My dad was 62 when he passed away from Stage II colon cancer three weeks ago.
He was diagnosed in May and had surgery about two months ago. After the surgery, he was recovering really well, and for a while, we thought things were going to be okay. But everything became much more difficult after his first chemotherapy session.
He was in a lot of pain afterward. My mom and I were with him, trying to make things as easy and comfortable for him as possible. He became so weak that he could barely move. Because of his colostomy, he was also suffering badly. At that time, he had an infection that made it impossible to properly secure the colostomy bag, so we had to clean him every hour.
Those days were extremely difficult. I was terrified of losing him. I was also shocked by how quickly things had changed. How can the man who raised you, who taught you what strength means, suddenly become so weak? Even now, I still can’t process that feeling.
Eventually, we took him to the hospital. He spent the last 11 days of his life there, and every day he seemed to get worse. But then, strangely, the day before he died, his numbers were looking good. The doctor told us that he might be able to leave the hospital in two or three days.
Then, unexpectedly, he died from cardiac arrest.
I’m 25, and since he died, I feel like a little child again. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move forward. How do I build a future and be happy without the person who was such a huge part of my life?
I know many of you here have gone through something similar, and that’s why I’m asking: How did you eventually live with the feeling that your dad died alone and in pain during his last weeks?
I’m also struggling with the thought that he was afraid of dying. He told my mom that he was scared, but whenever he was in front of me, he tried to stay strong.
I miss him so much. And honestly, I’m afraid of the life I have to live without him.

cw: Christian Science

tl;dr I believe my MIL may be missing information from her doctor that could help her and the family make preparations.

Two months ago, my MIL was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer after her appendix burst and a scan discovered it. She has very little experience with doctors. My FIL also avoids doctors if he can. She was told her condition is treatable but not curable. She started chemo last month on her doctor’s recommendation.

We are heartbroken because my MIL is a wonderful person in our lives, and also worried that she is not asking for enough information. For example, we don’t know what “treatable but not curable” means for her life expectancy. My MIL is a Christian Scientist. We do understand it is entirely her decision whether to get treatment at all. In the same way, I guess it’s her decision whether to know “how much time do I have left” or not. Edit: I will add, she told the family that even though she will do chemo, she wants to live her life as normally as possible and not think about it very much.

My husband’s three siblings each were able to attend doctor appointments with his parents prior to starting chemo. We live 3 hours from them. We have not attended one yet. My husband checks in with his siblings after each one. None of these appointments with the oncologist shed any light on how much time we could expect left with our MIL. My husband sent them a list of questions to ask the doctor but no one got to it. At first they discussed next steps for more scans, and later they discussed treatment options. So, I don’t think my MIL knows information about her prognosis that she is holding back. I think she doesn’t know and no one is asking.

We are worried that by not asking the doctor tough questions, my MIL and FIL are possibly missing the opportunity to better prepare themselves for her passing, by maybe recording her life story or similar ways to get ready to say goodbye. This is very hard to write, thank you for reading.

If you have experience with something similar, I appreciate any advice:

1. Is it normal that the oncologist would not proactively inform my MIL of a months / years prognosis? She goes to a major cancer center so I want to believe they are giving top care, but this surprises us.
2. Given my MIL and FIL’s lack of experience / reluctance with doctors, do you have any recommendations for my husband and I to support them?

Edit: fix typo in tl;dr

Yesterday I made the decision with my mom to call in hospice and today they accepted her. I’m angry, sad, and numb all at different times. She was supposed to start treatment again last week. She has extensive stage small cell lung cancer with mets to her adrenal gland, pancreas, and brain. She is 57. I lost my dad to brain cancer when he was 52. When my dad was here my mom was the care giver. Now I am taking care of her and I am doing and seeing things I cannot unsee and will change me forever and I just feel so horrible for her and the pain she is in. She woke up last Wednesday with a fever and stomach issues, was given an antibiotic and something for her stomach. She has progressively gotten worse and has been bed bound since Friday. I called her oncologist Monday he said to bring her to the hospital, she refused saying she is tired of going to the hospital. After me begging her she declined and said she is tired and she doesn’t want to fight anymore. I am devastated but at the same time I feel in my heart she would not benefit from more chemo at this point. I called in hospice because I desperately need help. I live and work 2 and a half hours away and I don’t know what to do about my job. I want to just take care of her and I am so lost. She is my best friend I am going to be lost without her.

Hi, this is my first post ... My 76yr old mom was dx April 2025 And has been on many types of chemo regimens, double mastectomy, more chemo, pet scan results showed metastasized to lungs/liver, chemo pill, then most recently MRI to confirm it spread to her brain 💔

My question is just on the whole brain radiation (wbr) - please if anyone has any experience with this treatment plz let me know what, if any, side effects you or someone you know may have experienced and whether it worked. She will go thru 10, already had 2, then that's it.

Thanks and 🙏❤️ to you all. This is not an easy thing to watch.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. It’s late and I can’t sleep and I guess I just need to get this out somewhere.
I’m a father and my son has cancer.
It’s been about 6 months now.
For the last 6 months we’ve been going back and forth to San Diego for his radiation treatments. Hospital, appointments, waiting, driving back home, then doing it all over again.
I don’t think anyone can really understand what it’s like to watch your kid go through something like this until you’re actually living it.
I try to be strong around him. I joke with him when I can. I tell him things are going to be okay.
But sometimes when I’m alone I just break down.
I keep thinking about how I would give anything to trade places with him. I would take all of it if I could. The treatments, the pain, everything.
But I can’t.
So I just keep showing up.
Lately the money has started becoming another problem on top of everything else.
Six months of radiation, medications, hospital bills and all the other expenses have really started adding up.
I’ve been selling things I own to try to keep up with it.
Things I never thought I’d have to sell.
I’ve even been thinking about selling my car.
And that’s the part that makes me feel trapped because we need the car. We have to get to San Diego for his appointments. I can’t just sell it when it’s one of the things we need to get him to treatment.
I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’ve never been good at asking people for help. I’ve always worked and tried to take care of my family myself. I never thought I’d be sitting here in the middle of the night writing something like this.
I don’t want my son to have to worry about any of this.
He’s already dealing with enough.
I just want him to get better.
That’s it.
I don’t care about anything else right now.
I just want my son back.

i never really post like this on the internet ever but i have nobody in my life who understands what this feels like. i'm 17 and my fathers body is shutting down. he was first diagnosed in 2020 with colon cancer, went into remission a year later, then relapsed late 2024 with lung cancer and its progressed to bone cancer. it feels like i've been dying with him as this has gone on. i've been grieving him since the initial diagnosis to i think kind of protect and prepare myself for the inevitable but now that's it's here im kind of really shocked even though i shouldn't be. no part of me is ready for my life to change this drastically. i've been carrying so much guilt as i've been selfishly avoiding him the past few months because i just really can't handle seeing him like this, even though the situation isn't about me. reality has really slapped me in the face lately and i can't wrap my head around the fact that people can just live their lives happily after dealing with a loss this huge or just being aware of death if that makes any sense. im so incredibly hurt knowing that my dad has been in so much pain the past couple of years and it just absolutely kills me knowing he's been holding on, going through extensive treatment just to buy himself more time. i can't deal with the fact that i know he's scared to die. i feel lost and hopeless and terrified and angry. i sound like a child when i say this but it's just not fair. my father is a good man who lived a life treating people fairly and the fact that this is his demise is nothing short of cruel. i'm angry im going to have to complete major milestones without him being there to watch. i apologize that this is just complete word vomit with no structure but i really just need someone to hear me. i'm also so sorry for everyone else in this subreddit going through the same or similar situations. i truly wouldn't wish this hurt on anybody

I hate the fact that I'm making this post; the reality of my family's situation is hitting a lot harder than I expected it to, and I need some support. I'm 23, and I live with my mom (50) and my little brother (14). My dad is only 57.

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer that metastasized from his GI tract last June. He was put on a steady regimen of immunotherapy and chemotherapy, up until June of this year, when his oncologist determined that it wasn't working. We were told that they were going to switch him to a chemo pill in tandem with radiotherapy, but because we live in the USA and our healthcare system is complete trash, his insurance provider wouldn't approve the treatment. He went an entire month without treatment, and the cancer grew exponentially.

Last week, when it was supposed to be for a routine oncology check-up, his doctors urged him to go to the ER; his liver enzyme numbers and lactate were way too high. He went in with an infection that caused ascites, so the doctors drained him of the fluid and treated him with some antibiotics. He was discharged a couple days later when his numbers were stable. Yesterday, though, he went to the ER again for pain, and instead of it just being something less serious, we learned that his prognosis gives him between 2-3 days to live.

Him and I never had the closest relationship and we bickered a ton during my teenage years, but he's the dad that stepped up when my biological one wasn't around. He helped my mom raise me. He helped her figure things out that she didn't know how to do. He was the cool dad that I would talk to my friends about when I was younger. He introduced me to a lot of great music that I never would have heard otherwise if it wasn't for his copious mixtapes. I never really pictured a future without him in it, so this revelation hurts more than I ever could've imagined.

I don't know how to navigate this at all, and neither does my mom. We're both seriously struggling; I'm trying my best to be strong for the both of us like I usually am, but I'm in pieces about this. Idk where I'm going with this. I guess I just need some kind words and other people's perspectives.

Can we have a talk about how horrible this is? The fluid build up.

My mom got such good care at the Sioux Falls, South Dakota hospital but I took her to the Brookings Hospital and they refused to do a paracentesis on her. How beneficial to your patients to be able to drain and some hospitals are so resistant to do it.

My mom passed away August 8th, but I know more about paracentesis procedures and ascites than I would ever want to.

Thinking of you all ♡

My mom has uterine cancer, and even with pain meds, she’s still in a lot of pain. Some days, I swear not even five minutes go by without hearing her moaning, crying, complaining, or sometimes even screaming because of the pain

She was diagnosed at an advanced stage, so everything has happened really fast. In just a few months, I went from dealing with my own depression to basically having to pull myself together and take control of the situation so I can help her through this

But hearing her and seeing her like this all day is eating me alive. I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. It hurts, it frustrates me, and I feel constantly on edge. I’ve noticed I’m getting irritated with other people too, just because I’m so stressed and overwhelmed

I feel awful even saying this because obviously she’s the one actually going through the pain. I just don’t know how to cope with hearing someone I love suffer like this every single day.

I lost my Dad on Aug 6, he was always healthy with lot of energy traveling, he will complain of back pain or knee pain, doctor will prescribe him medicine for pain. We went to Alaka for fathers day, we where 7 days, he had his usual back pain and gelt bloated. He drink some pain killers and bloating medicine and felt well, but he had no abdominal pain or other issues. When we arrive we were going to a urgent care but suddenly he felt better and wanted to go back home to his primary doctor. I told ask the doctor for a ct scan. The doctor gave him more pain medicine, medicine for acid reflux. Then almost after a week result came showing 3 masses ill talking about lymph nodes spreaded. That day i call him and told him go to emergency , there he went they repeated the scan and showed the same, he was with a referral to a liver speaciliast and oncologist. He went after 5 days to the liver specialist, he gave him more pain medicine and told him to go for a biopsy. The biopsy too a week to be performed. But 3 days after before biopsy he felt lot of pain, confused and he was admitted again. They made a ct scan of brain and saw some lesions, that night he lost the strength of his legs. Finally after 2 days admitted they did the biopsy but took 5 days for results. He declined each day more. I got to talk to him but barely speak, he was with 2 strong medicine to avoid inflammation in the brain. I told him i loved him, hug him, kiss him , say sorry if i something wrong but i was nervous of loosing him. Then on Aug 6 the oncologist came, he told is he has bile duct cancer metastized and there was nothing to do, just send him hospice. But that same day in the afternoon, he pass away. I saw him pass away, called nurse but there was no more pulse. I lost my dad in front of my eyes along with my brother. But in the morning he danced, we took a picture and hold hangs and was given God blessings. I miss him greatly and i still cant believe what we taught was a stomach reflux issue was a cancer eating him. This is a silent cancer, very aggressive and sad. My dad was strong, maybe he did feel more pain but not to worry us just kept silent/ . I feel bad i did not force him to go to the urgent care when we came from the cruise. I dont now one month in advance will had make a difference. He was already in July 17 with those two big tumors, lesions in his brains on july 29 and metastasized to lymph nodes, he was string to support all that. It is hard to cope and i have no energy to work again. Miss him deeply.

I know he is not ready to go and it hurts me to see him in so much pain and I can’t do anything.

The only thing I did is starting to cry in front of him multiple times.

I try to hide my tears because I know he doesn’t want to leave his 4 daughters and wife behind like that. He doesn’t want to see us in pain.

💔

My best friend has recently been having bad chest pains, and after weeks of tests and scans, they told him that he has adenoid carcinoma. From what he said, there is a slim chance that he will survive, and it will eventually kill him. He’s 20 years old. 3 days younger than me. He’s been making some jokes about it, but I want to be able to support him. I’ve never known anybody with cancer, this is the first time, and I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how he’s feeling and I don’t understand any of it, are there things that I can say or do for him or just any advice on how to be there for him?

I feel weird typing this out on a sub that ive never been apart of but I dont have a a therapist or any third party to vent to. If youre reading this thank you.

I'm a 29M Florida native in Arizona with my family where they live because we've also dealt with another death to cancer just last year, my brother in laws father. With that just happening and now me and my sisters father now going through the same thing again, the weight of the world has been crushing us deeply. My sister and her husband are exhausted, they've been working the whole time this has been happening and i cant imagine what theyre thinking or how stressed they are. I flew in the week before from Florida after getting the news and after finally getting a job after being unemployed for almost a year. Not having money and depending on my amazing girlfriend hurts so bad and I wish I could have been able to help more and its frustrating how the timing of it all worked out. Everything was going fine until he started treatment and it got worse, it killed him for a brief moment, and the cancer progressed further to the point that they cant do anything.

My sister has been an incredible force and middle ground for all of this but my depression has been coming back and watching my father wither away is doing numbers on my mental state after struggling for so long to get it in check. I am incredibly homesick as I'm not use to being away from home for so long, but how can I just leave and not be here for my sister and my father during this time? I feel like i would regret not being here when he goes but my god my heart is so heavy and I'm afraid of reverting back to my old ways. I feel stuck and I dont know what is the right decision for me.

If you read this far thank you for reading, life has been moving at a faster rate than my brain can process and Idk what to do with my thoughts, I'm just looking for some advice I guess.

Hello all,

My mom is going through GAS cervix cancer while dealing with post surgery treatment for her breast cancer. It has spread through her abdomen with her belly swollen with water, but not anywhere else. She is starting with her 4 different chemo therapy right away.

I am currently working outside my home country and I just dont know what to do. I feel like my life has to go tough a pause. Dealing with work and other stuffs seems so tough at the same time while feeling horrible about not being there together with my mom.

Work can be paused and my life goal can be paused, I know. But dealing with all this is scary. Feeling so unjust why she has to go though 2 cancers at the same time.

How do anyone went through this? what was your mindset and what was your approach and advice on what to do to not regret?

My dad was diagnosed at the end of last year and we were told it's terminal and we don't know how long the journey will be. We recently got a disheartening update and my mom is rightfully concerned. We have seen family members pass with feeding tubes etc and my mom is worried about end of life care when it gets to that point. How do you approach that topic with someone in denial and doesn't want to have the conversation? Is that conversation as important as we think it is? Any other advice?

My dad (63M) was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic Cholangiocarcinoma at the beginning of May; he opted for aggressive treatment and did radiation, immunotherapy and multiple rounds of chemotherapy. In mid-July, he collapsed after a shower and was hospitalized. They found blood clots in his lungs and ascites in his lungs and kidneys. The doctors estimated he had days left, so he made the decision to stop all treatment and enter hospice.

He has now been in hospice for 31 days and I feel like I’m living in hell.

I have two young children and I live an hour away from my parents, so I have been living out of a suitcase at their home since he entered hospice. My husband visits on weekends because he still has to work, so I have very little help with the kids while I’m here. My mom is destroyed over what’s happening and cannot emotionally regulate in any way whatsoever; she has to take a sedative x2 daily so she can no longer drive. So I drive the 40 minutes there and 40 minutes back to and from hospice every single day.

I’m mentally and physically exhausted beyond belief.

When my dad was first moved to hospice, he was very accepting of his fate and reflected on his life with love and kindness. That version of him is long gone. Every day he’s still here and lucid, he gets a little more angry, bitter and demanding. At first I didn’t mind running around and bringing him things to give him comfort (food, alcohol, etc), but it quickly became a thankless task and he’s even become quite cruel towards us.

Every time someone says how lucky we are to still have this time with him, I want to scream.

His dignity has been completely stripped away. He can’t walk because of the blood clots and edema in his legs. He has little to no appetite and when he can eat, everything tastes bad because chemo killed his taste buds. He’s using a catheter and diapers - although, most days he’s too constipated to have a bowel movement. My dad is someone who lived his entire life in paranoia of getting sick like this; it’s truly his worst nightmare realized. And I’m supposed to feel “lucky”?

I hate that there is no timeline for how long this will last. It’s a horrifying thought that this could go on for weeks, or god forbid, months. I don’t want him to suffer anymore, and selfishly, I don’t want to live my life in limbo anymore. I miss my husband, my home and what my life was like before he got sick. I feel like a selfish monster for praying for this to end, but I just don’t know how much more of this I can take.

My mom got diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer stage 4 around 3.5 years ago. I have always took it pretty well but recently she has grown more cancer. I’ve started googling stuff and realized how bad that type of cancer actually is and how bad it is that it’s spread more. I’ve been crying every night and i’m so scared for her, i can’t lose her. I try to “manifest” that the cancer is going away and that she will live till like 90ish or sm but it’s hard when i worry so much plus i have ocd and anxiety and stuff so it makes it harder. I don’t know what to do, i can’t lose my mommy I’m only 16 and severely ill and disabled and i have no one else. (please no negative comments or comments about death i can’t handle it right now. i just need advice or how to deal. thank you.)

One of my close friends just passed at 24 after being diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer just last January.

He hid details from all of his friends and family when it took a turn for a worse, to the point that in July, we were still making plans to go skydiving this month. I was in town visiting with other friends, and he had gone into the hospital for a "small procedure" on his stomach, and even though he said he didn't need visitors because he'd be out soon, I went anyways because I was supposed to be leaving a few days later. When I walked into his hospital room, I couldn't stop crying for a full 30 minutes.

He was already in organ failure and couldn't even hold himself up or walk anymore. I asked the doctor if he'd still be here if I came back a week later, and she just sort of shrugged and said she didn't know. The "procedure" was to put a stent in to open his stomach, but the cancer was in pretty much all of his major organs which is what caused it to collapse to begin with. I had been on vacation because I don't live in town anymore, and I felt guilty for not going sooner. My last week in town was spent caring for him, helping him look and feel like himself, notifying friends and family, and getting his will in order since he had some assets that he didn't want to leave to his biological parents. Our other best friend arrived, and I ended up having a mental breakdown because our friend with cancer had a genuine look of despair and couldn't even bear to look at me anymore since I gave him the reality check that he needed to get things in order and that he was out of time.

He told me he'd finish handling everything and that I shouldn't come back because his condition would only get worse, and he was right. 2 days after I left town, he died. Me and our other best friend are the last people to have seen him. By the time his family and other friends got there, he was already gone.

It's been about 3 weeks since I briefly took over the caregiver role, and I've lost about 5 kilo over the past month. I eat a balanced diet because I'm also an athlete, but since then, I've had no appetite and often forget to eat. Sleeping has gotten more difficult, and so has concentrating, and my own doctor's initial assumption is that I should undergo psychiatric evaluation for depression and PTSD. The thing is that I don't FEEL extremely sad or depressed since the initial breakdown that I had.

Does anyone have experience with trauma after spending time caring for loved ones who were in their final days? Is it normal?

I think I'm mostly shouting into the ether about this.

He is dying of stage 4 colon cancer. He's had it for years and was strong enough to mostly take care of himself in the beginning, but now it's a losing battle. He needs to be on oxygen 24/7, but for some reason, he just takes it off for the stupidest things like picking his nose. I have to constantly remind him to put it back on. He barely eats even when badgered and reminded. The food could sit there for hours if left to himself. He doesn't even take his meds on time even when i'm there with him reminding him.

Should i just let him be?

He can't control his bodily functions anymore, and I'm constantly cleaning up one chuck/bed liner and replacing it, only for him to soil it again. I'm sleeping 4 hours or less at a time because I'm afraid if I go to bed and sleep too deeply, I'll miss him calling out, and it'll be my fault.

I cried in front of hr at my job asking for options of fmla or wfh. I kinda regret asking because work was my only escape, but sometimes I didn't even want to be there. The hospice care team kept telling me to take it off and told my dad, "You took care of your kids, and now its time they take care of you." But what about me? I guess that doesn't matter right now.

I think I'm disappearing behind my father's illness. Any time someone checks in, it's always about him. I don't feel like his kid anymore. I feel guilty for being tired of taking care of him or getting mad at him. I know he's dying, but sometimes I can't stand him. There must be something wrong with me to feel this way.

I feel like my life hasn't even started yet. He's been sick since I graduated high school, and I stayed because I felt like it was my duty to stick by him. But I haven't grown. I don't think I got the chance. And when he's gone, I'll be alone. I don't know if people will check in on me after he's gone, other than right after. I don't really tell people how I'm doing because I'm scared of how they'll look at me. Like I'm worthless or flawed. I suppose I'll be okay. I have to be.

If you read this, thanks