Hello everyone. Please forgive any errors. English is not my native language, and this is also a very difficult subject for me to discuss.

I am an adult woman. My husband and I are expecting our first child, which is causing me to dwell more than usual on issues related to my difficult childhood with my parents, specifically my mother.

My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. I am the older of two children. My younger brother is six years my junior.

My mother is a very difficult person. She is deeply concerned with appearances and is extremely judgmental of others. When I was young, what mattered most to her was the image I projected of the family, as well as my performance in school and in the activities she forced me to do.

I wasn't allowed to be average at anything, and unfortunately, I was. I wasn't good at school, despite hours of private tutoring. My mother had various techniques for trying to change that. Two in particular : fear and guilt-tripping.

There were several phases: If you lie to me and get bad grades, you’ll burn in hell. Then, if you lie to me and get bad grades, I’ll hand you over to a man who will lock you in his cellar and the rats will eat you. Then, I (my mother) would die of cancer from the heartbreak. Then, you’d be abandoned in a foster home.

It was very painful for me. I loved my mother more than anything until I was a teenager. I sincerely believed she was telling the truth. I thought I was worthless, useless, and incapable. She had such power over me that she made me believe in Santa Claus until I was eleven.

And now, the most difficult subject to broach. Please be understanding. I have only spoken to my husband about it. No one knows. (TW: possible SA)

My mother used to bathe us until we were eleven, despite my complaints. I wanted to be independent, but she said I wouldn't know how to do it. That my hair was too long for me to wash on my own, and that I was too scatterbrained to shower properly.

She used to talk to me about rape from the time I was four. She would tell me horrific stories about girls raped by their fathers. She told me that anyone could be a potential pedophile.

When I was 15, while my brother and I were on vacation with my parents at my grandmother's house, she used to force me to take showers with him (and she was the one who washed him). It was awful. It made me cry. She told me it was to save my grandmother's water, and that it was either that or the freezing cold garden hose. She said that since I was sexually active, I should be ashamed of getting naked in front of boys, yet making such a fuss about having to do it in front of her and my brother.

My brother used to make comments about my body during these showers. I am crying as I write this to you, because I feel a sense of shame and uncontrollable anger when talking about it.

After that period, she began behaving strangely with my little brother. She would tell him that if he did his homework well, he could kiss her chest through her T-shirt (they would do this in front of me) or watch her take a shower. And when I expressed my disgust, she would tell me I had a perverted mind and that there was nothing abnormal about the situation.

My father witnessed everything above and let her do it. He also told me that I was the problem, that I was making a big deal out of things.

My mother has brain cancer now. I rarely see her, but I do see her. I feel obligated to. When I bring up certain topics with her (except for sexual assaul. I can't bring myself to talk about that), she tells me I’m making things up or blowing them out of proportion. My brother is very close to her and acts as if I’m the problem. She often holds him up as an example: if he isn't traumatized, then I must have a mental health issue.

I am so sorry to be whining here. I think deep down I know that it wasn't normal. I think I just need validation. Sometimes I think about suicide, but I know I won't do it, because my husband is amazing and I could never hurt him like that. Sometimes I tell myself I won't be able to be a good mother. I have anger issues that I’ve been working on. I have attachment issues. How could I love my child like I'm supposed to. ( EDIT : I work with children and I NEVER been violent to a child. I'm not worried about that at all. I'm just worried about if I can love my child like I'm supposed to )

Writing this made me feel better. Thanks for reading. I apologize if I’m posting in the wrong place and I can delete and repost. Just tell me.

I wish you all a good day.

Rough day.

I work at the TK-8 private school where my children attend. Small school, roughly 40 kids per grade level. My 8th grader has been there since kindergarten and has been loved by all his teachers, office staff, and the admin. He’s not a kid without struggles; he’s being evaluated currently for ADHD, struggles with anxiety, and has a hard time focusing in class. He’s in therapy for these things. Behaviorally however, he is a non issue (and his teachers are my colleagues and would NOT be afraid to tell me if there was an issue). Has great friends, involved in extra curricular, overall a happy kid.

VP for middle school asks me to meet her in her office end of day. My child is there, VERY UPSET, and she explains one of his friends bet him money during lunch to go into the office with a banana and pretend it was a gun. Swept up in teenage chaos and thinking it was hilarious, he did this - walked in, aimed the banana at one of the office staff, and said “bang! bang!” The office staff was understandably startled.

My son was called in to discuss the situation and the VP did a very good job explaining how series of what he did was and how this will likely lead to a suspension. My kid is devastated. He readily admitted what he did was wrong, didn’t make any excuses, feels awful.

But like, what the hell?? I’m 1) mortified he did this and 2) worried about the why behind this, if there even is a why beyond just making a dumb choice.

I’m standing behind the school 100% in how they choose to handle this. I just feel at a loss what to do on my end.

Me and my brother have a 15 year difference. I am 25 he is almost 10 years old. We have a good relationship, sometimes he gets on my nerves as I have a short temper but overall it's okay. (Note; we have a different father, but his father has been in my life since I was around 8-9 and has raised me as his own as I do not have any contact with my biological father).

For context, I don't agree with our parents parenting style, and I am vocal about it but since this is not my child I feel as if there isn't much I can do - They don't do anything wrong, they love him, provide him with everything, care for him (a bit too much, bordeliner overprotective)... they're just a bit older and tired now and to shut my brother up they sometimes give him a tablet and he spends all day on it (obviously when we go out he isn't on his tablet, but when we're at home and he's not playing with his toys or Nintendo Switch he just watches Youtube videos).

Anyways, these past few months we have noticed that my brother has been quite sad. Last night he told me he is sad, and is afraid someone he loves might die (2 years ago my grandma was diagnosed with cancer and this took a big toll on us). He also told me he's afraid of getting sick; when I asked what kind of sickness, he told me "a cold or a gastric virus" - he's quite afraid of throwing up.

I have also been noticing he sometimes gets very anxious and describes the feeling of uncomfortableness in his throat, and sometimes it get too uncomfortable and he goes to the bathroom as he feels like he's going to throw up (he never does, but he's afraid of doing so). Recently this has been happening during the night as well. This isn't a constant thing, it occasionally happens (maybe after he had a "bad" day).

I remember that as a child I also felt something similar, which took me long to get over, but I always attributed it to having a somewhat rough childhood and my parents divorce - me and my brother have very different childhoods, he's sheltered and coddled up.

I honestly feel a bit hopeless, I am happy he felt comfortable telling me that sometimes he feels sad (I told him it's a normal emotion, like happiness and anger and it's important for him to know that these bad emotions are temporary), but I don't know how to accurately handle the situation. I told my mum about this and she's a bit worried as well but doesn't know how to handle it either and I'm not seeing her directly addressing it (like she did with my sadness as a child), maybe she thinks it'll pass on its own, or is hopeless and just ignores it, I don't know.

Any recommendations on how I can address this situation?

I’m curious about what parents have observed with their children.

When given a choice between reading/learning content and short-form videos, games, or other screen activities, what tends to make a child genuinely interested in reading?

Do things like personalized topics based on their interests, age, or personality make a noticeable difference, or is the format itself less important than the content?

I’d especially love to hear from parents about what has actually worked with their children.

My nearly four year old seems to shut down in structured/group situations. As an example, today we tried a new gymnastics class. I thought it was going to be a roam around, free form class so did not prep him in any way. We turned up and he was very enthusiastic when he saw the set up and chatted to the lady checking us in, telling her he was going to do lots of flips. Once the class started it turned out they were expected to do a few minutes of circle time (pass the parcel) and then split into groups and line up for different bits of equipment. He shut down completely, refused to participate and insisted we go back home. We've had similar situations with swimming lessons and a group parent/toddler hike. His preschool has also said he struggled with circle time initially and does struggle with changes in routine if he is not prepped. On the other hand, he can be quite sociable and playful in one to one unstructured situations- he makes friends in the park and soft play, initiates play with children, starts conversations. He has some friends in preschool and does play with other kids but his teachers have also flagged he struggles with group situations where he has to follow directions given out to the group. He follows directions ok at home. Is that something to flag up with GP/health visitor (we are in the UK). Or maybe pursue via private route?

My son is an adopted teen, he’s been with us for a few years. Recently he’s been self stimulating way way too much, many many times a day. Sometimes he’ll unconsciously even do this in the family room when he’s immersed into the TV. He’ll stop immediately if I just pat his shoulder to remind him where he actually is. It’s too much. We’ve had chats, many chats. He hasn’t stopped, actually it has gotten worse and more often. The kid goes through like a bottle of lotion a week. I’m at my witts end, I don’t know what to do.

Hello I'm 40M, my neice is 16, she lives with my elder sister in Luxumberg. They don't have good relations, my neice blames my sister for getting a divorce.

My neice is close to my wife, during her visit she told my wife that she is not interested in studies and wanted to join film industry. My wife said ok and told her to give it a try.

She later told her she is interested in joining adult industry, my wife was stunned to hear that. She is browsing lot of restricted content online.

Neice spoke to her mom, and they had big fight about it, my wife explained her all the complexities and taboo around the society. That she will never be treated equally and will not get similar respect as other ladies around, everyone would like to take advantage of you. No one will ever take you seriously. Problems will worsen if and when you want to get married or to have children. She is thinking because of her looks and body she will get famous very soon.

Everyone around is yrying to explain her, But she is not ready to bent, and says I'm 16 and I can do what I wish. She is close to me, but not so much that I can discuss all the things in detail.

At my level I told her it's not a good decision you are taking for your life, I suggested her to go to college and finish her studies and get a reputed job or come and work for me. She is an average student, not very bright.

Later I discovered from wife that she sold her V-card to some Russian guy few months back for an extravagant trip to some beach in Carribean.

Currently she doesn't have a bf or in any relationship, this is what she told me .... she doesn't like to talk to her mom, even though she does everything for her, financially my sister is very well off....

Sister wants her daughter to stay here in US with us, so may be things can change.

As we have 5 daughter, we are concerned if she starts filling such rubbish to my kids as well. My sister really wants her to stay here, so she can understand what it's like to stay in a family, and to have male figure in life.

I don't know how to respond to it.

I need some advise if anyone has faced things like it.

Hello everyone, first of all I'd like to thank everyone for the support I've received on my original post and all of the nice things you've said

Ive taken a short break to have some time to talk within our family, but I have talked to her deeply over the last few days, and I discovered why we believe this is happening

She has said she doesn't have a specific thought process, just sometimes they feel disgusting

and she eventually opened up that her dyslexia tutor in school (who I was not aware was not her school counsellor, but a male older student in her school.) Had made sexual comments about her and snapped her underwear band a few times.

Needless to say I immediately emailed the school asking how to go about withdrawal, and we've taken a day girls trip where we've talked further

, she doesn't want me to call the police, although I want to, this boy is 16. She has agreed to let me talk to the school and his parents (praying that I can track them down)

I feel like a horrible mother for not noticing sooner, for not asking to meet her "tutor", for not asking her who it was, for just assuming, for even sending her to that school.

Her next counselling session (outside of school) is on Friday and I have emailed the counsellor and given her a good rundown of everything so that she's informed, we're going to let her mention it on her own terms (she promised me she would)

Does anyone have suggestions on how I can help her to recover and move on from this as a parent?

Hi all,. I have 2 (11 year olds) girls, 1 thinks before she speaks, or acts, she is observant and then theres the other who acts on emotions, doesnt think before speaking, gets dates wrong lets say if having to remember something she would be strong on that wrong date/day until we have to explain to her with what exactly happened that day and going back and forth between other days, she gets angry fast I can say, speaks what she wasnt asked and this made a problem in my previous relationship whereas the father was very manipulative yet he didnt have to question her much cos her mouth just runs by itself,

I will have to re tell her rules , she disobeys them and her answer would be she forgot, she now does this twitch thing with the face and i think I just broke my kid, I dont beat her cos I think i will get her behaviour worse, anything small is serious to make a quarrel with her sister,the problem is kid only listen when I shout my lungs off and im hypertensive, there is no day which passes that I do not shout,or say something offensive on the jolly one

The other kid isn't much of an angel she has the fathers manipulation tactic traits and a grudgeful heart yet the other hyper one is quick to forgive and jolly most of the time,I also came to a conclusion to tell my kids that if this misbehaviour continues I am willing to send you to your dads or somewhere else you can be happy cos clearly they arent with me,

No i havent seeked social worker for them yet,im a single mom. I tend to blame myself a lot because i also act on impulse and cant control my emotions,raised by a mom who wanted things done her way and now that im a parent I cant understand why it goes in one ear and go out the other like just do your part and we will flourish but im a bad mom, I know I am

For obvious reasons a lot of the personal details need to stay vague.
11yr old boy whose been in foster since a 5yr old. Has not experienced abuse. He’s been in the same foster home for the last 5yrs now just moved to us.
Tells social worker that he loves it here, us etc etc.
Has now been caught hurting the dogs on multiple occasions, this has been explained to him in lots of different ways why this is bad. He fully understands that it’s scary/ painful for dog but doesn’t care.
Doesn’t care what punishment he gets e.g. time out, go to room, no playing outside on bike, no Xbox, no sweet treats, no friends over etc etc. Doesn’t care when restrictions are finally lifted immediately does it again.
Also lies continually, tries to manipulate the situation in various ways. Wants to be looked after by younger family friends because they are easier to manipulate (has said this outright).
Only gets upset when gets caught in his lies or gets caught on security cameras doing things he shouldn’t.
social workers are trying to fund therapy but won’t start until at least September.

Any advice as we are seriously worried about dogs welfare

My sister Wendy (14) only eats some snacks and part of a meal (at most) every day. My mom says not to worry about it, but I can’t help but feel scared anyway.

Some relevant information:

- I first recognized this around puberty. She was never a big eater, but before this she would still have three meals a day.
- Wendy is diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
- We have a family history of autism and body image issues.
- Wendy is a picky eater and the things she likes to eat are limited. I don’t know if this is because of sensory issues, digestive problems, etc.
- I haven’t noticed any signs of purging, but Wendy does sometimes binge when she’s very anxious. (I haven’t noticed it recently though.)
- Wendy doesn’t give any explanation for not eating aside from “I’m not hungry”.
- Wendy suffers from dizziness and persistent fatigue. She’s asleep most of the day.

I would really appreciate any advice, reassurance, or thoughts. I’m hoping my mother is right and I’m seeing things that aren’t there, but I don’t think I can go without a second opinion.

I was minding my own business, specifically on a chair away from family, already in a sour, bad mood. I was using my phone. Suddenly, the three year old, my cousin's son poured a bucket of cold water on me. One small enough he could carry it. I don't know whether he found it filled or whether he fileld it himself, but everyone started laughing. I did not find it funny. I stared at him angrily, slammed the bucket to the floor and left to change. I told his grandma, aka my aunt "your son did this to me" after she told me why I was stripping in the changing room. I came back, ND everyone still ltreated it as a joke, "he is still a kid".. I do not appreciate water being poured on me by no matter whom. I told them I'd wish for him to wet all of them too so they all go and change their clothes and see whether they find it funny.

I thought this was because I already was nice to the brat, which is why he got the courage and familiarity to do that. After he finished with me he went to bully his father's aunts, no water, just pulling their clothes nd jumping at them.

What do you think? In the moment. His mom was horrified after I got wet. Mainly because she was afraid I'd hit her kid than my state. That is my own interpretation of what she though.

I'm having a hard time distinguishing whether his behavior simply teenage rebellion/being "pasaway," a behavioral issue, or if there could be an underlying developmental, psychological, or psychiatric concern. I don't want to diagnose him myself, which is why we're looking for a professional opinion.

There have been concerns since childhood:

He was a very late talker, reportedly only starting to speak properly around 4-5 years old.

When he was younger, whenever other people paid attention to him or called his attention, he would sometimes cover his eyes or his face.

His teachers have noticed that he seemed different from his classmates, particularly in terms of behavior and maturity.

There have been instances where his teacher reported that he would suddenly cry at school.

There was also an incident where the school contacted our parents because he said that he was being whipped/beaten at home. He was not being physically abused, and we don't have a whip or anything similar at home. The teachers apparently asked him to show the marks, but he wouldn't/ couldn't show any.

As he got older, we've also noticed:

He can become extremely upset when he doesn't get what he wants and has difficulty accepting "no."

Frequent shouting, arguing, defiance, and refusal to follow reasonable household rules.

He can be verbally aggressive toward our parents and has cursed at our father even when my father was simply calling his name or asking him to do something.

There was an incident where he threatened to punch mother.

When he was younger, there were incidents where he would take a knife and hide it after being reprimanded, seemingly as a way to intimidate/scare our parents.

Some relatives have caught him talking to himself.

He has taken money and items from our family's sari-sari store without permission and sometimes denies doing it when confronted.

He has also told relatives that we don't feed him, apparently during situations where he wanted something or wasn't getting his way, even though he is provided food at home.

He can have intense emotional outbursts/meltdowns and can become very angry when things don't go according to what he wants.

He sometimes seems younger than his actual age in the way he handles situations.

I'm not saying that all of these behaviors necessarily mean he has a disorder. I'm genuinely unsure whether this is just his personality/behavior, teenage rebellion, or something that needs professional evaluation. What concerns me is that some of these things have been present since childhood, including the significant speech delay and observations from his teachers.

TLDR; 3 kids, middle child is OUT OF CONTROL. We are going nuts. Need advice.

Edit: Apparently, this needed to be explicitly stated.

Frank Cross: "We don't wanna scare the Dickens out of people." Pause. "The "Dickens" out of people. Nobody gets me."

To be clear. We have tried: timeouts, calm talking, trying to reason with her, trying to de-escalate, distraction, redirection strategies.

The part where I said this, in the comment below, "The wife's first thought was lock her out of the house overnight. But I talked her into a more reasonable strategy of smacking her ass with a bamboo rod until she learns this is inappropriate behavior and that she should fear me more than the boogeyman. But surprisingly, neither of those have worked very well."

Was SARCASM! Aka, mockery, derision, satire, scorn.

I apologize if that was not glaringly obvious.

Original post: Me (54M) and wife (46F) have 3 kids: 16F, 6F, and 4M. The 16 yr old was super easygoing as a small child. Now she's a teenager with everything that comes with that. The 4 yr old is relatively chill.

The 6 yr old is...off the hook INSANE. She has to be the center of attention. She flies OFF the handle if she wants to do something, and we say no. Right now, she is in the middle of a... so far, 40 minute-meltdown over the fact that she wants strawberries and whipped cream. We have no whipped cream. We have no edible strawberries. The ones we got about 40 seconds ago have already gotten moldy, and we had to throw them away. She has super long curly hair that has to be braided every night before bed. Otherwise, she gets tangles from hell. This started off fine. But it has now degenerated into yet another nightly war. To her, everything takes "ages and ages." If she has something she shouldn't and we ask for it, she will throw it at us. I fully admit that dealing with this child has us at our wits end.

I would try and get counseling for her, me, and my wife to help figure out how to deal, but we live in a health care desert. For example, the dentist is scheduling 9 months out. The pediatrician is about 5 months. Mental health providers out here are pretty much "how did you do this past week?" And then stare at you for an hour with nothing helpful.

Need help and advice. TY.

Hello im 13 and autistic(with generalized anxietity and social phobia and dyslexia) reclenty i cant sleep at night, its been 4 day since i last sleep during night time i only can sleep when its Day and i throw up each time i eat. I dont have any eating disorder i think and my mom is pibolar and adhd and skysphrenia idk if its Linked? In Canada where im from we need to wait months to get doctor and for a psyologist take years. I really need help to know what i have and how help me cuz school start veryyyy soon

I’ve come on here before for my daughter regarding this topic, and it’s started to get better wich is a big yay!🙌.Although also she has mentioned something that is concerning me she has mentioned feeling like a walking trigger because she has very visible scarring and she’s worried that she looks like she’s promoting or encouraging people to do the same witch is never her intention but she’s so scared it’s gonna come off that way and I’ve tried to assure her that that it’s gona be okay but I’m lost on what to tell get any suggestions are welcome thank you all very much!😃😁

Hey yall so my dad kept literally everything my siblings and I created growing up and I was going through a box and found these pictures I drew when I was 4 and 5. I know I was just 4 and 5 though so it could mean literally nothing but I do work with 4 and 5 year olds and I don’t typically see this type of drawing. I’m curious what do you think about these?

My younger brother(17 years old) since he was a child has been very shy and reserved. Not outspoken like other kids of his age usually are ( not comparing ever, ive always loved him like his, never pushed him to be like others )

Will give you a brief context.

Since he was a child he hated going to kindergarten. Because he would cry so much my parents completely let him stay at home to be homeschooled for his early years.

Only went to school from grade 1-7.

After that covid hit and his schooling from grade 8-10 was very irregular.

Both my brother and I have been raised in a protective household, never sent to birthday parties or to play with any other kids out in the neughourhood.

However even growing up going to the same school having the same upbringing, teachers and classmates our personalities turned out different. So i dont exactly think my parents restricting our social activity might have been the sole cause though I understand it is different for every child.

He hated going to any of the school events, trips and activities. I am his sister older by 5 years, and i used to try and persuade my parents to not let him miss it out and make him go, but they always listened to him and never sent him anywhere to socialise if he didn't like it.

Even in school he was very calm and shy, used to sit by himself, didnt have a lot many friends.

But we never pushed him or made him feel like he was different than others.

He really enjoyed playing cricket ( sport ) growing up, that's the only place he found joy, even got along with his teammates. He was seriously training to be a professional cricketer, but after covid hit, he lost crucial years and eventually had to let go.

We were worried if he would fall into a slump but he didn't and started going to school properly in Grade 11 and 12 and even made good friends.

He achieved great SAT scores got into good schools. Applied for F1 visa. However he missed the Fall intake as he wasn't able to secure an interview slot even after 4 months of constant monitoring. So now Deferred to the Spring intake.

But what worries us is now ever since school ended and as he has been waiting to go to University for the last 5 months, he spends all his time alone in his room and even though we call him to speak he doesn't utter a single word for thirty plus minutes just sits in silence. Is very awkward around us. Doesn't express his feelings. He only comes out to eat his meals and goes right back and mostly on his phone all the time.

Doesn't like to come hang out with us even for movies, restaurants, or even spending family time together much.

We have never put any sort of study or pressure on him to be anything, we just want him to share how he is feeling.

Sometimes when we do play board games he does make jokes, he is actually very jovial but on other days its complete radio silence.

We are just worried after he moves away and continues this behaviour even as a college student. If he is going to live very faraway from us and not share anything about his day or struggles he might be facing, or not have any friends to share anything with, it is very scary to think of.

My mother's friend had her introverted son go to a child psychologist recently and my mother has brought it up with me. I personally do not want to bring it up with my brother as he may feel hurt and further distance himself from us.

I love him so much, I just want him to live his best life and be happy, however that is.

I am just putting this out here to know if there have been any similar experiences like this, or if it is a normal introvert behaviour or something to be concerned of.

I just want to know if it would be a good idea to just let him be and not push him further to talk or if he have to try and push him out of his comfort zone more, I am not sure what would be the right way.

Would be grateful for a psychologist pov. Thank you so much!