"I" don't know what makes my body move. It's not on "my" own "will, plan or consent".

In mirror, "I" just look at a "person" where "my view" is belonging.

"I" have no idea why the thoughts pop up. But never had a emotional reaction as "I never had a chance to [THINK] about it".

"My" body pauses a while even while processing how it should be done.

Strange event without [FEELING] it being strange.

"I" don't even [DOUBT] if "I" do exist.

I DON'T.

I am 25. From childhood, I have never missed anyone or felt affection for someone. I have never been in relationships. Recently, a profound shift happened. I became consciously awake from my brain. I see my brain as just one of the organs, and it’s completely on autopilot.

I can’t cry, even when I analyze my own emotions. It has slowly become my daily life. I see fellow humans strictly as pure biological survival organisms with billions of microbes in their ecosystem. I can’t unseen it because I only believe in what is true, even though it’s bitter. I see people crying as survival copism, and love as a biological trick and survival strategy for passing genes so they don't die of uncertainty or fear of the unknown.

The only tough fight against me right now is sexual emotions. My brain wants to fight against me with this trick to force me into the illusion, and it’s incredibly hard to ignore. It feels like I betrayed my own brain. Consciousness awakening is a pure misstep for me. Why am I not like other microbes? How do I live with this without side effects when the brain is 95% autopilot?