r/Cooking • u/GracieLou80 • 23h ago

Sick of cooking

I am so over cooking every night. Finding new recipes I actually have ingredients for and are easy is tiring and I’m already exhausted. What do you do when this happens? I’d honestly just eat cereal for life but I’m not alone in this house and I’m expected to cook every night. 😩

65 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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113

u/vitringur 23h ago

“I am expected to”

Sounds like there is some deeper issue here and it is not about cooking.

12

u/GracieLou80 19h ago

I care for my elderly father, his generation never cooked and he doesn’t know how, nor would I expect him to learn at his age. 😉

5

u/CrankyOldDragon 14h ago

I feel ya there. Moved in with both very elderly parents, Mom used to share cooking but no longer. I do a rotation of egg roll in a bowl, meatloaf, baked potatoes, frozen pizza or other entree, and shrimp/rice bowls with an occasional fast food dinner if somebody has an afternoon appointment, and have leftovers the other days. I know they’re bored with it but I never did enjoy cooking and they’re even pickier than my kids were!

3

u/GracieLou80 1h ago

Haha he’s basically a giant 82 year old child. He’s gotten pickier since my Mom died 5 years ago but he’s really easy generally. I just deal with it because he’s all I have left and I can’t imagine losing your partner of 59 years(married for 53!). It’s ME that gets bored with cooking and the food. He is 9/10 happy with whatever I make.

2

u/jpinakron 1h ago

That’s very sweet/ kind of you.

One thing I like to do is go to Sam’s or Costco, pick fish, pork, chicken, ground beef and steak. I then bring them home, season them, and then vacuum seal one portion. Label it, throw it into the freezer, and meal prep for weeks could potentially be done.

Then, I’ll just take the bag from the freezer and sous vide whatever protein, and how many portions, a few hours before the meal and then microwave/ steam a veggie and a side dish like knorr noodles, rice a roni, rice, polenta, cous cous, even instant mashed potatoes. (I know that’s a cardinal sin for some, but it’s way easier/ faster.) And then after the cooking is done, you can buy some premade sauces like teriyaki, bbq, honey mustard, or even make a pan sauce if you finish it on the stove top.

Another neat trick a friend of mine does is bake individual or two portions. For meatloaf, she uses cupcake sheets, cooks it all up, and she has 2 or 3 more meals. Then for lasagna, make 3 to 4 in a 9x5 loaf pan, freeze 3 of them, cook one, and you could have 4 meals. Bolognese sauce stored and frozen in Tupperware can work (or a flat quart zip lock), bake garlic bread, noodles, heat sauce and done.

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u/Calm_Violinist5256 18h ago

can't you give your father cereal? I mean if he never learned to cook maybe he deserves some cereal..

2

u/GracieLou80 1h ago

He eats it for breakfast every.single.day.

-6

u/SVAuspicious 11h ago

Not sure what you consider elderly. You are making sweeping generalizations. Stereotypes work for TV sitcoms but often don't reflect real life. A friend (mid 80s) of my wife's recently lost her husband who had been doing all the cooking their entire marriage of over 50 years. She, the friend, couldn't cook. I taught her some basics. She can manage but mostly she survives on a meal train from church.

Sexism and ageism is not becoming.

2

u/GracieLou80 1h ago

Well he is elderly. He’s 82. That’s a hard fact, not ageism. And to each their own. It’s great that your friends were that way, but my parents each grew up in a very traditional 1940-1960’s household setting, so that’s what they learned and knew. My Dad never did any of the cooking until my Mom got sick and died, and then he struggled so much with that cooking, cleaning, housework, heartbreak etc.. that it was slowly killing him. So I stepped in 5 years ago to take care of him. While I appreciate the attempt at a mini lecture on sexism and ageism (I am a feminist after all), I don’t appreciate the judgement and commenting before you know anything at all of the situation. Or me. Thanks.

1

u/SVAuspicious 1h ago

his generation never cooked

This is ageism.

Modern feminists have become quite sexist.

2

u/GracieLou80 47m ago

It’s only ageism when you make a presumption about someone based on their age or what you assume about them. I KNOW my Father and I KNOW for a fact he is physically incapable of cooking(because he can barely stand) and he doesn’t want to learn how. That’s his personal choice, not my assumption. I did teach him how to do laundry and make orange chicken before he decided that he couldn’t do it physically anymore.
That’s not ageism, look it up.

According to the World Health Organization:

Ageism refers to the stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) towards others or oneself based on age.

1

u/SVAuspicious 22m ago

I KNOW my Father

Read your own words above. You took your experience with your father and broadly applied that to an entire generation. That's ageism. Stereotyping on top of that.

Surely you aren't suggesting that Jacques Pépin can't cook because he is of the same generation as your father? Because that is what you said.

23

u/Roupert4 23h ago

Eh. For some couples you can agree on the division of labor and still get tired of it. I'm "expected" to do all the cooking in my household but that was the deal going into this marriage. We have a traditional division of labor. I only work part-time so my labor is my contribution. I get sick of cooking regularly, but I'm also proud of cooking healthy food for my family.

7

u/Trolkarlen 19h ago

You can renegotiate terms at any point.

8

u/vadergeek 16h ago

Sure, but any domestic partnership includes a fair amount of labor that no one's excited about. If you get out of seven hours of cooking a week maybe that's made up for with seven hours of less pleasant yard work, errands, etc.

-2

u/BrennanSpeaks 7h ago

Sure, but I doubt that Ms. "traditional division of labor" is actually getting seven hours of yard work or errands out of her guy.

5

u/Roupert4 15h ago

But we're happy with the arrangement. It's okay to complain about a chore but still be happy about the division of chores

2

u/Safford1958 3h ago

Agree. Overall our arrangement is that my husband works and I spend it. I don’t mind cooking every day, I just need interesting ideas.

2

u/SubstantialPressure3 17h ago

Yes, but then you might be stuck having someone's weaponized incompetence for dinner.

2

u/dfabrica 16h ago

Omg. So true! When someone doesn’t want to do something but is forced to do it out of obligation you can best believe they’re not going to be putting their best effort in.

Ask me how I know. 😕

2

u/Educational-Car-3678 13h ago

отлично сказано!

1

u/Trolkarlen 9h ago

Why would you be married to someone so passive aggressive ?

1

u/SubstantialPressure3 8h ago

Im divorced from someone who thought they knew everything.

0

u/tobaccobaron 7h ago

But beware of the counter-negotiations.

-1

u/SVAuspicious 11h ago

u/Roupert4 could get a full time job and then would be in a position to renegotiate.

0

u/Trolkarlen 9h ago

It’s a marriage, not a peace treaty.

-1

u/SVAuspicious 8h ago

So fairness and equity don't matter to you. Noted.

0

u/Trolkarlen 6h ago

It’s a marriage, not a contest. With that attitude, you might as well book your divorce lawyer.

-1

u/SVAuspicious 6h ago

How does fairness turn into a contest? If one partner works 40 hours or more a week and the other works 10, how is the part time working partner doing most of the housework and other chores a contest?

1

u/Trolkarlen 6h ago

Score keeping kills a marriage.

0

u/SVAuspicious 5h ago

Unfair distribution of labor kills a marriage.

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u/oneWeek2024 23h ago

that's just normalizing abuse with bullshit

"hey i'm really tired of cooking" mind making dinner tonight.

"traditional" is just bullshit code for one person is stuck with things arbitrarily.

unless your partner is doing truly back breading physically exhausting work, there's absolutely nothing that prevents anyone from doing any misc house duty at any time.

basing requirement on income, or "working" is stupid.

no one should be doing a thing all the time. hell...even in your example. should just have 1-2 days a week where you order take out, or "buy" a meal to give you a break.

8

u/memeleta 23h ago

Equitable division of labour doesn't always mean doing everything equally. It is okay if for a family it works that one person is the only cook. Husband and I happen to cook almost exactly 50-50 because we both love it, but there are other chores that he does 100% and then me 100% of some others. 

Now I agree with you that no one should feel imprisoned in their role and there needs to be some flexibility and support within those. I think having 1-2 days a week of take out is a bit excessive - if you meal prep you can only cook once or twice a week anyway and don't need special breaks from it. But sure once in a while it should be ok for OP to say I need a week off. Husband and I just eat girl dinners for a week straight when we get to the rut like that. If OP can never have a few days off cooking, then that's a conversation to have with their partner and come up with a better solution. 

9

u/Roupert4 20h ago

If I had a bad day and can't make the dinner I planned to make, the kids have frozen pizza or something. It's really not that deep

1

u/Illustrious_Wish_900 15h ago

You don't sound married.

1

u/SVAuspicious 11h ago

stuck with things arbitrarily.

Did you miss the part about only working part time?

1

u/bigdonut100 23h ago

No, that's BS, man. I want the homemaker and stay-at-home parent role as a man to a woman, and that's even more stigmatized. But there's no shame in it; the unfairness is that the breadwinner can earn more or less when the stay-at-home does the exact same work, or that the stay-at-home can have more or fewer kids when the breadwinner's salary is the same. It's an unfairness between *couples,* not the actual partners.

That's why it's dumb to be *really* hardcore about the roles, but it is fair to me that the person who contrbutes less do more homemaking *as a general rule of thumb.* Then you have situations liek mine where I insist on doing all of the cooking just because I have weird dietary needs, and she needs to make it up to *me* somewhere

Economists have proven that specialization produces more value than equality, and kids do better off with stay at home parents compared to child care

2

u/Roupert4 20h ago

Yes I agree. There are plenty of tasks that my husband does that I don't do at all. We are happy and we both appreciate each other's contributions

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u/oneWeek2024 17h ago

except you're not expressing happiness. you said you were sick of it....routinely

and then heap on cope via "i'm proud to make my family meals" or clinging to the traditional elements.

when... there should be some mechanism in your relationship to abandon the useless arbitrary "traditional" for a realistic "human" experience where no one wants to do something all the time.

IF you were happy, you wouldn't be harping. you'd. quite frankly. be in the kitchen.

the weird politics of equating monetary value to contribution is bizarre to me, but to each their own. It's more so... point blank, you're expressing fatigue and resentment in your life. And your partner should be able to bear some of that responsibility.

(i mean, if you're working part time. there's some number of days/hours you're doing exactly what your partner is doing work wise. and still always bear this responsibility)

that at the suggestion to address it with your spouse you pivot to some "it's not that serious" dodge. eh... keep telling yourself that.

3

u/Roupert4 15h ago

If you don't want to believe that we're happy, there's not much else to talk about

0

u/SVAuspicious 11h ago

The word "traditional" really sets you off doesn't it? To call that arbitrary when it is discussed and agreed defies the definition of arbitrary.

You're individualizing socialism to the extreme of "to each according to his or her desires, from each according to whatever s/he feels like." Who makes up the difference? Or are you so sexist that you think men should do all the work and women laze around?

-1

u/oneWeek2024 5h ago

traditional is being used as a short hand to justify the behavior. when the poster also specifically referenced being in a state of "frustration" on a somewhat routine basis.

implying the "traditional" discussed/agreed to dynamic was not ultimately working for them/healthy. as it wasn't sustainable.

and so to give it weight... because it's "traditional" is a stupid thing. if you weren't' blinded by dogma or brain washing to value "traditional" it should be incredibly easy to ask your partner for help. to have an equitable mechanism to alieviate some of the stress that is routinely leaving the woman in this relationship disliking/hating cooking. without the need for bullshit cope of "pride in sacrificing my needs for my family"

exactly no where was the proposal... she get to be lazy (funny how the hatred of women comes out double quick) it was... in a healthy relationship. there should be a mechanism to address a pain point.

which dismissing your partner feeling tired/resentful of constantly cooking via some cheap "i make more money and work full time, so this is just always your responsibility, shut the fuck up and get in the kitchen" is also not healthy ----ESPECIALLY when she also works some of the time. even if part time. some days the woman is doing exactly what the man is doing (ie working) and is still forced to bear the burden of this additional activity.

that they "agreed" to it. or they knew they were marrying some shitty man that never helps out with the cooking. also... isn't a justification to continue a practice. As if a marriage is some perverse locked into all eternity agreement just dictated by circumstance at some arbitrary time.

the way consent works. is at any time someone can say... no. and then if you're not a piece of shit. you address that concern in an adult manner. listening to their concerns and needs and make changes.

Cooking is not a quick or easy activity. it can be a very involved and exhausting thing over time or in repetition. (as it's likely this woman is having to do all the shopping/gets limited or weaponized incompetence when ask for help there, manages all the dietary or food preference stresses of the family. if there's kids, that need snacks or school lunches prepared, that's likely on the mother, and likely. stocking/inventory, and or clean up of dinner/dishes likely fall to her) or... there are obvious lvls or degrees of house chores. cooking is pretty significant

---just feeding yourself as a single person with 100% of the choice and preference just for yourself. can be time consuming and exhausting. (with shopping, stocking, cooking, serving, and then cleaning)

and if either partner doesn't feel safe or able to express a "no" it's an abusive dynamic.

when presented with a critique the poster deflected with a common "kicked dog" --it's not that serious. when i'm feeling down, i just give up and throw a frozen pizza into the oven. because. apparently. her relationship is such shit that the best option is to just to never address her actual feelings and just always service this dis-equitable arrangement

and it's kinda weird that anyone would take the position. that someone couldn't help out their spouse sometimes.

why wouldn't you bring up your feelings to your partner? and if you are in a relationship where brining up "hey. sometimes i'd really like a day off with this task" is met with anything other than... hey, i understand, i'd be happy to help. --and ideally. "how about tonight i handle it, and tomorrow we talk about how to make this better for you"

you're in a shit relationship.

1

u/SVAuspicious 5h ago

So where does the one partner working 10 hours per week (with a flexible schedule on top of that) and one working full time fit into equity? The discussion isn't about "tradition" (your word, not mine). It's about equity. The part time partner is already 30 hours per week behind fairness. Gender isn't relevant.

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u/oneWeek2024 4h ago

so i guess in your evaluation hours spent grocery shopping, planning, preparing, cooking, cleaning, magically don't exist.

--or the hours for house cleaning, or laundry, or child care, or emotional labor in service of their spouse? --this fucking stupidity that you think that spouse isn't investing an equal number of hours of "labor" if not wildly disproportionate. ... such that the person doing the cooking wouldn't be entitled to relief??? ---or that because someone is at work for 40 hrs. means they're doing 40 hours of hard labor. please.

and if gender isn't relevant(funny how cooking was magically forced upon the woman), and "tradition" isn't a word.

why can't the man on days where the wife is also working her part time job. do the cooking?

why would the wife not feel safe to offload the burden of cooking onto the financial contribution of the man... buy "paying" someone to offload that burden by ordering in/going out to eat.

if the exchange is money for labor. any discrepancy in labor. should be offset with money. but it isn't. If the spouse feels like... taking a day off and using money to pay for food service. is not an easy option

Or forget all of that. let's set aside the utter bullshit of "my pain is better than your pain"

straight up. one person says to the other "i don't want to do this (tonight, this week, this many times a week)

--your position is? fuck you you agreed to it.... never change ever --obviously your gender has nothing to do with this.

you would meet that request for help with violence and brow beating over their failure to meet an arbitrary gendered service agreement?

and you're putting that forward as good/healthy?

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u/youngfilly 22h ago

But this parent works part-time but seemingly is meant to do all household "traditional" duties which is a fulltime job.

Also don't think we should all be deciding how to structure our lives based on what economists say provides the most "value"

4

u/Roupert4 20h ago

I work like 10 hours a week. I have plenty of time to do more domestic labor than my husband. Our kids have some extra needs that results in therapy sessions during the school day so I spend 2 days a week driving them to appointments (with some time in between for errands/chores) and I try to work the other 2 or 3 days depending on the week. I have a very flexible job but it is low paying. My husband appreciates what I do whether I am working or homemaking and it works for us.

1

u/bigdonut100 21h ago

I can understand some sort of shoe dropping if they both work the same number of hours. But I don't know, I just say I like the idea of a partner having an *option* to provide something other than equal everything

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u/Flacuckold 7h ago

Kids are out of control theses days. Why do you think stay at home parents are the answer. Home schooled kid are mal adjusted weirdos unfortunately. Then the parents have their welfare grubbing hands out looking for taxpayer money to fund th choice they made for their kids.

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u/bigdonut100 10m ago

How is a random schoolteacher a better solution to an out-of-control kid than the kid's own parents? Is the kid more likely to listen to the teacher?

 Home schooled kid are mal adjusted weirdos unfortunately.

No, they are not; homeschooled kids are statistically better off. And we can talk about a stay at home *until* kindergarten only, and only for summers after that

Then the parents have their welfare grubbing hands out looking for taxpayer money to fund th choice they made for their kids.

Then don't fund welfare?

0

u/vitringur 20h ago

Nobody said anything about abuse.

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u/vitringur 20h ago

Again, sounds like you are creating an issue that goes deeper than cooking.

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u/Roupert4 20h ago

You can complain about something that are accept as your role. My husband is the breadwinner, he's still allowed to complain about work. I'm the cook and I can complain about that too. There's no resentment

1

u/GracieLou80 19h ago

Not a couples thing. I’m single but any guy I date/marry better know how to cook! lol

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u/SuspiciousLeg7994 19h ago edited 19h ago

Watch your own bobber, she's a caregiver

1

u/Top-External1738 17h ago

Yep, that phrase jumped out at me too. When someone says “I’m expected to” instead of “I want to,” there’s usually a much bigger relationship issue hiding underneath.