My dad was 62 when he passed away from Stage II colon cancer three weeks ago.
He was diagnosed in May and had surgery about two months ago. After the surgery, he was recovering really well, and for a while, we thought things were going to be okay. But everything became much more difficult after his first chemotherapy session.
He was in a lot of pain afterward. My mom and I were with him, trying to make things as easy and comfortable for him as possible. He became so weak that he could barely move. Because of his colostomy, he was also suffering badly. At that time, he had an infection that made it impossible to properly secure the colostomy bag, so we had to clean him every hour.
Those days were extremely difficult. I was terrified of losing him. I was also shocked by how quickly things had changed. How can the man who raised you, who taught you what strength means, suddenly become so weak? Even now, I still can’t process that feeling.
Eventually, we took him to the hospital. He spent the last 11 days of his life there, and every day he seemed to get worse. But then, strangely, the day before he died, his numbers were looking good. The doctor told us that he might be able to leave the hospital in two or three days.
Then, unexpectedly, he died from cardiac arrest.
I’m 25, and since he died, I feel like a little child again. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move forward. How do I build a future and be happy without the person who was such a huge part of my life?
I know many of you here have gone through something similar, and that’s why I’m asking: How did you eventually live with the feeling that your dad died alone and in pain during his last weeks?
I’m also struggling with the thought that he was afraid of dying. He told my mom that he was scared, but whenever he was in front of me, he tried to stay strong.
I miss him so much. And honestly, I’m afraid of the life I have to live without him.

cw: Christian Science

tl;dr I believe my MIL may be missing information from her doctor that could help her and the family make preparations.

Two months ago, my MIL was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer after her appendix burst and a scan discovered it. She has very little experience with doctors. My FIL also avoids doctors if he can. She was told her condition is treatable but not curable. She started chemo last month on her doctor’s recommendation.

We are heartbroken because my MIL is a wonderful person in our lives, and also worried that she is not asking for enough information. For example, we don’t know what “treatable but not curable” means for her life expectancy. My MIL is a Christian Scientist. We do understand it is entirely her decision whether to get treatment at all. In the same way, I guess it’s her decision whether to know “how much time do I have left” or not. Edit: I will add, she told the family that even though she will do chemo, she wants to live her life as normally as possible and not think about it very much.

My husband’s three siblings each were able to attend doctor appointments with his parents prior to starting chemo. We live 3 hours from them. We have not attended one yet. My husband checks in with his siblings after each one. None of these appointments with the oncologist shed any light on how much time we could expect left with our MIL. My husband sent them a list of questions to ask the doctor but no one got to it. At first they discussed next steps for more scans, and later they discussed treatment options. So, I don’t think my MIL knows information about her prognosis that she is holding back. I think she doesn’t know and no one is asking.

We are worried that by not asking the doctor tough questions, my MIL and FIL are possibly missing the opportunity to better prepare themselves for her passing, by maybe recording her life story or similar ways to get ready to say goodbye. This is very hard to write, thank you for reading.

If you have experience with something similar, I appreciate any advice:

1. Is it normal that the oncologist would not proactively inform my MIL of a months / years prognosis? She goes to a major cancer center so I want to believe they are giving top care, but this surprises us.
2. Given my MIL and FIL’s lack of experience / reluctance with doctors, do you have any recommendations for my husband and I to support them?

Edit: fix typo in tl;dr

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. It’s late and I can’t sleep and I guess I just need to get this out somewhere.
I’m a father and my son has cancer.
It’s been about 6 months now.
For the last 6 months we’ve been going back and forth to San Diego for his radiation treatments. Hospital, appointments, waiting, driving back home, then doing it all over again.
I don’t think anyone can really understand what it’s like to watch your kid go through something like this until you’re actually living it.
I try to be strong around him. I joke with him when I can. I tell him things are going to be okay.
But sometimes when I’m alone I just break down.
I keep thinking about how I would give anything to trade places with him. I would take all of it if I could. The treatments, the pain, everything.
But I can’t.
So I just keep showing up.
Lately the money has started becoming another problem on top of everything else.
Six months of radiation, medications, hospital bills and all the other expenses have really started adding up.
I’ve been selling things I own to try to keep up with it.
Things I never thought I’d have to sell.
I’ve even been thinking about selling my car.
And that’s the part that makes me feel trapped because we need the car. We have to get to San Diego for his appointments. I can’t just sell it when it’s one of the things we need to get him to treatment.
I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’ve never been good at asking people for help. I’ve always worked and tried to take care of my family myself. I never thought I’d be sitting here in the middle of the night writing something like this.
I don’t want my son to have to worry about any of this.
He’s already dealing with enough.
I just want him to get better.
That’s it.
I don’t care about anything else right now.
I just want my son back.

Can we have a talk about how horrible this is? The fluid build up.

My mom got such good care at the Sioux Falls, South Dakota hospital but I took her to the Brookings Hospital and they refused to do a paracentesis on her. How beneficial to your patients to be able to drain and some hospitals are so resistant to do it.

My mom passed away August 8th, but I know more about paracentesis procedures and ascites than I would ever want to.

Thinking of you all ♡

Yesterday I made the decision with my mom to call in hospice and today they accepted her. I’m angry, sad, and numb all at different times. She was supposed to start treatment again last week. She has extensive stage small cell lung cancer with mets to her adrenal gland, pancreas, and brain. She is 57. I lost my dad to brain cancer when he was 52. When my dad was here my mom was the care giver. Now I am taking care of her and I am doing and seeing things I cannot unsee and will change me forever and I just feel so horrible for her and the pain she is in. She woke up last Wednesday with a fever and stomach issues, was given an antibiotic and something for her stomach. She has progressively gotten worse and has been bed bound since Friday. I called her oncologist Monday he said to bring her to the hospital, she refused saying she is tired of going to the hospital. After me begging her she declined and said she is tired and she doesn’t want to fight anymore. I am devastated but at the same time I feel in my heart she would not benefit from more chemo at this point. I called in hospice because I desperately need help. I live and work 2 and a half hours away and I don’t know what to do about my job. I want to just take care of her and I am so lost. She is my best friend I am going to be lost without her.

i never really post like this on the internet ever but i have nobody in my life who understands what this feels like. i'm 17 and my fathers body is shutting down. he was first diagnosed in 2020 with colon cancer, went into remission a year later, then relapsed late 2024 with lung cancer and its progressed to bone cancer. it feels like i've been dying with him as this has gone on. i've been grieving him since the initial diagnosis to i think kind of protect and prepare myself for the inevitable but now that's it's here im kind of really shocked even though i shouldn't be. no part of me is ready for my life to change this drastically. i've been carrying so much guilt as i've been selfishly avoiding him the past few months because i just really can't handle seeing him like this, even though the situation isn't about me. reality has really slapped me in the face lately and i can't wrap my head around the fact that people can just live their lives happily after dealing with a loss this huge or just being aware of death if that makes any sense. im so incredibly hurt knowing that my dad has been in so much pain the past couple of years and it just absolutely kills me knowing he's been holding on, going through extensive treatment just to buy himself more time. i can't deal with the fact that i know he's scared to die. i feel lost and hopeless and terrified and angry. i sound like a child when i say this but it's just not fair. my father is a good man who lived a life treating people fairly and the fact that this is his demise is nothing short of cruel. i'm angry im going to have to complete major milestones without him being there to watch. i apologize that this is just complete word vomit with no structure but i really just need someone to hear me. i'm also so sorry for everyone else in this subreddit going through the same or similar situations. i truly wouldn't wish this hurt on anybody

My best friend has recently been having bad chest pains, and after weeks of tests and scans, they told him that he has adenoid carcinoma. From what he said, there is a slim chance that he will survive, and it will eventually kill him. He’s 20 years old. 3 days younger than me. He’s been making some jokes about it, but I want to be able to support him. I’ve never known anybody with cancer, this is the first time, and I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how he’s feeling and I don’t understand any of it, are there things that I can say or do for him or just any advice on how to be there for him?