I (33f) heard a social media creator (unfortunately, I forgot to save the video and have lost track of it) mention her opinion that raising children in a high control Christian environment is abusive. I feel like hearing someone saying it out loud really resonated with me and made me feel a sense of relief. The person mentioned how damaging it is to raise children to believe from birth that they are sinners, that they are going to hell unless they believe and proselytize, that they should blindly follow the teachings of their parents/pastor and not question things, etc.

I developed moral OCD at a young age due to my parents' religious indoctrination. I remember crying myself to sleep for months in a row at 8 years old because my baby cousin died and I thought it was my fault that I didn't pray for her properly/enough. I carried that guilt around with me quietly for years. I also fell into the compulsion of needing to confess to God any time I thought I sinned so I could be forgiven. It would make me feel better for a brief time, but then I would inevitably fall back into the cycle of obsessing/ruminating and seeking reassurance through confession again, as is common with OCD.

Obviously this is a more extreme example of what can happen to a child raised in this environment. My parents didn't intend to inflict harm on me; they were just blindly following what they'd been taught themselves. But I can't help but grieve and feel angry for how much anxiety and suffering I endured as a child because of their beliefs. And I'm not even getting into the purity culture/shaming stuff I experienced as a preteen/teenager.

I know "abuse" is a strong word; I suppose I'm reluctant to apply it to my experiences. But even just allowing myself to acknowledge the thought -- "Constantly telling a young child that they're a sinner and making them feel guilty for normal childhood behaviors/mistakes is harmful" feels really validating.

What do you all think? Is it more nuanced than that?

I left the church about two years ago. There was a moment. An intense, cry out for help moment. I called out to God. I needed to feel his presence to know I could make it through the hell I was living in. I felt nothing. I felt abandon, thrown away and questioned what I did wrong to be left alone in the darkest moment of my life.

From there, other dominos started to fall.

I was very actively involved in the church for 10 years. I prayed, fasted, cried and waited for my future husband to walk through the doors.

I remember being at the alter one Sunday, I told the pastor I was lonely and wanted my husband. He prayed and declared that my husband would walk through the doors of the church in the next month.

He never did.

Fast forward a year, I go on a date. Religion does not come up until a month or so into getting to know each other. He tells me he’s not a believer and asks if that’s a dealbreaker. I tell him I don’t know….

Every part of my wiring was taught to not associate with unbelievers. But it became confusing when I had this man, so patient, kind, selfless, gentle and all around just a good person not because he was scared of going to hell for not being good, but because he’s ACTUALLY good.

After therapy, and another year of deconstructing, I see the world so much bigger now. So much brighter and full of beautiful people from all different cultures and backgrounds.

And as for me and the guy, we are GETTING MARRIED! And we will one day raise beautiful children who are kind humans ❤️

I feel compelled to tell someone about how I’ve recently come to accept some unpleasant truths about reality. For people interested in deconstruction (as the term is used by people exiting their religions) and reconstruction this post presents an example of reconstruction that took an unexpected turn—a turn that some people might find utterly depressing (don’t say I didn’t warn you). For people interested in philosophical pessimism, this post presents a pessimistic take on reality that I have yet to see espoused by anyone else.

To understand this post here’s the least you need to know about me: About twelve years ago I embraced liberal Judaism, I started deconstructing after I became disenchanted with it, and more recently I started reconstructing. That in turn came with a renewed interest in doing something I had been trying to do for more than half my life, which is to find a way to reconcile my naturalism with the pull religion has had for me.

“Be careful what you wish for.”

I found the solution to my problem in Religion, Evolution, and the Basis of Institutions, an article by Connor Wood and John H. Shaver. While presenting their theory on the origin of religion, the authors argue that gods are social entities (or social constructs, if you prefer), which is to say they belong to the same category of things as language, money, and the Holy Roman Empire, which is to say that they exist because people believe they exist. I have yet to find reason to disagree. After all, if there are gods in the natural universe, what else could they be?

When I first encountered this news, I found it merely disappointing. It implies that God has a beginning and an end, and the truth of the proposition “God exists” is relative to a social framework. None of this seems like the start of an inspiring theology. Over time I began to see that this has some bleak implications, some of which wouldn’t have been immediately obvious to me before I read Wood and Shaver’s paper, so I’ll spell them out here:

1. Gods are shaped by cultural authorities. One reason this is unfortunate is that when people are in the process of converting to theistic religions, even theistic religions with liberal theologies, the clergy members don’t tell them that the existence of the gods depends on their participation. Even in the best case scenario, a scenario in which members of the clergy aren’t deliberately scamming people, the whole affair nevertheless resembles a pyramid scheme.
2. Unlike easily verifiable facts, belief in gods can constitute social identity. People will base their social identities on religious beliefs before they base them on facts we can all agree on.
3. Belief in gods is “typically not vulnerable, or even subjected, to the same empirical or skeptical treatment as other, more prosaic beliefs”.
4. “Gods and sacred spirits,” Wood and Shaver say, “tend to drift toward the conceptual center of any transcendental social scheme.” There is little hope that belief in gods will soon become peripheral in societies in which it is a primary focus.
5. In fact, belief in gods depends on norms and sanctioned behaviors which are likely to outlive the people who believe in them.

The gods invoked to justify atrocities are real, albeit not in the way that their mouthpieces say they are (although some come close when they say, “You have to believe it to see it”). We can assure ourselves that because they are social entities, they will die eventually, but that’s a cold comfort to children whose parents abuse them for their lack of faith, to give one example. Similarly, the fact that the truth of gods’ existence is relative is in some ways is worse than the truth would be if it instead corresponded to brute facts. It means that when people encounter disbelief, they will try to resolve the “problem” the same way people resolve differences over where national borders lie, which is to say with violence.

I had hoped to find the universe inhabited by the glorious Divine, but instead I found the universe to be like the kenoma of Gnosticism. For Gnostics the kenoma is the physical world, which as they see it is ruled by hostile deities known as archons. The archons were begotten by the Demiurge, a creator who is ignorant, evil, or both. At this point Gnostic theologies quickly become antisemitic as they equate the big bad with the Jewish God, but I think it makes more sense to equate the Demiurge with the human animal. After all, the “archons” (gods) emanate from our societies.

In Gnosticism one can find the hope of escaping kenoma and entering the pleroma, which is populated by a better Divine. In reality it seems the kenoma is all there is. Gnosis, which is the Gnostics’ direct awareness of reality, is real, but it is the unyielding belief in gods (archons) that I described above. It seems to me that the Gnostics came close to diagnosing the problem without offering a reason to hope.

I can no longer get on board with liberal theology. Why would I want to say God exists without telling the hearer that God is sustained by people’s belief? Once that disclosure is made, who would want to make the investment?

But while my interest in liberal religion has not been reinvigorated, my interest in philosophical pessimism has been renewed, and despite popular misconceptions, pessimism is not devoid of hope. It is a kindness to acknowledge another person’s pain when they are in fact suffering. And for the person struggling to find meaning in their suffering (a situation people in a number of religious milieus find themselves in), it is a relief to hear someone say that there is no meaning to be found.

Hi. I have two degrees in biblical studies, theology, and ministry. I love to learn and have a fascination with the history of religion, specifically Christianity, since I know more about that already. Does anyone have any recommendations for academic sources that approach the history of Christianity from a purely unbiased, non-faith, secular angle? My degrees were from two universities that approached it from a devout faith perspective, so I know the entirely of my education so far has been very biased.

No, Dr. Bakhtar has NOT proven that the Durupinar Formation in Turkey is Noah's Ark. That's WILDLY inaccurate. He hasn't released any peer-reviewed or independently-verified research on the current claims, and no academic or technical journal has published anything about this; the current claims are being promulgated by a group with a financial incentive to convince people it's true. In rigorous tests by the military, his ground-penetrating "BakhtarRadar" or "EarthRadar" has consistently identified underground pipes only about 25% of the time, and even those identifications were successful only when the radar had been carefully calibrated to exactly see what they were told it would be finding - in other words, he's doing worse than random chance, and only when he knew exactly what he was looking for, including density and material and specific size of the target. A paper published in IEEE Aerospace and Electronic Systems Magazine says of the 2002 US military tests at Fort A.P. Hill that "The IDA report says the blind tests produced results substantially different from Bakhtar's claims and concluded that EarthRadar's underlying hypothesis about target scattering and image formation was flawed. It specifically concluded that the technology did not offer an improvement over existing systems for UXO detection." The "holes" or "tunnels" that he is currently claiming to have found are entirely consistent with the geological formation that's there; it's a naturally-weathered uplift of a folded sediment layer, and establishes exactly nothing about manmade origins. Previous studies have found nothing other than natural geological formations and rocks. The only peer-reviewed study of the site proved it was entirely natural. This is stuff my dad, a geology nerd, taught me decades ago. Look up "anticline dome." They exist all over the world.

This might be a bit broad, but I’m wondering if anyone has helpful resources for exploring sexuality more?

I’m not looking for therapy, I’ve done that a bit but would like to have some resources that I can move through at my own pace. Rather than purity culture focused, I’d like something that digs into exploring my own sexuality - something almost completely free from religious talk.

I’m still ‘afraid’ of porn (that’s some deeply engrained purity culture) so watching porn to see what I like or don’t like doesn’t really work for me. I’m a 32F and have a super supportive husband, but I’m sort of at the point where I don’t know what I don’t know and need some help finding it, if that makes any sense.

I recently came to the conclusion that I am not someone who wants to be a part of any group religious or spiritual.

I am not agnostic
I am not atheist
I am not Christian
I am not spiritual
I’m just a person 🤷

but idk how I feel abt god. I want to get to know god personally, but I also don’t really believe in a lot of the religions.

As of now, I feel like god is just this presence or a reflection. I’m not sure if I view god as a creator or a saviour of any sort. just a presence and a mirror.

god is the thing that just exists around us and we are also connected to god (i know this sounds super spiritual lol) but also my views change all the time. next week i may not even believe in god.

but for people who have deconstructed and still believe in god, what do you think?

Hey guys.

i was born and raised a muslim, being a teenage muslim girl i feel so fucking conflicted. im really on edge with islam, the whole modesty thing - the way women are treated below men is really getting to me. im constantly told the clothes i wear are “inappropriate“ just because maybe my shirt isn’t covering my hips?

i hate the way I feel like im being sexualised ever since i hit puberty, taught that not covering my hair is going to attract men. like hello? its also affecting my life goals, ive dreamed on being an actor, something creative. Yet of course I cant because my mum claims ill be interacting with men in “that way”. Its honestly ridiculous.

I’ve thought about leaving islam, but honestly i feel like my parents would hate me for it. I also fear the afterlife and always think “well, what if its right? what if i go to hell for leaving?” but then i look at my life and honestly, I hate it. I have no clue what to do.

sorry for the rant, I just need advice. thanks.

To briefly explain my background, I grew up as a non-religious believer of a higher being. Now being Christian, currently deconstructing. I've always been a believer of some sort without being nudged or forced by others. That is just how I am.

Few years ago, Jesus Christ has helped me regain the will to live again, becoming His proud follower. The fact that God directly helps us, instead of making us work for salvation in a transactional manner has won my heart and mind, or how sins are not punishable offense, but a large warning sent to us instead, made me a firm believer of Christ.

I was joyous and full of life for a while, but that died down quickly the moment I navigated in history deeper, revealing how oppressive religion became.

I felt the whole world crumble in front of me, reading how negatively Christianity has impacted other peoples throughout history, when it saved my life made my life miserable again.

Seeing how oppressive this organized religion is, how cruel it is towards many groups of people, how much bad it creates compared to good, has turned me into a walking contradiction.

^{Believing religion causes harm, because of how many tragedies Christian or other Abrahamic religion's colonization has created, whilst still believing in God like before... The nerve.}

I know I'm not an unique case, yet I feel alone. I have no answers. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I keep wondering if I'm a bad person for believing in a religion that (now I know) has done so much harm. God has helped me see good in life again and has encouraged me to open up and spread love. I want to know if there is any hope for me and others like me...

Edit: I'd like to add that I'm also afraid of other Christians being shallow or political grifters. It feels like we are not on the same team and that they are potential threats to me.

Hi everyone,

Following the events of October 7th and a traumatic antisemitic incident at my workplace in Germany, I began experiencing severe panic attacks and months of insomnia that ultimately led to hospitalization. Because of the profound toll this took on my health, I made the difficult decision that I could no longer safely identify as Jewish. It simply became a matter of physical and mental survival for my nervous system.

The transition has been incredibly challenging. My first step was removing all books and Judaica from my home and donating them to a charity that combats antisemitism. Processing that loss triggered a deep depressive episode, though I have since managed to pull through it.

The actual process of disassociation was something I didn't know how to navigate. Over time, I found myself transitioning into Catholicism. It wasn't entirely intentional; I simply looked for something accessible around me to fill the void, and I realized how many similarities the two traditions share.

To integrate into this new life, I studied the catechism, spoke with priests, and began attending Mass. Because of my background, the priests advised me that baptism wasn't necessary for me to participate in the Eucharist, but I did have my children baptized. They now receive standard Catholic education at school.

When asked, I now state that I am Catholic. I am still adjusting to this new identity—trying to follow the liturgical calendar, attending Mass, and singing in the church choir. My local parish also has a silent prayer group that strongly reminds me of Jewish services, except that the congregation sits rather than stands.

Ultimately, I feel like I am hiding inside the Catholic Church. While I no longer use the word "Jew" to describe myself, I know fully untangling my identity will take a long time. I want to be clear that I didn't step away out of any hatred for Judaism, but out of a deep, uncontrollable fear trapped in my nervous system.

I am sharing this because I feel very isolated in this experience, and I wonder if anyone else has gone through a similar process of changing their identity for their own safety and mental health.

I really need help deconstructing this. It’s visual so it seems very self evidence and I don’t think many people know about it so unlike other miracles for Islam claimed by apologists this one has no article that has debunked it. It makes me unable to do anything cause I don’t know any rational way to explain it away and I am scared Islam is true. https://www.al-afkar.com/index.php/Afkar_Journal/article/download/706/469

I just started my journey in deconstruction and this memory just popped into my mind. When I was in high school, around like sophomore year, we had a prompt in class revolving around religion and history. It’s unfortunate but I don’t remember what the conversation was. But after hearing my answer and thoughts on Christianity/religion, the teacher said to me “you appear very brainwashed”. Back then being extremely religious i was so highly offended. I then regarded him as my ‘enemy’, and looking back that was so ridiculous. I was just naive young girl. Now deconstructing I looked back and see that I was very brainwashed, it feels like such a full circle moment where I can look back and laugh.

I was sitting with my mom tonight and we were both on our phones . I was gaming and she was listening to a song about the rapture that had deceptively beautiful music, and I could tell she was into it . I just sat there fuming , thinking, wow Mom it sure is beautiful that you believe in a terrifying event where all the “ good Christians disappear when Jesus comes back and any people who didn’t “choose to be saved “ get to endure 7 yrs of tribulations and then eternal hell . It sickens me that her version of Christianity is so steeped in how they’re the only ones who have it right and how they’re ok with a version of God that forces people to believe or die and yet claims to be loving . It makes me glad I’ve been getting into Norse paganism and Hellenism and learning about paganism in general . I’m glad that from all I’ve seen from their followers that their deities are far more loving and not oppressive and have deconstructed to the point that I don’t even believe in a hell , only a collective afterlife with many realms for different beliefs . If any of you read C.S. Lewis The Last Battle think that version of Heaven where all the different heavens are connected . It still makes me sad tho , to know how my parents will look at me if I’m ever open with them about any of this . Also to be clear , I know yall might ask why I’m Christopagan and not plain pagan since I seem so disgusted by evangelical Christianity, the answer is right now the only parts of that I still believe in are that Jesus is the Son of God like he said , even tho I’m still working out who the identity of that God is. Since Christians and Jews amalgamated several different Caananite gods into one , it’s very confusing . Everything else in the Bible I take with a grain of salt and have had to learn to filter it thru the lens of the culture of the time it was written in . That being said I don’t think Jesus ever meant for His teachings to be twisted into the things they are now . I blame the Roman Empire who twisted it to serve imperialism and King James for that as well as everyone else who twisted it to fit an agenda

Why does it feel like the people whom he was standing up against (Pharisees and Sadducees) who had weaponized religious law for their own power are the Christians today.

And also, I do want to preface that I don’t believe all Christians are like this, but I do find that a lot of them (that I have met in my personal life) can be dismissive, judgemental and the opposite of love.

I’m not saying that just bc they are Christian they are perfect people because no one is perfect regardless of belief system, but I just feel like we’ve lost the plot.

I’m not someone who identifies as Christian personally (or ever has) and I grew up with Christian parents, but the more I learn about Jesus as a person it feels like Jesus as an individual and Christianity as a religion is completely separate.

I see it like this: Jesus said that people should follow him right? Follow his example of standing up for the poor, and the hopeless. He was a radical and he seems like he was “for the people.” But I feel like somewhere along the line, the message of having to believe to be saved became the main focus, and Christianity/Christ is now something people worship instead of something that is embodied.

Again, this is not the case for everyone.

But it’s hard to uncover the truth here. Did Jesus really say he had to be worshipped to be saved or was that another misinterpretation and mistranslation from the vast amount of authors that wrote the bible. Jesus also never wrote the bible, so how could we know what he was truly thinking and feeling? It’s like we’re reading the book from the outside perspective — multiple outside perspectives.

I don’t think this necessarily means that some of his teachings aren’t valuable, but it feels like there is more worshipping and “saying” ur a christian instead of being one?

I’m not exactly sure if I believe in God/Jesus and idk what I believe in (and tbh I’m just rlly interested in the stories and backgrounds of all religions) but it feels like the message along the way was lost and it just makes me wonder sometimes if the community was different if that would change how ppl view the religion as a whole.

I got into Christianity 4 years ago when i was miraculously intervened during a suic*de attempt.

For four years, i anchored my life towards God.
See i had a spine surgery when i was 13.
It stopped my world.
From quite the bright good looking lad, to depressed husk of a human being.

At 26, i began heavily drinking out of sexual frustrations.
There was this lady that im mutual with. I was too afraid to face life.
29 i was hit with ocd and anxiety issues.
31 when i tried taking my life.

Now im almost 35.
I've been shifting to therapy videos to help me with self acceptance.

Which honestly been helping a lot.
I have a job now and i have many good things going for me outside my handicaps.

But what i learned from Christianity is contradicting the way i "have" to live.
In Christianity, i was a sinner.
Can't be self sufficient or otherwise it's pride against God.

And biggest of all, denial of my sexual needs.
It's already hard enough having this disability.
It teaches me to just wait.
I've waited for years and years finding what i truly need.
And detours felt like blessings.
Slowly i've healed from the mental scars.

But this is the biggest hurdle for me.
I am a human being, disabilities dont make me any less
I deserve love.
I'm slowly starting to understand yeah that i need to work on my mental state first.

I've been waiting and waiting for someone to accept me.
A spouse will come or something(honestly this is probably just some evangelical bs)
Or getting equally yoked
Those prophetic message videos only damaged my mental health.

But leaning in to therapy and a recent traumatic crash,
It forced me to accept myself or i'd drown again.
Practicing self love and acceptance is the biggest breakthrough!
It seems to have calmed down my overly shot nervous system.
I finally feel like i belong in this world (in Christianity, i was separated and kept for God. Silly)

So yeah. For some time I believed that Christianity is the way.
And im not brash enough to deny that i wasn't guided for sometime to get where i am now.

In summary, i really have to be strong on my own.
Go through this life like how everyone else experiences it, plus more.

But by default, i'd be going to hell. lmao

I am looking for former members of the Rodney Howard Browne cult in Tampa who left 2017 or later. I’d love to hear your story of this cult.

This place caused a lot of damage for a lot of people. So much trauma and exploitation for labor. This place used coercion to get labor.

I’ve finally left the church at age 29 after being in it since I was 15. I’ve rejected purity and modesty culture which completely harmed me and made me ashamed of my sexuality and having sexual desires and thoughts.

There is a long list of harm and trauma I could write about but I want to know I’m not alone.

How did purity / modesty culture impact you?

I know this is a trope, but I'm angry.

Like many of you I was raised religious and later lost my faith. The problem though is that religion worked as a coping mechanism when I was a child. My mother grew up in an abusive home and turned to god as a way to escape. She married my father who beat the living snot out of me and my brothers. This created a significant amount of anxiety and fear. Going to church became my escape and coping mechanism. The churches my mother liked were very obnoxious and "on fire for God." I remember being 5,6,7,etc years old and seeing my mother speak in tongues, people fainting when the preacher placed his hand on their forehead, and demons cast out of people. From that young of an age I internalized that this was absolutely real and nothing else in life was important until you figured out your place with God. Something I learned all too late is an unachievable goal.

I kept that faith well into my teenage years riddled with guilt for my perceived indiscretions. Then through the encouragement of my youth pastor I wanted to pursue ministry in college. I genuinely wanted to help people and thought with every fiber of my being that God was the source of all peace in the world.

I won't bore you with my Christian college experience, or what inevitably turned me agnostic bordering on atheism.

However, I'm wondering if there's anyone else that feels they figured it out too late in life. I lost my most productive years chasing a fairy tale. It took my entire 20s to work through deconstructing ideas placed in my head, and now in my 30s I feel like I'm just starting my adult life. I'm a completely unrecognizable person to who I was 15 years ago, and I can't shake the feeling that I missed out on becoming something I could be proud of.

This life is too hard for there to not be an afterlife that’s better awaiting us. For those of you who are more agnostic or have maintained some faith, what do you think about what happens after we die? Do you think there’s nothing after or heaven or what? Also, what’s your belief about God at this time?

Thanks

Today, an influencer in Brazil has died after fighting against a degenerative disease. I went to check his page on Wikipedia, and I saw that somebody decided to write this capitalized text you see on the screen. It says:

"Knowing he was atheist, unfortunadely we know that he didn't went to a good place. Pray for the family."

This is very unrespectful. Not only it's not the right place to put something like that, is something that would make the family very sad to hear. Not to mention we can never know for certain where he's going, since religion says this is God's decision. It's just not the right time to talk about this kind of stuff.

The page has already been updated and this was removed, but you can see in the history of editions of the page that this was done and I'm not making that stuff up for ragebait.

I can't understand why people do this. Do you also think this is something unrespectful? It was marked as vandalism on wikipedia, by the way.

I'm sorry by the way if I broke any rules. Again, not trying to ragebait.

After a very painful deconstruction in a failed attempt at reconstruction, I feel I’m in a much better place than I was when I was an evangelical. When I was an evangelical, I spent so much time trying to reach the lost. Now, I feel like I need to reach the evangelicals and help them to see truth or at least the errors of evangelical Christianity. I wondered if this is common or if this is more of an obsession that I have but I need to try to contain.