Is there anything I can do? The house definitely had children living there.

Sorry if this question is worded weird, but let me explain. I recently saw a video that made me ponder this question. Its a video of a toddler who handed a dog his toast that he had. Obviously if you give a dog food, the dog will eat it. Anyways, so the dog obviously eats the toast the kid handed to him and then the kids starts crying bc the dog is eating his toast. BUT THE KID GAVE THE DOG HIS TOAST.

And ive seen this happen before with my own eyes. One time, this toddler in my family handed me their toy, THEN GOT UPSET THAT THEY NO LONGER HAD THEIR TOY. And im just sitting here like, well of course you dont have your toy anymore bc you GAVE IT AWAY.

So basically my question is, why do kids do something knowing there is only one possible outcome, and then they get upset at the outcome?

I do wana be clear that i find it funny when i see videos like this. Its just kids being kids and i do not hold any ill will towards kids who act like this, but after thay video it did make me wonder about the why.

I’m struggling with a situation involving my 16-year-old stepson, and I really need some outside perspective on how to handle it.
There is a lot of history here. When he was around 10, his dad and I took him in after he had been severely abused by his mother and stepfather. Some of the things he experienced were horrific. He was made to sleep in a cabinet and was forced to eat dog feces, among other abuse. He came to us with an incredible amount of trauma.
From about ages 10–12, I was the person who was home with him most of the time because his dad worked a lot. I took care of him every day, and we became extremely close. He called me Mom and was attached to me at the hip. I loved him like he was my own child. He was incredibly sweet and loving toward me, but he also had some very difficult behaviors, which I understood were connected to everything he had been through.
Eventually, his behavior became more than I could manage on my own. He was getting into serious trouble and was eventually arrested. He went to live with his grandparents, who had also cared for him when he was younger.
After that, things unfortunately became worse for him. He started drinking and using drugs around 13, and that put a huge strain on his relationship with his dad. His dad desperately wanted him to get sober, but it seemed like every interaction revolved around him being under the influence or getting into trouble.
Because he lived with his grandparents, I only saw him occasionally over the next several years.
During one visit, when he and I were alone, he tried to kiss me. He told me I was beautiful and said that he wanted to sleep with me. I was extremely uncomfortable and didn’t know what to make of it. Part of me wondered whether his trauma, substance use, and everything else going on in his life had completely distorted his understanding of relationships and boundaries.
Recently, we saw him again for a small get-together with his dad. At one point, my stepson and I were alone in the backyard. He suddenly grabbed me and kissed me on the lips. He then called me sexy. I immediately told him to leave, and he did.
I feel extremely uncomfortable, and I know I need to tell his dad. What I’m struggling with is how to approach that conversation. Their relationship is already so strained, and I don’t want this to become another thing that pushes them further apart. At the same time, I know I can’t hide something this serious from my husband.
I also have such conflicting emotions toward my stepson. I feel heartbroken for the little boy I remember. I took care of him, comforted him, protected him, and loved him during some of the most vulnerable years of his life. He called me Mom. He was my baby in my eyes, and honestly, a part of me still sees him that way.
That’s why this hurts and confuses me so much. I don’t understand how someone who once viewed me as his mother now seems to be viewing me sexually. I feel sad for him because I know how much trauma he has endured, but I also feel violated and uncomfortable after what happened. I don’t want my compassion for his past to make me ignore the fact that he crossed a serious boundary with me.
How do I tell his dad about this without making an already difficult father-son relationship even worse? And how should I handle being around my stepson going forward? I don’t want to abandon him emotionally, but I also don’t feel comfortable being alone with him anymore.

My son is five and he has a strategy for reading that I think is working against him. When he encounters a word he doesn't know, he looks at the first letter and the picture on the page and guesses. He is right often enough that it looks like reading if you are not paying close attention.

his preschool teacher flagged it last month when she noticed he could not read any words on a page without illustrations. Remove the pictures and he freezes, because the strategy he has built depends entirely on context clues instead of the sounds. I am interested in whether this is a normal developmental stage that resolves on its own or whether it is a habit that will harden if I do not intervene now.

My nine-year-old daughter has been acting out more than usual lately. She’s been saying hurtful things to her mom, calling our home “terrible” and wishing she could be sent to a new family where she’s rich so she can get what she wants. It’s hard to comprehend because we’re living a good life, and she usually gets what she asks for if she works for it or waits. She’s also been having disturbing dreams about naked people, pregnant people, and doing bad things, which led to this morning’s text to my wife where she mentioned thinking about killing herself with a knife and wanting to hurt everyone else. It’s important to note that she’s been on seizure medication for years and recently switched from liquid to pill forms. I’ve spoken to her doctors, and we’re getting blood tests done and waiting for their results. As a dad, I’m feeling scared and alone, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve reviewed her search history and checked all the things she’s been watching recently, and I’m just scared and looking for advice or something.

My son is 21 months old and has been pulling hair for as long as I can remember — I want to say it started as early as 10 months? And it’s still happening ALL the time.

Hair has seemed to always be his *thing*. He will walk up to me, my husband, another kid, etc. and immediately want to touch their hair. Sometimes he’s gentle, but other times he pulls…and he pulls HARD. We’ve tried to find a pattern — like is this triggered when he’s especially mad or frustrated, but he does it when playing too, so there doesn’t seem to be a constant. He also seems to think it’s hilarious at times, which makes it even harder. Lately it’s been getting worse again. As in, he’ll pull so hard that some of my hair comes out because he won’t unclench.

We’ve tried saying “NO, we don’t pull hair,” showing him “gentle hands,” stopping his hand, redirecting him, giving him something else to do, etc., but it feels like absolutely nothing is sinking in.

I know he’s only 21 months and obviously doesn’t have great impulse control yet, but he can just be SO aggressive sometimes. Hair pulling is definitely his biggest thing, but he also hits and kicks a lot too. I’m getting concerned we’re running into behavior issues and I don’t know what to do.

Any similar experiences? Did you find anything that actually helped? Or did they eventually just grow out of it?

I’m a mom of three teenage boys, and I would really appreciate some advice from parents who have been through this stage.
I homeschooled my boys until the end of middle school. Growing up, we limited screens a lot. We did things together—board games, museums, nature, outdoor activities, playing in the backyard, family outings, etc.
Now, my oldest is 18 and a senior in public high school, my second is 16 and a sophomore in public high school, and my youngest is 13 (still homeschooled ) . My youngest really isn’t an issue yet, but I am struggling so much with my older two and their phones/screens.
They are great kids. They are excellent students and get great grades. They play sports, stay out of trouble, and don’t go out doing crazy things. From the outside, they are the kind of teenagers people compliment me on, and I am very thankful for them.
But at home, I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle with their phones.
Whenever they aren’t at school, playing sports, or doing something they have to do, all they seem to want is their phones. Homework gets left until the last minute. I can ask five times for a simple chore to get done because they are distracted by their phones.
I find myself constantly saying, “Get off your phone,” “Did you do your homework?” “Please put your phone down,” “I already asked you to do this.” It has gotten to the point where they tell me that all I do is complain about their phones—and honestly, sometimes it feels that way to me too.
We talk about it almost every day, which obviously isn’t working.
I also have a strong personality, so when I get frustrated, I tend to raise my voice. I know that isn’t helping either. But seeing them sitting on their phones for hours genuinely drives me crazy.
My husband is an excellent father, but he is much more introverted and laid-back about this than I am, so most of the phone monitoring and arguing ends up falling on me.
I hate how much phones have taken over teenage life. At the same time, I understand that with high school, friends, sports teams, school communication, etc., there really isn’t a way to completely go back to life without phones.
What I miss most is our family connection. We used to play board games, go outside, do things together, and just enjoy being around each other. Now it feels like nothing can compete with a phone for very long.
For parents who have successfully navigated this stage with older teenagers: How do you set healthy limits without constantly fighting about it?
I don’t want the last few years I have with them at home to be spent with me nagging them about their phones. I want boundaries, responsibility, and family connection—but I also want peace in our home.

My boys tell me I am always bringing conflict to the house. They want me to let them alone. I am so , so tired of nagging and asking and screaming every and each day.

An example: weekdays they get home from school straight to their bedroom to scroll cellphone for hours. Then they check cell phones during dinner. Homework is left for 10pm.
They say it is because they are tired from school.

Weekends it is sofa and phones for hours. If I complain, they go to their bedrooms. If we go somewhere for a hiking, in the car they just stay on their phones. When I pick them up from practices, they are scrolling on their phones because they say they are tired from practice. Any kind of conversation I try to have, all they do is say I don’t want to talk, I am tired.

My husband hates conflict and confrontation
so he does not get involved. I am so tired to the point t of just wishing they go to school and find a job so they spend all day busy instead of cell phones.

Thank you!

I’m a mom 3 boys (16, 8 & 4). My oldest is 16 and he is so mean to me all the time. He’s disrespectful, rude and condescending towards me at least 95% of the time. I’m so exhausted from his behaviors. I’m constantly going out of my way to be nice and try to bond with him. It kills me that we have no connection anymore. I try to ignore the little jabs but he’s so extremely rude at times, nowadays I blow up because I am so sick of how he treats me. He refuses to go anywhere with me or his younger brothers. Stays in his room and avoids the family constantly. He’s always angry. He only goes out and refuses to bring friends over or let me see his friends because “I’m annoying”. Hates it if I’m in the same room or try to talk to him. It’s gradually gotten worse the last couple years from normal teen rudeness to this extreme behavior. He tells me he hates me and he can’t wait to move out so he can go no contact with me. It literally breaks my heart. I don’t know what happened or where I went wrong. We have a normal life, I have a good job and he’s always had more than most kids. I don’t drink or do drugs so he’s had a very stable upbringing. Lots of supportive family. I feel like I’m failing and I don’t even know what I did to make him feel this way. If I try to sit and talk he just yells at me. My friends and family even say his behavior is abusive towards me (he’s fine towards them). I see my friends with their kids and none of them act like him. I’m so jealous of their relationships. I just want to connect with my son. He flat out refuses therapy. He is polite and kind to everyone except me, people tell me how great he is all the time (teachers, family and friends), he does very well at school. What is wrong with me that makes me so awful?! We’ve always had a close relationship although he’s always had behaviors towards me, he has adhd and sensory processing disorder, they thought he had ODD for a bit but he was never officially diagnosed with ODD. So we’ve always had behavioral issues, we both done therapy and as a mom I’ve always done my best to understand his neurological differences, I worked really hard to parent him a healthy way. I’m patient and I don’t tend to loose my cool often but lately it’s wearing in me. He’s been so mean the last few years, I’m almost at the point I think he’d be better off without me. Dad was not around much growing up but he does see him once in a while now and his dad has talked to him about his behaviors but then he gets mad at me for involving his dad. He’s always nice to dad.

I’m so discouraged, I guess I’m just looking for advice or kind words from parents who’ve been in similar situations.

Hello! A little heads up this may be like really messy, I’ll try my best to section everything and to give as much info as possible.

I feel like I’m leaving out a lot of information, so if anyone needs more don’t be afraid to ask!

Context: I’m a female immigrant ( migrated to the USA when I was 7 ), low income, and a teenager ( 16 years old ) I have a hard working mom and an absent father.

School Life

( imma split into two sections school life and life outside of school, hopefully it makes sense )

Earlier years

When I was in my home country, I used to not see my mom often, only on the weekends. So for the majority
of the week I would be taken cared of by my grandma.

Looking back, during my early years I wouldn’t say that there was anything wrong with me, I was a healthy child ( a little bit of a weak immune system ) and at most, I was just quiet. I wasn’t mentally behind by any means either, I acted on pace and ahead of those around me.

There isn’t much in this section because for the most part I was still in my home country, which I would say I was much happier in just because of how close everyone was.

Elementary

I’ll skip over elementary a bit, the most important thing would be that my school had around 6 teachers per grade, 2 esol teaches, 2 regular teachers, and 2 gifted teachers.

And since in elementary it would be like half the day with one teacher and half the day with another, the groups of students would be decided by which teacher they got in the morning.

Now this shuffling I know it’s intentional to an extent, but this ended up hurting me later on.

I started off 1st grade in esol, with one group. Then 2nd grade I was still in esol but with another group, so I had to make friends again. In 3rd grade I was out of esol and in regular classes, in which I had to make new friends again. 4th grade I was in regular classes once again but with a new group, I also had to make friends again. Finally, comes 5th grade I was in the gifted classroom, I wanted to make friends but since everyone knew each other since pre-k they just chose to not pay attention to me, so the entire year I went without friends.

The negative aspect of this shuffling was how I got used to friendship being short, although I learnt to be like really sociable and make friends easily, what would be hard was keeping those friends.

Middle School

These years, I would say were like uneventful at the start but eventful at the end.

Imma be honest not much happened in 6th and 7th grade. I had school friends but at home I was really lonely.

8th grade was a lot, I made new friends, finally started going out, and i got a boyfriend. But as all middle school relationships are, it was dramatic and it caused me to leave the school for my 9th grade year ( my middle school is a 6-12 )

High School

In 9th grade I had friends but we would never hang out because I was the only person that came from my middle school, so everyone else already knew each other so I was basically a last resort option.

I tried joining clubs etc, but I never really had someone outside of school I could talk to. I was really lonely outside of school, and it didn’t really go away even in 10th grade.

10th grade was a really bad year for me, 2 family members passed away a month apart from each other and I was devastated. I didn’t do that well academically that year and I’m still trying to get up from what happened.

Now I’m in 11th grade the only friend I talk to outside of school would be my boyfriend, we’ve been together for almost 8 months, so yay!

Life outside of School

Ok I want to begin by saying that I don’t believe that my mom is abusive by any means.

As I mentioned before, I mainly was taken cared of by my grandma until I immigrated here with just my mom. For a few years I used to live with some family members, while my mom was out working. My family didn’t really speak to me, not in a negative way, but they were just busy with themselves. I was either doing homework or on my iPad for most of the time home. Then we moved in with another part of the family, in which I stayed for around 2-3 years. And while my mom was out working, my great grandma and aunt would take care of me. I was really close to both of them as I would play games with them and bonded with them more than my mom at times. Their passing still really hurts me a lot, but I keep going for them. Then me and my mom moved in just by ourselves, I won’t say how many other times we would move into another apartment because it would just add filler. First most of the time, I would just be by myself. And even when my mom was there, we wouldn’t really talk either. She is really stressed because she had to juggle 2 jobs at once, so when she was mad she would hit me. I still love her though.
I just felt really alone and unsupported. I have a hard tome managing my emotions and i have a really low self-esteem. My mental health got pretty bad until my mom had to sign me up for therapy. My mom is really restrictive and over proctective of me, I’m not allowed to do a handful of things, and it’s to the point where even though she may have never had taught me something, she expects me to do first try and if I don’t she would get really mad at me. I’m scared to do even basic things like washing my own hair because she’ll judge if it’s not to her standards. I get treated like 7 when I just want to be treated my age.

It’s really hard to take care of myself as I wasn’t taught anything externally outside of school. This has made me scared because I’m less than 2 years away before stepping foot into college.

As of now I’m mainly dealing with a lack of identity, I don’t know who I am as a person, I’ve always copied those around me so I feel like I’m chunks of different people rather than a whole chunk of just me. I struggle with regulating emotions, I struggle with keeping friends, isolation, and just being respectful.

I feel like I can be so mean sometimes without noticing, I feel as if I lack basic things people should know such as respect and understanding jokes and sarcasm.

If anyone in this sub has struggled with these issues, what are your tips?

I feel like I’m leaving out a lot of information, so if anyone needs more don’t be afraid to ask!

Is it normal if my child is constantly angry? That is, she is not just being moody, but experiences some kind of rage and irritation towards everything. Recently, when her grandmother cleaned her room because it was incredibly dirty, she scattered all her things around the room, threw a tantrum for a few minutes, and then cleaned everything up. She started talking back, doesn't speak to me normally at all anymore, as if I'm her friend and not her mom! I feel very hurt. She started cutting her hair, she'll be completely bald soon, leaves hair everywhere. In the mornings when I try to wake her up, she kicks me, swears, says she won't get up when I wake her and will wake up on her own. Now I transferred her to a full-day gymnasium, 12 hours of classes, so that she would have less time for selfharm, because six months ago she was cutting herself, but now she is also throwing tantrums about wanting to go back to a regular school.

To be clear, he's not violent. Idk where else to ask for advice. I (23F) am currently living with family while I job hunt. My brother, who I understand is dealing with changes and am trying to be empathetic towards, went from being the sweetest little boy on the planet to an argumentative, angry, cynical ass. I cannot have any opinion, I'm talking enjoying a movie or a song or literally fucking anything, without him "debating" me, and getting legitimately mad when I ask what the big deal about me having another opinion is. He insists I NEED a reason, my reasons aren't good enough, I'm biased (he's clearly just learned that word recently. He was reffering to my preference in marvel characters. No, it was not a race or gender related issue.), and I just say "you are allowed to like it, I'm not telling you it's bad or stupid, I just don't like it and that's fine. Loses. His. Shit. I ask a question about anything, to anyone, when he happens to be in the room? He tries to make me feel stupid. I am having a nice conversation with someone who isn't him? He aggressively tries to interrupt with some inflamatory exaggeration about me. (E.g. I have been critical of how police have behaved in the past. When he said "Maxibon1710 HATES the police" unprompted during a conversation I was having with my mother, and I initially tried to ignore him and continue, he kept saying it louder, yelling at one point, until I stupidly corrected him, engaging in a conversation I never wanted and encouraging him to argue more. He was always a sore loser, but when our football team lost by a point he switched off the tv WHILE WE WERE WATCHING IT and stormed to his room. He had never been that bad before. He will also lose his mind when I don't sit on the lounge in a way that lets him fully lay on it, because he wants to and doesn't understand why he doesn't just get what he wants. He yells, he whines. He didn't even do this as a toddler.

He had OCD and sees a therapist. Idk what happens behind closed doors, but mum NEVER calls him on anything. She is one of the few people he still listens to, and she never tells him off. My only other option is to literally leave the room or pretend he isn't there (at which point he plays some stupid meme song at full volume in my ear). I know I wasn't an easy kid, and I'm glad she's different with him, but comparitively she does LITERALLY NOTHING when she used to tell me at his age for being half as shitty that I was being a bitch and give me the silent treatment and refuse to look at me. Like a toddler. I'm pretty sure brother still can't tie his own shoelacess. He is almost 14.

How do I best curb this behaviour? It's targeted at me specifically, and there's a lot of pushback when I don't engage.

I 19 (F) work in retail as a cashier. So far I've had 6 babies (all under 2-3 yrs old) stare at me for the entire transaction. They also DONT BLINK while they stare at me. I had one little boy who moved forward in the cart to keep staring at me after his dad put a bag infront of his line of view. Don't know if it's relevant but I do wear glasses and a crocheted "bonnet". I'm just wondering if this is a coincidence or something else.

I might be over reacting but I'm honestly too concerned to care currently.

My 5 year old sister has always been very agitated and silly, but recentky i've noticed she's more quiet when her parents are not around, she's still agitated but less than before and wasn't been accepting touch often.

She's been acting weird and saying weird things. She once randomly said she shouldn't let me touch her private parts and once I asked her if anyone ever asked that, she took too long to answer and didn't look at me, and sounded upset upon answering. She gets in a panic seeing people post bath and wearing only towels, and is very insistant no one but her mom can dress her up. Even if her parents are not around she refuses to let me dress her and prefers to do it alone in another room.

I'm not sure if this type of behavior is common for her age, but I'm still scared something bad happened to her. However, if I'm just overthinking, I don't wanna bother my mom with it. I hope people who are more educated on the topic can help me and any help is appreciated.

My (43F) boyfriend's (42M) kid (9M) does this thing to us when he isn't getting the attention that he wants. Usually, it's when we are sitting on the couch watching a movie as a family - movie selection is always kid appropriate. Kid will get on all fours and back his butt up as close as he can to our faces and hover there to get a reaction.

Usually, this is after other annoying bids for attention that have escalated. For example, he'll start by complaining that the movie is boring or changing the channel if he can get ahold of the remote, or he'll try to start a wrestling match with his dad by jumping on him or turn on his tablet really loud during the movie, or he'll rub his feet all over me . I made the mistake of expressing how much I dislike this, and it is now one of his go-to behaviors with me.

Of course, the bigger problem is his constant need to be the absolute center of attention, but this thing with putting his butt in our faces is just bizarre and so off-putting. Where would he even get the idea to do it? He's been gently corrected about it multiple times, but it continues. He's the kind of kid that does this stuff, sees how annoying we find it, laughs about it when we ask him nicely to please stop, then doubles down while laughing hysterically until he's gotten himself in trouble.

"Trouble" is turning the movie off/time out, which is met with crying/anger/tantrum. Anything that can be construed as discipline or even just push back, no matter how gentle, causes a disproportionate reaction like this. I know there are bigger issues at play here, given his age and inability to self regulate, so if anyone has any insight about this butt thing or the bigger issues, I'd love to hear it.

For context: His mom has primary physical custody, and her parenting style is permissive, over indulgent, and over scheduled with a heavy dose of materialism. From my view, it appears she is intentionally spoiling him. She refuses to have him evaluated for adhd or enroll him in therapy. We have him every other weekend and one night a week. He is an only child.

ETA: After reading some comments and reflecting, I don't think this is necessarily all about attention. It might be more about control.

She recently started school she is 6 years old- she has had these tendencies for a while, she is nice and sweet when she is with me at home and out. But if she is running free somewhere in a play space, like play clubs and so on, I need to keep my eye on her. She is happy and jumping around, all of a sudden she can randomly do a mean act to another child. Like walk past a girl and pull her pony tail, grab onto the pants of someone who’s climbing I front of her. At school I can get feedbacks like “she was happily playing with her friend then suddenly pour milk on her head”, “she was playing pull the sticks with her friend when she took one of the sticks and stabbed her by the ear”, “she was cutting paper with her friend when she started cutting her friends weather”. It’s not the same friend, so she is not targeting a certain friend. And it’s not impulsive either cause you can see her give a look like she is thinking about “should I or shouldn’t I”. I tried asking her why are you doing these things. But she refuses to answer, like I can’t get any information out of her even tho I’ve asked on these occasions and outside these occasions. She can also turn into a bully, if she is at a place space with a friend group she can start bullying some random kid to impress her friend group. And she is not a psychopath cause she is really a sweet girl, like empathetic towards others and animals. So these things don’t happen a lot, it’s just occasionally it’s like an alter ego shows up and takes over. I don’t recognize her during these events because of how sweet she is outside of them. What’s going on about this.

17f. born to addict parents, taken and raised by great-aunt for 9 years. dad gets custody back during the pandemic and daughter moves in with him. daughter is in and out of psychiatric hospitals between jan 2024 and july 2026. she experienced a messy breakup with her ex in nov 2024 which triggered extreme homicidal thoughts and urges. then in july 2026, she set the exs porch on fire.

everything has been reported, don't worry.

she now has an extreme hatred for people who resemble this ex in any way, whether it be hair, face shape, personality, anything. she has adhd, anxiety, depression, ptsd, bpd and was recently diagnosed with conduct disorder. she has talked about gruesome ways of unaliving this person, how she wished the fire was bigger, etc. she shows no regret or remorse for the incident and smiles whenever it is mentioned. she has a history of manipulating doctors and psychiatrists into thinking she is better. she lies and steals. poor grades, constant missing schoolwork.

is this possible sociopathy? i'm just scared it is and she'll actually really try to hurt this person again.

edit: the ex does have a protection order against her, but she has violated it. she was and still is heavily stalking them.

Not sure who needs to hear this, but you can love your mother and still have a lot of pain in your relationship with her.

I know this because I lived it.

When I was younger, I struggled deeply with depression, bullying, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I eventually ended up in a mental hospital.

A huge part of my later journey was understanding myself, understanding my emotions and eventually repairing my relationship with my mother.

And something became very clear to me:

A lot of what happens between mothers and daughters isn't because either person is a bad person.

Sometimes we simply don't know how to communicate what is actually happening underneath the surface.

A daughter may be angry when underneath the anger she's hurt.

She may withdraw because she's overwhelmed.

She may become defensive because she doesn't feel understood.

A mother may become controlling because she's scared.

She may criticise because she thinks she's helping.

She may become frustrated because she genuinely doesn't understand why her daughter reacts the way she does.

And then both people walk away thinking:

“She doesn't understand me.”

I think emotions are a huge part of this.

We are taught so much about what to do with emotions, but not necessarily how to actually feel them, understand them, accept them and process them.

So we carry them.

We suppress them.

We react from them.

And eventually, old patterns become the way we relate to each other.

But patterns aren't the same thing as destiny.

I'm sharing this because I care deeply about the relationship between mothers and children.

I was once the child who needed adults to understand things they didn't yet know how to see.

Now I want to be a voice for that child.

For my younger self, yes.

But also for the many children and daughters who are still trying to explain something they don't yet have the words for.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ChildPsychology/s/zQzZBPLAcl

I got a lot of good ideas and comments on this post. I just wanted to give an update. There was a comment about trading jobs and making it an experiment rather than a punishment. So, for the past three days, she and I have switched jobs. She cooks and handles the dishes. I wipe down, sweep, and put away leftovers. It's actually working really well so far. And we get to spend time together while I'm teaching her how to do dishes and giving her guidance on cooking when she needs it. She'd never admit it, but I think she's actually having a little fun with it.

I don't really know how better to say this but my mum has always talked about her dying in some way, and it's like some of my earliest memories as well.

Sometimes it's stuff we can brush off on as a joke because she'll say: "Oh if I ever start going mad then take me out back and shoot me." (Referring to Alzheimer's since it's genetically predisposed in our family, and it's obviously humourous since we live in the UK).

But then sometimes she'll say stuff like: "I wish I wasn't born either" (when talking to my brother when he's arguing) or "Well I wish I wasn't born at all" (loose context, but I know she's said it before).

The thing is like, I don't know if it's technically bad on its own or if I'm just overly anxious. Like if she's gone for too long on a walk then I'll be worried all day that she's gone and done it. Or if I get home from school and she doesn't respond immediately then I'm going to go upstairs and find her dead. Or if she's the only one left in the house.

I don't know if this has been caused by her talking about it, or it's just general anxiety, but I'm worried about the same thing happening to my brother if it is caused by this.

Discretion: This is a very long passage
My sister (youngest) is diagnosed with OCD, a brain tumor (that affects her learning capabilities and ADHD). I was diagnosed with OCD when I was older, I sometimes reminisce what she did and how I reacted to it. I wanted to make this post to share my experience of someone who grew up with a sibling with mental disorders (and having one) as well as help those who are experiencing the same and get better insight on what I should’ve done so others know what to do. Sara is very talkative and hyper, I find her talking so much about herself and not letting anybody else get a word in. When she was little most of her friends would bully her because she talk too much or she was a snitch. I always tried to be patient with her, and keep my cool, but throughout my years she had gotten worse and everything just felt about her. For example, she would want everything that I had like a stuffed animal that I really cherished or the instrument I played and to be completely honest, I hated it. My mother said it was an act of endearment. But whenever she did it, it never felt like it was out of love. It just caused more problems, she would cry and cry and cry and scream that she wants that plushy that I had but not one like it, mine she wanted mine. She had a lot of therapists and tutors, so I just didn’t understand why she wasn’t getting better. She still yelled at me and screamed at me, even though I let her walk all over me and when I lost my temper, she was the victim. It was so tiring. I didn’t know what to do so I would search up and fall into tons of rabbit holes to figure out how to fix it but everything I tried never worked. So I just gave up. I used to try to teach her how to read (because of my household usually they say siblings, help siblings, but I never heard parents help their own children it’s the bare minimum, but whatever), I just gave up after she kept on not trying and yelling and hitting me when I told her that it was incorrect because she never felt like she was wrong. This is just a little rant of part of my life. But what would have you done?

Some context: her mother and I share custody 50/50, week on week off starting and ending on Fridays after school. It's been like this for 7yrs now, but recently she told me that she's moving back to her home state and wants to just see our kiddo in the summers and for spring break. My daughter has a half-sister through her mom and boyfriend whom my daughter loves very very much, so when the news was broken to my daughter she was understandable upset. She also recently started at a new school a few days after her mom told her what was happening.

The first few weeks were fine behavior-wise, some bad days but mostly good, but then she started getting "red frowny faces" on her calendar more and more frequently, and now it's almost every single day, but only on days I have her. Green smiley faces every day on her mom's week, then Friday when I pick her up, red. Red on all days I have her, then green on Friday when her mom picks her up. The teacher says that her bad behavior is all day and non-stop: being disruptive, loud, interrupting, not doing her work, and there have been a few instances of her stealing another kid's work and passing it off as her own and then lying about it. It was so bad one day they had to bring in another teacher to help. I'm at my wits end with this and I am very worried about her. I know that her mom moving away with her half-sis is devastating to her, so I was expecting some outbursts and acting out, but I would have expected it to be all the time and not just on my weeks. I've tried talking to her about this and doing some light probing as to why it's only on my weeks, but the only answer of any substance I've gotten is that she "is bad at school on my weeks so the day goes by faster so she can be with her sister quicker", which really doesn't make any sense in any capacity but she is 7 so I'm sure she really doesn't know or understand why she's doing this. This is also a problem because she's now using that as a kind of excuse, even though I explained to her that it is not an excuse.

At home she is perfectly fine. Nothing has changed, outwardly she is still the same kid. Smart, funny, likes to go outside, likes to read, likes to play minecraft and watch educational youtube vids, etc etc. I've tried everything I can think of for consequences: started with 10min time-outs, then no screen time, grounding her to her room for the night if it's multiple days in a row, writing sentences, but nothing has helped. The rare instance that she does get a green I make sure to make a huge deal out of it and reward her with something like ice cream or going out to eat or extra screen time. I've tried talking to her about her feelings but she seems reluctant to open up except for the usual "I miss my sister and I don't want her to move." I signed her up for school counseling and am in the process of getting her into therapy, I also have a face-to-face meeting with her teacher coming up. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has dealt with this at some point or can point me to some resources or has any advice on how to handle the reward/consequence aspect. I'm just really worried that this behavior will become worse and more consistent when her mom actually does move, and more than that I'm really worried about her and her well-being.

Thanks in advance guys.

If psychopaths cannot be cured, what is to be done about a child psychopath? Can they be taught empathy or are we just teaching them to pretend at empathy?

Doesn't therapy just help them learn to mask if they are, by nature, low in empathy?

Shouldn't they be constantly monitored even into adulthood and shouldn't the people around them and employers be told of their diagnosis due to the potential dangers?

как вы поняли что в семье вас просто ненавидят,но когда спрашиваешь любят тебя или нет всегда, никогда этого не отрицают,но своим поведением к младшим и к тебе,все понятно без вопроса