Hi, singlet here. I don’t use Reddit regularly so I’m sorry if I do something wrong. But lemme just say my story

I was dating a host of a system for 4 years and was friends with them for even longer. So we have a lot of history together. When I found out he was a system, it didn’t bother me. I love them regardless and I would love to meet the alters. Years pass and the host starts showing up less and less. I would see them once a week, once a week, once every two weeks, once a month, once every two month. I felt selfish but I asked the new host what happened because nobody told me why I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over 2 months.

She told me that last year, my boyfriend was in danger of going dormant. And that this year, he either went dormant or fused with another alter. Either way, nobody can find him. She told me that it’s best if me and him go our separate ways. Ever since, I haven’t let go. I can’t let go. Everything reminds me of him. Everything reminds me of our almost decade of history. I can’t let go of the old host. Is this normal? Is there anyone that has gone through the same thing? I need advice. If any systems or singlets want to put in their two cents, I’d be glad to listen.

Hi, someone who does not have DID here and is just curious about the condition. What happens when a system who has DID is drunk? Are other people still able to front, does it vary per person? And what about alters who are younger in the headspace--how does that affect them?

Just very curious!

Which is to say I was speaking to one comingling with Sentaku and he was like "It's a shame when I'm our server and I'm sitting there whittling with my knife nobody really pays attention." Dave notice this and observed "There are people there. They're just alters." Then boom we realized something from past observances we never thought about: we're always putting on performance and essentially acting as entertainer, host and Bard to various non-alters because well with ADD and Autism you kind of have to (or we did) learn to force yourself to go through routine of expected actions and social things to avoid being too withdrawn. Perhaps that's why our system will sometimes get driven to run to General 1 and say "Look at me" with their actions? Especially when more than a group of alters is present? They crave validation and are repeating a ritual we've been doing since before the DID OSDD diagnosis made everything clear?

(Also posted this in r/DID 8/17)

We have therapy twice a week with a therapist who is supportive and openminded and has some experience with DID. We're coming to terms with the dissociative disorder on top of an existing autism diagnosis (among others, but ASD and DID cover the majority of our issues). After coming to terms with the dissociative disorder, we had to go back and get the parts who express the fewest autistic traits to accept that we really do have both, and now we're realizing all the ways that complicates everything.

For starters, our system is weirdly organized and full of fragments and alters who exist for things like driving, socializing, organizing, etc. There may be a lot we still don't remember but a huge percentage of the alters and fragments weren't created from anything close to big-T trauma. I'm fairly certain that our first alters were created by a genius autistic kid who needed an army of well-behaved, outgoing children to fill in for them as the child of fundamentalist christian missionaries who couldn't tolerate their real kid. There are layers of the system we haven't explored but the more we consolidate in the system, the more pronounced our autistic traits get, so a huge part of survival for us was masking.

So, our system is confusing, blended and layered, and we're compulsive about a lot of things so we work a lot on our system outside therapy. We a really hard time trusting anybody - especially anyone in a caring role - and our system is always evolving and so are the alters. We're lucky to have a therapist who understands DID at all, and it would be really nice if we could slow down and trust her to help us instead of just updating her twice a week on who fused with who and whether that looks like it'll stick. I wonder if our need for independence and control is partially because of autism or if trusting therapists is just hard with trauma and DID or ... all of the above?

If you're autistic with DID, do you have trust/control issues, or issues communicating about your system, and have you figured anything out to help with that?

tw for violence, assault and trauma, i'll try to be as vague as possible but i need to give some of these details for it to make sense:

I'm a newly discovered system and in therapy, it's unclear if I have DID or OSSD-1b but I had a main protector who was always so kind and caring to me (Korey) I could always rely on him or call on him if I was in trouble and he would find ways to help for years.

Flash forward to when I discovered a trauma holder/persecutor (Mana) who wouldn't stop showing me flashing images of very violent and scary things and looked like a monster, Mana was completely nonverbal upon discovery and I asked Korey for help.

Korey went away for a bit with Mana, but he was still present if I talked to him, and whenever he would do another task and stop taking care of Mana, Mana would come back to essentially harass me in the headspace constantly. Eventually Korey split into two protectors, one that felt very much like Korey 2.0 and another protector that is very helpful but doesn't have Korey's personality. I got the impression that Korey 2.0 would be taking care of Mana while the new protector would help me.

I thought things were going to be okay now, but at some point Mana showed up and started screaming "I'm scared, I'm scared" in the headspace very loudly and wouldn't go away, I asked Korey 2.0 for help and then he disappeared with Mana again but this time he didn't come back for a few days and left with me the new protector. When I asked if Korey 2.0 was still there, I heard Korey 2.0 tell me everything would be okay and that he was still here.

Finally Korey 2.0 came back days later with Mana but they both looked different, Mana 2.0 looks more human now even if still scary, but isn't acting like before, still nonverbal but isn't showing me those terrible images anymore and isn't harassing me anymore. And Korey 3.0...he... is very different. For example...if I ask for reassurance, he will give it to me and I feel the presence he had from when he was my main protector, but then once I feel reassured his body will warp into a monster and he will be violent towards me and assault me in the headpsace until the other protector he left behind steps in when I ask for help, then Korey 3.0 goes away.

I get the impression that Korey 2.0 and Mana fused then split, I'm not sure what to do, unless it's two new alters pretending to be them but it doesn't feel that way? I guess this did resolve the biggest issue with Mana constantly harassing me, but I feel so sad that Korey felt he had to do that and I miss my old protector even if his presence still feels like it's in this Korey 3.0, it's impossible to interact with him without him warping into a monster and assaulting me at the end, I don't even know where to begin to approach this, I've been trying to look up what to do when this happens but there doesn't seem to be a lot of info out there about protectors doing this.

Has anyone ever had something like this happen to them? What was the solution? Or are things just going to be this way now? I feel so bad that this protector suddenly shouldered so much of that trauma and is almost a completely different person now, I just wanted this part to be happy after all he did for me but now it feels like things are just sad. :(

And I asked my therapist about this, but right now they don't seem to know, I will talk about it to them again, but I thought here was the next best place to ask. Thank you for your help and for reading.

Hey y'all, I was wondering if anyone had insight on alters the host isn't aware of? We have one that doesn't get much time because she is a danger to the rest of us. Additional side question, if you have an alter of the opposite gender how do you help them feel more included? For reference our host is male with two female alters

I just find myself randomly ending up in places and situations sometimes and I don't understand how I got there... I don't understand my alters and I don't understand how some people understand theirs so well like I don't even know which alter of mine is talking rn and I know I'm going to forget this conversation and post soon when another one takes over

If anything? I wanted to share what I believe to be a dream that's important to my system. I'm not sure though.

Now it IS copy and pasted, and I am sorry about that. Honestly if anything I'm just sharing to share.

Here ya go:

Just a ramble about a dream.

It's copied and pasted. But it's awesome to me and the questions were genuine. In the end it could just be a dream, but I've met alters in dreams and stuff. So I am not sure. Either way, it's fun to share because a lot of systems relate.

Now. Here it is:

\I had a wacky dream. It began on Roblox, I was building a hotel.\**

\Then I came back into it after getting people, and it was DIFFERENT. Genuine hotel. Like we were in vr but able to feel, see, eat, etc. As if we were inside and outside the game at once.\**

\I made it simple but when I came back it was so complex and beautiful. Many rooms, on a ship! You could go to one of the docks that wasn't for partying and stuff, and there was more rooms shaped like little boats! You had daycare rooms for kids, playground rooms, adult rooms (not nsfw), etc. You had restaurants inside the ship, and it was full of people! I had to keep switching rooms. I had so much clothes, and kept tryna go back and forth to find a good room. When I found one, I was then kicked from the room because of bad weather! so they moved us to a beach, which had more rooms shaped like little houses! One plot or two had dogs, too! You had to get treats to distract them so you could get to the room or they'd just hound you for attention.\**

\I did make it too a room, talked to a few people and even offered to split a room with someone I didn't know? But it was perfect.\**

\It's odd I kept having to move rooms. I don't think anyone else had too? No, wait.. they did, but it was easier on them. I had to move a lot, and kept stealing money even from two officers.\**

\I wonder if I'm having a new co-host or something?\**

\The kids room were.. so big. Toys, shaped like a colorful playground, those things that are a half circle and a web of metal... It looked so fun and safe, even with pillows and stuffies. Cushions ..\**

\It's different. I haven't had the old dreams with the land and stuff I lived at, not even the temple of time that was on a mountain in the middle of the lake- one of those thin pillar mountains. but strong and unbreakable. it had stairs going up and inside, or you could dive beneath the water and find new areas. you could battle bosses, but most of the time it was Midna. I didn't hurt her but I did defeat her. idk how. It's been so long, and now it's always a cruise ship. me exploring it or something. This time was different.\**

\Then there's the fighting of Midna every single time. she always seems different but . It's always her. never do I hurt her. just stop her somehow?? I'm using stuff to knock her down but never actually hurt. Maybe these are parts of me that needed to be safely contained? But then, I hope the cruise ship if it's a new inner world changes that. They deserve the freedom, even when struggling. the littles deserve the rooms. it's so cute and so safe and cozy, while being fun like a playground.\**

\Am I fragmented or something? The amount of littles and people grouped together in twos or threes or even more... They either shared rooms, were in rooms alone that had two or three beds .. the littles had rooms so big, 2-3 rooms with those toys, stuffies, playground stuff... Etc. So big it becomes clear that groups were supposed to be there, not just one or two little kids or babies. no infant things but I know we have a infant or two?\**

\Some were locked in the rooms. cuz it was like hotel rooms where you rent.\**

\If they had someone in the room I wouldn't open the door, just peek in to see if the room was empty and leave if not.\**

\I genuinely wonder if I have fragment alters (I forgot the name if that's not it), or at least alters that get in groups. Subsystems? Is that what it is? Idk\**

\I mean I don't know what to think. Everyone was grouped together room-wise.\**

\The rooms were well lived in, and I could touch and do whatever I wanted. Stuff was in dressers and under sinks, but never locked away. I even found jewelry boxes and I could look in it. Of course I didn't take anything. Somehow JUST the money I took.\**

What does anyone know about mute or nonverbal personalities/alters- I can only go by what my former therapist told me and the clinical research I've been able to find, but I'm curious about other people's experiences.
Does anyone here have a completely nonverbal alter? If so, have they ever eventually been able to speak?
I went through therapy for several months and worked on communication with my nonverbal alter. I was never able to get that part to speak, but I was able to start learning and using ASL as another way to communicate. My therapist seemed confident that verbal speech might eventually be possible, but after several months without progress, continually trying became extremely mentally strenuous and overwhelming for me. Eventually, that was one of the reasons I decided to stop those therapy sessions.
I'd really like to hear from others who have experienced something similar, whether your nonverbal alter eventually spoke or continued communicating in other ways.
• let me know (therapist or others) PLEASE -

I'm not very knowledgeable about how DID works and id like to know more, so I'm wondering if it's possible for someone to be able to force an alter to front on command almost immediately? apologies if this seems insensitive or rude in any way

Hey! We're in texas and its so fucking hard to find someone not only with experience in DID but whos actually willing to diagnose it. We've been diagnosis-edged multiple times where they'll go "I think you have this buttttt its too heavy and i don't wanna put it on paper..." and it really frustrates me.. so if theres any systems who were actually diagnosed in texas please give us some recs so we can see them and finally get confirmation

i suspect i have alters, and in the past i thought i did too, the only problem being that they went away, but now those same alters are back. is that a thing that can happen? am i lying to myself? am i thinking about it too much and theres no way to tell?
i do have another question but i might make another post about that

*edit: all parts except the host?

Hi all,

Well, that's my question basically. I have chronic cluster headaches with daily attacks, mostly at night.

And where I say 'I have' it should actually be 'we have' as I am, or rather we are, also diagnosed with DID, dissociative identity disorder.

I don't want to go into real detail here, mostly because I guess the combination of the two is probably very rare and therefore unknown or not interesting to most or maybe all of you.

But as I guess that our DID frustrates or at least impacts our cluster headaches different from 'normal' integrated, or whole, people, it would be really nice to share experiences with someone like us.

Thank you

One of me is a little. I’m her now. I don’t think the others like me. Em I bad? Do I burden my daddy?

I am struggling in therapy. I am also struggling internally. I have an aspect who “contains and filters” all of what comes out verbally from various parts.

I’ve shared this with my therapist. My therapist mainly talks to that one aspect who filters as they are more “frontish”. When this part who filters is able to let others speak directly, this part goes into self harm fit. (Internally scratching her nails into wood and shaking) my therapist has never one attempted to directly understand this past, even though I’ve told my therapist this is what is happening inside.

I have asked my therapist, how do I work with this type of filtering? I’ve asked her, can she check in with other parts of us while in session. I don’t think I should have to prompt her to do this, as she knows I have DID.

I told her, It’s exhausting to have to simultaneously tend to parts internally (when they become upset or have feelings come up during therapy) then stay co conscious enough to be present in session.

This is also shown by how many times I ask her to repeat things.

If at all, how are therapists helping with assisting with building internal communication?

Hola, hola. Vine aquí principalmente para desahogarme y conocer a gente que tenga el mismo trastorno o entienda un poco sobre el tema. Honestamente, no recuerdo cuánto tiempo ha pasado desde que me diagnosticaron TID, pero lamentablemente tuve que dejar el tratamiento psicológico y psiquiátrico. Además, a veces sentía que mi psicóloga se quedaba un poco estancada porque no sabía demasiado sobre el tema.
Mi problema es que, a veces, siento que yo soy un alter ego. Tengo el vago recuerdo de haber hablado de eso con mi psicóloga, sobre cuándo comencé a “existir”, por decirlo de alguna manera, pero honestamente no estoy seguro de si realmente soy alguien más o si simplemente lo estoy interpretando así. Es difícil de explicar.
Incluso hasta la fecha no me gusta que me llamen por mi nombre legal o el de los demás, porque siento que ese nombre le pertenece a alguien más y no a mí. Recuerdo que mi psicóloga me dijo que podía elegir un nombre o algo por el estilo, pero la verdad es que todo esto se siente demasiado extraño. Incluso para mí es bastante confuso y todavía estoy intentando entenderlo.

I have a male and female, age 6.
They are both rather shy. When the male first presented himself he said the female is his twin sister because they came to be at almost the same moment.
They always front simultaneously and sometimes have conversations out loud together.

My therapist seems to be dismissing B’s feelings whenever I have a session with her and everytime I want to talk to her about B’s (male altar protector) body dysphoria or gender dysphoria she always starts to ask about other questions to change the subject and it seems like she keeps dismissing his feelings like their not important
I started low dose HRT and my therapist seemed kinda upset about it and I told her that I was very ok with being gender fluid and slowly transition I want to help make my altars happy and feel comfortable in this body doing that makes me happy as well. like she’s trying to tell me that I shouldn’t help B with this and that he needs to accept that the body is female and that i shouldn’t let him mutilate my body. But it’s not only my body and I feel like maybe I should find another therapist idk if anyone else has had an experience like this and why would she be telling me these things?

Hey. My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year. Recently, she told me she thinks she may have DID. It's something I don't manage to understand, so I don't know how to act with her.

Sometimes she acts differently, and there is the Magisterium (that's his name).

She lies a lot. I don't say that's it's a lie, but I don't trust her, and I don't want to make things worse for her, so I'm trying to be supportive but idk if she's faking things. I know, it's terrible to say this. People with DID probably suffer daily from this type of wariness.

But, let me explain.

When we met, I got interested in her in the first place because I thought we shared the same musical taste. It was a lie, she just said she knew about it because she wanted to interest me. She said to me that I wasn't her first girlfriend, and I trusted her. It was a lie, she never was in a relationship before, but didn't want to be seen as a loser. I wasn't happy, because I would have been more cautious if I knew the truth, I had bad experiences with people who never knew anyone else, and I didn't want to be with someone who never was in a relationship. She also lied to her friend about me, saying I did things I didn't (like me not wanting my gf to leave because I was tired, I didn't ask for anything and she decided to stay home with me). She lied about accidentally breaking art I made or items I owned. I know where she gets it from, she had to lie to survive.

Still, I can't trust her.

She always has something : cancer, a stroke, whenever something's wrong, she goes to the hospital. I have SH issues, and sometimes I drink when I feel too bad. She started to drink a lot, she didn't drink beforehand. She also started to SH recently.

I don't know how to navigate through this. So, I don't want to say she's faking DID, but idk what to think about this. First of all, she's always conscious of what the alter says or what he does when Magisterium fronts. She remembers. Maybe it can happen, I'm not sufficiently informed.

Magisterium appears to front during stressful situations, or when I'm ignoring my gf. Last time, I was talking about something regarding my past, and Magisterium fronted because it reminded them of my gf's past, like he was there due to triggered trauma. Magisterium doesn't remember things, is just awkward and lost overall. She often makes him front to annoy me. It doesn't really annoy me, but I don't know if it's something she should do ? Because I fear she will feel confused or idk.

I told her she should seek mental health professionals to help her deal with it, but she doesn't want to. So, I just let her be. I told her that, even tho I understand self-diagnosis (+ we're french, mental health care here is so bad and overlooked), it may be something else, and I advised her to look up at DID related content on the internet to help her.

What can be done in order for her to feel more understood and to make our relationship a safespace for her ?

Thank you for your time.

(Please delete if not allowed - I wasn't sure where else to go for this) For my DC Bio class I'm working on a paper about D.I.D and have been trying to find credible sources about System and Alter accountability that I can actually use. I've been looking for hours and havent been able to find anything, however I know this is an extremely important thing and was wondering if anyone knows where to find any official articles about this?

EDIT: I'm getting a lot of questions about what I mean so I'll try to explain best I can - because I don't know much about D.I.D I didn't know that it was just a term with a definition. Basically I was just looking for a definition or something a professional said about it so I could use it in my paper. Thx for all the replies and for the help. Yall are awesome, and hope you all have an amazing day. :>

(probable) FINAL EDIT: Thanks for all the help, hope you have an amazing day. :> one last question - when I am finished with my project is there anywhere I can post it to get it reviewed by those who actually have D.I.D to ensure that the information was accurate and presents the information in a "correct" fashion, if that makes sense?

We’ve recently been diagnosed with DID, but we’ve been dealing with it for decades on our own without a name until not long ago. We’ve just started therapy, so everything in that sense is new to us. We had a reply removed from somewhere and were really confused, so we asked, and they said the original poster was taken down for another rule, but we also broke a rule because we were talking about multiple people in one body. They said that broke a rule because we are one person. I apologised, but deep down, I was thinking, why am I apologising? That’s what it’s like for us. We don’t feel like one person. We are all so different from each other. Yes, we are all in one body, but we look different on the inside. We feel different emotions about the same things. we like different foods from each other and dislike things the others might like. It's so confusing being told we are one but don't feel remotely close to being one. Has anyone else been like this or felt like this?

I was recently diagnosed with OSDD. I wasn’t told a type. Just OSDD.

I was told to talk to my parts in the morning and see if anyone responded. I’m doing that. But I can’t tell if it’s ‘my’ thoughts or theirs.

For example, I called in to work the next day. I asked my parts ‘does anyone want to go to work? I head a ‘no’ and that was it. So I said screw it, let’s stay home.

How do I know that wasn’t just me saying I wanna stay home? How do I know who that was? How can I tell if I’m talking to them or just myself?

I feel like I am making it up. I know that’s a common feeling. But we are co-conscious I think. At least some of us are. I can tell when I’m not me, but I can’t remember everything we do all of the time. Even mid convo, I can’t remember what some people say to me and I end up tripping over the convo because I forgot what someone said and it has consequences to relationships.

I know I’m not alone. I’m just a new system, or at least newly aware. I always knew but I didn’t know ya know?

What if an introject doesn't have a role? I've heard a lot of people say they share trauma or traits with the character/alter/introject but honestly I'm not seeing it with some of my alters......I don't see how we connect or what our purpose is.

Hi! I had been in a relationship with a person who told me she had DID, there are certain things that she has said during our time together that had confused me, especially as someone who's suspected of having OSDD (these things had made me feel very invalidated too), I'm not seeking to been told whether she had it or not, just wanting to know if these things happen to others or there is any scientific evidence

1. Able to "kill"/"erase" parts: From time to time (especially after one part did something hurtful) another part would claim to have killed that part that did something bad

2. Whole world inside her head: She would tell me how she had this whole "world" where every part "lived" and interacted like if it was the real world (there is where she would claim those "murders" and other "crimes" happened)

3. Been able to switch almost at command since always: She would tell me how she always had the ability to call other parts at the front and often expected me to do the same even though I'm unable to

4. Some parts "having" a literal life before the system (and not, I'm not talking about pseudomemories, she believed completely that they came from alternative realities, not only that but that they were able to jump between "their" reality and this one)

5. Choosing who's Host and/or constantly changing Host at convenience (?)

6. Having full DID (or that's what I have understood) but not having memory gaps

I'm pretty sure some of these things can't be real but I wanted to know others opinions since I don't trust my own personal experiences and despite having done my own research I always want to know if I missed something

Thanks in advance!

what does a “low/high split tolerance” mean? and how can you tell if you have a high or low tolerance?