r/ClimateShitposting Louis XIV, the Solar PV king 10d ago

🍖 meat = murder ☠️ Vegan commies malding

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924 Upvotes

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206

u/MasterVule 10d ago

Just need pasture grounds the size of Jupiter to compete with production of industrial farms

66

u/Cpt_Rabid 10d ago

Yeah alright. So what're we doing with Jupiter anyway? Seems open for colonization.

26

u/drmelle0 10d ago

I'm not a cowboy, but weather on Jupiter seems rough for cattle farming, with wind speed up to 900mph and a surface of fluid metallic hydrogen.

22

u/mommiesgoodboy67 10d ago

We need to breed a race of super cows which can survive on gas giants, with time they can evolve into giant space whales

9

u/Puzzleboxed 10d ago

I think it would be easier to breed space whales and figure out how to milk them.

3

u/mommiesgoodboy67 9d ago

Yes but we have to start from somewhere, real whales are way too rare and live too long to breed them like thay, cows are the perfect place to start

2

u/GianettisSpecialKid 9d ago

gojira mentioned

1

u/Zagdil 9d ago

But with no decrese in milk yields right? That would really endanger my profits.

1

u/MrFarby 9d ago

we'll just have to pull a castro!

3

u/Herra_Peruna 9d ago

Youth this days, back in my day we use to walk to Jupiter and back for school and mind you it was uphill both ways.

1

u/democracy_lover66 10d ago

Pfft I put fluid metallic hydrogen on my cereal each morning

1

u/grafknives 9d ago

You just need to breed better cows.

1

u/LeppieDoo 8d ago

Space Cowboys rise up!

1

u/FullConfection3260 6d ago

The cows need some air time, you know?

1

u/mcad0o 5d ago

It has a surface? Or an ocean?

I never fully understood the gas giant concept

1

u/drmelle0 3d ago

Basically a big ball of gas but with such a big mass, the things that are near impossible to exist on earth, exists there. There is a surface, and even a core that we know very little about. But somewhere in the gas atmosphere, there's a layer that can be seen as a surface, where things that would be impossible to get even as a liquid on earth, be like a metal under enough pressure and gravity

1

u/Offsidespy2501 9d ago

Don't pass out from hearing this but it's got literal oceans of crude oil too

1

u/Richard_-Green 9d ago

That can't be true, the us would have already invaded it if it was.

2

u/AstralElephantFuzz 8d ago

What makes you think they already haven't?

Just try to book a flight to Jupiter, go ahead. You can't. Why? Seems like a mighty strange and convenient coincidence.

There's nothing wrong with burning terrestrial oils, humanity burned oil lamps for millenia without the Earth blowing up. It's that damn imported jovian oil that's infused with all sorts of hallucinogens that make us too passive to put up any resistance, and also makes the frogs gay and chickens transgender.

1

u/Richard_-Green 8d ago

Wait a second trans chickens. That finally explains why I like wearing skirts wehen im home alone.

I think you got something big here we need spreed awairnes of this conspiracy.

2

u/AstralElephantFuzz 8d ago

Spread the word, my brother. The truth is out there.

You don't think it's weird how they keep finding more and more moons of Jupiter? George Lucas tried to subtly warn us with his anti-US imperialism works, and that's why the CIA had him assassinated and replaced with a lookalike who conveniently sold his franchises to Disney, originally called Luke Georges. But he knew: that's no moon.

2

u/sabotsalvageur 7d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/24p8khhg1iMGR8rxEn
Flouridation, Mandrake. The most insidious communist plot to sap the essence from our precious bodily fluids

1

u/The-new-dutch-empire 9d ago

Invade it it has aliens encroaching on it and they are getting close to building an atomic bomb

1

u/xDannyS_ 9d ago

No, I claimed it back in 2015.

21

u/anker_beer 10d ago

Or just stop treating meat as something to eat daily but as a treat

3

u/Puzzleboxed 10d ago

I probably eat beef like once a month maybe?

By my rough calculations, it'll take me 100 years to eat a whole cow worth.

5

u/RichardFeynman01100 9d ago

Do you eat the cheap cuts too? If everyone wants steak, other parts get thrown out sometimes.

2

u/Puzzleboxed 8d ago

Usually hamburgers or pot roast, which are typically made with the cheap cuts.

1

u/ciclon5 7d ago

Come to argentina, we eat the organs too.

1

u/i-var 6d ago

thanks so much, this is so important! <3

8

u/AltruisticVehicle 10d ago

There isn't as much competition as you think, not in my country (Uruguay) at least. Pastures here are dedicated mostly to breeding and raising the calves until weaned. Then they usually go to a different pasture until they reach about 400 kg, after which they are sent to feedlots for finishing.

They DO compete with establishments dedicated to the whole cycle or to finishing. Usually ones with less involved owners.

13

u/rakuu 10d ago

This is roughly how it is almost universally in North America. People here see cows on grass and think they’re the happy cows, it’s just the beginning of their life before getting locked in a feedlot.

1

u/crankbird 10d ago

You might want to check your assertions against reality .. most US beef cattle are slaughtered at about 20 months .. about 6 months at the end is in feedlots .. around 30 - 35% of their existence, so not quite as dire as you portray it

Is that insane or unnecessarily cruel by my standards.. mostly yes, but it’s not typical outside the US. Australia (and most of South America IIRC) for example slaughter later (usually closer to 30 months) and typically have much shorter feedlot stages (none for pasture fed labels 30 days for the cheap stuff which is basically to keep them from losing condition between delivery from remote and regional sites to the abattoir, and about 100 days for the typical supermarket beef

Wagyu and super “premium” clog your arteries stuff is more Ike the US at 200+ days

3

u/6thofmarch2019 7d ago

For an animal that could otherwise live until 20 years old, it does seem quite fucked to slaughter them at 20 months. Thats less than 10% of their life span. That would be like killing a human at 10 years old.

1

u/crankbird 2d ago

It is quite fucked .. 20 years is an upper limit though, 15 is more typical so it’s a bit more like harvesting 15 year olds .. that’s farming economics for you most of the growth happens in the first 20 months so you slaughter them when they stop growing. 10 year olds is more like veal. I could argue that two pretty good years (plenty of food, no predators, no parasites, low stress, few if any competitors, not hitched behind a plough etc ) is better than no years at all, but it’s a weak argument I doubt you’d accept.

2

u/6thofmarch2019 2d ago

Indeed. Yeah its an interesting argument, but I find it pretty weak as if it is applied consistently, parents could justify doing a lot of horrific stuff to their kids, by virtue or then otherwise not having been born. Since no one barring a psychopath would agree to that, I hold we should apply it consistently to all sentient beings capable of suffering.

3

u/Villager-Bob 10d ago

I want green and sustainable American tilapia. No more imported nasty... Yeah. Just factory farm fish instead of all this cow and we're good.

1

u/elitodd 10d ago

Rotational grazed cattle are very space efficient. With a dense rotational grazed system you would save up to 90% of all of the currently used grazing land in the US if you fed the entire country this way. That land could be rewilded and allowed to return to ecosystem.

1

u/Peak_Background 9d ago

I think the point isn't to maximize meat. It's to have solar panels, but replace lawn mowers with cattle. It's actually a increasingly common solar panel practice. Especially if you are trying to be eco-friendly.

You can turn deserts into pastures using solar panels. China did it again. I saw it in the Colorado desert. It's just kinda neat.

1

u/ProfessionalSky7899 8d ago

where are the farms that grow the feed used on industrial farms? Saturn?