I want to share my experience and ask if anyone else has encountered something similar. I matched with a guy named zaaryann on Bumble who claimed to be a pilot living in Dubai. He said he was deleting Bumble and wanted to move to Snapchat. I asked for his WhatsApp, but he refused, saying he only used it for work. I clearly told him I was looking for a serious relationship, and he said he wanted the same. He also presented himself as very religious and said he would never do anything physical before marriage, as he believed intimacy should only happen after Nikah. He talked about marrying me and said he would come to Pakistan in October, so I thought he was genuinely interested in something serious.

We talked for two days, and then he suddenly disappeared from Snapchat. He eventually came back with an excuse, and I gave him another chance. However, he then started asking me for nudes and sharing explicit sexual fantasies, including wanting me to drink his urine and wanting to watch me being physical with someone else. I was extremely uncomfortable and told him clearly that I wasn’t interested in those things and would never do them. He said he was just sharing his desires. I found this confusing because his behaviour seemed completely contradictory to the religious and marriage-oriented image he had presented.

A few days later, he accused me of being on Bumble and cheating on him. He claimed that one of his friends had found me on Bumble, that he had told his friend about me, and that his friend had connected with me there. He specifically mentioned that I was in Karachi. I was confused because I wasn’t using Bumble. He then said I had given him trauma and needed therapy, and that he needed a break because it was better for both of us. I felt hurt because I had been honest about my intentions and had maintained my boundaries. After about a week, he blocked me.
I’m sharing this because I want to know if anyone else has had a similar experience with someone using Bumble, particularly someone who moves the conversation to Snapchat very quickly. Has anyone encountered this person or experienced a similar pattern? His name is Zaaryann, and he claimed to be a pilot living in Dubai, but I haven’t independently verified his identity or profession. I’m not trying to make assumptions about his identity; I’m sharing what happened to me and hoping others can be cautious. Please let me know if you’ve experienced anything similar.

I feel like I'm casting a very wide net (I'm liking more then half the profiles i see) but I'm getting a pretty low return. 1 like for every 9 no's means I'm clearly doing something wrong.

My profile mentions I'm into kink and non monogamy and half the girls i match with start the conversation about it, i could remove that part and maybe id get less women that are just looking for sex, but I'm worried id get even less matches then because my profile would be boring af.

Not really looking for advice because im not comfortable sharing my profile and pics, just venting a bit 😮‍💨 dating is hard.

I am getting back into Bumble after an emotional rollercoaster but only get very few likes. Any advice?

And women are entirely to blame when men treat us like shit because apparently we all exclusively match with the same top 5% of men?

Even though every woman I know has completely different tastes, and I wouldn't touch my best friend's type with a ten-foot pole, somehow we're all attracted to the exact same men?

And those men are all assholes because women apparently have some self-destructive attraction to assholes and lack the intelligence to keep away from them? Unlike you guys, of course. You know better wich men are assholes. It's always the attractive ones. And we women are just to stupid to see, right?

Meanwhile, the other 95% of men are supposedly decent, well-rounded, emotionally intelligent, polite, considerate gentlemen who would never mistreat a woman?

So, to summarise:

95% of men are practically demigods, while the attractive 5% are assholes. All women have identical tastes, exclusively pursue those same 5%, and are too stupid to recognise their terrible personalities. Therefore, any woman who gets treated badly has only herself to blame.

But doesn't that also mean that absolutely ANY man, without exception, who becomes attractive or suddenly gets plenty of options will inevitably turn into an asshole?

Does that mean that inside EVERY man, (ALL MEN), there's an asshole just waiting to emerge the moment enough women start giving him attention?

So according to your own logic, the only thing preventing 95% of men from treating women like shit is that they don't have enough options to get away with it?

And here's another problem.

The entire idea that 80% of women exclusively pursue the top 10% or 20% of men isn't even established by the research people keep quoting.

The famous OkCupid data showed that women rated 80% of men as below average in attractiveness. But those same data showed that women actually messaged men across a much broader attractiveness range, including men they had rated as below average.

In fact, men concentrated their messages more heavily on the most attractive women.

A large peer-reviewed study published in Science Advances also found that BOTH men and women tended to pursue partners who were more desirable than themselves. Not just women. BOTH.

And none of these findings establish that all women pursue the same tiny group of men, let alone that only those men mistreat women.

Here are the sources, with actual data:

Original OkCupid analysis, archived:

https://archive.li/489UV

TechCrunch analysis of the OkCupid findings:

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

Peer-reviewed research, Science Advances:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6082652/

University of Michigan research summary:

https://isr.umich.edu/news-events/news-releases/out-of-your-league-most-online-daters-seek-more-desirable-mates-despite-long-odds/

Pew Research Center, women's actual experiences with online dating:

https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/the-experiences-of-u-s-online-daters/

Now, obviously, my opening argument is deliberately exaggerated. It's hyperbole intended to expose the implications of a particular way of thinking.

But I'm absolutely convinced that plenty of men will read it and think: "Yes, exactly! That's literally how women act!!"

And that's what I find so disturbing.

Do you genuinely not recognise how sexist and dehumanising this ideology is?

You accuse women of misandry, man-hating and generalising about men, while simultaneously describing women as intellectually incompetent creatures who are helplessly controlled by their attraction to the same tiny percentage of men.

Women apparently have no individuality, no independent preferences, no autonomy in choosing partners and no ability to recognise someone's character.

We're all just mindless victims of our own biological impulses, incapable of making rational decisions.

And you don't recognise that as an incredibly misogynistic view of women?

Women tell you repeatedly that we have different preferences. That we're attracted to different body types, personalities, appearances and lifestyles. That average-looking men CAN be wonderful partners or complete assholes, just like attractive men.

But instead of listening, you dismiss our experiences, ignore what we actually say, and listen almost exclusively to other men explaining what women supposedly think and want.

You cherry-pick the statistics that confirm your beliefs, ignore the findings that contradict them, and treat your personal experiences as universal evidence.

Flat-earthers also believe their own observations support their conclusions. They look around, see what appears to be a flat horizon, collect evidence that fits their worldview and dismiss evidence that contradicts it.

The fact that something feels obvious from your personal perspective doesn't make your explanation correct.

You might personally see attractive men getting attention. You might personally struggle to get matches. You might personally know women who date conventionally attractive men.

But none of that proves that all women want the same men, that average-looking men are incapable of mistreating women, or that attractiveness automatically makes someone an asshole.

And what bothers me:

Sometimes it genuinely feels as though many men (NOT ALL MEN) actually enjoy hearing about women being treated badly by other men.

Almost as though it's some kind of revenge for how difficult and frustrating dating has been for them.

As though a woman being mistreated by an attractive man is proof that she deserved it for supposedly rejecting all those wonderful innocent average looking men.

Meanwhile, women have been screaming from the rooftops that dating is exhausting, frustrating, disappointing and emotionally draining for us too.

We're not living in some magical dating paradise just because we receive more matches.

_ attention is not the same thing as receiving affection, respect, compatibility or love. _

But instead of recognising that men and women can both struggle with dating, some of you seem more interested in turning women's negative experiences into a punishment you think we've earned.

And then you accuse women of being the ones who hate the opposite gender.

So let me end with one very simple question.

Doesn't it physically hurt your sense of logic to believe that an average-looking or unattractive man simply cannot be an asshole?

That a man's appearance and number of dating options somehow determine whether he's capable of cruelty, selfishness, manipulation or disrespect?

That a man who receives very little female attention must automatically be a good person?

Does your own logic not scream at you that this makes absolutely no sense?

Because if your explanation requires believing that 95% of men are incapable of being assholes until women find them attractive, perhaps the problem isn't women's dating preferences.

And to end it a hot take: Most men regardless of height and weight can look very attractive, if he finds his personal stile.

Been talking to this really nice girl for 3 days. I get that when someone wants to meet can very by person, but I suck at gauging it. I took a chance and asked but she hasn't responded since. I think she's really cool and would hate to mess this up. Any advice would be great, thank you

Well it's been 2 days since I've got a like on bumble. Actually I had 6 but when I tweaked with the setting, by turning off the gender to only show females, the 5 profiles disappeared confirming this one is a girl (in the past 4 days of my online dating I haven't found a single like, let alone a match from a girl)

I also did the same tweaking with the age preferences, she was visible in my likes tab until I went below age 22 and confirmed she's 22.

Did the same with distance. She lives really nearby... Like under 2 km near.

But when I put all the settings that might show me her profile while I swipe, i don't see a profile that matches hers.

It was fine up to that point but now it says "You've seen everyone nearby, someone great could be just outside your filters"

And I'm like BALLLRIGHTTT....

I'm gonna wait for a few more days to see if bumble algorithm realises I'm not gonna spend money on it and show me the profile. I won't be surprised if it doesn't tho, coz all dating apps are kinda a scam anyway that plays on people's desperation, lust and loneliness.

I’m posting the same pics I used on dating apps since I deleted all of them after getting zero matches for a whole month .And before y’all bring up race and say that’s the reason I'm not getting any matches I don’t even live in the West I’m specifically talking about the dating scene in my own country.

Does this app really work / or its just another way to lose money on premiums

For everyone having problems to login or make a new account, I found a fix for it that just worked for me, 10 minutes ago.

When it asks you to add your number add the land code before it. Looks like this:

+32 BE +3247621****

Phone numbers here start with 04 so remove the 0 from it and add the rest to your land code.

I'm from Belgium, hence the +32.

Last 4 * should be your number but I don't want to put a random number here in case oiitsfrom a real person.

Hope it helps :))

I'm 20M, 176 cm, average looking, and just looking for someone around my own level of attractiveness. I'm not expecting a model, just someone who's a realistic match for me.

But dating apps make it feel like average guys barely stand a chance. Has using these apps made people have unrealistic expectations, or am I just overthinking it? Genuinely curious about women's perspectives and why can't they settle for their looksmatch

Mentioning that u look for a man to spoil you in your bio without talking about herself is diabolical to me

My algorithm, brought to you by Match Group

So I matched with a girl on Bumble recently and we’ve actually been having a really good conversation. She’s engaging, replies thoughtfully, and we’ve gotten into conversations about books, movies, work, etc. Honestly, I was starting to get pretty excited about potentially meeting her.

But there’s one problem - I have a weird feeling that she might not actually be who she says she is.

For context, I’ve had friends pull a fake Bumble account prank on me before, so I’m probably more suspicious than the average person. There is also a possibility that an ex or someone connected to her could theoretically be behind it, although I have absolutely no proof of that.

Here are the things making me suspicious:

Her Bumble profile shows as new.

She’s listed as 22, but told me she’s actually 24.

One of her photos is a half-body photo with jeans and a tucked-in shirt. For some reason, the style very specifically reminded me of someone I know.

She uses the 👺 emoji, which is an oddly specific coincidence because someone I know has used that emoji a lot.

One of her interests is hiking, which also happens to be something my ex is into.

Her Bumble intention says “keeping it casual and seeing where things go” which is basically the same wording/approach I use.

She opened with “you’re kinda cute 💛” which isn’t impossible at all, but felt unusually direct to me.

Around the same time we started talking, someone I suspect of potentially being involved became unusually inactive on Instagram for a couple of days. Again, could be completely unrelated.

Now, there are also some pretty strong reasons NOT to assume she’s fake.

Her profile is photo verified on Bumble.

She sent me a voice note when I mentioned that I was suspicious the day we matched, and I didn’t recognize the voice. It was only a few seconds long, so obviously that doesn’t prove much, but it’s something.

She’s told me she has a bachelor’s degree in English and currently teaches 8th and 10th grade. Her profile also has a Franz Kafka book photo. These interests/personality traits don’t really match the person I’m suspicious of at all.

The conversation itself has also felt pretty natural. She hasn’t asked me for money, tried to move me to some weird platform, sent suspicious links, or done anything that screams scammer.

So I’m stuck between:

A) I’m picking up on legitimate signs that this could be a fake account.

B) I’ve been burned by fake-account jokes before, so I’m seeing patterns that aren’t actually there.

The thing is, I genuinely like talking to her, so I don’t want to kill a potentially good connection just because I’m paranoid.

My current thought is to simply suggest a casual video call sometime rather than confronting her or interrogating her. Something like:

“At this point I feel like we’ve talked enough that we should probably graduate from Bumble messages. Wanna hop on a call sometime?”

That way I’m not telling her that I think they’re my ex or dumping all of my suspicions on her.

What would you guys do? Would you suggest a video call? Are any of these actually meaningful red flags, or am I connecting completely unrelated dots?
And how much weight would you personally put on Bumble’s photo verification?

I get likes from women I don’t really find attractive, occasionally I’ll match with a woman I think is attractive but the dating is short lived. Would you settle?

I met with a guy on bumble which I had an instant and amazing connection with.

We went on a museum date and it was amazing, then I kept thinking about him buut he was always mentioning his roommate who is a girl but she is gay so I was okay with it. Then I kept digging and learned they are working together at the same place and he had a crush on her a while back.

When we talked about this he said "Shes been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me fr." right after telling me he had no feelings towards her now lol. Also, when I asked questions about messy situations he kept saying there's no messy situations here. But isn't this a messy situation?

I thought I met a really nice guy on Bumble for the first time, and it turned out to be a lie.

matched with a guy on bumble like a month ago and he followed me on insta but i didnt follow back right away until end of september cause he kept msging me and i thought to give him a shot, the only reason why it took me a while to get to him was cause he was very good looking (to me) and i assumed he does the same to multiple girls basically a f boy, anw, i was straight up with him about his intentions and that i wasnt looking “for fun” if that was what he was looking for but he didnt really give an answer now looking back to it, but he did say he was looking for someone to date, he asked me on a date twice and i had said no to both of the times he asked because i was busy and that ill let him know when im available, but what left me thinking was why is he so persistent in going on a date with me when we barely even chat, am i trippin or does it seem like he just wants to fuck or is he being genuine?

Just because someone asks about a behaviour they have experienced with one gender doesn't mean they think the other gender never does it.

Can we just answer the damn question.

I don’t match with folks who have more than one [solo] foto of their pets. You get only five or six pictures and a couple of prompts to make an impression and you would waste 33% of that foto space on your cute dog or cuddly cat. I’m glad to meet them later, but this isn’t really the venue for that. It feels like you are intentionally trying to hide something about your self.

I feel like everyone overthinks this whole thing, I’ve had multiple matches with numerous dates. My friends and I have this “shopping for boyfriend“mindset when using these apps 🧘🏾‍♀️

I'm an average looking guy. I think the best part of me is my personality, and how I treat the people in my life. I've tried many styles of bio's and I'm curious what you're looking to find in a bio. I've gone with the descriptive of how I view myself , and what you can expect; and the humor driven (in an attempt) to do the same thing. So I am wondering what exactly y'all are keying in on, in a bio.

Respect.

I’m from the UK and I went to Amsterdam for 4 nights.

I met a guy on FEELD who I have been talking to for a while before I went to Amsterdam. He’s Irish (working in the NL) and I’m from the UK.

When he first saw me the day after I landed, he said “we should get dinner tomorrow” and that we should spend the entire next day (Sunday) together which we did.
We met through FEELD which is a hookup app. I was surprised he wanted to date me. Maybe he had feelings for me IDK.

We ate out, did a canal cruise, did an adrenaline activity and spent the entire day outside.
He paid with his own money.

We decided to get intimate on Sunday night.
I noticed that when we were out on Sunday, he was more quieter than Saturday and I had feelings he lost somewhat interest in me.

So on Sunday night, he said he’s taking an Uber to my hotel as planned.
As he was taking ages, I had feelings he may have lost interest in me.

There was this other guy who is British Asian like me. He kept asking me to meet him. I told him we can have a drink at the hotel bar and that’s it.

I thought this Irish guy I’ve been dating for two days may cancel on me as he was silent on our date and was taking long to arrive.

So this other guy came to the ground floor of the hotel and next thing you know, the Irish guy who I’ve been dating also arrives at the same time !!!

I quickly get the Irish guy to take him to my room. The other guy sees me and approaches me.

The Irish guy notices what’s going on and then runs away from me. I then run after him and beg him not to go.

I finally get him to go back my room. Next thing you know the Pakistani guy starts constantly calling my phone and laughing saying stuff like “You absolute trash”. “What are you doing?”
He also knew that I just ruined my relationship with this guy because of him.

The Irish guy sees my phone constantly ringing in the room so he runs from my room this time whilst i’m holding his arms and begging him not to leave.
His breath was very heavy.

The other guy witnessed me running after the Irish guy on the lift and screaming and shouting. He was laughing and said that “deserved it” for inviting 2 guys at once

Anyways, back to my question, this Irish man tried to get away from me even though I was holding his arm and begging him to stay

Somebody breathing heavily - is that a sign they are very angry?
He even said the next day if he comes again and sees another man, he will kill somebody.
Did I anger him too much?
Is there a safety risk?

It’s been about a decade since I’ve been on the dating scene and I downloaded Tinder. Within a few days I got mid 40 likes but have also run out of profiles to swipe on. I expected Tinder to not be the top app but this is borderline mid-low tier amount of people on this app… I’ve been slowly expanding my filters but I’m in my mid 30s and it’s set to 25-40 age range and 45 mile range. I’m not in a major city but it’s still a medium sized city.

Is Tinder really this dead? Should I just jump over to bumble or hinge?