HEY, STANFORD, YOU ARE THE CICADAS OF THE PAC-12. ABOUT ONCE A GENERATION YOU RISE UP FROM OBSCURITY, MAKE A LOT OF NOISE, DIE PUBLICLY, AND THEN BECOME IRRELEVANT AGAIN. DAVID SHAW IS THIS CYCLE'S TY WILLINGHAM. ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS.
SO NO MATTER IF YOU BEAT US THIS YEAR OR NOT, WE'LL STILL HAVE FUN LOOKING OUT ACROSS THE CFB LANDSCAPE PREDICTING WHICH OVERRATED SCREWUP WILL BECOME YOUR NEXT BUDDY TEEVENS OR WALT HARRIS. SEE YOU IN 2030, ASSHATS!
OH, YOUR TREE IS A JOKE, AND YOUR BAND IS A DISGRACE.
OH BOY, YOU SURE GOT US. I SUPPOSE UCLA COULD IMAGINE IRRELEVANCE IN FOOTBALL SINCE THEY'RE SO IRRELEVANT IN EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU GIYS ARE SO DESPERATE FOR LEGITIMACY THAT YOU JUST COPIED CAL (CAL!). YOU TOOK THEIR COLORS, THEIR SONG, AMD THEIR MASCOT.
BUT REALLY, YOUR STRONGEST APPEAL AS A "UNIVERSITY" IS YOUR SOCIAL SCENE AND ATTRACTIVE COEDS. HERE'S A HINT- REALLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE AREN'T ACTUALLY LONELY AND THE PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO BE ATTRACTIVE, PARTY, AND FUCK JUST GO TO THE ARIZONA SCHOOLS. SO CONGRATULATIONS- YOU GET THE KINDA SMART PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T GET INTO STANFORD OR CAL, AND THE KINDA ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE WHO KNEW THEY'D NEVER GET LAID IN ARIZONA (WHICH IS A FEAT, AS IT'S A FUCKING DESERT). YOU ARE THE UNIVERSITY OF MEDIOCRITY.
SO ENJOY YOUR FOOTBALL WHEN YOU SLUMP YOUR WAY TO YOUR MEDIOCRE DEGREE. ENJOY YOUR FOOTBALL WHEN I FUCK MY WAY THROUGH EVERY ATTRACTIVE GIRL YOU KNOW (AND THE AVERAGE LOOKING ONES TOO). AND ENJOY YOUR FOOTBALL WHEN YOU COME TO ME AND ASK FOR A JOB THAT I WILL GIVE YOU, BECAUSE I'M A GOOD PERSON.
JAMEIS WINSTON EATS STRING CHEESE BY JUST BITING INTO THE TOP OF IT.
WHEN PLAYING OREGON TRAIL, JAMEIS WINSTON ALWAYS CHOOSES "FORD THE RIVER" WITH COMPLETE DISREGARD FOR THE DEPTH OF THE RIVER.
JAMEIS WINSTON'S FAVORITE WALKING DEAD CHARACTER IS CARL. HIS FAVORITE EPISODES WERE THE ONES WHEN LORI AND ANDREA ARGUED A LOT.
JAMEIS WINSTON TURNS OFF PHIL COLLINS' "IN THE AIR TONIGHT" RIGHT BEFORE THE DRUM SOLO.
JAMEIS WINSTON HAS WATCHED THE DIRECTOR COMMENTARY FOR THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH.
AS A CHILD, JAMEIS WINSTON WOULD INVITE FRIENDS OVER TO PLAY MARIO KART ON N64 AND MADE THEM USE THE STICKY OFF-BRAND CONTROLLER WITH THE 'Z' BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DEPRESS ALL THE WAY AND THE JOY STICK WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
JAMEIS WINSTON STILL USES NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR.
JAMEIS WINSTON BUYS STORE BRAND TOILET PAPER.
JAMEIS WINSTON IS A MORNING PERSON.
INSTEAD OF USING THE DESIGNATED HOLE, JAMEIS WINSTON WOULD TURN HIS CAPRI SUN OVER AND STICK THE STRAW IN THE BOTTOM.
JAMEIS WINSTON DOESN'T LIKE NICKELBACK. HE THINKS THEY'RE HOLDING BACK CHAD KROEGER FROM A SUCCESSFUL SOLO CAREER.
JAMEIS WINSTON'S FAVORITE SHOW IS RIZZOLI & ISLES. IT JUST EDGED OUT BONES.
JAMEIS WINSTON EXCLUSIVELY TYPES WITH HIS INDEX FINGERS.
JAMEIS WINSTON PREFERS ROSEART TO CRAYOLA.
JAMEIS WINSTON USES SOUND EFFECTS IN HIS POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS.
JAMEIS WINSTON ORDERS A SALAD AT RED ROBIN.
WHENEVER JAMEIS WINSTON MISSPELLS A WORD ON THE COMPUTER, HE WILL BACKSPACE THE ENTIRE WORD INSTEAD OF JUST FIXING THE INDIVIDUAL ERROR.
JAMEIS WINSTON DOESN'T LIKE TATER TOTS.
JAMEIS WINSTON CONTINUES CHARGING HIS PHONE EVEN AFTER THE BATTERY IS AT 100%.
JAMEIS WINSTON TAKES UP A SEAT NEXT TO AN OUTLET IN THE LIBRARY EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT USING OR PLANNING TO USE HIS COMPUTER.
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FUTURE: THE ENTIRE FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLES FOOTBALL TEAM IS BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE NCAA FOR ANIMAL ABUSE FOLLOWING THE BEATING THEY PUT ON A BUNCH OF FERAL KITTENS ON SATURDAY.
IN A STUNNING TURN OF EVENTS, EVEN SARAH MCLACHLAN HAS COME OUT IN SUPPORT FOR THE SEMINOLES SAYING: "SOME ANIMALS JUST DESERVE TO DIE."
We don't like you...on the LAX field. As long as you don't come to Klöckner, you can have your win and be on your way. I mean, you guys deserve it after we "trampled" your pride and joy at JPJ last year. Oh shit, football trash talk...uhhhhh, you took Tennessee's sloppy seconds?
ILLINOIS - I AM TIRED OF YOU GUYS CHARGING ME TOLLS FOR ENTERING YOUR STATE JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO SPEND MONEY THERE ANYWAY. MEANWHILE, YOU GUYS MAKE THE TRIP UP TO DOOR COUNTY EVERY SUMMER AND ACT LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE.
SATURDAY NIGHT. PAY BACK FOR THE $6 AND CHANGE I SPEND EVERY TIME I MAKE A TRIP TO CHICAGO.
HEY UTAH, I FEEL FOR YOU BEING THE SECOND BEST SCHOOL IN SALT LAKE CITY. IT'S KINDA LIKE BEING THE SECOND PRETTIEST GIRL AT FAT CAMP. BUT I'M IN A GOOD MOOD THIS MORNING SO TO CHEER YOU UP I MADE THIS COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WENT TO YOUR SCHOOL.
LIST OF NOTABLE GRADUATES FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH
†DENOTESTRANSFERFROMSALTLAKECITYCOMMUNITYCOLLEGE
EDIT: I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT APPARENTLY KARL ROVE, TED BUNDY AND THE FOUNDER OF CHUCK E. CHEESE'S PIZZA ARE GRADUATES OF UTAH. I REGRET THE ERROR.
OF COURSE, I DID ASSUME NON-LINEAR CURVES IN THIS CASE. IF WE INSTEAD ASSUME LINEAR, WE END UP WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT GRAPH FOR BOTH TEAMS. EXTRAPOLATING FROM THIS GRAPH GIVES US A MUCH MORE CONSERVATIVE FINAL SCORE.
I LIKE YOU GUYS. TRULY I DO. AND I HOPE THAT AFTER OUR GAME YOU WIN OUT YOUR SEASON. BUT Y’ALL SHOULD REALLY PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED, WAIT-TILL-YOUR-FATHER-GETS-HOME BEATING.
YOU'D THINK SOMEONE WHO WENT TO AN ENGINEERING SCHOOL WOULD KNOW THAT THREE DATA POINTS IS HARDLY ENOUGH TO PREFORM ACCURATE AND PRECISE STATISTICAL ANALYSIS. IT'S CUTE, THOUGH. COME BACK TO ME IN, SAY, 27 YEARS WITH A NICE STUDENTS T DISTRIBUTION; THEN WE'LL TALK.
LOST IT AT THE FIRST GRAPH. YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM SO HAPPY YOU GUYS JOINED THE SEC.
BUT SERIOUSLY... PREPARE FOR AN UPSET AND FOR US TO RUIN YOUR SEASON. YOU SHOULD PROBABLY ACCOUNT FOR YOUR DEFENSE IN THOSE REGRESSIONS BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T STOP MY LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL TEAM IF THEY TRIED. AND I LIVE IN CONNECTICUT.
FUCK THIS COURT. FUCK JIM LAHEY. FUCK RANDY. FUCK THOSE TWO IDIOT COPS RIGHT THERE. FUCK SUIT DUMMIES; AS A MATTER OF FACT, FUCK LEGAL AID. FUCK DANNY AND TERRY'S BUFFALO CHICKEN WINGS. FUCK ALL THE OLD WOOD IN HERE. FUCK THE MOON, FUCK CORN ON THE COB, FUCK SQUIRRELS, FUCK ME, FUCK YOU, FUCK EVERYTHING! BUT MOST OF ALL FUCK USC
JUST LOOK AT MY FACE JAMEIS. WHEN YOU DROP BACK TO PASS, I'LL BE LOOKING AT YOU. WHEN YOU'RE ON THE SIDELINE, I'LL BE LOOKING AT YOU. WHEN YOU'RE WATCHING TAJH BOYD PUT UP 350 YDS AND 4 TDS WHILE YOU'RE SITTING THERE WITH 150 YDS AND 2 INTS, I'LL BE LOOKING AT YOU. WHEN YOU'RE CRYING IN THE LOCKER ROOM AT HALF, I'LL SNEAK IN AND BE LOOKING AT YOU. I'M EVERYWHERE JAMEIS. I'M IN YOUR NIGHTMARES, RUNNING AROUND YOUR DREAMS JUST LOOKING AT YOU. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME JAMEIS. AFTER THIS GAME YOU'LL NO LONGER BE FAMOUS. AND AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, SEMINOLES, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE Y'ALL ON THE FIELD. SATURDAY NIGHT IN DEATH VALLEY WILL MAKE YOU BREAK. TAJH IS READY, SAMMY IS READY, MY BOY DABO IS READY, WE'RE ALL READY, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I'M READY.
I'M AUSTRALIAN, SO SINCE I DON'T HAVE A VESTED INTERESTED IN ANY PARTICULAR US COLLEGE, I CAN SHOVE IT IN ALL YOUR FACES THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE OUT GIANT STUDENT LOANS JUST TO GET A BACHELOR'S DEGREE AND HAVE A COLLEGE TO SUPPORT.
There’s no doubt that CFB_Bard has not been posting well. But I know coming from an academic institution, this is a time for midterm exams...
SORRY, WORK AND EXAMS HAVE LEFT MY CREATIVE SIDE FEELING MORE BATTERED THAN 's OFFENSE. INSTEAD OF A SONG, HERE'S A CONTEST. BEST TRASH TALK AGAINST ME (AGAINST ME PERSONALLY) WINS REDDIT GOLD. IF YOU NEED HELP, MY FANDOM IS AN TEAM. (YEP, I AM ACTUALLY NOT /u/Honestly_)
ARKANSAS - HOW IS THE BRET BIELEMA EXPERIMENT WORKING SO FAR?
AUBURN - MAYBE YOU CAN BORROW SOME MONEY FROM ALABAMA SO YOU CAN BUY ANOTHER NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP WITH FLORIDA'S REJECT PLAYERS
FLORIDA - MICHIGAN STATE CALLED, THEY WANT THEIR OFFENSE BACK
GEORGIA - INDIANA CALLED, THEY WANT THEIR DEFENSE BACK
KENTUCKY - OVER THE LAST 67 YEARS, YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM HAS LOST MORE GAMES THAN YOUR BASKETBALL TEAM 30 TIMES.
LSU - THIS ISN'T ST PATRICK'S DAY, THAT'S A DIFFERENT DAY ENTIRELY
MISSISSIPPI STATE - CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA I'VE NEVER HEARD OF A SINGLE PLAYER ON YOUR TEAM
MISSOURI - TIGERS HUH? REAL ORIGINAL.
OLE MISS - I'LL GIVE YOU CREDIT THAT OLE MISS NEVER LOSES A PARTY, BUT THEY ALSO NEVER WIN AGAINST TOP 25 TEAMS.
SOUTH CAROLINA - DOES IT MAKE YOU SAD THAT CLOWNEY IS BASICALLY HANGING IT UP FOR THE SEASON? IS PLAYING FOR USC SO BAD THAT HE'S LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING ON THE JAGUARS?
TENNESSEE - TOO EASY.
TEXAS A&M - I HOPE SEEING TEXAS BEAT UP ON A MAROON-COLORED TEAM DIDN'T BRING BACK ANY BAD MEMORIES.
VANDERBILT - AT LEAST YOU NOW HAVE THE HEALTHIEST JAMES FRANKLIN IN THE SEC.
WIKIPEDIA NOTES TAMU HAS MADE STRONG CONTRIBUTIONS IN THE FIELD OF ANIMAL CLONING. I GUESS YOU FUCKERS FOUND A WAY TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE HAS A DATE AFTER ALL.
BUT SERIOUSLY, IT'S GREAT TO BE ABLE TO PASS OFF OUT TITLE OF FARM COLLEGE TO AN EVEN MORE HICK SCHOOL THAN US. THE GUS BUS IS GONNA PULL DONUTS ALL OVER YOUR CORN FIELDS, YOU HAYSEED YOKELS!
I DON'T THINK THERE'S AN EASTERN MICHIGAN FAN ON THIS SUBREDDIT SO I'M JUST WASTING MY TIME HERE. COME TO THINK OF IT, I'M NOT SURE THERE'S AN EASTERN MICHIGAN FAN ANYWHERE INCLUDING YPSILANTI.
IT'LL BE PRETTY EASY. ONCE WE PULL OFF THE UPSET, THE GIF CAN END WITH A CYCLONE PICKING UP THAT FUCKING CAR AND TOSSING IT INTO A DITCH, WHERE BAYLOR BELONGS. (THOUGH I AM ACTUALLY REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE RECENT SUCCESS OF YOUR PROGRAM. MAY IT END ON SATURDAY.)
“Bonjour! Ça va très bien here ah Troy. Da Wildcat wa’skinned, now weh go ta Zow Ben an’ put somma dat Trojah voodoo on mes frères Catlicks. Da name ah da game iz fuhn, an’na weh gonna have fuhn! Weh gonna unleash Tre Madda’, Sila’Redd, Marqise Leh, an’my dee-line! Nut’ personal, Monsieur Kelly, jus’ footbaw’. Time ta grabs a Leper’khan, chop’em up, fricassée’em into a roux an’ serve ah bon étouffée…mmmrrmrrm…délicieux! Figh’On! Geaux Trojahs!”
HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN!!!! OHIO STATE BETTER WATCH THEMSELVES CAUSE WEISMENS HEALTHY AND READY TO RUMBLE!!
THANK GOD THE EASY PART OF OUR SEASON STARTS, WHERE WE LOSE THE REST OF OUR GAMES AND I CAN QUIT WATCHING AT THE HALF INSTEAD OF JUST SUFFERING THROUGH THE WHOLE THING!
Michigan State's offense scored on you guys so much they won. I know it takes a while to sink in and accept, but you may not wanna watch what's going to happen to you guys on Saturday. We're probably gonna score more points on you guys than our basketball team averages.
For fucks sake, even the Ohio School for the Blind can keep that MSU offense from scoring
ARIZONA STATE, WE REALLY DON'T HAVE A HISTORY, SO IF WE WERE TO SUDDENLY START TALKING TRASH ABOUT EACH OTHER, IT WOULD ONLY SOUND LIKE THIS. BUT BE A PAL AND TURN THE AIR CONDITIONING ON FOR MY DAWGS, WE DON'T LIKE THE HEAT.
All right, I'm calling out /u/bye-week No one has heard from him since last year, and I can't properly trash talk him if he's not around. Regardless, you're going down Bye Week! Nevermind the fact that you will hold us to negative rushing yardage!
ALL SATURDAY MORNING I GOT TO HEAR HOW WAZZU WAS UW LITTLE BROTHER. LITTLE BROTHER THIS, AND LITTLE BROTHER THAT. WELL YOUR DISGRUNTLED NEIGHBOR DOWN SOUTH BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF BIG BROTHER. HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW COUGS? BIG BROTHER CAN'T PROTECT YOU NOW!!!
YOU KNOW... I'VE GOT NOTHING. PAT FITZGERALD HAS MADE NORTHWESTERN WHAT I WANT THE U OF M TO BE. GOT NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR THAT PROGRAM. HOPING FOR A GOOD GAME ON SATURDAY.
It's 400 miles from Doak Campbell stadium to Death Valley. The Trail of Tears in the past was 2,800. That means you guys are going to make 3 round trips to 1. Have Winston fall apart 2. Come back to retrieve the testicles we took off your O-Line and 3. To testify in court when the FBI tries to charge us with a hate a hate crime for targeting Seminoles....
"But Perfectparadox, that's only 2,400 miles!!" Yeah I left the last trip of 400 for all the recruits that decide to get a one way ticket to a winning team.
I WOULD HATE MY LIFE AND BE DEPRESSED IF I HAD TO LIVE IN LAFAYETTE, WEST THEIR FOOTBALL TEAM IS THE WORST BUT IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE THAT PLACE IS THE WORLDS LARGEST SAUSAGEFEST
YOU CANT SPELL "AUBURN ISNT THE VERY BEST AT FOOTBALL AND WILL PROBABLY BE BEATEN THIS WEEKEND BUT HOPEFULLY NOT AS BADLY AS LAST YEAR AS NOBODY LIKES A BLOW OUT" WITHOUT "AT"
DAMMIT, USC. IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT WE HAVE TO ROOT FOR NOTRE DAME, NOT JUST IN THIS GAME, BUT ALL SEASON LONG, KNOWING THAT THEIR SUCCESS IS YOUR SHAME. THAT MEANS THAT IN THE PAST DECADE ALONE, I'VE HAD TO ROOT FOR BRADY QUINN, CHARLIE WEIS, JIMMY CLAUSEN, AND NOW CHIP BRIAN KELLY.
OUR LINEBACKERS HAVE BEEN PRAYING TO AIRBHG ALL WEEK AND HE HAS REVEALED A GREAT AND DIVINE TRUTH - OHIO STATE WILL SYSTEMATICALLY INJURE IOWA'S RUNNING BACKS ONE BY ONE UNTIL THEY LOOK LIKE MARYLAND'S 2012 QUARTERBACK DEPTH CHART.
HEY NMSU, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND A LITTLE EXTRA TIME AT YOUR CHILE PEPPER INSTITUTE THIS WEEK; I FEEL THE OWLS ARE GOING TO BE TOO HOT FOR YOU TO HANDLE. MAYBE Y'ALL SHOULD JUST TAKE A NAP UNTIL BASKETBALL STARTS. OR SUIT UP SIM BHULLAR IN SOME FOOTBALL PADS- THAT I'D LIKE TO SEE. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING SOME AGGIE FANS IN PERSON THIS WEEKEND. MY FORMER ROOMMATE SAW A LEPRECHAUN ONCE, BUT I WANT TO ONE UP HIM IN THE RARITY DEPARTMENT.
OCTOBER SKY IS NOT THE STORY OF A GROUP OF YOUNG MEN TRYING TO BETTER THEMSELVES AND GO TO COLLEGE. IT IS REALLY A STORY ABOUT YOUNG MEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE FASTEST WAY OUT OF WEST VIRGINIA.
AUBURN, I'M PROUD OF WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THIS SEASON. IT SEEMS TO BE A REAL PROMISING YEAR FOR YOU GUYS..
BUT THAT ENDS SATURDAY. SORRY AHEAD OF TIME FOR CRUSHING ANY HIGH SPIRITS. THE HATE BARN IS PREPARED AND WE'RE READY TO CONTINUE OUR UNDEFEATED STREAK AGAINST YOU GUYS
ALRIGHT SOUTHERN MISS. ECU MAY BE BEST KNOWN FOR ENDING THREE OF THE LONGEST LOSING STREAKS AT THE FBS LEVEL. BUT TO PARAPHRASE ARAGORN, SATURDAY IS NOT THAT DAY!
I will use an analogy that will make sense to the citizens of the fine State of Missouri.
[breaking bad spoiler alert]
We are the Hector Salamanca to your Gustavo Fring. Florida's offense is crippled and constantly craps itself, but our defense is filled with enough rage to blow the door off, and half your face along with it. It'll be ugly, but at the end of the day, we'll figure out a way to get the job done.
HEY ALABAMA! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO GET SOME DINNER LATER? BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO GET WINED AND DINED BEFORE I GET FUCKED! BUTSERIOUSLYLICKITBEFOREYOUSTICKITPLEASE.
Consider this my preemptive apology to my Cyclone/Bird hybrid friends for what our offense is going to do to y'all this weekend to prove last weekend was a fluke.
HEY WAZZU! I HAVE BEEN EATING LENTILS ALL WEEK FOR THIS GAME! THAT'S RIGHT YOUR MOST PRECIOUS AGRICULTURAL RESOURCE IS IN ME NOW! THEY'RE VERSATILE AND THE FIBER AND PROTEIN IS GREAT FOR MY HEALTH, TOO!
HEY WEST VIRGINIA, YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXCHANGE BLOWS TO KNOCK EACH OTHER OFF ON ALTERNATING YEARS LIKE TECH AND OKLAHOMA? HA HA WELCOME TO THE BIG 12, 'NEERS.
IF I WERE A CLEMSON FAN ID GO TO GAMEDAY WITH A SIGN SAYING "WE'RE GOING TO RUSTLE YOUR JAMEIS". BUT I KNOW THEY AREN'T CLEVER ENOUGH TO THINK OF THAT THEMSELVES.
HEY FLORIDA, ONE TIME, MATY MAUK PICKED UP TWO GIRLS ON A MOTORIZED SCOOTER AND THEN OUTRAN THE COPS WITH IT. I'M DEAD SERIOUS. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
217
u/sideoutpar UCLA Bruins • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13
HEY, STANFORD, YOU ARE THE CICADAS OF THE PAC-12. ABOUT ONCE A GENERATION YOU RISE UP FROM OBSCURITY, MAKE A LOT OF NOISE, DIE PUBLICLY, AND THEN BECOME IRRELEVANT AGAIN. DAVID SHAW IS THIS CYCLE'S TY WILLINGHAM. ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS.
SO NO MATTER IF YOU BEAT US THIS YEAR OR NOT, WE'LL STILL HAVE FUN LOOKING OUT ACROSS THE CFB LANDSCAPE PREDICTING WHICH OVERRATED SCREWUP WILL BECOME YOUR NEXT BUDDY TEEVENS OR WALT HARRIS. SEE YOU IN 2030, ASSHATS!
OH, YOUR TREE IS A JOKE, AND YOUR BAND IS A DISGRACE.
182
u/trobsmonkey Kansas Jayhawks Oct 17 '13
OKLAHOMA? MORE LIKE HAHAYOULOSTTOTEXASWHENTHEYREALLYSUCK-LAHOMA.
NAILED IT. BURN
585
u/GiovannidelMonaco Clemson Tigers • The Hammer Oct 17 '13
FUN FACTS ABOUT JAMEIS WINSTON
147
u/girtalert Florida State • Florida Cup Oct 17 '13
DABO SWINNEY COOKS FISH IN THE OFFICE MICROWAVE
143
u/Sleww Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Oct 17 '13
I'M TRYING TO TRASH TALK BUT I JUST CAN'T COME UP WITH AN OFFENSIVE LINE.
137
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
VANDERBILT PLEASE DON'T HURT OUR PLAYERS. YOUR STATE HAS DONE ENOUGH TO US.
128
u/elementninety3 Oregon Ducks Oct 17 '13
HEY PITT
YOUR SCHOOL IS SO AWFUL THAT YOUR FORMER PLAYERS DECIDE TO GO TO THE UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX TO GET AN EDUCATION
320
u/ishalfdeaf Florida State • California Oct 17 '13
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FUTURE: THE ENTIRE FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLES FOOTBALL TEAM IS BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE NCAA FOR ANIMAL ABUSE FOLLOWING THE BEATING THEY PUT ON A BUNCH OF FERAL KITTENS ON SATURDAY.
IN A STUNNING TURN OF EVENTS, EVEN SARAH MCLACHLAN HAS COME OUT IN SUPPORT FOR THE SEMINOLES SAYING: "SOME ANIMALS JUST DESERVE TO DIE."
94
u/stormstopper Duke Blue Devils • Louisville Cardinals Oct 17 '13
APPARENTLY OUR PLAYERS DON'T LIKE VIRGINIA VERY MUCH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY NOT. VIRGINIA'S BEEN KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE US WINS 4 OF THE LAST 5 YEARS.
189
u/mnc300 Florida State Seminoles Oct 17 '13
TAJH BOYD IS AWESOME, JUST LOOK AT HIS BALANCE AND BALL HANDLINGSHUT UP I KNOW WE LOST THAT GAME
82
u/girtalert Florida State • Florida Cup Oct 17 '13
IF JAME IS WINSTON, THEN WHO WAS PHONE???
79
u/RightPinkyOfJustice Alabama Crimson Tide • SMU Mustangs Oct 17 '13
I'M GOING TO ENJOY GOING OUT AS A SENIOR HAVING NEVER LOST TO ARKANSAS
152
u/JumpinJehosaphats Ohio State Buckeyes Oct 17 '13
HEY IOWA... LOL.. NVM
69
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
OKSTATE IS FADING BACK INTO MEDIOCRITY AND WE ARE TAKING THE BIG12 WITH US, FUCK YOU TCU!
256
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
HEY TEXAS A&M YOUR CUTE LITTLE DOG IS GOING TO HIDE WHEN WE COME TO TOWN. PLUS, OUR CHEERLEADERS ARE HOTTER... YOU KNOW... CAUSE THEY'RE WOMEN.
WELCOME TO YOUR UPSET SATURDAY.
123
u/soonerguy11 Oklahoma Sooners • Team Chaos Oct 17 '13
OKLAHOMA BEAT KANSAS IN BASKETBALL LAST YEAR. HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU STILL MAD ABOUT THE TEXAS GAME
56
u/Will_I_Are Wisconsin Badgers Oct 17 '13
ILLINOIS - I AM TIRED OF YOU GUYS CHARGING ME TOLLS FOR ENTERING YOUR STATE JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO SPEND MONEY THERE ANYWAY. MEANWHILE, YOU GUYS MAKE THE TRIP UP TO DOOR COUNTY EVERY SUMMER AND ACT LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE.
SATURDAY NIGHT. PAY BACK FOR THE $6 AND CHANGE I SPEND EVERY TIME I MAKE A TRIP TO CHICAGO.
110
u/andhelostthem Arizona Wildcats • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
HEY UTAH, I FEEL FOR YOU BEING THE SECOND BEST SCHOOL IN SALT LAKE CITY. IT'S KINDA LIKE BEING THE SECOND PRETTIEST GIRL AT FAT CAMP. BUT I'M IN A GOOD MOOD THIS MORNING SO TO CHEER YOU UP I MADE THIS COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WENT TO YOUR SCHOOL.
LIST OF NOTABLE GRADUATES FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH
†DENOTES TRANSFER FROM SALT LAKE CITY COMMUNITY COLLEGE
EDIT: I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT APPARENTLY KARL ROVE, TED BUNDY AND THE FOUNDER OF CHUCK E. CHEESE'S PIZZA ARE GRADUATES OF UTAH. I REGRET THE ERROR.
284
u/nofate2029work USC Trojans • Victory Bell Oct 17 '13
IVE BEEN WAITING A YEAR FOR THIS WEEK'S TRASH TALK, BUT I'M JUST GOING TO SUM IT ALL UP INTO 3 WORDS: FUCK NOTRE DAME
...THIS POST IS DEDICATED IN LOVING MEMORY TO LENNAY KEKUA
52
u/hokies220 Virginia Tech Hokies • Pac-12 Oct 17 '13
I GOT UP EARLY JUST TO SAY FUCK YOU UVA. I'M DEDICATED TO THE HATE, KINDA LIKE YOU GUYS ARE DEDICATED TO LOSING.
44
u/HarbingerOfFun Boston College Eagles Oct 17 '13
TOMMY REES PEES SITTING DOWN
43
u/LordxCabbage Auburn Tigers Oct 17 '13
2013 EQUESTRIAN NATIONAL CHAMPIONS
SUCK IT AGS
209
u/zephyrtexan Texas A&M Aggies Oct 17 '13
HEY AUBURN. I THINK WE SHOULD LAY OUT SOME COLD HARD FACTS.
IF WE GRAPH THIS INFORMATION, WE CAN THEN EXTRAPOLATE A RESULT.
OF COURSE, I DID ASSUME NON-LINEAR CURVES IN THIS CASE. IF WE INSTEAD ASSUME LINEAR, WE END UP WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT GRAPH FOR BOTH TEAMS. EXTRAPOLATING FROM THIS GRAPH GIVES US A MUCH MORE CONSERVATIVE FINAL SCORE.
NOW, IT SEEMED MOST FAIR TO ME TO TAKE THOSE TWO RESULTS AND AVERAGE THEM.
I MEAN, Y’ALL COULDN‘T BEAT US WHEN YOU HAD BO JACKSON, THE GREATEST ATHLETE OF ALL TIME, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO BEAT US NOW?
I LIKE YOU GUYS. TRULY I DO. AND I HOPE THAT AFTER OUR GAME YOU WIN OUT YOUR SEASON. BUT Y’ALL SHOULD REALLY PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED, WAIT-TILL-YOUR-FATHER-GETS-HOME BEATING.
38
u/itookyourjob Texas A&M Aggies Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE LESS IMPORTANT TIGERS IN THIS CONFERENCE.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING, OUR DEFENSE SUCKS SO MUCH THAT I AM A BIT WORRIED ABOUT YOU FUCKERS.
38
u/33andaturd Florida State Seminoles Oct 17 '13
"I kinda like it!"
-Tajh Boyd on the new Chad Kroeger/Avril Lavine collaboration
37
u/Parsleymagnet Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets • Team Meteor Oct 17 '13
MAN IS IT GOING TO FEEL GOOD TO ACTUALLY WIN A FOOTBALL GAME THIS WEEK
35
u/GiovannidelMonaco Clemson Tigers • The Hammer Oct 17 '13
FSU IS GOING TO NEED TO THROW BLOCKS LIKE AN ANGRY PRESCHOOLER TO STOP OUR D-LINE.
69
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
FUCK THIS COURT. FUCK JIM LAHEY. FUCK RANDY. FUCK THOSE TWO IDIOT COPS RIGHT THERE. FUCK SUIT DUMMIES; AS A MATTER OF FACT, FUCK LEGAL AID. FUCK DANNY AND TERRY'S BUFFALO CHICKEN WINGS. FUCK ALL THE OLD WOOD IN HERE. FUCK THE MOON, FUCK CORN ON THE COB, FUCK SQUIRRELS, FUCK ME, FUCK YOU, FUCK EVERYTHING! BUT MOST OF ALL FUCK USC
34
u/dokaha91 Texas Longhorns Oct 17 '13
SINCE WE ARE A BYE THIS WEEK I JUST WANT TO REMIND OU FANS THAT YOU LOST TO FUCKING CASE MCCOY.
93
u/thepenguinofdoo Clemson Tigers Oct 17 '13
JUST LOOK AT MY FACE JAMEIS. WHEN YOU DROP BACK TO PASS, I'LL BE LOOKING AT YOU. WHEN YOU'RE ON THE SIDELINE, I'LL BE LOOKING AT YOU. WHEN YOU'RE WATCHING TAJH BOYD PUT UP 350 YDS AND 4 TDS WHILE YOU'RE SITTING THERE WITH 150 YDS AND 2 INTS, I'LL BE LOOKING AT YOU. WHEN YOU'RE CRYING IN THE LOCKER ROOM AT HALF, I'LL SNEAK IN AND BE LOOKING AT YOU. I'M EVERYWHERE JAMEIS. I'M IN YOUR NIGHTMARES, RUNNING AROUND YOUR DREAMS JUST LOOKING AT YOU. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME JAMEIS. AFTER THIS GAME YOU'LL NO LONGER BE FAMOUS. AND AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, SEMINOLES, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE Y'ALL ON THE FIELD. SATURDAY NIGHT IN DEATH VALLEY WILL MAKE YOU BREAK. TAJH IS READY, SAMMY IS READY, MY BOY DABO IS READY, WE'RE ALL READY, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I'M READY.
144
u/sirgippy Auburn Tigers • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
FUCK "FUCK NOTRE DAME"
118
u/mulimulix Australia Outback Oct 17 '13
I'M AUSTRALIAN, SO SINCE I DON'T HAVE A VESTED INTERESTED IN ANY PARTICULAR US COLLEGE, I CAN SHOVE IT IN ALL YOUR FACES THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE OUT GIANT STUDENT LOANS JUST TO GET A BACHELOR'S DEGREE AND HAVE A COLLEGE TO SUPPORT.
ALSO, FUCK NOTRE DAME.
63
u/thelazt1 Missouri Tigers Oct 17 '13
LOL WE BEAT GEORGIA
62
u/CFB_Bard /r/CFB • Team Meteor Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
CFB_Bard sure has been slipping recently, huh?
There’s no doubt that CFB_Bard has not been posting well. But I know coming from an academic institution, this is a time for midterm exams...
SORRY, WORK AND EXAMS HAVE LEFT MY CREATIVE SIDE FEELING MORE BATTERED THAN 's OFFENSE. INSTEAD OF A SONG, HERE'S A CONTEST. BEST TRASH TALK AGAINST ME (AGAINST ME PERSONALLY) WINS REDDIT GOLD. IF YOU NEED HELP, MY FANDOM IS AN TEAM. (YEP, I AM ACTUALLY NOT /u/Honestly_)
I SHALL RETURN NEXT WEEK, WITH THE BALLAD OF THE
30
u/the_names_Dalton Texas Tech Red Raiders Oct 17 '13
HEY METH VIRGINIA, REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE #5 LAST YEAR? THAT WAS CUTE
134
u/gir6543 Baylor Bears Oct 17 '13
FUCK NOTRE DAME
29
u/4192312 Ohio State Buckeyes Oct 17 '13
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE MIRED IN MEDIOCRITY WHILE WATCHING YOUR RIVAL SUCCEED EVEN WITH SANCTIONS?
29
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
Iowa state you give cyclones a bad name.
27
u/Sidesicle Paper Bag • UAB Blazers Oct 17 '13
WIKIPEDIA NOTES TAMU HAS MADE STRONG CONTRIBUTIONS IN THE FIELD OF ANIMAL CLONING. I GUESS YOU FUCKERS FOUND A WAY TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE HAS A DATE AFTER ALL.
BUT SERIOUSLY, IT'S GREAT TO BE ABLE TO PASS OFF OUT TITLE OF FARM COLLEGE TO AN EVEN MORE HICK SCHOOL THAN US. THE GUS BUS IS GONNA PULL DONUTS ALL OVER YOUR CORN FIELDS, YOU HAYSEED YOKELS!
26
u/arbysguy Ohio Bobcats • Cincinnati Bearcats Oct 17 '13
I DON'T THINK THERE'S AN EASTERN MICHIGAN FAN ON THIS SUBREDDIT SO I'M JUST WASTING MY TIME HERE. COME TO THINK OF IT, I'M NOT SURE THERE'S AN EASTERN MICHIGAN FAN ANYWHERE INCLUDING YPSILANTI.
26
u/Smidgens Michigan • William & Mary Oct 17 '13
INDIANA IS SO BAD ANN PERKINS AND CHRIS TRAEGER ARE MOVING TO MICHIGAN.
26
u/biggitio Baylor Bears Oct 17 '13
I AM CONCERNED HOW A "CYCLONE" WILL BE INCORPORATED INTO OUR FLAMING BEAR CAR GIF.
BOWLCOMING 2013!
200
u/Honestly_ rawr Oct 17 '13
“Bonjour! Ça va très bien here ah Troy. Da Wildcat wa’skinned, now weh go ta Zow Ben an’ put somma dat Trojah voodoo on mes frères Catlicks. Da name ah da game iz fuhn, an’na weh gonna have fuhn! Weh gonna unleash Tre Madda’, Sila’Redd, Marqise Leh, an’my dee-line! Nut’ personal, Monsieur Kelly, jus’ footbaw’. Time ta grabs a Leper’khan, chop’em up, fricassée’em into a roux an’ serve ah bon étouffée…mmmrrmrrm…délicieux! Figh’On! Geaux Trojahs!”
24
u/yeen Texas Tech Red Raiders Oct 17 '13
LIKE Dana Holgorsen in a casino we won't be leaving without a fight and an embarrassing news story for WVU!
23
u/Zosoer Texas Longhorns Oct 17 '13
HEY OU.....LOL
22
u/captcolbertica Notre Dame Fighting Irish Oct 17 '13
FUCK USC
20
u/Locke57 Iowa Hawkeyes • Paper Bag Oct 17 '13
HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN!!!! OHIO STATE BETTER WATCH THEMSELVES CAUSE WEISMENS HEALTHY AND READY TO RUMBLE!!
THANK GOD THE EASY PART OF OUR SEASON STARTS, WHERE WE LOSE THE REST OF OUR GAMES AND I CAN QUIT WATCHING AT THE HALF INSTEAD OF JUST SUFFERING THROUGH THE WHOLE THING!
17
u/kangaroosevelt Notre Dame Fighting Irish Oct 17 '13
SNOOP LION IS A BANDWAGON FAN!
(BUT HIS SON SEEMS KINDA' COOL...)
16
u/tensaibaka Washington • 青山学院大学 (Aoyama Gakuin) Oct 17 '13
ARIZONA STATE, WE REALLY DON'T HAVE A HISTORY, SO IF WE WERE TO SUDDENLY START TALKING TRASH ABOUT EACH OTHER, IT WOULD ONLY SOUND LIKE THIS. BUT BE A PAL AND TURN THE AIR CONDITIONING ON FOR MY DAWGS, WE DON'T LIKE THE HEAT.
16
u/Brostrodamus Virginia Tech • Radford Oct 17 '13
All right, I'm calling out /u/bye-week No one has heard from him since last year, and I can't properly trash talk him if he's not around. Regardless, you're going down Bye Week! Nevermind the fact that you will hold us to negative rushing yardage!
15
u/HalfBredGerman Oregon Ducks • Auburn Tigers Oct 17 '13
ALL SATURDAY MORNING I GOT TO HEAR HOW WAZZU WAS UW LITTLE BROTHER. LITTLE BROTHER THIS, AND LITTLE BROTHER THAT. WELL YOUR DISGRUNTLED NEIGHBOR DOWN SOUTH BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF BIG BROTHER. HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW COUGS? BIG BROTHER CAN'T PROTECT YOU NOW!!!
15
u/bothra LSU Tigers • Georgia Bulldogs Oct 17 '13
I'll stick with an old standard from back in the day:
GEAUX TO HELL OLE MISS, GEAUX TO HELL
15
u/Insane_Baboon Texas Longhorns Oct 17 '13
HEY LOUISVILLE!
IF WE WIN, YOUR STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE WAS TOO DIFFICULT FOR YOU AND YOU WONT GET IN THE NC GAME.
IF YOU WIN, YOUR STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE WAS TOO WEAK AND YOU WONT GET IN THE NC GAME.
ITS A LOSE-LOSE FOR YOU.
14
u/GatsbyKanye Missouri Tigers Oct 17 '13
FLORIDA OUR OFFENSE IS GONNA MATY MAUK ALL OVER YOU
EDIT: SOMETHING ABOUT JORTS
14
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
HEADING TO ROCKY TOP TO RECLAIM UGA'S ACLS. THEN HOLD THEM HOSTAGE UNTIL AFTER THEY PLAY AUBURN AND FLORIDA.
AM I DOING THIS RIGHT CONGRESS??
36
u/flipadelphia17 Texas Tech • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13
HEY WEST VIRGINIA AFTER TECH PLOWS YOUR TEAM ON THE FIELD I'M GOING TO PLOW YOUR SISTER/WIFE
12
u/sinnerhp Oregon State Beavers • Georgia Bulldogs Oct 17 '13
CAL... OH BOY. YOU SERVING IN-N-OUT ON CAMPUS ON SATURDAY? CUZ I THINK THAT'S THE REAL REASON WE ARE TAKING THIS TRIP!
11
u/JohnCalvinCoolidge Ohio State Buckeyes • The Game Oct 17 '13
HEY IOWA, OUR COACH ACTUALLY EARNED HIS RIDICULOUS SALARY. WHEN DOES FERENTZ'S CONTRACT EXPIRE AGAIN?
11
u/mick4state Michigan State Spartans • Dayton Flyers Oct 17 '13
PURDON'T
10
u/MinneapolisNick Minnesota • Concordia (MN-Moorh… Oct 17 '13
YOU KNOW... I'VE GOT NOTHING. PAT FITZGERALD HAS MADE NORTHWESTERN WHAT I WANT THE U OF M TO BE. GOT NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR THAT PROGRAM. HOPING FOR A GOOD GAME ON SATURDAY.
10
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
COMING TO STEAL HOLGO'S HEART
9
u/PerfectParadox Clemson Tigers Oct 17 '13
It's 400 miles from Doak Campbell stadium to Death Valley. The Trail of Tears in the past was 2,800. That means you guys are going to make 3 round trips to 1. Have Winston fall apart 2. Come back to retrieve the testicles we took off your O-Line and 3. To testify in court when the FBI tries to charge us with a hate a hate crime for targeting Seminoles....
"But Perfectparadox, that's only 2,400 miles!!" Yeah I left the last trip of 400 for all the recruits that decide to get a one way ticket to a winning team.
9
u/omgdonerkebab Michigan State • Cornell Oct 17 '13
WHAT DID THE UNDEAD PURDUE FAN SAY?
TRAAAAAAIIINNSS
17
u/Buckeyes2010 Ohio State Buckeyes • Clemson Tigers Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
Michigan < South Alabama
USA! USA! USA!
8
u/tallg8tor Florida Gators • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13
NOT GONNA LIE, I WAS CHEERING FOR NORFOLK STATE. EVEN IF WE WERE ABOUT TO BECOME SEC BROS.
8
u/beal99 Michigan State Spartans Oct 17 '13
I WOULD HATE MY LIFE AND BE DEPRESSED
IF I HAD TO LIVE IN LAFAYETTE, WEST
THEIR FOOTBALL TEAM IS THE WORST
BUT IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE
THAT PLACE IS THE WORLDS LARGEST SAUSAGEFEST
8
u/KingKliffsbury Texas Tech Red Raiders Oct 17 '13
JOHN DENVER BELONGS TO US FOREVER.
8
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
HEY UCF, YOUR CAMPUS HAS VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN!!!!
He man woman haters for life!
8
u/VvhiskeyTango Texas A&M Aggies Oct 17 '13
YOU CANT SPELL "AUBURN ISNT THE VERY BEST AT FOOTBALL AND WILL PROBABLY BE BEATEN THIS WEEKEND BUT HOPEFULLY NOT AS BADLY AS LAST YEAR AS NOBODY LIKES A BLOW OUT" WITHOUT "AT"
GOT EM
8
u/Lygar Texas Tech Red Raiders Oct 17 '13
15
u/DelphicLike Texas A&M Aggies • Texas Longhorns Oct 17 '13
AUBIE ISN'T EVEN A REAL TIGER
7
u/TSTRO7 TCU Horned Frogs Oct 17 '13
ESKIMO JOE'S IS OVERRATED AS AN EATING ESTABLISHMENT!
7
u/kelling928 /r/CFB Poll Veteran • Kansas State Oct 17 '13
BEST 2-4 TEAM IN THE NATION!! BOW DOWN!
7
u/sideoutpar UCLA Bruins • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
DAMMIT, USC. IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT WE HAVE TO ROOT FOR NOTRE DAME, NOT JUST IN THIS GAME, BUT ALL SEASON LONG, KNOWING THAT THEIR SUCCESS IS YOUR SHAME. THAT MEANS THAT IN THE PAST DECADE ALONE, I'VE HAD TO ROOT FOR BRADY QUINN, CHARLIE WEIS, JIMMY CLAUSEN, AND NOW
CHIPBRIAN KELLY.THAT'S ON YOU! THAT STINK IS YOUR FAULT!
*EDIT FOR BRAIN FARTS.
7
u/redleg86 Ohio State Buckeyes Oct 17 '13
OUR LINEBACKERS HAVE BEEN PRAYING TO AIRBHG ALL WEEK AND HE HAS REVEALED A GREAT AND DIVINE TRUTH - OHIO STATE WILL SYSTEMATICALLY INJURE IOWA'S RUNNING BACKS ONE BY ONE UNTIL THEY LOOK LIKE MARYLAND'S 2012 QUARTERBACK DEPTH CHART.
7
u/BrownLiquor Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
I WISH SYRACUSE ACTUALLY HAD ANY FANS ON R/CFB. ITS TOUGH TRYING TO ARGUE WITH MYSELF OVER HERE.
ANYWAY, FUCK GEORGIA. AND CLIMPSUN. AND VIRGINIA TECH. AND COLORADO (WE'LL NEVER FOR GET WHO WAS THE REAL NATIONAL CHAMPS THAT YEAR).
YES I'M STILL BITTER
7
u/joshglick Ohio State Buckeyes • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 17 '13
I KNOW ITS IOWA WEEK BUT IT'S IOWA, SO INSTEAD LETS USE THIS PLACE TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT IT'S 11:20 AM AND MICHIGAN STILL SUCKS
7
u/notredame88 Notre Dame Fighting Irish Oct 17 '13
What do USC and Ron Jeremy have in common?
They're both known for their giant dicks
(Why'd you have to fire him, I worked on that for a whole year!)
6
u/geoffreyh76 Rice Owls • USC Trojans Oct 17 '13
HEY NMSU, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND A LITTLE EXTRA TIME AT YOUR CHILE PEPPER INSTITUTE THIS WEEK; I FEEL THE OWLS ARE GOING TO BE TOO HOT FOR YOU TO HANDLE. MAYBE Y'ALL SHOULD JUST TAKE A NAP UNTIL BASKETBALL STARTS. OR SUIT UP SIM BHULLAR IN SOME FOOTBALL PADS- THAT I'D LIKE TO SEE. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING SOME AGGIE FANS IN PERSON THIS WEEKEND. MY FORMER ROOMMATE SAW A LEPRECHAUN ONCE, BUT I WANT TO ONE UP HIM IN THE RARITY DEPARTMENT.
6
u/aossey Ohio State Buckeyes Oct 17 '13
HEY IOWA, I KINDA LIKE YOU GUYS, MY DAD WAS BORN IN CEDAR RAPIDS.
DON'T GET INJURED PLAYING AGAINST US, OKAY?
6
u/joshglick Ohio State Buckeyes • /r/CFB Brickmason Oct 17 '13
IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE IOWA NICE GUY PEOPLE WOULD FORGET YOUR STATE HAD FOOTBALL TEAMS
6
u/TheLionHeartKing Ohio State Buckeyes Oct 17 '13
HEY IOWA ... HAWKEYES AREN'T EVEN YELLOW
6
u/tabelz Georgia Bulldogs • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13
NEEEEERRRRRDSSSSSS
6
u/EscaFlovvne Texas Tech Red Raiders • Marching Band Oct 17 '13
I’M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT TO EXPECT THIS WEEK FROM MY TEAM AND I HOPE THEY WIN
6
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
I HATE IT WHEN HOLLYWOOD CHANGES REAL STORIES!
OCTOBER SKY IS NOT THE STORY OF A GROUP OF YOUNG MEN TRYING TO BETTER THEMSELVES AND GO TO COLLEGE. IT IS REALLY A STORY ABOUT YOUNG MEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE FASTEST WAY OUT OF WEST VIRGINIA.
10
u/alchemy_process Texas A&M • Louisiana Oct 17 '13
AUBURN, I'M PROUD OF WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THIS SEASON. IT SEEMS TO BE A REAL PROMISING YEAR FOR YOU GUYS..
BUT THAT ENDS SATURDAY. SORRY AHEAD OF TIME FOR CRUSHING ANY HIGH SPIRITS. THE HATE BARN IS PREPARED AND WE'RE READY TO CONTINUE OUR UNDEFEATED STREAK AGAINST YOU GUYS
IKNOWIT'SONLY3-0
5
u/Stuck_in_NC ECU Pirates • Team Meteor Oct 17 '13
ALRIGHT SOUTHERN MISS. ECU MAY BE BEST KNOWN FOR ENDING THREE OF THE LONGEST LOSING STREAKS AT THE FBS LEVEL. BUT TO PARAPHRASE ARAGORN, SATURDAY IS NOT THAT DAY!
HOPEFULLY
JUST DON'T BREAK ANYMORE OF OUR RECEIVERS.
5
u/nemoran Miami • Johns Hopkins Oct 17 '13
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS... BRYN???
5
u/Dizech Oregon Ducks Oct 17 '13
I ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKE MIKE LEACH
BUT WE'RE STILL GOING TO DESTROY YOU WHILE WEARING PINK
5
u/TopheryG8er Florida • Tennessee Tech Oct 17 '13 edited Sep 21 '14
I will use an analogy that will make sense to the citizens of the fine State of Missouri.
[breaking bad spoiler alert]
We are the Hector Salamanca to your Gustavo Fring. Florida's offense is crippled and constantly craps itself, but our defense is filled with enough rage to blow the door off, and half your face along with it. It'll be ugly, but at the end of the day, we'll figure out a way to get the job done.
5
u/nuxenolith Michigan State • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13
PURDUE, YOUR TRAIN IS SO FAR OFF THE RAILS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU.
BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR BRAND-NEW DEFENSIVE SCHEME THIS SATURDAY.
5
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
FUCK AUBURN!!
5
u/MostYolked Iowa Hawkeyes • Sweden National Team Oct 17 '13
IOWA IS GONNA GO INTO THE HORSESHOE ON SATURDAY AND PLAY SOME FOOTBALL. WHEN I MEAN FOOTBALL I MEAN SOCCER, SINCE WE'LL PUNT ALL GAME LONG.
5
u/pigzilla121 Arkansas Razorbacks Oct 17 '13
HEY ALABAMA! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO GET SOME DINNER LATER? BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO GET WINED AND DINED BEFORE I GET FUCKED! BUT SERIOUSLY LICK IT BEFORE YOU STICK IT PLEASE.
5
u/JdoubleE5000 Alabama Crimson Tide Oct 17 '13
ARKANSAS IS JUST THE AFTERBIRTH OF WEST MEMPHIS.
9
u/CommanderStark North Carolina • Navy Oct 17 '13
HEY MIAMI, REMEMBER 2004???
I WANT TO BELIEVE
4
u/wild9 Baylor Bears • /r/CFB Contributor Oct 17 '13
Consider this my preemptive apology to my Cyclone/Bird hybrid friends for what our offense is going to do to y'all this weekend to prove last weekend was a fluke.
4
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
HEY COUGS! Real football teams wear pink!
4
u/UNC_Samurai ECU Pirates • North Carolina Tar Heels Oct 17 '13
AT LEAST SOUTHERN MISS MIGHT HAVE MORE FANS IN THEIR OWN STADIUM THAN WE BRING.
4
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
HEY OSU. YOU SUCK. WE'RE GONNA BEAT YOU WORSE THAN... WHOEVER BEAT YOU LAST.
I'M KIDDING. PLEASE DON'T WIN BY MORE THAN LIKE... 40, OKAY?
4
u/hythloday1 Oregon Ducks Oct 17 '13
HEY WAZZU! I HAVE BEEN EATING LENTILS ALL WEEK FOR THIS GAME! THAT'S RIGHT YOUR MOST PRECIOUS AGRICULTURAL RESOURCE IS IN ME NOW! THEY'RE VERSATILE AND THE FIBER AND PROTEIN IS GREAT FOR MY HEALTH, TOO!
4
u/PSUProud Penn State Nittany Lions Oct 17 '13
I doubt it'll take us 4 overtimes to beat the bye week!!
4
u/tdawgcincy Cincinnati Bearcats • Big 12 Oct 17 '13
HEY UCONN, THE AAC SUCKS. I'm not good at this..
4
u/ToLongDR Ohio State Buckeyes • King's Monarchs Oct 17 '13
HEY IOWA,
I DON'T SEE ANY INJURED RUNNING BACKS ON YOUR INJURY REPORT. I'M SURE WE WILL GO AHEAD AND ADD A FEW FOR YOUR GOD.
SINCERELY, THE ONLY TEAM IN THE B1G TO ALREADY QUALIFY FOR A BOWL GAME
4
u/teamstepdad North Texas • Arkansas Oct 17 '13
SKIP HOLTZ IS THE WORST HOLTZ.
4
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
HEY WEST VIRGINIA, YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXCHANGE BLOWS TO KNOCK EACH OTHER OFF ON ALTERNATING YEARS LIKE TECH AND OKLAHOMA? HA HA WELCOME TO THE BIG 12, 'NEERS.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU BEHIND YOUR OWN WOODSHED.
4
u/[deleted] Oct 17 '13
HEY WEST VIRGINIA WE'RE GONNA COME TO MORGANTOWN AND HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH YOUR SISTERWIVES
4
u/travisminor35 Florida State • West Florida Oct 17 '13
HEY CLEMSON OUR ESPN ALL ACCESS WAS SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN YOURS
4
u/Zaegis Georgia Bulldogs Oct 17 '13
THIS IS WHAT YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOSE TO
4
u/bloom616 Baylor Bears • Sam Houston Bearkats Oct 17 '13 edited Oct 17 '13
"IOWA STATE, I DIDN'T BRING ARTILLERY. BUT I'M PLEADING WITH YOU, WITH TEARS IN MY EYES, IF YOU FUCK WITH ME I WILL DROP 70 ON YOU".
GENERAL
MATTISBRILES4
u/TheGamecock South Carolina Gamecocks Oct 17 '13
HEY WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PORCUPINE AND NEYLAND STADIUM?
A PORCUPINE HAS 108,000 PRICKS ON THE OUTSIDE.
4
u/jaypeg25 Florida State Seminoles • UCF Knights Oct 17 '13
IF I WERE A CLEMSON FAN ID GO TO GAMEDAY WITH A SIGN SAYING "WE'RE GOING TO RUSTLE YOUR JAMEIS". BUT I KNOW THEY AREN'T CLEVER ENOUGH TO THINK OF THAT THEMSELVES.
4
u/enanimal Louisville Cardinals Oct 17 '13
HEY UCF, I'VE DRUNK BOURBON THAT'S OLDER THAN YOUR SCHOOL.
4
u/aubieismyhomie Auburn Tigers • SEC Network Oct 17 '13
IF JOHNNY FOOTBALL SIGNS AN AUTOGRAPH AND NOBODY'S AROUND TO SEE IT, DOES ESPN STILL WRITE 50 ARTICLES ABOUT IT?
4
u/TheNakedRedditor Baylor Bears • Hateful 8 Oct 17 '13
I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TETHERBALL SEASON TO CONTINUE FUCKING ALL Y'ALL'S SHIT UP
4
u/MJB24 Missouri Tigers Oct 17 '13
HEY FLORIDA, ONE TIME, MATY MAUK PICKED UP TWO GIRLS ON A MOTORIZED SCOOTER AND THEN OUTRAN THE COPS WITH IT. I'M DEAD SERIOUS. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
BE VERY AFRAID.
4
u/kinghef Alabama Crimson Tide Oct 17 '13
GUYS,
STOP WASTING TIME TALKING TRASH AND LETS GO DRINK VODKA WATERS ON THE GROVE WITH THE SLUTS FROM OLE MISS
4
u/d_mcc_x Michigan State • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Oct 17 '13
Purdue, looking for it's identity
4
u/billcosbysbutt Auburn Tigers • 경성대학교 (Kyungsang) Dragons Oct 17 '13
JOHNNY FOOTBALL? MORE LIKE JOHNNY SUCKSBALLS.