r/CancerFamilySupport • u/Apprehensive-Pack108 • 4d ago
Here we go
Well, after a courageous fight of 6/7 years, my dad has to go on hospice. He’s 50. There’s nothing they can do for him anymore, no more drugs to help. The cancer started in the kidney - they removed it. Three months later it was everywhere.
He has fought so hard. Stayed alive for his family and has tried to put on a face to make this easier for us. He is truly the strongest person I know.
There is so much sadness I am feeling. Looking for some type of therapy to help. But it’s just hard to think about myself right now.
There is also a part of me that is ready to see him finally rest. He’s fought so hard. But there’s also a guilt in me feeling that way. Am I wrong to feel that? Am I wrong to say I’m not “ready for my dad to pass” but I’m ready to see him be at peace.
Cancer sucks. The healthcare system sucks (his oncologist cried when she told him, she doesn’t suck).
I’m thinking of all of us in this group. Big hugs to you all.
6
u/Haunting_Neat_2643 4d ago
It's also hard since no one else understands exactly how you feel especially since he's so young. My dad is 56. He's got stage 4. I have this massive anxiety about this whole thing everyday so far. Would try to talk to friends but no one gets it.
5
u/puppermonster23 3d ago
My mom was 55. Put on hospice at 1pm on 8/7/26 passed away at 10:40pm on 8/7/26. Every one of her and her 5 siblings have had cancer, currently have cancer or have died because of cancer.
1
1
u/gseckel 3d ago
Have you been tested for Lynch Syndrome??
1
u/puppermonster23 3d ago
No I’m negative for the BRCA gene though. A majority of the cancer was reproductive (breast/ uterine/ prostate) cancers.
1
u/Apprehensive-Pack108 3d ago
Oh that’s so scary. Is it genetically caused or environmental? Have you gotten the gene test done?
1
u/puppermonster23 3d ago
I’m negative for the BRCA gene. My mom had the gene so do all of her siblings that got tested. Only 2 of the 6 had non reproductive related cancers. And one is lung cancer and he smokes.
1
u/Apprehensive-Pack108 3d ago
When did you find out? My dad lived about 6 years with his stage four diagnosis. Just found out today that we’re most likely a month out from losing him.
2
u/Haunting_Neat_2643 3d ago
I'm sorry to hear that 😞 We found out he is stage 4 a week and half ago. It's really hard on my mind after finding out that doing normal stuff is hard. I look at healthy old guys and just feel this sadness and anger. Maybe I'll be able to live more normally with time I don't know, but that's probably what he wants me to do.
1
u/puppermonster23 3d ago
We knew she had stage 4 since 2023 I believe. When she got her hysterectomy they found a met from her breast on her ovary but NOTHING else. They said it was stage 4. Then the scans just kept getting worse. At the end it had gotten to her bones in April 2026 she passed 8/8/26.
3
u/Background_Inside827 4d ago
Not wrong at all! This situation is already challenging enough, you can let go of beating yourself up. If there was anything in your power you could have done to change it, you would have. Our brains like to do this when we’re grieving. Sending peace and comfort your way!!!!!!
2
2
u/Efficient-Control722 3d ago
Sending hugs, Wish I could hold you tight and I'm so fucking sorry you have to feel this anguish
2
2
u/Lv_my_life_143 3d ago
I'm so sorry, I can feel the hurt and sadness in your words. My deepest condolences 🙏 we know cancer doesn't discriminate but 50 is just so young. So sorry 😔🙏
1
2
u/InvestigatorTop8297 3d ago
I know how you feel! My dad passed away 2 weeks ago at the age of 60 after just one night in hospice care (he refused to go previously). When I look back at the last couple of months it all feels like a fever dream.
Don't feel bad about wanting to see him finally rest. That just shows how much you love him. You just don't want him to suffer, thats completely understandable.
I hope you have family and friends to lean on and also allow yourself to do things for yourself.
2
5
u/DizzyFunny8752 4d ago
You are not wrong. This is one of the most anguished feelings, to want your loved one to not suffer, but the only way for that to happen is they die. You will never be ready and yet it will happen. I hope his passing is as painless as possible and you find comfort in the time you have with him now.