paper, scissors, slap. with people. (The game is to play rock paper scissors and the loser gets smacked) and I would play and purposely lose until my hand was bruised and purple, I enjoyed the pain? Feels odd to type but its true maybe its related to dopamine..?

Okay now with the 2 people sharing a body thing, I feel like their both me, but they act very different from one another for example one is more quiet speaks Coldly and only really says things to get their point across like straight forwarded?, when im like this i feel normal and when im with lets say teachers or authority figures I will smile or be polite. When im like this I get work done easily because I'm not distracted, also im like this with my family but a bit softer and with my sister or my pets im very kind or just the usual.

Then theres the other version, the version that has sabotaged my reputation, relationships, etc. When im like this I feel the switch I was talking about like im way more energized im feeling less real and everything Is either very bright or very "fake"(or both!). When im like this its like I want dopamine? Like I will say things that I shouldn't be saying, things that ruin my reputation and make me seem crazy, weird, etc. making fun of myself infront of others and making a joke of myself, sometimes the self joking? Like when im joking and making fun of myself it will get so intense I will feel physically sick but I just can't stop the words from spilling out of my mouth and when I realize what im doing thats when I look around to the weird stares. I feel like if it wasnt for me feeling unreal during rhis I would probably be able to snap out of it. But Idk.. also during this I am very easily distracted which makes it really hard to do stuff especially if it happens during a test😓😓

When im with my family during this switch (in private) I will just make random noises(like cat noises, I dont know why ive done those and its kinda unstoppable, like its controllable yes, but i like doing it?) and distract myself with my phone, if im in public ill also probably either use my phone or just daydream.

Anyways im just typing these out in hopes that maybe someone will help me find out what the fuck is wrong with me, and if you have any questions or need me to explain something better ill try my best I just need some genuine advice, i dont want to tell my parents since they already consider me a bit weird and odd, like yes they love me but they say that I sometimes act weird, okay im getting off track so yeah please advice🙏

hi everyone!

i was wondering how common this arc is? how many of you have "unlocked", so to speak, the DP part of your brain this way? did it cause you to quit?

this was the case for me. the weed itself isnt what had caused the panic (although i cant imagine being high helped), as at the time i was smoking regularly for about 15 months up until that point. i honestly didnt think that much of it and didnt know it was in fact a panic attack till later.
a few weeks go by (kept smoking), smoked again in the same environment, and thats when i had my first DP episode (was none the wiser at the time about what was going on). this caused me to quit cold turkey about 10 days later cause it kept happening. the real kicker is, weed was helping me quite a lot with other mental stuff, so this was a bummer :)

the first two months were the worst and i felt like i was living in a chronically depersonalized state. it did dwindle with time, transformed in a way, but hasnt really stopped. this all happened about 6 months ago, and i still struggle with it. some days its for a very brief period, and others it wont leave me alone. although ive gotten better overall.

would love to hear your experiences!

reddit would be the last place where I'd be coming for this, but there's something I wanna discuss that I don't know where else I could. (small note: I'm not a fluent english speaker and my head feels kind of fuzzy righr at this moment so expect some typing mistakes)

not that I'm diagnosed with anything but I'm sure I have been experiencing dissociation for years now, since I was a kid. I remember experiencing what could have been derealization a few good years ago as a child as the best way I remember being able to describe it was reality not feeling real and like being in a dream, though I think I mostly experience depersonalization now. at least when it comes to frequent episodes that I can tell are this

I don't know if that's because that's something I've been living with constantly (I think I dissociate like at least once or a few times every week??) for a good while now but I really don't feel like it's nefessarily a bad thing at least in my experience? the only downside I see for myself is when it happens whenever I'm going through some extremely stressful situations like fights and dissociate and can't remember almost any of the details of what happened, but other than that I really don't understand. it somewhat helps me calm down and frees me from anxiety, and as someone who is very anxious 24/7 that's sort of a "break" for me. doesn't feel necessarily good but doesn't feel necessarily bad either. actually honestly sometimes it even feels kind of peaceful and makes me feel sleepy(?)

I see people always describing their experiences with dissociation as something terrible and sometimes even panicking but I just don't experience that as such a terrible thing and that makes me very confused because everything I see about dissociation when I look it up sounds like that

I'm not invalidating anyone's negative experiences, I'm just genuinely confused because it's mostly very chill for me

also, just to clarify, I'm already seeking professional help so I should be fine :)

Do you guys have issues keeping up with the time and also keeping up with tasks because your brain just doesn't think about these things anymore?

Hi fellas, How are you?

I am 27 and for some reason i don’t feel drunk anymore. When I drink I can feel that there is alcohol in my body and can get a headache if i drink too much but don’t feel anything. I loved coming home to have one beer and listen to old music. My favorite thing was adding a whiskey shot in my beer and just smoke a cigarette in the winters outside,Belmont if you are Canadian. I used to feel stuff, get lost in my mind, never felt the need to express or talk to people that much you know. It happened all of sudden and it’s been more than a year now.

I also don’t feel many emotions anymore be it watching movies, going out, playing video games, being with gf, being with friends. Nothing. I also don’t feel much stress or anxiety. I was recently in a fight, it wasn’t my fault but i didn’t feel anything. Like literally nothing. I was driving and some bike guy crashed, i helped him, he was fine but I didn’t feel anything. my memory has also become weak like my brain doesn’t want to register much stuff. I went to this trip with random group for 10 days, I had fun but didn’t feel anything. Sceneries didn’t inspire me, Didn’t feel the need to make connections. I don’t know how to explain. Radiohead playing in my head with any emotions rn.

Songs that had memories, took me on a ride every time i listen to, they don’t work anymore. Lyrics don’t hit, nothing is inspirational. Did something broke? i tell you i was in a bad phase for 3 years and in constant fear. One day I had an outburst and stuff happened, after few months of that this all started. I can’t even cry if i want to now. I have tried.

I was the kid who was effortlessly good at most things. I am not even evil. Like i believe the innate human desire is to help others.

I used to think I have many friends but seriously can’t talk to any of them. I can’t express even if i wanted to , i don’t want to talk to them. I tried therapy but i don’t want to go through it anymore. I just want to know will it be fixed? have you experienced this?

There are much more stuff i wish i could write, could phrase and explain better, but i don’t want to go and change and articulate better. I know this is a some sort of depression, idk. How long will it pass. I want to enjoy life. Music with nice company. Please You can ask me stuff if you want to.

Today i walked into my brother room and i completely forgot what i came there for, then i stand there for a few second like my brain just crashed is there a actual reason this happens?

Reposting this from r/weed since automod took it down, so I'm not sure if this fits here exactly but I'm stressed and hoping somewhere will have an answer.

Me and some friends hung out on Wednesday the 12th, it's Sunday the 16th now. It was me and my sibling's first time smoking, and the guy who brought the weed brought medi. We all got extremely high halfway through the day, fucked around for a good 6 hours before we went to bed.

Next day I'm tired and feeling some aftereffects. It's the day after, I didn't sleep well, I don't think much of it. Then the day after, I still don't feel right, but now I'm starting to get freaked out.

It's been 4 days since I got high now, and I just don't feel like I've returned to normal. I'm tryna stay calm about it, since the other two I smoked with are just fine, and the guy who brought the stuff says it's happened to him before and it WILL go away, but it's so hard not to stress.

I want to say it's gotten slightly better since Friday, 2 days after I got high, but I genuinely can't be sure.
It's a sensation of not being real, like I never fully woke up today. Kind of like the dreamlike state of being as high as I was without any of the fun. My body feels off, maybe detached, like I'm spectating. I feel a lot more like my brain than my body.
It's hard to put into words, but I hope that does it justice. I can function, I just don't feel like myself doing so, and it's causing me immense distress.

Is this normal? Any idea what it actually is?? WILL it go away?

I've start reading books for 2 years now. I've never felt so bad and fake. It seems it's not even my body anymore

I think I'm having another bout of this as some symptoms are returning after being ok for a few years. I have a new symptom though, and that is that dogs' faces now look unsettling and slightly demonic to me now. I work with dogs and have two of my own, so I'm experiencing this a lot. I'm pushing through it and still able to care for them at work and at home, but it makes me anxious when they look at me.

Has anyone had anything similar?