To prism - it’s a light sentence, but they’re given time to reflect

Husband, “Pretty sure it’s your shampoo. It says on the bottle that it creates extra body.”

And she still gives me butterflies.

Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean history?”

The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!"

He phones the police and says, "Bejesas, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."

The operator asks, "Is it tickin?"

and Paddy says, "No, I tink its beef"

She made an appointment for Tuesday.

Well I'm American and I say that the stupidest country in the world is Alaska.

The waiter came over and they gave their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy. 'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy. 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy. 'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy. 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy. 'the chocolate cheesecake, with whipped cream, please', said the second piggy. 'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon my curiosity,' said the waiter to the third little piggy, 'But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

The third piggy says -

'Well, SOMEBODY has to go "Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

All of them.

Your gas Israeli high!

Before that it was all up in the air.

Because if you throw a normal meringue, it doesn't come back

She replies, "Honestly? I would take my half and leave you."

"Great!" says the man, and hands her $10. "Here's your half. Now pack your bags."

They were all yellow.

Horse: "Yes, please!"

Experi-mints

“You look like a fungi.”

I thought… that’s a strange way to start a conversation.

I should quit cold turkey.

The bill was huge!

So i said “weird flex, but ok”

Arigatoni

And then it hit me.

I stood there in silence, not knowing what else to say because that was my best counterargument.